Chapter 88 The Wingman

When we long for life without difficulties,

Remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds

And diamonds are made under pressure.

-Peter Marshall

Burns

Emma is not there when I return. And she's not in our room either. Blake's gone as well and I wonder if they're together. If there was any doubt before, it is official now. I love Emma. And I don't like it at all that she's with Blake.

I know the right thing to do is to step aside and let her be with him, but for the first time in my life I don't want to do what's right. I want him to stay away from her. I want her to choose me.

It's incredibly selfish and completely against my nature, but to my surprise I don't care.

Maybe I'm turning human after all.

I lie down on my mattress and stare at the ceiling. If I can't have Emma, then what am I here for? Sure, most of the humans have accepted me, but I'm not one of them. I never will be. And if Emma is with Blake, then I'll be all alone.

There are voices outside in the tunnel. They are muted, probably because almost everyone is asleep now, but I still recognize them.

Blake and Emma.

I sigh. Just as I expected.

I turn on my side with my back towards the entrance and try to hear their conversation. They're speaking softly, so I have to focus very hard, but I can still make out the words.

"Thanks," I hear Emma say, "for tonight." There's a shyness to her voice that brings out that jealous feeling again.

"You're welcome squirky," Blake answers, "remember what I said, okay? It will be fine."

It's quiet after that and I wonder what they're doing. Is he kissing her goodnight?

"See you in the morning, squirky." There's a teasing tone to his voice.

"Night," Emma mutters. I hear the curtain move when she comes in. She's trying very hard not to make a sound and I pretend to be asleep.

I listen how she settles in and a few minutes later I hear her regular breath.

She's asleep.

I turn over so I can look at her. Will she be moving into Blake's sleeping space now?

A stone settles in my stomach. This may be the last night I can look at her. I don't want to waste it by falling asleep.

But of course the night does not agree with me. My eyes grow heavy. And I'm gone.

***

When I wake up that morning, Emma is still fast asleep. I don't want to wake her so I just lie there, looking at her for a while.

Suppose I can't blame her for liking Blake. He is charming and funny and I guess he's handsome too. He'll be perfect for her.

The sooner I accept it, the easier it will be.

I sigh and shake my head. I need to let her go. She deserves to be happy.

Quietly I get dressed and walk out to get breakfast.

...

The food is still luxurious today. They're eating the remains of yesterday's fest. A lot of the food will easily spoil. I'm not complaining. It's nice to have cereal with milk again.

"You're up early," Sophie smiles at me, "most of the others are still sleeping."

I shrug. "I was awake, so I figured I'd just get up."

"Is Emma still asleep?" she asks and I feel that pang again. I nod.

"She didn't eat much last night," Sophie says, "she was too worried about you. I hope Blake got some food into her after they left."

After they left. So they did spend time together.

I focus on my breakfast and don't respond.

"Morning."

I look up when Rachel sits down next to me. She doesn't seem wary of me anymore. She was actually nice to me yesterday when she taught me how to dance. I know I'm not very good, but at least I didn't step on her toes... much.

"Hey," I mutter in a late reply to her greeting. If she notices the tone in my voice, she doesn't comment on it.

"What are your plans for today?" she asks, "we all have the day off. We always do after a raid."

The raid.

It's not something I want to be reminded of. Flashes of Droplets in the Morning Sun are in my mind again. "I don't know," I answer.

"You want to do another session?"

I shake my head. What's the point in learning how to dance now?

"You sure?" Rachel asks, "no offense, but you could probably use some more lessons. You were horrible."

I don't respond. Anyone else might have been insulted by Rachel's comment, but I know she doesn't mean to be rude. She just doesn't think before she speaks.

Instead, I focus on the doorway. Blake has just entered the room. He lets out a yawn an runs a hand through his hair. When he catches sight of me he grins. "Morning,"

When I don't return his greeting, he raises an eyebrow and sits down across from me. "Something wrong?"

I sigh and remind myself it's not his fault. "Nothing," I mutter.

"Where's Emma?" Blake ask, "is she still asleep?"

I look at him coldly. "I guess she was tired after you brought her back in the middle of the night."

Blake blinks at me confused for a moment, not used to the coldness in my voice. Honestly I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but when it comes to Emma, I can't seem to help myself.

His eyes turn serious. "She needed someone to talk to. She was really worried about you."

I stare at my hands. "I'm sure you were able to cheer her up."

Blake's eyes shift between me and Rachel. Rachel sigs and rolls her eyes. "I think that's my cue to go." She picks up her plate and moves to another table.

Blake watches her go and turns to me again. "Man, you two are both hopeless."

"Who both?" I ask and glance at Rachel. Does he mean her?

"Look," Blake says, "you like squirky, don't you? And I mean as more than just a friend."

A heat spread across my face. Does he have to talk so loud? I look around the room , but no one is paying attention.

I glance at Blake again. Does he have to rub it in? I know it's impossible. Why would Emma ever like someone like me? We're not even the same species.

Blake continues. "You have to tell her man. I think you've known her long enough to know she's not going to admit it to you. It has to come from you."

When I don't respond, he sighs. "She's crazy about you, but she's never going to confess that. She's like that. She thinks she's not pretty enough or whatever. She thinks you like someone else."

I blink "Someone else?"

He rolls his eyes and nods at Rachel. "You left with her last night after you turned Emma away."

"I didn't... I was just..." but I don't finish my sentence. He's right. I did leave with Rachel, but when I saw Emma with Blake I was just so... I look at my hands. I was jealous. Because she seems so comfortable with him. Because they have known each other for so long.

Because, ever since we arrived here, he's done a better job of looking out for her than I have.

"I know you don't like Rachel that way," Blake says, "but squirky doesn't. Why don't you just tell her?"

I keep my eyes down. "It's easy for you to say. You're confident, funny, good-looking..."

"Are you hitting on me Burns?" Blake smirks.

I give him an even look and he rolls his eyes. "You saved her life," he says, "but even if you hadn't, she'd still like you better."

I shake my head. "I don't know."

"Tell her Burns. She needs you."

"I..." I sigh, "I don't know how."

Blake smirks. "But I do."