Ch 153

I couldn't sit in that cave anymore. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. I already felt useless, like dead weight they were dragging along out of obligation, and sitting still only made it worse. 

I needed to move. Even just a little. Kisame and Itachi had been called away by Pain not long ago. One of those silent, tension-filled conversations I wasn't meant to hear. 

I didn't ask questions, I didn't want to know. The moment they stepped a few paces off, I stood and slipped out of the cave. I told myself I was giving them privacy. Really, I just needed a reason to leave. 

The day was quiet. Cold air drifted in from the trees. The wind was soft, brushing across my skin like it didn't know whether to comfort or chill me. 

I kept close to the cave, wandering just a little ways down a sloped path that led toward a patch of scraggly grass and bare dirt. My feet left faint prints behind me, the ground still damp in places from the earlier rain. 

I didn't go far. I wasn't running away. There was nowhere to go. 

After a few minutes, I crouched down outside the cave entrance, where the earth was flat and dark. With nothing better to do, I picked up a thin stick from the ground. 

It wasn't sharp or special. Just something to keep my hands busy. I started drawing in the dirt. It was nothing, really. Just shapes at first. Swirls, circles, something like a tree but not quite. 

A face, maybe, eyes that stared blankly, a mouth that didn't smile. It helped, a little. Just the motion of moving the stick, of watching lines appear where there'd been nothing. 

But then I messed it up. 

I scraped too hard and dragged the stick across the face I'd drawn, cutting through it. Ruined it. I don't know why, but that tiny mistake made something ugly rise in my chest. 

My hand clenched, and I wiped the whole thing away with my palm, smearing the dirt into nothing. I didn't stop. 

I started again. New lines. New shapes. A flower, I think. Or maybe a sun. I couldn't tell. It didn't matter. Then I ruined that one, too. Over and over. 

I drew, then destroyed. 

Something inside me twisted every time. Like the mess in the dirt matched the mess in my head. I wanted to make something, anything, but my hands wouldn't let it stay. 

I kept scratching it out, rubbing it away, starting again like it would fix something I didn't have words for. 

Eventually, I snapped. 

I threw the stick. Not hard. Not dramatic. Just far enough that it skidded across the ground and disappeared into the bushes. 

"Stupid," I muttered under my breath. I didn't know if I meant the drawings or the stick or myself. Probably all of it. 

I pulled my knees up to my chest and just sat there in the dirt, staring at the ruined patches of earth in front of me. 

My fingertips were dusty. My palms were dirty. The frustration pulsed in the back of my throat like it wanted out but had nowhere to go. 

The sky above was dull with clouds, hiding the sun. The breeze carried the distant sound of leaves rustling, animals stirring. 

Everything around me was still moving, still alive. Even when I felt frozen. I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I just sat there, hands clenched, jaw tight. 

Everything I tried to do fell apart. Even drawing in the dirt. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what would make any of it better. 

But sitting still in that cave, pretending I wasn't falling apart, it wasn't helping. At least out here, I could break things without anyone watching. 

The sound of footsteps behind me was soft, controlled. I didn't have to turn around to know it was him. 

Itachi stepped out of the cave, the firelight behind him casting his shadow long across the dirt. 

He stood there for a moment, looking at me. Not saying anything. Just looking. His expression was unreadable, like always. I stared at the ground, at the wreckage of all the messy lines I'd drawn and destroyed. 

I didn't meet his eyes. I didn't need to. I could feel the burden of his gaze just fine. Then, without a word, he turned and walked back inside. That was it. No demand. No command. Just... a look. 

But I got the message. I stood up slowly, brushing dirt from my hands, even though it just smeared more into my already filthy skin. 

My legs ached from sitting for so long, but I didn't complain. I followed him into the cave. He was back by the fire when I entered, seated with his back straight, eyes calm but alert. 

I sat down again across from him, in the same spot I'd been in earlier. Not sure what I was supposed to do now. So I did nothing. Just waited. Maybe for something. Maybe for nothing at all. 

Then, finally, Itachi spoke. 

"We have a mission," he said, voice flat. "We're to capture the Four-Tails." 

I blinked. That was it. No buildup. No secrecy. Just the facts, dropped between us like they didn't matter. I looked at him then. His face was calm. Too calm. Like he was telling me what time it was. 

I hadn't expected him to tell me anything. Not something like that. The Four-Tails. A jinchūriki. A human being. It was essentially a death sentence, whether for the host or the beast didn't matter. 

It always ended the same. I guess I should've been more surprised. More horrified. But I wasn't. I was too tired to be. It wasn't like I was going to stop them. 

What could I even say? Please don't go murder someone for your criminal god? 

I was barely functioning. I wasn't even part of this world right now. I was just floating through it, unwanted and unnoticed. So I nodded. That was all. No protest. No questions. I didn't care. Not at the moment. 

I couldn't make myself care. My heart was too full of everything else to carry the weight of another tragedy. 

"Okay," I replied quietly. 

That was all Itachi needed. He gave the smallest nod, then turned his gaze back to the fire. The cave went quiet again. 

The flames cracked softly between us. Another mission. Another step forward. And me, still useless. Still here.

I heard it before I saw it. A soft sound, barely there at first. A patter, like fingertips tapping on stone. 

My ears caught it in the lull between the crackling fire and my own wandering thoughts. I blinked and turned my head toward the mouth of the cave. 

Rain. 

I could hear it now, clearer. The gentle rhythm building as more droplets hit the earth outside. A breeze drifted in, cool and damp, carrying the scent of wet leaves and something cleaner than anything I'd smelled in days. 

I sat up a little straighter, staring at the entrance. It was coming down harder now. The patter turned into a steady whisper, like the forest itself was sighing. 

I didn't think. I just moved. Slowly, I stood up. My legs still stiff, my body still sore. But I made my way to the mouth of the cave, drawn to the sound like it was calling only me. 

I stopped just short of the threshold, where dry rock turned to slick stone and the first strands of rain splashed the ground. I reached my arm out. 

The cold hit immediately, icy, sharp. 

Alive. 

It poured over my hand, then my wrist, trailing down to my elbow. It was like my skin exhaled. I tilted my palm up and let the rain pool there, drip through my fingers, wash away the grit. 

I took a step forward. Just enough for the rain to soak my shoulder now, my whole arm. My shirt clung to me, heavy and damp, but I didn't mind. 

I watched as the dried mud and filth that had caked my skin began to melt away. Little rivers formed along my fingers, brown water dripping to the dirt below. It felt... right. 

For the first time in a while, I smiled. Not a forced one. Not the kind that hides pain. Just a real, small, genuine smile. 

Then I stepped fully into the rain. It poured over me like a blanket being lifted, like something dark and ugly was being stripped off layer by layer. 

My hair flattened against my scalp, water running down the sides of my face, soaking my back, sliding down into my boots. 

The chill bit into me, but I didn't care. Because I felt clean. Not just outside. Inside too. 

Like maybe, just maybe, the rain could carry away more than just the grime on my skin. Like it could wash out the guilt. 

The numbness. The helplessness. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. Let it soak into me. 

The sound of the rain drowned out everything else, every ugly thought, every echo of my own voice in my head. It was just this. Just water, and sky, and me. 

I laughed under my breath. A soft one. Almost a whisper. It felt good. I opened my eyes again, and turned to look back at the cave. 

There they were. Itachi and Kisame stood at the edge, just inside, out of the rain. Neither of them said anything. They didn't move. But they were watching me. 

Kisame's expression was unreadable for once. His arms were crossed loosely, eyes half-lidded, his usual grin nowhere in sight, but there was something relaxed in his posture. 

Itachi just looked at me. No judgment. No emotion I could easily name. But he saw me. Not just looked, saw. 

I met his gaze, and for a moment, I didn't feel small. I didn't feel broken. I gave them both a little smile. 

It felt like a thank you. Not for saving me. But for letting me be here. For not asking questions. 

For letting me step into the rain and feel like a person again, even if just for a minute. They didn't smile back. They didn't have to. 

I turned my face to the sky once more, and let the rain do what it did best. 

Wash everything away.

A/n Not gonna lie, I almost felt like crying and I'm writing this! Enjoy~