Ch 132

I don't know how I got back, but I did. 

My memories of leaving the forest and returning to the village are nowhere to be found. Honestly, I don't even know where I am now. 

I woke up on an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. The sky has been long dark and the moon is at its peak. 

I just lay in bed for a few minutes, thinking back on that meeting. It was a disaster, no other way around it. It went terribly and I still don't know why I'm here, why they let me come back. 

Well, at least for now. 

I sat up, noticing my bag beside me. I opened it to find my kunai and katanas, along with all my scrolls. Now being in my right mind, I could see that this could be a trap. Or maybe, this was a gesture of trust. 

But I couldn't be certain. 

Nor did I want to find out the hard way which was true. 

So I picked up my bag and made my way to the door. Opening it led to a long hallway, along with a memory from a long time ago. Ah, I know where I am now. 

The Nara household. 

I had been here many times when I was younger, whether it be watching Shikamaru when he was a baby or just talking with Shikaku. They were all memories I kept close to my heart. 

Walking down the hallway wasn't a hassle as nothing changed from when I was last here, everything was in place. I stood in front of Shikaku's bedroom, and as I was going to knock on his door, I stopped. 

Wait, would this seem like I was trying to hurt him? 

Would it be weird if I just leave my bag here? 

I'd think that would be the best option, as the person behind me was concealing his chakra, waiting to strike if I tried anything. 

I gently dropped my bag to the ground, and turned around without another glance. I shouldn't make it known that I know they're there. 

That would be suspicious. 

I calmly walked back to my room, but the person didn't leave me alone. Were they going to follow until I'm back? Or did they want something? 

Either way, I wasn't going to give them any time of day. Back in the room, I closed the door and sat on the bed, leaving against the wall as I started at the door. 

The person was standing right in front of the door, not moving. I didn't feel as if I had enough energy to deal with the waiting game, so I sent a wave of chakra towards him. Just a small amount, telling them I knew they were there. 

Shikamaru opened the door, closing it behind him as he sat across from me on the bed. 

"Hi," I whispered, looking away so he wouldn't see my face. 

Shikamaru didn't say anything at first. His eyes scanned me, lingering on the tenseness in my shoulders and the nervous energy I couldn't hide. 

I felt exposed, vulnerable, even though we had known each other for years. But those years were no more, I have been gone the same amount of years I've known him. 

His silence was a little unnerving, but I was too tired to dwell on it. 

"You're back," he finally said, his voice low and steady, as if he had been expecting this moment but still wasn't sure how to handle it. 

I nodded, still not looking at him. "I didn't mean for things to go this way. I wasn't... ready." 

"Yeah," he said, his tone softening. "I can tell." 

I could feel the stare of his eyes, but I refused to meet his gaze. I had to focus on something else, anything else. Maybe it was the moonlight creeping in through the window or the distant hum of crickets outside, but something about the stillness made the situation feel even more surreal. 

"Ishi," Shikamaru said softly, almost as if he were testing the words on his tongue. "What happened?" 

The question wasn't specific enough. Was he asking about what happened back in the meeting or was it the whole situation. 

I don't know. 

Either way, they are interconnected. 

"Be more specific, Shikamaru." My voice was soft, quiet, almost like I didn't want to get a raise from him. 

I know he isn't the type to get angry, but I've seen and felt enough anger for a lifetime, I don't need anymore. 

"What happened for you to be like this?" He asked, his voice was soft, and hesitant. He was preparing himself for the answer. 

I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words, but they felt like they were stuck in my throat. I wasn't sure I could explain, not fully, it still felt early. 

"It's not something I can just... explain," my eyes traced the grain of the wooden floor as I tried to gather myself. "It's everything, and nothing at the same time. I wasn't prepared for what came after, what I had to face, and what I had to leave behind." 

My voice wavered, but I held steady. 

"I didn't want this, but I had no choice." 

That was a whole load of nothing. I am just rambling at this point. Shikamaru didn't try to push further, waiting for me to explain myself. 

I looked up at him, finally letting him see my face. I had dark circles around my eyes and my skin was pale. My eyes looked tired, and like I was just about to cry. 

"I was going to tell Tsunade, but I could tell you too. You're all going to find out anyway, I can't keep acting like I have everything under control." 

I took a deep breath, calming myself down. 

"Shikamaru?" I spoke up. 

"Yeah?" He responded. 

"Do you remember when I babysat you when you were younger? You were so cute. I played with you, helped with your homework. I was like a big sister. I was a sister to many of you, but I let you down. I left you." 

I don't know what I started saying, I just opened my mouth and words started spilling out. 

"Back then, I was just in my room. The village and the Uchiha were at odds and tensions were rising. It wasn't a good time." 

I chuckled lightly, though it was devoid of humour. 

"Then I heard a scream. It was my dad." Even when I felt many other presence listening, I didn't stop. 

"I ran downstairs but he was already gone." I sharply inhaled, trying to keep the tears away. 

"My mom, she was fighting off him." I couldn't help the voice crack that left my lips. 

"She told me to run, run away. To survive. I didn't want to leave, but..." A few tears slipped out and I wiped them away as quickly as I could. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." I took another deep breath to calm myself down. 

"I went back to my room and put a barrier jutsu around myself, it was one of my own making so I knew it could protect me. But then it went quiet downstairs." 

The tears didn't stop, they couldn't stop. Even if I wanted them to. Memories of back then came to my mind, the way I saw my dad, just laying there. His chest, forever just, still. 

And my mom... 

"I couldn't save them," I whispered, my voice trembling. 

"I should've been stronger, faster... but I wasn't." The words felt like they were strangling me, too heavy to carry, but I had to say them. It wasn't fair to keep them in the dark. 

"He came up and stabbed me," I lowered the top of my shirt to show the white and red scar below my shoulder. 

"I moved away in time so he didn't pierce my heart. Then, I put up the barrier." I took a shaky breath as the next put, I could barely tell. 

"He then... he... my mom." I let out a quiet sob as I recounted the terrible memory. 

"I had to keep focus in order to keep the barrier up, he..." 

I can't say it. 

I physically can't say it. 

"It's ok, Ishi." Shikamaru comforted me. "You don't need to say that part." 

"No, no," I shook my head. "You need to know." 

I could feel myself getting another headache but I didn't stop. 

"He took her body and put it in front of me, he was trying to make me lose focus." I was shaking by this point, I wrapped my arms around myself in self-comfort. 

"I can still remember it. The look in her eyes, the blood, everything..." I inhaled sharply. 

"He wasn't able to get me, but there was another with him." This caused Shikamaru to tense up. Of course there was no information about this so this was a shock to everyone listening in. 

"He left me alive 'on a whim' he said." I let out a sardonic laugh, it sounded so hollow that it scared me. 

"But then he threatened me to leave and not return, you think I was going against his word? No! He could've easily killed me, but he didn't. I wasn't going to try my luck. I already used it up." 

I covered my face as I felt too many eyes on me, it was scary. 

It was overwhelming. 

"So, I left, setting fire to my house to hide the fact I was still alive." 

Shikamaru raised his hand to touch my shoulder, the moment he made contact I flinched, pulling away. He pulled back his hand, surprised. 

"But Ishi, why did you hide, we could've protected you. We could've found you." 

I let out a snort, but it held no humour. 

"Protect me? This went on in the village. I had no time to wait for someone to protect me. I took matters in my own hand because I had no other choice. I was just threatened after I lost everything, you think I was thinking straight? Plus, oh yes," I laughed. 

"He found me again. I met him a few years ago, that threat is still very much valid. But," I raised a hand. 

"I escaped him. If he finds out I'm here, I am so dead." I released a breath I was holding, that felt terrible to do. I've never really said this to anyone, but I guess it was time. 

"Who's that man, Ishi?" Shikamaru asked. 

I lightly glared at him, tears still streaming down my face. 

"You'll find out really soon, I won't be the one to expose him. I'm already feeling threatened enough, I don't need another reason for that man to hunt me down."

A/n I am on fire!! I seriously am so interested in my own story that I just can't leave it alone! Enjoy~