Ch 114

The other hideout we planned to meet at wasn't far from our location. It was just a few hours of running and, behind a small waterfall, there was another hideout—one almost in plain sight.

This place was one of my favorites because it was a spot where I could actually swim. Something I haven't been able to do in a long time. The view from the outside was stunning, with the waterfall and surrounding nature giving it a serene appearance.

However, the inside told a different story.

Despite the beauty on the surface, it was still a place filled with dark memories of torture and experiments. The air had a sterile hospital-like scent, and as you ventured deeper inside, the smell shifted, becoming more like that of a morgue.

It was a contrast of life and death all in one place. No surprise, that's the life I've lived.

A sardonic chuckle escaped my lips. My amusement mocked itself, the laugh barely reaching my ears before it vanished into the echoing emptiness around me.

I went into the hideout, me being the only living entity in the presence was an interesting feeling. I had the place to myself, I could venture anywhere I wished and no one would see me. No one could stop me.

But the halls were dead and lonely. And the rooms were dark and damp with misery. It was a miserable place.

But all of Orochimaru's places were like that. And it wasn't just the hideout itself that unnerved me; it was the feeling of being alone in such a place.

It wasn't the peaceful solitude I had imagined. Instead, it felt like something was watching me, lurking in places I couldn't see. It made me cautious, like an intruder might suddenly leap out from the darkness and confront me.

I was hyper-aware of every small noise, every creak of the floorboard underfoot. I found myself wasting time. I had no real purpose here. What to do in my lonesome?

The thought of doing chakra experiments, something I used to love, didn't appeal to me today. I remember loving to create and think in the abstract. But not right now. Maybe it's just an off day for me.

I chose a random room to call my own for the time being, not caring for the spot at the moment. All rooms looked the same anyways, whether it was closer to the exit in the north end or south end didn't matter.

I lay on a hard bed, one that I have grown used to and even preferred and settled. Staring at the ceiling, I feel disconnected, like I'm floating just outside myself.

My mind is blank, and nothing seems to reach me. Emotions are distant, as if they belong to someone else. The world moves around me, but I'm stuck, unable to engage or find a spark to feel anything.

What if I swim?

That would be good. But I kinda like staying in bed.

But I shouldn't.

I'll have time for that later. I get up reluctantly, immediately regretting my decision to move. But I already got up, might as well.

I make it outside, the sun still shining brightly even though it's supposed to descend soon. I don't even change my clothes into more swimmable ones. I just enter as is.

I swim across a few times and after a while, I just decide to float in the middle of the little water patch. My arms and legs are open, like a starfish, making me unable to sink.

I drift like this for a while, time being meaningless at the moment. My body feels heavy, each movement a struggle. My movements are slow and sluggish.

No, I don't move.

My thoughts finally collect themselves and I think about everything that happened, is happening and will happen.

So much to do, so much I did, so much I didn't.

I need to leave.

Leave Orochimaru and Sasuke, they are going down the same path as the original and I don't need to witness when everything goes to shit.

But where would I go?

The leaf village is my first thought. Everyone that I knew and will ever know is there. Many allies and enemies in one place. But what they think is a big question.

Will they welcome me back?

Will I be able to go back and be alright?

What about everything else in the world?

My mind is messy, but it's set on one thing, and that's leaving. I just can't be here. This isn't good for me. I'm protected, but also threatened at the same time. It's a fight for life and death either way.

I just thought before that I would have an easier time here, and that thought lasted for a long time. But I can't do it anymore.

I need to go.

A bitter laugh escapes my lips, so harsh that I can't help but let another follow.

I'm always running. Running away from everything. From everyone. Then I get pushed back into the same situation with the same people.

Every. Single. Time.

Another cycle I wish to break. I need to apologize to the people I know. To the people I left in the leaf. They didn't deserve that.

No one did.

I let my mind wander off for a moment to recollect my thoughts. A few random ones came into my head too.

My ear is itchy, does that mean someone is talking about me?

Have I become superstitious? Nah, but I won't mess with it.

Oh, and the Akatsuki.

Can't forget about them. They are the bane of my existence. They keep coming back and messing things up. Then I have to run away while almost dying again. They can't get me when I leave.

If they do...

I feel a tightness in my chest, my mind racing with too many thoughts. Everything seems overwhelming, and I can't seem to find a moment to breathe or focus.

I can't do this...

Maybe I should just stay. I can't seem to do anything either way. Orochimaru hasn't tried anything yet. He may be a prick but he leaves me alone most of the time.

Sasuke is an ass but he doesn't do anything too bad. Well at least he didn't until a few days ago. What was it with picking a fight? Can't be too emotional, maybe he'll actually get one.

Nah, that won't happen. Why would I ever want to fight him, all he wants is to kill Itachi.

Oh right, Itachi...

I'd rather not think of him at the moment. There are many things to think about.

But...

The cool water wraps around me, soothing my skin as I float weightlessly. Each gentle ripple against my body feels refreshing, the wetness a soft embrace.

I close my eyes, the quiet lapping of waves and the chill of the water grounding me in peaceful serenity. Ah, I wish I could just float here forever.

Eternally peaceful. Eternally resting.

I could just...

I could just let go. Let go of everything. I don't need to be here. I wanted to survive but why? Is it just a human thing, to want to live even though there's nothing worth living for.

What is life if it isn't worth living?

What is my life?

Why am I here?

What if I just...

I slip beneath the surface, the cool water engulfing me in a rush. The world above fades away, replaced by the soft pressure of the depths.

My body feels weightless, floating effortlessly as bubbles escape from my lips. The water surrounds me like a quiet cocoon, the muffled sounds of the world above distant and calming.

What if I just stayed...

What if I didn't go back up?

What if I didn't...

I exhale slowly, releasing a stream of air into the water. The bubbles rise in graceful, twisting clusters, escaping my lips and floating upwards, catching the light as they ascend.

I watch them drift toward the surface, a silent dance of tiny spheres. The cool pressure of the water against my skin contrasts with the freedom of the bubbles.

It's beautiful.

It's grand.

It's...

It's...

It's suffocating...

As the last of the air escapes my lungs, the burn starts. It begins deep in my throat, a sharp, constricting sensation that tightens with every passing second.

The sensation spreads, like fire creeping through my chest, as the muscles that once pushed air out now scream for oxygen.

My throat feels raw, like I've been holding my breath too long, the dryness intensifying with each beat of my heart.

It's as if my body is rebelling against the need to inhale, desperate for the relief only air can bring.

The walls of my throat constrict painfully, making the burn feel almost unbearable. Each pulse of blood stirs the discomfort deeper into my lungs, while my mouth remains submerged, useless for relief.

My stomach tightens, pulling at the empty space where my breath should have been. The pressure mounts, an instinctual panic rising to the surface as I fight against the ache that consumes me.

It's a desperate, relentless feeling, like a storm building inside of me, with the only escape being that single, precious breath that seems just out of reach.

I fight the rising tide of panic, focusing on the silence of the water, hoping for release.

It's so hot..

It's like lava is pouring down my throat, burning its very essence into my very skin. There's no relief, just pain.

I open my eyes instinctively, a more primal reaction. Only to see a silhouette.

Ah, they are back.

I rush to the surface, breaking the barrier and taking a deep breath. I gasp for air, my throat sucking in all I could, as much as humanly possible.

The cool, fresh breath fills my lungs, a sharp contrast to the emptiness I just escaped. My chest heaves with deep, desperate inhales, the air tasting sweeter than anything I've known.

Each breath feels like relief flooding through me, a sudden rush of life. My lungs stretch, struggling to catch up after the suffocating silence below.

I pant, quick and shallow at first, but slowly the rhythm steadies. The burn in my chest begins to ease, replaced by the blissful, cool sensation of oxygen filling every corner of my body.

After I am calmed down I finally glance at the three figures making their way towards me. When I was able to make out their faces, I put on the sweetest smile I could.

"You kept me waiting, you know I hate it here."

A/n Enjoy...