4: Family

4: Family

*Frank’s P.O.V.*

I lived for these moments, where I could just lay my head on Gerard’s chest, hearing his heart beat like a soothing drum under my ear. I loved the feel of his soft skin against my cheek, my body pressed against his and entwined around him with our legs tangled and fingers running patterns over my our exposed skin. It was something we now appreciated to do together, with Mikey being here we spent more time with him in a way of catching up and making moments last whilst Gerard could still see. But now that he had moved out, we had found ourselves lonelier and bored on our own, it was like there was something missing in our home.

“I think we should have a baby.” I mumble on his chest kissing into the bend of his neck.

“Well I’m sorry to tell you this but I don’t think we have the right equipment for that love, I mean we sure as hell won’t make a baby doing what we just did.” he smiles down at me lazily with a cheeky smirk on his face which makes me move so that I can watch his face. The way his eyelids flutter on every breath like he’s on the brink of falling asleep but they open just enough for me to see those beautiful honey eyes.

“Forget I said anything.” I sigh, regretting even mentioning it now.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just mean it like do you really think we could look after a kid?” he soothes me bringing his hand up to stroke my hair. I guess he’s right, I mean as much as I love the idea of having children of my own, having flesh and blood looking back at me I had to accept it would never happen naturally. I doubt we could handle the crying and screaming, the days of diapers and baby puke… I just wasn’t maternal enough to put myself through that.

“Probably not, can’t we just skip to the teenage part and get a kid in their twenties?”

With a small chuckle Gerard rolls us so we are on our sides, his hand to my cheek as he lifts my head up. “Don’t be sad about it Love, we can get a pet or something… what if we get a hamster?” he suggests and I know where this is going.

“No, we want a real pet- something to love and to hug and to love us back.” I tell him blankly as I see his eyes shift to the closet in our room.

“But I already have a princess cage that would be so perfect for the hamster I was going to buy!” he whines like a child which I can’t help but roll my eyes at.

“And don’t say spider either.” Gerard had always wanted a spider as a pet, I didn’t get the fascination, whenever there was a spider around he begged me to get rid of it so why get one in a cage to look at all day. “What about a scorpion?” I suggest instead, that I could do, after all I did like them, the first time I held a scorpion I was only 5 years old at a walk through zoo in the park; coupled with my zodiac sign I had always admired them.

“Why would I want a scorpion when I have one right here.” He purrs into my ear, and licks at my neck over the scorpion tattoo there, with a soft moan and giggle I move closer.

“Eww stop Gee, you don’t know where my neck has been.” With a small giggle I squirm as his teeth nip at the skin.

“I know exactly where your neck has been.” He chuckles and for a moment I am lost in my thoughts of what we were doing almost half an hour ago fog my mind, the way he liked to kiss every part of me but most of all my neck. He was my little vampire, in that sense, if he asked me to I would totally let him suck my blood.

“What about a dog?” I gasp out as I am pulled under Gee, his hands moving to my wrists where he brings them up above my head holding them there leaving me vulnerable in a way that I didn’t mind.

“We’ll see.” He shrugs and with no other comment we get lost in ourselves, all thoughts of conversation gone.

~~~***~~~

I couldn’t help but be nervously excited, fidgeting in my seat and tapping my hands on the steering wheel.

“Would you sit still? You’re going to crash.” Gerard has his head pressed to the window of the passenger seat in his beloved car, he loves to watch the scenery but today he decided to lean against it so that he could face and watch me. I didn’t know what was different about today, maybe he feels this is the last time we will be together just us.

“Aren’t you at least a little bit excited? We are about to meet our child.” I turn down the radio so I can talk to him, he had been quite recently in the way that he kept isolated like when he was drawing or painting but then came to me in fits of passion. He seemed to be there but missing, it was him but the way he just seemed to be so closed off made him seem lacking in character.

“It’s a dog Frankie, don’t tell me we are going to be one of those couples who put their dogs in diapers and strollers.” He says pretty blankly, the emotion in his voice is mocking and almost playful.

“Lighten up, it’s not like we are buying your guide dog.” I grumble, my mood now dampened, but my eyes widen at my words. We did joke around lightly regarding his eyes, it was something I cherished as he always knew I loved him, but I didn’t know how he would take my words.

“That’s a low blow Frankie, low blow…” He reaches out his hand and places it over mine on the gear stick and then to my thigh, just lightly and calmly, like my words had snapped him out of his little funk.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” I reassuringly run my thumb in a circle on the hand on my thigh, with a look to my right I see he is actually smiling at me which eases my distress.

But what makes me almost swerve in the road is when his hand runs a little higher up my thigh. “How about when we get home I give you a low blow.” He smirks with a bite to his lip seductively.

“I hate you.” I moan a little trying to concentrate.

“In a good way.” He winks as he sits back in his seat, just in time for us to pull up at the towns rescue centre.

When we walk in, hand in hand my eyes continue to scan the area which is split up into different breeds and pens, some large colourful cages with a symphony of yaps, wails and barks. But what draws my attention is the small kennel to the back of the colourful room, where I see the oddest dog of all. Leaving Gerard to sign us in, I can’t stop my feet from going over to it.

As I kneel in front I look in to see an older looking, quiet and scruffy dog, I have no idea of the breed but I know that this dog has my heart already. An outcast, not fitting in, or perfect in the ideal image of a homely dog. The hopeless look in those grey large eyes makes me want to care all the more.

“Hey sweetie.” I coo, but the dog still sits there, shy and hesitant, just panting with its tongue long and rapid. With a quick glance over the room I spot Gerard around a pen of puppies. I turn back to the kennel with a last attempt to get the dog to say hello. “It’s okay I won’t bite.” I offer my hand out which gets some form of reaction by creeping forward so she can nuzzle me, excitedly but lazily wagging her tail and siting in my lap.

“Who’s this?” I hear over my shoulder, looking behind I see Gerard kneeling next to me with a staff member behind him, whilst the dog lifts herself up to climb over my shoulder excitedly. She practically forces herself into Gerard’s arms and makes herself comfortable. I guess we are a lot alike huh. “Aren’t you just a sweetie-pie.” He chuckles.

“She was rescued about a year ago, she didn’t have a name tag and hasn’t had anyone take interest before.” The staff member with a name tag of ‘Lisa’ tells us, it takes those few moment to know that we want her.

“She’s perfect.” Gerard and I say in sync, with our eyes on each other as if to acknowledge that this is it; this is our commitment.

“I think we should call her Sweet-pea; it’s soft and unique, it isn’t loud and it isn’t a puppy name.” Gerard suggests and I nod. It suited her, our little Sweet-pea.

“Do you mind if I take a picture for our website?” the woman asks after we have filled out our paperwork and gotten everything we needed to take Sweet-Pea home.

We nod and I pick her up, she’s heavy but worth it, we stand in perfect position with Sweet-Pea between us. And we take our first photograph as a family.

For most of my life, I had always struggled with understanding what family is. Who they are, how to interact with them, when to let go, and how to heal. From a young age I had identified with being from a broken family and was in constant search of the pieces that made me complete. It was always searching for answers to what family was and I found that families are complicated. Families are hard. When you get into your twenties you realize the people who make up your family are not all biological, most of them aren’t. It’s up to you to create your own circle of trusted people to share your life with. And right now I know I want to spend my life with Gerard and Sweet-Pea, as a family of our own.