50

The low moons over Teth were nearly full tonight.

Wispy grey clouds hovered in the far distance. Thin enough that there wasn't any risk of rain. The soft breeze that blew in was warm and smelled heavily of blooming flowers and crushed grass. Faint glowing outlines of some kind of flower lit up the path down to the valley below.

Saedii was quiet as she walked, Kalth beside her. They'd been chatting for nearly an hour now as Saedii gave him a tour of the Teth base. Though he'd tried not to show it, he'd been impressed with everything Rex and the boys had built.

Now that she'd shown him everything, the two had fallen silent. Content to enjoy the nice late-summer evening and the soft velvety night sky above, speckled with stars.

Absently, Saedii's hand trailed over the braids on her head. It was both familiar and alien to her to feel the crisscrossing patterns beneath her fingers. This particular pattern was, as Kalth as said, quite difficult, but Omega seemed to have done fine. Kalth had offered only a few minor corrections, but mostly had let her do it on her own.

Seeing him with her had been surprising. Back before Kalth had fallen victim to Krell and his teachings, he had loved children. Carefree and gentle in spirit, he'd been like a giant kid himself. So sweet with them.

While he hadn't been nearly as talkative with Omega, he'd been kind. It was a very rare glimpse of his old self, still tucked in there between the shadows.

It was enough to nearly make her smile.

Kalth walked close enough that Saedii could feel the heat of him against her shoulder. One of his hands even brushed against hers, though he jerked it away as soon as they did.

His attention was on the far horizon. Lost in thought.

The two of them paused as a group of two Clones crossed in front of them, stopping to salute. Both said at once, "General!" before continuing on their patrol.

Kalth slanted a look in her direction. "General?"

"Yes." Saedii inclined her head, trying to look haughty. "I got promoted to Jedi Knight."

He didn't smile, but he didn't scowl either, so Saedii took that as a good sign. "When did that happen?"

"Last year, before Krell took me. Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka said that I'd gone through enough to count as my trials." Saedii gestured towards him. "I actually have you to thank for that?"

"Me?"

"It was after Hareth."

Unexpectedly, Kalth smirked. "Is this because you kicked my ass?"

"Yours and the Seventh Sister."

"And I thought we were supposed to be promoted together."

"Please. I always knew I'd be promoted first."

His smile faded. One hand reached up and rubbed at his cheek, where Saedii suddenly noticed a faint scar, striking through his brow and down into his cheek. Nothing more than a shallow slice.

Saedii stopped walking. "Did Krell give you that? Because of Hareth?"

"Not this one." He dropped his hand. His lips curled again. "Actually, you gave me this."

"Me?"

"On Serenno."

A soft breath escaped from her as she remembered. Her strike had caught him on the face, cutting right through his helmet. Blood had washed down his pale skin, staining his teeth.

Tentatively, she reached out, placing a hand along the line of his cheek. It was so firm now. Sharper than it had been when they were children. With her thumb, she very carefully traced the lower part of the scar, feeling the smooth pink line. Only just visible against the paleness of his skin.

For a moment, Kalth leaned into her touch. His breathing slowed, shoulders relaxing.

But then, as if remembering himself, he quickly backed away. Leaning out of her reach. "Don't."

"I'm sorry –"

"Never apologize. Not you." His throat worked. "If anyone should apologize, it should be me, after what Krell did to you. Because I brought you to him."

"Kalth," Saedii started.

"I could spend the whole rest of my life apologizing and it still wouldn't be enough."

She let out a low breath. "Please don't apologize. You're the one who helped me get free –"

"After I put you in the Fortress in the first place." That jovial atmosphere around him grew chilled. He turned to shoot daggers at the ground.

Saedii reached out for him again.

"I don't understand how you don't hate me," he said, voice bitter and cold. He rubbed angrily at his jaw, still not looking at her. "I tried to kill you. I kidnapped you. Krell tortured you –"

"Stop." Saedii held up a hand. Reminders of Krell were still too raw. Too painful. "Just stop trying to get me to hate you. It won't work."

"Only because you're being stupid."

Now, Saedii's own happy spirit slipped away. Her brow lowered, and she tried hard not to show how much that statement hurt. Far more than it should have.

Kalth went on, "You shouldn't forgive me so easily. I'm not worth forgiveness."

"You don't get to decide what you're worth. Not to me."

His glare deepened. One scarred hand reached up to run through his hair – a nervous habit that he'd picked up back when his hair was longer. "I've already told you – I'm not who you want me to be. Not anymore."

"I know –"

"No, you don't."

Corded muscle in his forearm flexed beneath his rolled up sleeves, visible in the pale moonlight. The tight ball of his fist wound tighter. "The things you did, what Krell made you do –"

Saedii winced.

"I was forced to do all that and more. There's too much blood on my hands for me to just pretend like it didn't happen. I'm not redeemable."

"If you're not redeemable, then neither am I," Saedii said softly.

"You are," he snarled. "Saedii, you're too good. Too pure for –"

"I killed, same as you."

He shook his head, jaw working. "You never enjoyed it, but I did. At one point, all I wanted was to please Krell. To make my victims suffer."

"You can't blame yourself for that," she said. Her hand brushed up over the necklace at her throat. "Not after what Krell did to you. To us."

The last word was a whisper. She shut her eyes against the rush of emotion that stung at her eyes, clogged her throat. The rush of memories that stung, too sharp, at her mind. Her hand clenched tighter around her necklace.

When she opened her eyes a moment later, Kalth had taken a step towards her, hand raised. He dropped it when she met his eye, and took a step back.

"I'm not staying, Saedii. I can't," he continued, pretending like he'd never reached for her. Like there wasn't only a few feet of distance between them, but lightyears.

"You can –"

"I don't want to."

Gentle calls of bugs hummed in the crisp air. Rustling leaves hissed in the soft breeze that blew through the valley below, swaying against one another. Further away, the distant calls of the Clones manning the cruiser rose faintly above the whispering of the leaves.

Saedii watched the play of emotion over Kalth's face. It was tumultuous, clouded with anger and hatred and loathing, but firm. Set in his decision.

The night spent with the Batch played back through her mind. She remembered how Kalth had eventually warmed up to the boys. Perhaps not quite as laid back as he was with her, but the barbed comments had stopped by the time the plates were clean. He'd even seemed relaxed at some points.

Had she misread it? Had he somehow been uncomfortable and she'd been oblivious?

"You don't want to stay?" she asked.

"No," he insisted.

"Why not?"

His jaw worked again. "I told you back on Nur, Saedii. I don't want to be involved in any of this. After everything that we've been through, I'm not going to risk being caught –"

He broke off. But he didn't have to finish for Saedii to know what he was implying.

Kalth didn't want to be captured again.

It was Saedii's fear, too. Now that she knew what the Empire was capable of, what Krell was capable of, her worst fear was that she would be taken again. Not that she would be killed, but that she wouldn't.

After nearly three years, Kalth had had it worse. Had lived through nightmares that Saedii would never know. Could she really blame him for not wanting to risk it?

"I just can't," he finished.

She played with her necklace. "We're safe here, Kalth. The Empire won't –"

"We're not safe anywhere. You know that better than anyone, and yet you want to stay here? To risk going through hell again? And for what?"

"I don't know what I want –"

"Skywalker, Kenobi, the Clones – you have to know this is all for nothing," he continued, merciless. "You saw the power of the Empire first hand. You know that they can't be beaten. There's no point standing up against them."

Defiant, Saedii insisted, "We're Jedi. Jedi don't quit –"

"We're not Jedi. Not anymore."

Something heavy settled in Saedii's stomach. It was a strange reflection of her own inner turmoil. Her own struggle.

Could she really still be a Jedi after everything that she'd done?

Saedii didn't know the answer to that. She wasn't sure if she'd ever know, or ever get over what she'd done.

"We don't have to be Jedi to do the right thing," she said gently. Slowly, she released the necklace in her grasp. "And the right thing is to fight back. We can't let anyone else suffer like we did."

"You can't seriously mean to keep fighting? After everything that we've been through."

Did she want to keep fighting?

In the days she'd been back, Saedii had tried not to think about what the future held. She felt so fragile these days, so breakable. Not at all the confident Jedi she'd been a year ago. The person she was now wouldn't stand a chance against the Empire.

And yet, she'd survived the tombs. Had survived Krell and his nightmares. When other far older and more experienced Jedi had fallen, she had not.

Maybe that meant that she could survive this, too. Could come back stronger.

"I don't know what I want yet," she said after a moment.

It was true. She didn't know – not yet. Because as much as she was hurting now, as much as she wanted to give up, a small distant part of herself wouldn't go quietly.

His expression faltered for just a moment before settling into steely resolve. "Why does it have to be us? We put in our time. We fought for the galaxy in the Clone Wars, and we lost."

She met his angry eyes. "We're the only ones that can."

Another pair of Clones passed then. The expressions on Saedii and Kalth's faces must have convinced them to keep quiet, because they both ducked their heads and kept walking.

Kalth shook his head. "If you want to stay and fight, I won't stop you. But I can't, Saedii. I'm not willing to risk getting caught again."

There was nothing she could think to say to that. After everything he'd been through, it would be cruel of her to try and change his mind. To try and convince him to keep fighting when he didn't want to anymore.

"As soon as I'm fully healed, I'm leaving," he said, voice no longer charged but resigned. "I'm going somewhere far away. Alone."

"If that's what you want."

The thought of him alone, after everything they'd been forced to live through, was almost as painful as the thought of recapture. But if that was what he wanted, Saedii couldn't stop him.

"It is," he insisted.

"Well, I'm sure that Rex and the others can help you, when you're ready. They can get you a ship, fuel, some credits."

"Good. That's all that I need."

"It might not be all you need."

Slowly, Saedii reached into the deep pocket of her pajama pants, pulling out the long thin form of a lightsaber. It had felt like it was burning a hole in her pocket all night as she'd waited for the best moment to give it to him. Now seemed like it was right.

Kalth's eyes went distant. One hand twitched, as if he wanted to touch it.

"You don't have to be a Jedi," Saedii said, guessing where his thoughts were going. What struggle he faced. "But you should be able to protect yourself. After everything we went through, you deserve that at least."

Hesitantly, he reached out, fingers brushing against the hilt. "Who? Who did it –"

"It was Gungi's."

Gungi's lightsaber was bigger than Saedii's. Big enough that it felt heavy in her hand. Three years ago, it might have been too big for Kalth, too.

Now, it was the perfect size.

Cautiously, he wrapped his hand around the handle, holding it up before him. Examining the craftsmanship, which was different for every Jedi.

Green light gilded along his face as he engaged it. It reflected against the blue of his eyes, highlighting the ridge of his cheek. This close, it chased all the shadows from his face, bathing it in light.

Wonder flared in his eyes before he could help it. Awe. Even a faint hint of excitement. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he'd missed having a blade in his hands. A real blade – not the twisted red imitations.

"Even if you don't stay, I want you to have it," Saedii explained as he remained silent, eyes drifting along the hilt.

"Why?" he asked.

"So that you never have to worry about being a prisoner again."

His eyes flipped up towards her, softening. With one swift flick of his finger, he disengaged the blade, sending both of them back into darkness.

For a moment, his throat worked as he swallowed, like he was trying to get some words out.

Saedii touched his hand, stopping him before he could try. "You're worthy, Kalth. And you deserve happiness. Even if it's not with me."

His lips curved up. Not quite a smile, but the closest thing to one that Saedii had seen him wear since they'd been freed.