39

Moonlight slowly raced across the medbay, stretching in long strips of silver first across the floors and then the beds as the night progressed. The dim glow lit up the curtains on either side of Saedii in a hazy sort of glimmer.

Heaviness settled deeper into her limbs as the light stretched on. The exhaustion that weighed on her throughout the day grew sharper and harder to ignore the longer she sat, Kalth's warm hand in hers. Her eyes burned and drooped, and she fought to keep them open.

It was a losing fight, she knew. Mentally, she tried to track the last time she'd slept, but was coming up empty. The nightmares in Krell's dungeons hadn't counted – they'd been draining and terrible. Neither did the sedative that AZI had given her. That hadn't been restful in the slightest when she'd believed she was going mad.

No, Saedii was sure that it had been days since she'd had real sleep. Perhaps weeks. And her body was starting to feel it.

She resisted as long as she could, terrified of what would be waiting for her when she closed her eyes. But with every long moment that passed, her resolve wore down just a little more and she lost a bit of ground against the closing of her lids.

There wasn't an exact moment when she fell asleep. All she knew was resting her head against the back of the chair, vowing that she'd force her eyes open in a few minutes, and feeling the slackening of her limbs as they tried to give in to rest. A few terrifying seconds that followed after as darkness waited.

But no dreams came.

It felt as though only moments passed between the time she shut her eyes to the low murmur of voices that drew her awake. Brilliant ruby light played faintly along the far window – the vibrant and cleansing predawn light.

Early morning then. She hadn't slept long.

Saedii blinked against the bright light. It took a slow moment before she realized that she was no longer propped in the chair but curled into one of the empty medical beds. Starched white linens were stiff beneath her and her pillow smelled strongly of industrial detergent. Her purple blanket that she'd left in the bunk room draped over her prone body, keeping her warm from the chill in the stale hospital.

Panic flared through her. She sat up abruptly, hand flying for her throat.

The necklace was there.

Real.

The low voices carrying through the curtains stopped. A hand reached out and slid it aside. Hunter's tired face appeared in the gap there.

"You alright?" he asked.

It took her a moment to answer. Was she alright? She was in a medical bed, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong with her. Sleep clung to her mind like cobwebs, making it slow.

When he met her panicked eyes, he stepped into the curtain and sat on her bedside, reaching out to gently stroke her head. "Easy. You fell asleep. I thought a bed might be comfortable."

A simple explanation. Her fist tightened around the rock at her throat.

"This is real?" Saedii asked, hating that she had to check. That even the rock in her hand wasn't enough to convince her.

"Yes." His hand rested on her cheek for a moment, lingering. "You're safe."

Finger by finger, she released the rock at her throat, letting her hands drop into her lap. She let out a long breath.

The curtain fluttered as another face appeared there. Familiar blonde hair set above a light brown face, drawn in tension. Rex.

"Hey, kid." Rex's voice was warm, but drawn. He looked just as tired as Hunter, though his face showed it more. Thin lines etched beneath his eyes and around his mouth – lines that hadn't been there last year. A wrap immobilized his left shoulder.

Saedii frowned. Why was Rex there?

Rex looked at her, cataloguing every move she made. Taking in the scar along her cheekbone and the haunted shadows beneath her eyes. The bruises. Slowly, he said, "I was running a few things by Hunter, but it can wait. I'll leave you two be."

She was eternally grateful that he hadn't asked her how she was feeling. Or maybe it was just that obvious that she wasn't feeling great. Either way, at least she didn't have to lie.

With a respectful nod, he withdrew.

Hunter pulled the blanket back into her lap. "You didn't sleep much. Why don't you lay down for a bit more? There's no rush to get up."

"I'm not tired." Her hands wound themselves into the blanket in her lap. The lie didn't even sound convincing to her own ears.

But aside from a tightening around Hunter's eyes, he let it go. "Alright. Can I get you anything? Food? Caff?"

She shook her head.

Concern flared in his deep eyes before he could temper it. "Well, let me know if you change your mind."

Heavy footsteps stomped across the room. The curtains rattled as they were shoved aside roughly, wide enough that a rush of light spilled across Saedii's bed and stung at her eyes. She winced, flinching.

"Oops! Sorry," a gruff voice said, too loud.

Wrecker was grinning as he looked between Saedii and Hunter. Hunter frowned at the sight of him.

"Echo sent me up to switch places with you. He said you need sleep, too," Wrecker explained.

Hunter's scowl deepened. "I got enough rest. I don't need –"

"He said to tell you Don't be stupid and get some kriffing sleep."

"It's ok," Saedii said before Hunter could argue further. Her eyes traced the bags beneath his eyes, the shadows within them. "Echo is right. You need sleep."

"I can go longer without sleep than you can."

He probably could, but Saedii felt immensely guilty as she looked at his wan face and knew the only reason he was so worn down was because of her. Ever since she'd been freed, he'd worried over her and tried to take care of her. Just because she wasn't getting any rest didn't mean he couldn't.

He let out a long breath as he read the resolve in her eyes. "Fine. Just a few hours. But come get me if you need me – no matter what it is."

"She'll be fine!" Wrecker proclaimed. "I'll keep an eye on her."

That didn't exactly seem to comfort Hunter, but he didn't argue nonetheless. With a last gentle caress on the side of her head, he stood and left the room.

Once he was gone, Wrecker turned to her expectantly. "So what do you want to do? You and I get to hang out for a few hours!"

Hang out was a nice way to put it. Babysit was what Saedii would have used.

She shrugged. In truth, she was exhausted, but there was nothing that sounded interesting to her. Not sleeping or eating. Nothing that she wanted to do.

"We could go for a walk," Wrecker suggested. "Tech said fresh air would be good for you!"

Saedii didn't want to walk. Or do anything that required movement. Or talking.

"Or we could play torek! Cross got me a new card deck!"

Games didn't sound particularly appealing either. There was no way she'd muster enough energy.

At her continued silence, Wrecker's expression fell. "Or you can sleep if you want. You look like you could use it."

Wrecker wasn't usually the observant kind. If he was telling her she needed sleep, she must look worse than she thought.

She looked down at her hands. The dejected jut of his lip made her feel inexplicably guilty. He was only trying to help her. And besides, maybe if she did something moderately normal, it would convince Hunter to give her some space.

"I'm kind of hungry," she began hesitantly.

"I can take you to the mess hall!" he said at once, enthusiastic once again. He turned behind him, holding out a new stack of clean clothes for her. Mercifully, they were more of the white pajamas that she wore now. None of her old Jedi stuff.

Wrecker stepped outside the curtain so Saedii could change. Once she had, he handed her a massive sweatshirt with his CT number on the front, which came down to her knees but was warm and soft. It was clean but still held the faint bitter scent of gunpowder. Just like Wrecker.

He led her down to the cafeteria, talking incessantly despite the ungodly hour. Saedii was glad for it, though. He was talking so fast that there wasn't any room for her to reply, so she was able to spend the walk lost in her own silence.

A warm and familiar scent filled the hall as they approached. Sera sap and coriman. Sitari cakes.

At this hour, the cafeteria was only half full. Clones in fatigues on early morning duty sat beside troopers in full armor from the night shift. Several tables were packed full, troopers lined on either side, while others had paired off in smaller groups, spreading out along the benches. A short line snaked out from the buffet line.

The Clones at the back did a double take when they caught sight of Saedii cowering in the doorway. A few paused with forks full of steaming food halfway to their mouths.

"There's Tech and Omega!" Wrecker pointed to a table on the far side of the room. Sure enough, Tech and Omega were already there, both looking wide awake despite the early hour.

A bubble of silence enveloped them as they walked. Saedii pretended not to notice as the Clones closest to her seemed to fall quiet as she passed. As they leaned back from her as though anticipating an attack. Oblivious to it all, Wrecker waved excitedly as Omega caught sight of them.

"We saved you guys seats," Omega said as she patted the empty benches beside her.

"Great! I'm starved!" Wrecker collapsed into the seat, eagerly pulling the massive plate piled with sitari cakes in front of him.

Tech's eyes were sharp on Saedii's face, lingering on the bags beneath her eyes. "It is customary to get substantial sleep while healing."

"I got enough." Saedii slid quietly into the space beside Omega – the space closest to the wall. As far away as possible from the watching eyes behind her.

It seemed almost normal as Wrecker began to shove sitari cakes into his waiting mouth, as Tech's attention drifted down to the holopad in his hands and Omega absently swung her feet beneath her. Like there weren't months and pools of blood that stretched between the last time they'd sat at this table.

The long strands of Omega's hair had been pulled back into an intricate braid that trailed to her middle back. It took Saedii a moment to recognize it as a Daethii braid. One that meant peace and resilience.

Noticing her attention, Omega gave Saedii a muted smile. "I've been practicing Daethii braiding. I even taught Nala Se how to do a few."

She'd done a good job. The braid for resilience could be especially tricky.

"I could braid yours if you want," Omega suggested.

The pale lavender strands that fell into Saedii's face felt suddenly heavy. She brushed one back behind an ear. "No thanks."

Omega's smile drooped.

Wrecker's mouth hung open – a stomach-turning sight, as it was full of chewed up food. "But you always have braids."

There was nothing Saedii could think to say to that. Daethii braids had been so deeply rooted in who she was – or at least, who she had been. Now that she felt so bereft, she didn't want them.

"That is unimportant," Tech said tartly. "Hair adornment is not a priority in Saedii's healing."

Sheepish, Wrecker muttered, "I was just asking."

A very awkward silence blanketed the table – made all the more obvious by the silent troopers that sat nearest to them. When Saedii dared to lift her eyes up to glance at those Clones nearby, she met wary eyes. They were still scared of her, then.

At least someone was. Hunter and the others could pretend she was fine all they wanted, but it didn't change what she'd done. It couldn't bring back the troopers she'd killed. Treating her like a bomb ready to go off was a much safer practice.

"If you are not hungry, perhaps some caff will suffice." Tech filled a mug and slid it in front of her.

Tentatively, Saedii took a sip. It was hot and nutty, as strong as rocket fuel. A shudder raced through her at the warmth that fluttered out from her stomach. She'd really missed caff.

"Where's Crosshair?" Omega asked, mercifully changing the subject.

Wrecker and Tech both made a face. "I believe he is smoking," Tech said.

This was enough to draw Saedii's attention back. She frowned. Crosshair didn't smoke. He hardly even drank.

"It is a habit he picked up shortly after the two of you were taken."

That would explain the drathroot that Saedii had smelled last night. It even explained the almost wild look in his eyes as he'd handed her the credits.

This was obviously old news to Omega, whose expression was bitter. By the pinch of her lips, she didn't approve of this new habit.

Wrecker grimaced. "Cross was in a bad place for a while. He says the drathroot helps him think."

"It also corrodes your lungs. Tech told me that," Omega said harshly.

Tech nodded astutely. "There are many unpleasant side effects of smoking drathroot, including carcinoma, tumor, esophageal corrosion –"

He stopped at the look that crossed Omega's face.

Omega insisted, "Well, we're back now, so he needs to stop."

"We've been trying, kid," Wrecker said. "But Cross won't listen."

"Drathroot has calming properties. Often, it can be used to mask strong emotions," Tech explained.

That, at least, Saedii understood. How many times had she killed in her nightmares just to have a few moments of blissful darkness? To see and hear and feel nothing at all?

Something akin to expectation crossed Omega's face as she turned to Saedii. "We can get him to stop. He'll listen to us."

Saedii looked quickly away. Crosshair likely hated her after last night. There was no way he'd listen to her, especially on this.

"Saedii?" Omega pressed.

"Perhaps you should speak with him, Omega," Tech suggested. "He may be more inclined to listen to you."

Disappointment filled Omega's face as Saedii continuing staring a hole through the floor.

Soft footsteps pealed through the silence behind them. A friendly voice exclaimed, "There you are, General! Great to have you back!" as a hand landed heavily on her shoulder.

Everything happened quickly.

Instinct roared in Saedii's veins. Something cautious and frightened – a dark sleeping giant that had coiled up inside of her like a snake, dormant and waiting. At the first touch of the unfamiliar hand on her shoulder, it sprung to life. A defense mechanism.

Her body moved so fast she wasn't even aware of it. Arms shot out, hands tightening, fingers coiling around a meaty wrist. There was a sickening snap. A howl of pain. And then a body was pinned beneath hers.

Krell. It was Krell. He'd followed her here. She knew it.

The hand had been unfamiliar. Too heavy and insistent, ready to cause her more pain.

Fight, her mind cried. Escape.

There was a flurry of movement around her. The soft whirs of blasters readying, the sharp stomps of metal boots racing across the steel floor. And beneath it, a terrified voice begging, "Saedii, stop!"

Omega's voice pierced through the grey fog in Saedii's brain. She snapped back into herself, slipping out of the painful memories that yanked at her conscience.

She was standing over Gregor, one of his arms between both of hers. It was broken – that much was obvious from the awkward angle as it hung between her hands. And the way she held it was making it worse.

Gregor's eyes reflected back up at her with pain and surprise. Stunned, as if he didn't understand how he'd ended up on the floor himself.

A massive body was standing before her, arms spread wide in a protective posture, facing the larger cafeteria, which was suddenly silent. The look on Wrecker's face was the same he wore when their missions went bad. Very bad.

And standing just beyond him, blasters raised, were a dozen Clones.

The nearest table had emptied, each trooper drawing a blaster and kneeling into a firing position. The dark barrels of their guns were trained on Saedii's chest, safeties set to stun. Further behind them, other troopers had uneasily gotten to their feet, weapons drawn though pointed at the floor.

"I suggest you put those down," Tech's voice said tightly from behind her. A quick glance revealed that his weapon was drawn too, pointed at the troopers nearest to them.

The troopers didn't move. Fingers tightened on triggers, and the Force grew sharp and heavy around her. Charged with tension and fear.

"Saedii." Omega's voice was a squeak. A plea.

Saedii's hands jerked back, releasing their hold on Gregor. Immediately, he cradled his arm to his chest, grimacing. Her mouth parted in horror as his pain flared against her skin, bowling into her chest like a blow from a canon.

She'd hurt him. Without even trying.

"I'm alright," Gregor grunted, holding up his uninjured hand. He turned a brief glance towards the troopers poised to shoot behind them. "No need for those, boys. You can put them away. Everything's fine here."

"You heard him. Put them down," Wrecker snarled.

One of the Clones nearest hesitated, eyes still on Saedii. "Captain, she tried –"

"Put the damn blasters down."

Slowly, the troopers did as Gregor asked. But Saedii noticed that they kept them in hand. Ready just in case.

"It's alright, General," Gregor said quickly, looking to Saedii next, still hovering in horror. "That was my fault. I shouldn't have touched you."

His fault? His arm was shattered and he was blaming himself?

Saedii had been the one to hurt him. Saedii had broken his arm just for a friendly pat on the shoulder.

It was her fault.

Panic swelled in her throat, blocking out her air. Making it hard to breathe. Short, choked breaths scraped out of her mouth – too soft and too loud all at once. The lights in the room flared brighter – so bright that they stung her eyes and made everything seem blurry. The floor felt like it was writhing beneath her.

"It's okay, kid," Wrecker's voice said nearby. It was a faint echo. A mere raindrop compared to the ocean of thoughts that swirled in her mind, echoing and booming and deafening.

"Saedii, you need to take slower breaths," Tech said tersely.

"Saedii?" Omega asked.

"Really, General," Gregor tried, "I'm fine –"

It was too much.

She bolted.

Someone tried to grab her – Wrecker or one of the other troopers, maybe – but Saedii skirted their reaching hands. Bodies leapt out of her way as she ran through the labyrinth of tables, but she didn't see them. She couldn't see anything except the dark pocket of freedom up ahead.

The door. She had to get to the door.

Had to get out of the cafeteria and away from the eyes that watched her, the voices that whispered in her wake.

"...tortured for a year."

"...killed two Clones that tried to save her."

"...too dangerous to leave her alone..."

Cool air hit her face as she stumbled into the hall. She sucked it in, trying to fill lungs that suddenly felt too small. Someone was still calling her name behind her. Begging her to stop.

She couldn't let them get close. She couldn't hurt anyone else.

Feeling numb and half-blinded, Saedii turned down the hall and ran.