37

Onion and meat and gravy warmed the air in the dorm.

A veritable feast had been spread on a blanket at the center of the barrack, plates packed with all different types of foods. Four different kinds of meats – some chargrilled, others fried – steamed a savory-smelling mist, while several bowls of roots, leafy greens, mashed tuka, and other vegetables glistened in butter. Sitari cakes and other small sweets and pastries sat at the far corner coated in powdery sugar.

The smells were intoxicating. They pressed against Saedii's skin in invitation, making saliva pool in her mouth. And yet, the plate that sat before her was largely untouched.

Hunter had scooped a bit of everything for her. All the dishes spread across the floor had been a favorite of hers at some point, even the tangy and chewy yiffa roots. He'd obviously had her in mind when he and Echo had pulled together food for the picnic.

It wasn't for lack of hunger that Saedii didn't eat. Her stomach gurgled and cramped, begging food. But it also swam with a nausea so thick that eating didn't seem possible.

At her side, Hunter eyed her untouched plate. "Do you want something else?"

"No."

"What about a sitari cake?"

Six of them were spread across the dorm – Hunter, who sat immediately to Saedii's right, trying to coax her to eat; Echo, who was sitting in his bunk; Wrecker and Omega, who had both taken residence on the floor as close to the food as possible; and Tech, whose face was pressed into the screen of the massive computer in the corner.

Crosshair hadn't returned with the food. His empty bunk, decorated with spent blaster cartridges, kept drawing Saedii's eye.

"Hey!" Wrecker said indignantly. "You said we had to finish our vegetables before we get dessert!"

"You do," Echo corrected, a plate of mostly protein and starch on the plate in his lap. "Saedii doesn't."

Wrecker huffed. "That's not fair."

Echo gave him a look in warning and he dropped it.

Omega didn't seem to be having trouble eating. She'd cleared through two plates already and was now eyeing the desserts. With as tall as she'd grown in the past year, her body mass hadn't kept up. She looked skinny. Or perhaps that was just part of her growth-spurt.

"We have raspberry tarts." Hunter pointed to the pink pastries, dusted in white and with tiny spots of green frosting on top. "Phee sent them from Pabu."

Saedii hadn't had much interest in the conversation up until now. Most of it had seemed overly simple – comments about the weather, the other Clones, idle gossip. But the mention of Pabu made her look up.

"Phee?" she asked.

Wrecker guffawed. "Tech and Phee meet up once a month to exchange intelligence."

The way he said it made it obvious that wasn't all they were exchanging.

Tech was instantly defensive. "I have found it very good practice to stay in touch with a pirate," he sputtered, talking too fast in his haste to give an explanation. "She was very adept at gathering key information during our search for Saedii and Omega, and kept us well-abreast of all the major news across the galaxy."

"Sure," Wrecker said gleefully. "That's why you always come back looking so happy."

"I enjoy information."

"That's not all you enjoy!"

Omega watched this exchange with a comfortable sort of amusement. Bickering between Tech and Wrecker was normal, and the mention of Phee had seemed to thrill her.

Even Saedii, who still felt rather empty and overwhelmed, was glad to hear Phee was still around. She liked Phee – and liked her with Tech. At least that was one thing that hadn't been ruined in the past year.

Hunter's attention was not on his bickering brothers but on Saedii sitting sullenly beside him. Spearing a piece of meat, he held the fork out to her. "This was caught fresh this morning."

He wouldn't stop until she relented. Even if her stomach felt like it had emerged from hyperspace too quickly, Saedii accepted the fork and slid the bite into her mouth. It was warm and tender and salty – almost too salty after nearly a year on ration bars.

"You want more?" Hunter held up her plate.

She handed him back the fork. "I'm alright."

The look Hunter exchanged with Echo was laced in concern.

Cool air rushed into the room as the door opened then. Something bitter and sharp caught her nose a moment before Crosshair's face appeared in the doorway. Drathroot, Saedii realized.

Crosshair's bloodshot eyes landed on hers. "I brought you some visitors."

Steel boots clicked against the floor as he stepped aside. White armor painted with grey filled the doorway – each one a different pattern, some words written in Aurebesh. And one with a snarling wolf on the chest plate.

The 104th had come to see her.

Warthog was beaming broadly – the only one in the room who seemed happy. Saedii, the Batch, and even Omega had all grown solemn at the addition of their visitors.

At her side, Hunter's shoulders tensed.

"There you are, General!" Warthog bellowed – too loud. Saedii winced at the sound. "We missed you!"

"Hi, Warthog," Saedii greeted. Her voice was subdued. As happy as she was to see her brothers, she just didn't have the energy for a joyful reunion right now. In fact, she didn't even have the energy to talk.

Warthog grinned at her and held his arms out, as if waiting for Saedii to launch herself across the room and into his embrace. Seconds passed, and as they did, his smile very slowly faded.

Behind him, Hammer was looking at her like he was in mourning. Saedii felt a bit like a corpse staring up from her own casket into his mournful eyes. He looked at her like she was dead. Boost and Sinker wouldn't even look at her at all.

Wolffe was staring. His eyes were pained, but he held himself perfectly still. Taking up as little space as possible in the now-packed dorm.

"Hello, General," he said formally, falling on protocol.

Saedii met his hard eyes with hers. She knew what he saw looking back – the wide, fathomless Daethii eyes, as dark and turbulent as the eye of a nebula. Eyes that were suddenly hollow.

When she looked at him, a single thought echoed: He doesn't know.

It would destroy him, to know that Plo – his closest confidant and friend, the man that fought so valiantly for Wolffe and his squad – had become a shadow. That it was because of Wolffe and Order 66 that Plo now wore the mask of the Sith.

She didn't want to tell him. She couldn't tell him.

Crosshair watched this reunion from the doorframe. Anxiety tightened his shoulders, making his posture rigid. Only his eyes moved between the two groups.

"What are you doing here, Commander?" Hunter's voice was unkind as he read Saedii's reaction.

"We just came to see how Saedii is doing," Wolffe said brusquely. His attention shifted back to Saedii. "You look like you're feeling better."

It was a terrible lie. Even without a mirror, Saedii could feel just how very unwell she looked. Two weeks in Krell's dungeons had drawn color from her face, leaving her skin cold and pale, and the faint throbbing of old bruises still smarted along her cheek. Her eyes, too, were puffy and swollen, burning from lack of decent sleep. She felt lifeless.

Echo bristled at that. "No thanks to you."

Tension flared in the Force. It raked claws down Saedii's skin.

"Commander Wolffe did what he had to on the transport vessel," Boost snarled. "You were there. You saw her. She wasn't in her right mind –"

"She was in no shape to be stunned –"

"She'd killed –"

Boost cut off sharply, but the damage was done.

The word sent a knife through her gut. Saedii folded in on herself, covering her ears with her hands. A small sound scraped from her throat before she could help it.

"That's enough," Hunter said at once. "You all need to leave."

Saedii felt as he hovered protectively over her, as if he could shield her from Boost's words. Make her forget the ghosts that tugged at her shoulders and begged her to see them.

"Leave?" Warthog demanded hotly.

"I believe that visitors may not be in Saedii's best interests right now," Tech added amicably.

Hammer protested, "You can't just –"

"No, they're right." Wolffe's voice was sharp. Too sharp. It was the same tone he'd used as he'd called out names of fallen brothers after a battle – brittle and precise.

Saedii didn't dare lift her gaze from the floor before her. She knew what she'd see if she looked into Wolffe's eyes – the grief and the guilt. And she didn't want him to see the secret hiding in hers.

"You rest up and get better, kid," Wolffe said thickly. "We'll see you soon."

Her nails dug into her knees as she drew them into her chest. The only answer she could give him.

Footsteps pealed softly on the ground, echoing through the floor beneath her. Then, there was a soft click of the door and they were gone.

The air felt too thin now. Thoughts that she'd repressed all day came pressing back in, stinging as they bounced around the tender confines of her mind. She thought of Plo, back in the Fortress, dressed in black, and of the terrible things he'd done to her – the horrors he'd made her see, the fears he'd exploited just to get her to turn to his side.

Arms wound around her. Instinct screamed and she jerked, trying to get away before they could hurt her.

But then Hunter's soothing voice murmuring, "Hey, you're alright. They're gone," stilled her movements and she remembered that she was safe. That the arms that held her would not hurt her.

The floor felt like it was unsteady beneath her as she struggled to ground herself. To remind her body that she was safe – that Plo and the ghosts and the dungeons were far away. Too far away to hurt her.

"Just breathe," Hunter coaxed.

The breaths felt too short in her chest. Too shallow. They hitched in her throat, burning. But her cheeks were dry, at least. Slowly, she dropped her hands from her head, tucking them into the space between her chest and her legs.

"What the hell was that?" Echo's angry voice hissed across the room. Saedii flinched at the sound and Hunter's arm tightened around her.

Crosshair's slow, angry drawl snapped, "I thought it would make her happy to see them."

"Well it didn't. No surprise there."

"They're her family, too."

She was shivering. A blanket was wrapped around her shoulders.

"She needs rest," Echo continued stormily. "Not people to gawk at her."

The weight of Crosshair's eyes landed on her shoulders. "I thought it would make her feel more at ease to see that everything is better now. That she doesn't have to choose. She gets to have the life she wanted."

That was when she understood.

Her last conversation with Crosshair rang in her ears. The harsh words he'd spat too loud and too angry.

I thought you were different. I thought you were one of us, but you're just like all the others. We weren't good enough for you and now you're abandoning us.

It was his way of apologizing. Of admitting he was wrong.

Like that still mattered.

Didn't he realize how trivial it all was? Having to choose between the 104th or the Batch – none of it mattered anymore. In the end, she hadn't gotten to choose at all.

Krell had chosen for her.

A year ago, she hadn't known what she was – Batcher, Jedi, Rebel, General. Then, she'd become an Inquisitor – the thing she'd hated most of all.

Now, she was nothing.

Crosshair crossed the room and knelt next to her, despite the look at Hunter leveled at him. There was a flash of silver and he pressed something into her hand. Cold metal bit at her fingers – credit slugs.

When she looked up, he had a hopeful smile.

"Ten credits says that everything will be just fine."

Saedii's fingers closed reflexively around the slug. She pushed to her feet, letting the blanket drop back on the ground. In front of her, Crosshair stood, too. His arms twitched, as if ready to open for her embrace.

In grim silence, she pressed the credits back into his hand and left the room.