Safe Haven

Asgard, be it new or old, was not a place, it was a people. Well that's what Thor said at any rate.

As she looked out over the little wooden houses and down to the harbour, she felt peacefully at home, here amongst them. They had welcomed her at the behest of the two princes and now looked after her as one of their own when the brothers were off chasing more danger. Their wooden cottage was hardly the fortress Asgard had once been, gilded and gleaming with more rooms than even Loki and Thor knew of. This was small and cosy and intimate, a safe haven for them away from the world. She stood barefoot on the warm wooden boards in the sunshine, the sea below a deep azure the cliffs red sandstone, birds wheeling and screaming as the dove for fish amongst the rocks below. It soothed her soul and rested her body. Sipping her tea, she sighed and sat on the wooden bench at the railing, looking out to sea as she had now for weeks. Waiting and thinking.

It all played out in her mind, making her smile and cry and proud and ashamed in turn. When would he come back? Would he come back at all. She hardly dared think about the implications of that last thought.

She was still fairly weak physically, despite it being more than 2 months after Jarvis had crashed through the roof in Prague and carried her back to the Campus. Her mind, when it wasn't resembling a lighthouse blinking on and off, was as sharp as ever and she was desperate to return to her duties in the cypher team.

The scary but ultimately temporary setback just after she woke, turned out to be her system overloading as she tried to deal with too much at one time. There was something lurking in her brain that she couldn't shake off and they couldn't get to. The Hydra cortex link had been removed as soon as she had been evacuated to the base, but every time she got stressed or angry or scared, she completely shut down. It had somehow rewired part of her brain, probably to prevent anyone finding out how it worked. They knew now it was an auto response and since she couldn't control it, she couldn't be on her own. She was vulnerable. If Hydra got her back, they would be able to develop it, based on her reactions, perhaps use it to protect their own agents in the face of interrogation or torture or worse, to shut down enemy agents at the most inopportune moments.

The only way to cope was live an unremarkable life in a quiet little backwater. Something she was never going to accept. She was a fully fledged Agent now, whether His Highness liked it or not. She HAD to get a handle on this.

Loki had insisted she stay here, to rest, to recover and most importantly to hide away from the possibility of being tracked by any remaining Hydra agents. She was one of their most wanted now. Thor had even agreed, making it virtually a fait acompli.

Initially to be fair, she hadn't argued. She was tired, of feeling sick, of fighting it - and him. After their first confessions about their feelings to each other, in the face of the unrelenting stress her condition placed on a normal relationship, the rose tinted glasses had fallen off. Mainly at her hand she was ashamed to admit.

Loki wanted her to play happy families, she thought, live in New Asgard and be a Princess while he saved the world. She wanted nothing more than to fight at his side. She still loved him, he still drove her wild, but she hated the cotton wool blanket he wrapped around her. As a result, they bickered and sniped, each feeling the other in the wrong. It all came to a head after about six weeks. Tony called a meeting, for once at the Tower, about a new mission. After the briefing, they stood in his quarters, looking out over the city. The tension was almost unbearable. They looked out over New York for this first time in a very long time. From this angle it always brought back memories and each was lost in their own personal hellish recollection of 2012.

As she looked out over the skyline, she winced inwardly remembering that fateful day. Loki had changed in so many ways, had become an Avenger, had become her lover. Now he had become her adversary. She was bored to death with relaxing, resting and recuperating. She said as much to Loki.

"Please Loki, try to understand, I'm not saying I want to go ON the mission, I just want to help. Do the job I was originally trained for. The job I'm good at." she tried to keep the frustration out of her voice but failed. "I cant hide forever! I don't WANT to!"

He stood at the window, looking down to the streets below. His hand rested on the glass, his head hanging down. He closed his eyes and in his mind's eye he saw the Chitauri raiders, saw the buildings shatter, heard the screams. He was ashamed, he would forever be ashamed. He would also be forever amazed.

Despite what she had gone through, what he had done to her, to her father, she had come to love him. He had found her, lost her and found her again. His desire to protect her was born from the very real fear of losing her again. He opened his eyes, sick of fighting, tired of justifying himself at every turn.

"And I said I don't think its safe ! For you - or us!" He turned and glared at her. "Or doesn't my opinion matter to you anymore? What if you have an 'episode' at the wrong time? How can we count on you when you can't count on yourself?" He shrugged, his face echoing the depth of his scathing opinion.

Ali swallowed hard, trying to remain calm. She'd about had enough. Rational thought deserted her, trying not to get overwrought, she answered with a low hiss "Oh and you're SO reliable Loki aren't you?" She walked up to him and started to stab her finger into his chest with every word. "You.Who.Tricked.Me.Into.Killing.You" he glared down at her "You ungrateful mewling Quim!" He roared "I SAVED you" "And condemned me to a life of -of-of BEIGE!" She stormed. "Perhaps I SHOULD have died !" as soon as she said it, she wished she could bite it back. Tears of frustration spilled down her cheeks "Sometimes I hate you Loki Laufeyson!" With a spiteful glare she stalked out leaving him standing mouth open, his face a picture of horrified disbelief. She stormed down to the hangar. An hour and one quinjet ride later she was back in Asgard.

Natasha looked round from the pilot's seat after they landed.

"Sweetie, everyone goes through rough patches, even those of us not battling Asgardian egos and brain implants!" She smirked and stood up, linked arms with her and walked Ali down the ramp. "It'll be ok, I know it may not seem like it, but he loves you more than anything. He's just scared. When he's scared he lashes out" she hugged Ali tightly.

"HE'S scared?" Ali raised an eyebrow " if he's scared then I'm bloody terrified! And I have no-one to lash out at!"

Natasha smiled, "oh sweetie, you can always lash out at me" she winked and kissed her cheek. "I have to go but its not a long mission. We're going in teams to split resources, Loki will have Thor and Bucky. Hopefully they'll knock some sense into him while they're away" she walked back up the ramp.

As Nat took off, Ali crouched, hand over her eyes to defray the jet wash. As it gained height, she stood and watched it disappear, her heart disappearing with it. Nat's words hit home. Loki, despite having his brother, was basically as alone in the world as her. He needed her every bit as much as she needed him. She really did still love - and desire - him and she promised herself out loud, "when he comes back I will make SURE he knows it".

Walking back to their little cottage, she walked in and up to their bedroom. In the wardrobe hung his shirts, she took one out and slipped it on. His scent filled her nostrils, intoxicating as the first day she'd encountered it. Sitting on the floor, back resting against their bed, she broke her heart.

Nat and Clint came back from their part of the mission a week later, Banner and Steve shortly thereafter. Initially she called Nat every day, but as a week turned into two, turned into a month, she stopped. The agony was too much to bear. Thor Loki and Bucky were now officially missing. Fury came to see her one afternoon, striding up their little path, all black leather and attitude, Maria by his side.

" We heard from Thor" he said as they sat on the decking at the back if the house " Loki has gone awol" he stared at her. "Don't suppose you'd know why - or where?" She blanched, feeling every bit as interrogated as that day long ago at her interview.

"N-no" she stammered, " I mean we fought but it wasn't, I mean we didn't .." her vision started to fade and she struggled to stay conscious. Surely he wasn't suggesting she.....Ali hit the floor with a thud. Conversation over.

She spent the next three weeks in glorious isolation. Fury had got Maria to call her and check she was ok a couple of times. The nearest he would ever get to giving her an apology. She fell into a routine. Sleep, eat, stare into the middle distance most of the day, sleep. The women of the village cooked for her, looked after her and made sure their Prince had someone to come home to. She had no fight left. She felt despairing and desolate inside, she no longer cared what happened to her. In her enfeebled and worry crazed mind, she had driven him away. She felt sick 24/7 so she just let them do whatever they needed to do, she no longer cared. She became thin and pale, her body as well as her mind, shutting down she noticed.

At the start of the 4th week after Fury, she was slowly getting dressed in one of Loki's shirts as usual, when there was a knock at the door. Probably one of the neighbours checking she was ok. She quickly shrugged on her shirt and opened the door. It wasn't a neighbour, it wasn't even a villager. It was Bucky Barnes. He was standing with his back to the door, looking out over the harbour. As he heard the door open, he turned and her insides turned to water and clapping her hand to her mouth, she let out a small gasp.

The look on his face told her everything.

"B-Bucky - come in" she croaked, clutching the doorpost. He didn't smile, he just nodded and walked in, taking her by the arm as he did so. They went through the little cottage and out onto the deck again. Sitting her down in one of the wooden chairs , he leant again the rail of the deck, rubbing his hand across his eyes. Terrified, she looked back up at him her heart racing, trying to stay calm, stay conscious.

"As you can see, we're back" he said, and knelt down in front of her. He took her hand in his metal one, using his real one to stroke the back of hers, trying to soothe her. "I'm sorry Ali, I wish I could have brought Loki home to you , but.... he looked strained and tired and she felt worse for him than for herself. She could see his pain.

"Bucky, please...is he...is Loki..?" she couldn't say it, hardly dared think it, her eyes filling with tears.

"No " he replied but his tone was a million miles from relief. "it might have been better if he was".