make it stop

She opened her eyes. It was daylight, just, and she could make out the bars on the high window against the pale grey sky.  Sky.  Would she ever see it again? Would she ever see.... she stopped herself becoming maudlin.  Now was not the time, now was the time to pull herself together.  Be the Agent they had hoped she would be. Be the Agent they needed her to be. But it was so hard, she felt so lost, out of her depth. Her head throbbed, her legs ached, in fact there wasn't a single bit of her that wasn't aching or bruised or cut at that moment.  The beating had been bad, really bad, but it was the sound of the others being tortured that really got to her.  Thankfully she'd been drugged before they threw her into the cell so when she closed her eyes, there was only blackness.

Now though, eyes and ears open, it all began again.  She could see the fear and anger in Natasha's eyes as they dragged her away screaming like a banshee.  She could feel the pain as they ripped Buck's arm from its metal socket. It might be prosthetics. but there were nerves attached at the shoulder, nerves they had severed,  She felt sick.  Only the thought that Steve and Loki had got out gave her any comfort.  

He was in agony, she knew that now, leaving her to face them alone, but the list was too important.  There was too much at stake. If they had captured him,  the whole mission , the whole setup could have been compromised, he knew too much.  She on the other hand, had limited clearance, limited knowledge, most of which was gleaned from their own transmissions.  They didn't know that yet.  She could spin it out, give them time to deliver the information and come back.  He'd tried to argue, make her go in his stead, but she had shut him down, made him leave.  She had saved him.

But she had lied.  

Again. 

She hated herself for it, she knew now, in spite of everything, she loved him.  She closed her eyes, visualising his eyes and the feeling of his hands on her as he'd gripped her as she refused to leave.  She tried not to think, however, about his expression when she'd told him she would rather die than get back on the jet with him. That she didn't care, that she hated him. Her heart broke to think of the devastation on his face and the parting promise to come back no matter what as she'd slammed the door in him.

How long she could hold out was the question now. And if there was any way to save Bucky and Nat in the process.

The door slammed open and two guards marched in, grabbed her from the cot she lay on and dragged her by the arms, her legs seemingly unable to support her, back into the room next door.  Again, she wasn't alone.  

Nat and Bucky were still drugged and now strapped to chairs in the centre of the room, heads hanging down, immobile but conscious. She was appalled and morbidly interested all at the same time.  How the hell could they have disabled two of the fiercest fighters in the Avengers?  It just wasn't possible.  The thought had barely materialised when a voice by her ear said

"Oh my dear, you have no idea what's possible"  she looked up, shocked that they could have read her mind.  The Man was standing next to her now. He was slightly overweight, short, balding with glasses and a very evil smile. .  He sat her in a chair opposite her two comrades, strapping her in tightly.  Then he walked over to Nat and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her head up to look at Ali.

"Ahhhh you're awake Widow, so nice of you to join us." He sneered into her ear, his eyes never leaving Ali's face.  She stared at Nat, horrified at the state she was in, battered and bruised.  Her eyes though, were defiant, even in the face of this monster. She mumbled something and her captor bent closer "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that, care to repeat it? " he laughed,

"I said you can go fuck yourself before I tell you anything" Natasha hissed with what strength she had remaining.

"Oh my dear, you're not going to tell me anything, I know that.  How naively patriotic of you." he stroked her face, and she glared at him, unable to do anything about it. "But your little friend here?  She's another story entirely.  And you're going to just sit back and watch." he dropped Nat's head and it lolled forwards.  The drugs must affect the ability to move but not think mused Ali briefly. The Man turned to her, 

"My my you're a quick one aren't you?" he crossed back to her "I can see we underestimated you.  Perhaps you need some too?"  he reached behind her and she briefly felt a sharp stab in her neck.  A warm feeling spread throughout her body and she felt sure she had lost control of all her bodily functions as well as her movements.  Her face flushed with shame and anger.

"Oh my dear, don't worry, by the time I'm finished with you, a little dampness will be the least of your concerns."  He dropped the syringe into a metal tray with a clang and walked over to Bucky, pulling his head up.  His eyes blazed but he winked at Ali to let her know he was ok. She couldn't smile, she was absolutely terrified.

"Now, this one, well, we had to disarm him - quite literally! he laughed at his own sick joke. "But I'm sure there are plenty of other ways to make him suffer, he wont want his two beautiful companions to look as ugly as his soul now will he?" 

This was beyond anything Ali could have imagined, it was some sort of nightmare dreamed up by a screenwriter.  It couldn't be real.  It just couldn't.  The scream told her otherwise.  The scream that came from her own mouth as they began to beat her again. One rib, two ribs, the pops as they broke punctuated her brain with searing white hot pain. She closed her eyes and her mouth and concentrated.  Think of Loki, think of Loki she repeated again and again.  Don't let them break you.  You have to live to apologise to him.

"Apologise for what?" came the sneer by her left ear "you forget my little Avenger, I can hear your thoughts, there's nothing you can hide from me. " he squeezed her neck and she began to feel faint.  "I have no need of these other two now I know I have you.  You are a perfect candidate for our newest technology.  I needed someone with a high functioning cortex, " he turned to the others "no offence intended " the sarcasm dripped from his tongue "but this little one, she's perfect.  In other circumstances she would now be very dangerous - if someone else learned to do what we now know we can, but we have you and they don't so..." he smirked and she spat in his face.

"I'll die before I tell you anything" she hissed " so you might as well do it now and get it over with".  He stroked her cheek, and bent close to her, 

"Oh you'll all die.  One at a time, slowly, painfully and in every way you fear.  I will make them watch first as you spill your bright red blood all over this floor and you spill every secret you know.  Then I will make them kill you themselves, a kindness compared to what I will tell them I will do to you.  I promise you, it will be the most painful hours you will ever endure."  he replaced his hand with a scalpel, "and I think we will start right about now".  As the metal pierced the flesh of her cheek in a downwards slice, despite all her best intentions, she screamed.  He stopped, "tell me what I want to know and it will all be over, don't make me extract it by force.  That will only take longer and be more painful.  You seem able to build a nice little wall inside that pretty little head of yours at will, but it will only delay the inevitable, not stop it."  She tasted the metallic blood as it trickled into her mouth. She opened her eyes to see Nat, her head held fast by one of the guards being made to stare at her as she bled. Nat was crying, her face twisted into a grimace.  Bucky roared at them to stop but he just laughed.  Ali wasn't going to go without a fight, she spat the blood in her mouth at him, spattering his face and glasses.

"Bitch" he hissed and slapped her hard enough that she saw stars. in her mind she told him Go Fuck Yourself and he laughed.  "perhaps I should do it to you first eh?"  He started to unbuckle his belt and had just unlatched it when a guard burst into the room.

"I TOLD YOU WE WERE NOT TO BE INTERRUPTED" he roared, turning to face the intruder. The guard ran over and spoke into his ear, too low to be heard.  The Man quickly did himself up and turned back to the three of them.  "Well, it seems you are no longer our priority and as such need to be neutralised immediately.  We wouldn't want you telling tales now would we?" he raised his arm and reached behind Ali.  

She was sure this was it, the end, perhaps it would be mercifully quick.  Closing her eyes, she wanted her last thought to be of Loki, if only she had gotten to tell him she loved him. Tears escaped down her cheeks for the first time.  Suddenly there was a shout and a heavy blow to her head.  She felt the chair tip back onto the floor and a second heavy blow, this time in her abdomen.  Then running feet, shouts and cursing and a strange warmth all over her. She wouldn't open her eyes now, she felt safe in the dark.  Safe and warm as the noise receded and a calm quiet descended.  She wasn't scared anymore, she realised she was dying.  All the fear of when and where removed, she just waited. She hadn't told them anything.  She'd done her job.  She could rest now.  She was disappointed there was no light to go towards, only in the movies it seemed.  As the quietness overwhelmed her, she smiled, her last thoughts were of Loki.  His smile, his laugh and... his kiss.  If only she'd let him kiss her, just once. Oh well. Too late now.