Hero Again, pt. 1

“Missing? For how long?”

“Since Voldemort was killed. It’s been—it’s been a year and a half.” Raven’s face was hard to make out in the yellow wash of the streetlights, but it seemed splotchy. “So, I mean, he could be alive. I’m sorry, Harry.”

“No, don’t apologize…” Harry felt his chest tighten as he willed himself to lose hope. He was content with the survival of Remus and Tonks; more and he was asking too much.

“I looked for him, even in the camps. You might know this, but the Death Eaters had camps for Muggles, Muggleborns, blood traitors…anyone who went against complying Purebloods. The vast majority, if not all, of the camps have been found; there were hundreds of people.” 

Harry nodded. In his time, they hadn’t yet come as close to finding everyone. 

“Where was I? Oh, yes, so I met up with you in the Forest of Dean. When I told you about the Horcrux you harbored, and what had to be done, you were, of course, upset, to say the least. Ron was furious, while Hermione, it seemed, had suspected there was something Albus’d been keeping from you. They both refused for you to die, and you pretended to agree. We spoke alone, however, and you told me to do it while they slept. As much as I didn’t want to, I didn’t want your friends to have to do it, or Severus, least of all Voldemort. So I killed you.

“You met Dumbledore in Limbo, and he explained that the Elder Wand, coupled with your and your mother’s sacrifice, would be enough to defeat Voldemort. When you came back to life, we had to tell Hermione and Ron. After everything calmed down, I had to leave. I was helping others who were on the run.

“You three decided to purposely trigger the Taboo curse and were brought to Voldemort. By some miracle, Harry, you defeated him. The witnesses fled, and the War was over.”

Harry nodded. So there was nothing particularly extraordinary or consequential in the way Voldemort was brought down. 

Raven cleared her throat. “Why don’t you list off people, and I’ll tell you if they’re alive.” 

“Alright…Ginny.” 

Raven nodded. “Alive.”

Harry kept listing, continuing if she nodded. “Fred. George. The Weasleys. Luna, Neville…Hedwig.” Harry paused, eyes prickling, before he felt ready to go on. “Er, Hagrid. What about Dobby? Grindelwald—” 

“Dead. Grindelwald is, I mean.”

“Hogwarts professors?” 

“Alive.” 

“Hogwarts students?” 

Raven paused. “There were a couple that left school, I can’t remember names, or if they’re alive.”

“Okay, and…Sirius Black?”

“Yes, he’s alive.” 

Harry blinked, shock so great he couldn’t manage a smile. “Thank you.” His fingers, weak with relief, trembled as he took out the Time-Turner. Despite the assurance of the number of lives now saved, he could not yet bring himself to perform the spell to seal the universe. “Would you—would you say this time is good? You wouldn’t change anything?” 

Raven looked away, thinking. Or was she doing something else? Her eyes searched the space five meters in front of them. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s just…it’s nothing.” Raven took a deep breath. “Look, this time is probably better than yours, but it’s not perfect. There are things I would change, if I could…” She cleared her throat. “But that doesn’t matter. Severus died in your time, too?”

“Yeah. But obviously that’s—that’s something that can never change. Er, were he and I on good terms, before he d—” Harry caught himself. “…went missing?”

“Well, for your safety, and out of his stubbornness and coldness, not really. But even if he didn’t express it, he cared for you.” 

Harry nodded and closed his eyes. He knew the positives outweighed the negatives. At the very least, in this time, Severus hadn’t had to live with Harry hating him. At the most, the world benefitted because of it. 

Harry was ready. He had tried—and succeeded—in making a better universe, though more changed then he expected. He never would’ve guessed that two letters could kill the (second) most powerful wizard in the world long before he had been killed before. The result paralleled the universe with teenage Severus; it was then that Harry’s kindness toward, guidance of, and friendship with Raven, Severus, and even Lily improved their lives. In this universe, Harry became closer to Dumbledore, the Weasleys, Raven, Severus, Hermione, and Sirius. From Dumbledore, Raven, and Severus, Harry gained more knowledge and understanding of the Wizarding World and his personal role in it. From the Weasleys, Hermione, and Sirius, he had a stronger sense of belonging and love. 

“What would happen if both of you—both Harrys—stayed?” 

“This reality would end as soon as time caught up to when I traveled back, which is…” Harry checked his watch, “Two hours from now. If I perform the spell Dumbledore instructed, then this Universe will be final, and I will take the place of the other Harry.” 

His other self appeared out of nowhere, pulling off his invisibility cloak, after Raven gave the cue. That Harry started to speak, but was cut off by the flash of the Sealing Spell.

Hours later, Harry woke in an unfamiliar bed. Blinking in the bright light of the morning, he realized he must be at an inn. 

He had expected to remember at least something from his old self. While he didn’t gain any memories, he felt he had retained schoolwork. 

He was still dressed from the night before, in his own clothes, and not the other Harry’s. He freshened up, his own things mixed with Ginny’s. He was about to leave the room when there was a knock at the door. 

“It’s us,” came Ron’s voice. 

Harry opened the door. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny marched immediately in and sat on his bed. 

“Tell us everything.” 

Harry wasn’t phased by their directness; just struck by emotion. He pulled Ron into a hug, tears rushing up despite his best efforts to suppress them. He then hugged Ginny and Hermione, who were also wary of him. “Er, let’s get something to eat first, this’ll take at least the whole day.” 

As he first started describing life without the letters and listened to Ron and Hermione’s responses, he could tell there was a significant rift between he and his friends. They had been closer to the other Harry than he had ever been to the versions he’d known, and it didn’t help that he hadn’t seen them in several years. 

He finished his story at midnight that night. They had changed into their pyjamas, with Harry, Hermione, and Ginny on the bed, Ron in the chair. 

Ron folded his hands, eyes distant, thinking. “So, you’re like 23 years old in your head?” 

Harry blinked. “Yeah, I suppose I am.” 

“Why help Snape, though? Why not Sirius, or Lupin?” Ginny asked, studying him.

Hermione nodded. “And why not kill Voldemort as a baby?”

“I helped Snape because his death didn’t affect the outcome of the War. And Sirius’ childhood was the highlight of his life, whereas Severus became how he was because his childhood sucked. I thought if I made that better, everything else would fall into place from there. And I didn’t understand how time worked, so I assumed he could have a chance with Lily.” 

“I could’ve talked you out of it, you know,” Hermione said. “I would’ve known what would happen from the start.” 

“I don’t regret going back in time. It might’ve been hopeless, but it led to this.” 

Ron spoke gravely. “If ‘this’ means the Harry we knew has been replaced by a stranger.” 

“If anything, I might be a bit more serious than that Harry. But now that so many people are alive, I’ll be…” Harry trailed off. “Can you tell me what’s happened since the War ended?” 

Ron and Hermione glanced at each other. Ginny noticed this and said, “I’ll do it. You guys should get some rest.” 

“Alright.” They stood, hugging Harry a little awkwardly on their way out. “See you in the morning, Harry.” 

“Goodnight.” Harry sat back down on the bed. 

After the door closed, Ginny glanced at Harry, then entwined her fingers in his. “We used to have years of life in common. And now…every word we’ve exchanged is gone. I don’t know if I should consider it like you’ve died, or just lost your memory.” 

“The second one is much less intense.” 

Ginny smirked. “You’re right. Oh, and be prepared for me to start every sentence with, ‘Did I tell you…’ because I’m gonna have to catch you up on a ton of stuff…” 

“Y’know, I think I need to take you all to the Pensieve, to see what I experienced. Not soon, exactly, because there’s a few things I have to do first, but before the end of the summer. So you…” Harry yawned. “…can understand me better.”

Ginny yawned too, then rested her head on his shoulder. “Good idea.”

“Okay, before I fall asleep, tell me one thing that happened.” 

“Lupin and Tonks are getting married next Sunday.” 

“You’re serious?” For the first time, Harry felt as though he hadn’t missed that much of the timeline.

“Yeah. It’s on the anniversary of the end of Second War, so it’s a big deal. Oh, and Tonks already had her baby, Edward—the same name you told us—and Sirius is the godfather. He’s also their best man. You’re a groomsman, I’m a bridesmaid.”

Harry closed his eyes, emotions heightened by his weariness. “Do I have dress robes already?” He stood, pulled back the covers, and gestured for Ginny to join him. 

“Close—you have a dress. You wouldn’t know this, but your other self was much more fabulous.”

“Ginny, one time you’re gonna say something like that and I’ll believe you, then I’ll be going about completely misinformed.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep trying. My next idea was to secretly replace your wardrobe with the ugliest patterns I could find, and I’d say you’d have to wear them so you wouldn’t raise suspicion.” 

“D’you want to keep telling me this stuff? Because then I’ll know how to protect myself.”

“Sure, I’ve got loads of ideas. Let’s see…you and McGonagall had a torrential love affair over the past few months, so make sure to tell her you love her more than anything, but you have to break it off because she’s really let herself go…” 

The next day, Harry thought of a way to help Severus move on, or at least to gain his trust. To carry out his plan, he met with Raven that evening at the Three Broomsticks. He told her a two-hour version of his story, then that he wanted to see Dumbledore’s office one last time, and have a chance to talk to his portrait. 

“…and I want to return the Time-Turner.”

Raven sat back in her chair. “Shouldn’t you destroy it?”

“Dumbledore wants me to, at least in the letter he wrote, but I think that it’s too important to destroy. What if England is bombed? Or—” 

“Or someone has a rubbish life, so you rewrite time to change it.” 

Harry crossed his arms. “What are you trying to say?” 

“Look, what you did for Severus was noble, and yes, it changed the world for the better, but not everyone is going to be as lucky if they try the same thing.” 

“Well, that’s why it’s experimental. You choose to seal the universe if it works out.” 

“But it’s not a power that should be given to people. Not one person, not the government, not anyone. No matter how pure their intentions are. Would you want someone else controlling your fate?”

Harry drank from his bottle to avoid replying right away. “I suppose not.”

“And you might be tempted. I might be tempted, even. It’s better to deal with life as it happens.” 

Harry stared at the bubbles fizzing in the butterbeer. “Maybe I was dealing with life as it happened.” 

“It’s a part of growing up, I suppose, to learn to live in the moment. You don’t think I want to stop myself from getting involved with the Dark Arts? We make mistakes, then learn to handle them.”

“Fine. But your reasoning doesn’t apply to me. I didn’t go back in time for myself, I did it for you and Severus.” 

Raven sighed. “Alright.” 

Harry studied her. “It’s strange, how time repeats itself.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, you and Remus were a thing when I knew you. Though, he might have been a way to get over Severus…” 

Raven coughed on her drink. “What? I fancied him? Them, I mean? Merlin, that’s…” 

Harry brought it up to see her reaction. It must be true for both of them. 

Raven was solemn now, though still embarrassed, as she avoided Harry’s gaze. “I did fancy Severus when I first came to Hogwarts to teach. I was young, and lonely, without any of my old friends, Regulus in particular. Of course, Severus has always secluded himself, so although we got along well, it was impossible to do anything about how I felt, as you might imagine. But when you came with the letter…I truly realized how hopeless it was.”

Harry averted his eyes and nodded. In the original timeline, no one wanted to befriend Severus, and now, even when people did, he still pushed them away. 

Raven caught on to his knowing expression. “It’s odd, sharing this with you, even if you say we were close. Well, anyhow, it’s done with now. I just wish…You know, Severus didn’t deserve to be miserable. That’s the worst of it. The only one who could help him was himself. Oh, and if you don’t already know; Severus had an unofficial will, only for those closest to him to see. He said not to reveal where his loyalty truly lay until two years after his death. It was hard for us to do at first, but he must’ve had a reason, and we have to respect his wishes…” Her voice petered out at the end. 

Harry nodded, frowning in thought as he searched for something to say. He was about to spew some sort of consoling comment about life and moving on when Raven changed the subject—“So do you remember anything from this time?” 

“Er, no, nothing. I wish I had a better sense of everything that’s happened.” 

“If it helps, it’s hard to tell there’s any difference between you and the previous Harry.” 

“It seems that way on the outside, I’d think.” 

“It’s just that you’re more guarded than he was. More serious. That’ll fade with time.” Raven downed the remainder of her tankard. “You haven’t seen anyone else yet, have you?” 

“Not yet. I’m being filled in on the details of the past year. Then I’ll be ready. Otherwise even anyone I’m not close to will know something’s up, and I don’t want anyone else to know, really. Except, well, I’m going to look for Severus. If I find him, I might tell him.”

Raven didn’t object, rather gave him a long look that conveyed her understanding. 

“Is there anywhere I shouldn’t bother checking?” 

“His home in Spinner’s End. There was a spell on the house that made it look as though it’d burned down. That’s why I thought he might be alive. But when I reversed the spell, the inside was dusty and cold. I followed leads, but it’s been months now. Really, he could be anywhere, though I don’t see why he wouldn’t be in England.” 

Harry nodded, then set down his bottle and stood. They’d both finished their drinks. 

Raven smoothed her robes and hugged him. “You’re incredible, Harry, you know that?” 

Harry dipped his head. “You’re allowed into Hogwarts, right?” 

“I could always pretend I needed some old papers if we’re caught. Wear your cloak, though, just in case.”