Room of Requirement, pt. 1

“Good morning, class. My name is Professor Lastoel. Some of you may have heard that Professor Ilen was killed over the holidays…” 

The students, especially those who hadn’t known, flinched at the bluntness of his tone. 

“…So I’ll be starting where she left off. If I call on you, please tell me your name.” He strode to the chalkboard and wrote “Boggarts.” Then he called on a student to explain what a boggart was. 

Harry glanced at Remus. It was in Harry’s third year that they learned about boggarts in a way that would eventually teach Harry’s class to overcome their fears. 

“It so happens that I was provided with a boggart to use today for a demonstration. I’ll need a volunteer…” Lastoel scanned the room, then gestured at Severus, who hadn’t raised his hand. 

“Severus Snape, sir.” 

“Mr. Snape, if you’ll come up here…okay, now, I’m going to release a boggart, and you’ll follow my instruc—” 

“I can’t, Professor.” Severus’ face had turned pale. 

“Oh, come now, don’t be afraid. It’s really quite simple—” 

Severus shook his head. 

Lastoel, his authority threatened, became cold. “By failing to cooperate you are undermining the hours upon hours Professor Ilen spent educating you. Now please, or I’ll be forced to take points from your house.” 

Severus looked between the Professor and the cabinet that contained the boggart. Then he turned and hurried out of the room. 

“Five points from Gryffindor. Honestly, you’d think this is a class of first years—” 

Harry cut him off. “Professor, did you consider that he’s seen his boggart before? What if it became the thing that killed his mum, or had turned into his father’s corpse? How does it make us children to not want to see that?” 

It was an extreme example, but effective; Professor Lastoel faltered. “Well, he could’ve said—” 

“Can I go to see if he’s alright?” 

Lastoel was taken aback. “Right, sure. Of course.” 

Lily stood. “May I go, too, Professor?” 

Lastoel waved them on. “Fine. But that’s all.” At this, Raven reluctantly lowered her hand. Lastoel checked his pocket watch. “You have five minutes.” 

“Thank you.” Lily glanced at Harry, then the two of them left the room. Before exiting, they heard Lastoel say over the sarcastic cries of concern from James and Sirius, “Now. Who thinks their greatest fear is something trivial? Like spiders, perhaps…” 

Lily and Harry found Severus sitting a ways down the corridor, his hands pressed over his head.

Lily quickened her pace and knelt at his side. Harry approached more slowly. Unlike Lily, he knew what was wrong. 

Severus shook uncontrollably and his breathing was staggered. His eyes seemed glazed over, fixed on something they couldn’t see. 

“I’m here for you, Sev. I’m not going anywhere.” Lily put her arm around Severus and rested her head on his shoulder.

Severus’ head lifted slightly. Still shaking, he reached into his cloak with a stiff hand and pulled out a vial. After he struggled to get it open, Lily uncorked it and handed it back, brow furrowed. 

Severus tipped the contents of the vial into his mouth. He swallowed, coughing a bit. After a moment, he wiped his eyes and stood. He began to walk back to class, stumbling at first, then continuing on. 

Lily gaped at him. “What was that about?” 

Severus stopped, turning halfway toward her. “What?” His eyes were relaxed, but tired. 

“You just freaked out, with no explanation, and—and what did you take to calm down?” 

Severus blinked slowly. “A calming potion, obviously. Draught of Peace. I took a little too much, I think.” He was slouching, his voice high-pitched.

Lily went to him. “Okay. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” 

Eyes closed, Severus shook his head, smiling, acting almost as though he were intoxicated. 

“Wait for us for a minute before going back, then.” Lily quickly kissed his temple, then turned to Harry, voice hushed. “I know he didn’t see either of his parents, who are still alive, but you seemed to know what his boggart would’ve been.” 

Harry lowered his voice. “Lily, I can’t tell you. He doesn’t want you to know what happened. He told me expressly.” 

They noticed Severus had drifted back into the classroom. Lily sighed. “We’ll talk on the way to lunch.” 

Toward the end of class, when Lastoel let them get started on their essays, Sirius tapped Severus on the shoulder. Severus turned around drowsily; the potion’s effects were still in full force. “Yeah?” 

Sirius was taken aback by the absence of annoyance in Severus’ expression, but he recovered. “Gryffindor house doesn’t take cowards, Snivellus. You may have Jacob to stand up for you—” 

“Just drop it, Sirius.” James flicked a scrap of paper off of his desk, his other hand propping his head up.

“What?” 

“Leave him alone. Look, he’s on something. It doesn’t matter what you say.” 

“What’s he on?”

Harry turned around, impatient. “He’s not, he’s just tired. And why do you think he’s a coward? Your idea of bravery seems to be harassing someone simply because it’s what you’ve always done.”

Sirius turned to James, waiting for him to defend himself. But James simply studied Harry.

After class, Severus told them he was going to go take a nap. Raven decided to walk to lunch with Remus. 

Lily and Harry, then, were left on their own. “So why would Severus not want me to know what happened? We’re best friends!” Lily realized how that sounded. “I’m not saying that you and him aren’t, or anything…” 

“He doesn’t want you to know because he doesn’t want you to pity him.” 

“Why does he think I’d pity him?” 

“When you weren’t friends, and he’d left the Dark Arts, and this happened, he didn’t want you to befriend him again just because you felt sorry for him.”

Lily thought of how to respond, eyebrow raised. “Oh, you mean feel sympathetic.”

“No, I mean, and I’m speaking for him here, but he doesn’t want to be someone you feel the need to protect, or fix.”

Lily stopped walking and pulled Harry to the side.

“You’re one to talk, Jacob. Since you met him, you’ve—”

Her aggression caught him by surprise. “He’s my friend. I’m just—” 

“Looking out for him? You care about him?” Lily softened her tone, searching Harry. “Well I care about him, too.” 

Harry sighed. “I know. But still…he told me not to tell you.” 

Lily mulled this over. “Fine. Tell me what happened, and he won’t know that I know.” 

“If I tell you, you can’t treat him differently. And you have to promise not to tell a soul, especially Dumbledore or a professor.” 

“Deal.” Lily offered her hand, and they shook on it. 

Harry waited until the pre-lunch rush had made its way through the corridor before telling her what had happened. 

“…Then they used a boggart to torture him. It turned into you, only—you were dead. And he didn’t know it wasn’t real.” 

Lily was pale. Her shock allowed Harry to slip in the worst details, almost without her noticing.

“Wait…what did you say they did?” 

“I don’t know all of it, that’s just what he told me.”

“That’s—” She gaped at him. “Why? How does that make sense?”

“I know that it’s horrible, but why would they beat him, either? They’re cruel.” 

Lily looked away, then her eyes widened, and she met Harry’s gaze. “Did his dad do that to him, too?” 

Harry nodded. “I don’t know the details, but he told me about his dad the summer he ran away from home.” 

“I didn’t realize—I never would’ve thought…” Lily, choking back tears, slowed and sat down at a nearby bench. “He doesn’t always want to be touched, you know. Sometimes, when I hug him, he sort of shrinks away…If I’d known the reason, I would’ve asked if it was okay first…” Lily fell silent, lost in thought. 

Harry sat down next to her. “They haven’t messed with him much since then. With the exception, of course, of last month.” 

“Has he ever broken down like that before, because of what happened?” 

“Not that I’ve know of. He’s better, but he hasn’t had to deal with it. Since you two became friends again, it’s easier to deal with. He’s happier.”

Lily nodded, eyes fixed on the floor. “I know. I can tell. He cares about things more. He even smiles like he used to when we were kids. I do get the feeling, though, that he’s not holding himself together easily. He’s just motivated to try.” 

Harry studied Lily, surprised. She had never seemed to understand so acutely what Severus was feeling. 

“Does Raven know about what happened?” 

Harry hesitated. “I had to tell her eventually. She was still friends with him then, and she knew everything that’d happened before—”

“Oh.” Lily’s voice cracked. “Why is it just me who doesn’t know anything? Do you think he ever would have told me?”

Harry motioned for them to start walking again. “I think he would have. And maybe it means he cares about your opinion of him the most.” 

Something flickered in Lily’s eyes. She didn’t ask Harry anything more. 

That evening, James approached Harry, looking oddly…insecure. 

“Can we talk?”

Harry exchanged a look with Raven, then stood and followed James upstairs.

As Harry sat down, James closed the door and began to pace. “The Sirius in your time, was he with anyone?” 

Harry squinted at James. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, did he have a girlfriend?” James’ fingers twitched. He tried to stop them by putting his hands in this pockets. 

“No. I’m sorry, why does this matter?” 

James faltered. “I—is he…” 

“Is he what?” 

“Does he fancy me?” 

“Sorry?” 

“I don’t know, I just sometimes think, well…” 

Harry shook his head, baffled. “Why couldn’t you ask him yourself?” 

James turned abruptly. “Because we’re friends!” 

Harry put his hands up. “For Merlin’s sake, alright, I get it.” 

James started for the door, voice hollow. “Never mind. I’m sorry I brought it up. I thought you might know something.” He left. 

Harry stared at the floor. Was James starting to have feelings in return for Sirius? It seemed like a joke fate had pulled. Both of his parents were being fawned over by their respective childhood friend, who was also blamed for killing them in the original timeline. Both friends had to live for over a decade without the only person they loved… 

That was how Harry reasoned he shouldn’t favor one situation over the over. However, he did have a haunting feeling that the timeline had diverged too far for it to last.