Revelare Viam, pt. 3

Soon enough, the end of the year was upon Harry. Of the Gryffindor first years, only Raven and Peter were still eleven. Exams were coming up quickly, and the professors were increasing the homework load. Severus and Raven continued to lead half-lives of Slytherin and Gryffindor, which Lily chose to ignore. 

Harry had been avoiding various curses and hexes for weeks. The Slytherins, in second place for the Quidditch Cup, were determined to take him out before Gryffindor’s final match against Ravenclaw. It was only until their practice rights were threatened that they left him alone.

The Ravenclaws and Gryffindors wore their house colors proudly, so the stands were full of crimson and blue. 

Violetta went over a few quick points with the team, but it was clear she was counting primarily on Harry to catch the Snitch. They assembled on the field, and both teams nodded to each other as they got ready to take off. 

Once the whistle blew, Harry shot in the other direction, eyes raking the field for the Snitch, when suddenly, he felt his broom lurch beneath him. He hung on, gritting his teeth, hands tightened around the handle. He spun, over and over, the world blurring around him, trying not to vomit or lose his grip. 

Then there was a moment of calm, and Harry saw, in his still-spinning vision, that the crowd had stood up, and was looking around for the person who was messing with Harry’s broom. Some of the spectators were pointing their wands threateningly at the Slytherin end, shouting and swearing. They all knew about Slytherin’s attempts to sabotage the Gryffindor Seeker. 

Harry used the distraction to quickly speed away, up and up, hoping that if he moved around enough, he’d avoid the curse. 

It turned out there was no need, the Gryffindors had called time-out. Harry was flying down to them when his broom shot out beneath from him when he was nearly a hundred feet in the air. He hardly had time to scream as he plummeted down, the ground rushing to meet him…Just before he landed, he felt a tug around his navel and he stopped, a foot from the grass beneath him, before falling with a dull thump. 

“Never in my years of coaching…” Madam Hooch helped Harry to his feet. There were angry cries from the crowd, especially from the Gryffindor end. Harry joined his team, who looked shaken.

“Someone’s out to get you, Jacob. I’m not sure if we can do anything about it.” Violetta’s expression was determined, grim. 

“I know. Just try to score as many points as you can…they might come after our team, too, and then the game will be called off. I’ll try to catch the Snitch quickly.”

The team glanced at each other, hesitant. Ignoring their worry, Violetta told Madam Hooch they were ready, and soon they were in the air again. 

Harry thought back to the Quidditch book he’d received for Christmas as he rose high above the field, trying to remember anything that might help him. He glanced at the Ravenclaw Seeker, who was across the pitch. She’s smart, he thought. She knows she can’t outfly me, so the only chance she’ll have is if she sees the Snitch far away from where I am.

He moved quickly, darting around in the hopes that it would be more difficult to curse him. And then he saw it. The Snitch, twenty feet away. Harry spun in its direction, and it sped up. The chase was on. Everyone in the stands except the Slytherins were on their feet, cheering him on.

The Snitch flitted straight down, but it couldn’t shake Harry off. With a final burst of speed, his fingers closed around it. 

Students poured onto the pitch, yelling. The Ravenclaws were in various states of disappointment; the Seeker, crying, was comforted by her teammates. But Harry had no time to take this in. Violetta ran to him, beaming, hair windswept. She bent down and kissed him on the mouth; he was too full of adrenaline to be surprised, and then his team lifted him into the air. They were shouting louder than those who’d been watching. Harry, grinning at their enthusiasm, couldn’t resist pumping his fists in the air. 

The Gryffindors crowded into the common room, which was decorated with gold and crimson, with banners hanging to congratulate the team. Harry tried to get back to his friends for a moment of peace and quiet, but was constantly pulled into the center of attention. It was the first time he’d had anywhere close to the amount of attention he got back home. 

When the commotion died down, he escaped to his dorm, which had only one occupant: Severus.

“So the Quidditch hero returns.”

Harry looked at him, mouth agape. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Severus didn’t look up or reply. 

“I didn’t ask for everyone to act like that.” 

Severus rolled his eyes. “Right.” He looked Harry over, his frown deepening. “Sometimes you’re like him, in that way.” 

Harry marched to Severus’ bed. “I’m not like James. I don’t bully people for fun. I don’t beg for attention. You know, you shouldn’t talk about what’s right and wrong. Your Slytherin friends were the ones messing with my broom, and you did nothing.” Harry scoffed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you were one of the ones cursing it.” 

“Stop,” Severus said quietly.

“You have no idea how ironic it would be if it really was you, cursing the broom,” Harry said to himself, shaking his head. In his timeline, Severus had cast a counter-curse to protect him.

Severus slammed the book he was reading on the bed. “Shut up, okay? I don’t need you to treat me like a—like a little kid. You say we’re friends, but that’s not true and you know it!” 

Harry took a step back in surprise. “Look, you’re the one who hardly talks to me anymore. I’ve always been there, if you needed me.” He glanced looked at the book Severus was reading, confirming what he already knew, that it was on the Dark Arts. “If anyone’s lost sight of who they are, who their true friends are…it’s you.” 

With Harry’s efforts, Gryffindor won the House Cup. After the celebration of the end of the school year, a somber feeling drifted over Harry’s compartment. 

Harry gazed out the window. He was still unsure of whether he should attend Hogwarts next year. He’d written a pros and cons list over the past couple weeks, but each list had the same number of points. He pulled out the slip of parchment and read it over again. 

Pros to staying: 

Severus is getting back into the Dark Arts and still needs help.

I still need to become friends with James and Sirius.

I get to go back to Hogwarts for at least another year.

- I can see people who died, like Dumbledore, and Remus, and Lily.

- I can help with the Animagi project. 

Cons to staying: 

- Maybe it’s better if I let history run its course. (Severus seems destined to study the Dark Arts)

- I may never become friends with James and Sirius. 

I miss everyone back home. 

The longer I stay, the harder it’ll be to say goodbye.

- Someone might find out who I really am. 

He felt the lists were balanced, but in his heart, he wanted to stay. Looking around the compartment, he realized how little time he’d had with these people. He hadn’t seen them grow up, they were still kids. He wrote down one more pro. 

I’ll find out if everything was meant to be. And that means peace. 

Or at least acceptance. 

After making up his mind, Harry fell asleep. Hours later, he was nudged awake by Raven. Everyone exited the train, slouching or smiling, sad to leave their friends or excited to see their families. 

“I’ll see you two at the end of August.” 

“I’ll miss you, Jacob,” Lily whispered, hugging him. 

Severus nodded at Harry, and, after debating what to do, held out his hand, which Harry shook. “Goodbye, Jacob.” 

Harry stood out of the way of the bustling people, soaking in the familiar sounds of the station. He saw James welcomed by this mother and father, who ruffled his hair, expressions bright. Sirius looked moody and bitter as he left James’ side and meandered over to his mother. She eyed him and snapped at him to stand up straight. Lily’s family welcomed her with wide arms and smiles. Even Petunia’s stern expression softened a bit. Severus stood several meters away, watching with something like envy. 

“Where’s Jacob?” Petunia asked, face pink. She looked around and spotted him, waving. Of course, he felt uncomfortable that his aunt fancied him, but it was tolerable from a distance. 

Lily motioned for him to come over. He should’ve expected that his discomfort would increase. 

“Hello, Jacob.” Mrs. Evans shook his hand, then put her arm around Lily. The top of Lily’s head was already level with her mother’s nose. 

“Nice to see you again, ma’am.” He made eye contact with Petunia briefly, who had been staring at him. She blushed and looked at her shiny black shoes. Harry realized she’d made an effort to look nice, probably for him. 

“We would be happy to have you for dinner sometime this summer,” Mr. Evans said, businesslike. 

Harry hesitated. “I’d love to, but my family is going to be away all this summer.” 

Petunia’s face fell a bit, and she stopped fiddling with her hair. 

“Well, you’re welcome any time. I understand you’re staying over the holidays?” Harry nodded, but Mr. Evans was looking beyond Harry to Severus, who wandered away, looking for his mother. 

“Seems like they get all kinds at Hogwarts,” Mr. Evans said, frowning. 

Lily followed his gaze and found who he was looking at. “Oh, Dad, that’s Severus! He’s the other person you said I could invite to stay with us for Christmas. And what do you mean, all kinds?” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, honey.” Still, Mr. Evans seemed to regret agreeing to having him stay over. 

Lily and her family waved goodbye to Harry, who went to look for Severus. He saw Remus’ mother pull him into her arms, crying a little. The clothes Mr. and Mrs. Lupin wore were old and a bit dusty, but their eyes were bright and kind as they walked with Remus to the exit. 

Severus had found his mother, whose face was cast in shadow from the hat she wore. He looked back and saw Harry. They exchanged a tight smile before their view was blocked by the crowd. 

Harry weaved his way through the throng of people and out of the station. His owl was drawing attention to himself, and he wanted to find somewhere deserted. He managed to find an alley a block away. No one was there to see a strange boy with dirty blonde hair disappear on the spot, an even more mysterious device around his neck. 

By early August, Severus and Lily had seen each other often, as they had every summer, and it was as though a bridge had formed over the rift that’d grown between them.

Lily waited until her parents had left for dinner with Petunia and her friends (“She won’t go, we can celebrate tomorrow, but she won’t ruin it for me!”) before venturing outside. Severus saw her from his hiding place and started toward her, hands shaking. His face was frozen with fear and a large bruise colored his left eye. The wounds on his arms still burned, and the smell of alcohol lingered on his clothing. He carried a small bag with everything he’d managed to grab before his father had thundered up the stairs, cursing over his mother’s crying…One change of clothing and his most prized possessions, mostly gifts that Lily had given him. One was the small present she’d given him for Christmas their first year of school, which did nothing to protect himself from non-magical harm. 

Lily made him pasta as he took a shower. She felt strong, determined. As she ranted angrily about his “awful, absolutely evil” father, Severus ate the pasta, along with the carrots she’d washed and a candy bar she’d saved for him. 

After only ten minutes he was crouched over the toilet in the bathroom, puking until his throat was sore. 

Lily made more pasta and ran the water so she wouldn’t hear the sound of him vomiting.

She gave him a new toothbrush and let him only eat the small amount of pasta she made, some crackers, and water. Afterwards he fell asleep on the couch, and she let him sleep there for about an hour before lightly shaking him awake.

He’d never been in Lily’s room before. It was clean and soft-colored, with photos of her family and landscapes pasted into a collage on one wall. She’d moved everything out from under her bed and had made it comfortable for him to sleep there. He slipped underneath, murmured, “Goodnight,” and fell asleep again. 

That night Lily lay awake after everyone else had gone to bed. She couldn’t fall asleep; she deep in thought. “Sev?”

A thud, then a moment’s pause. “Ow—yeah?” 

“Are you okay?” Lily got out of bed and lifted the sheet that hung over the mattress to see him. 

“I’m fine,” he replied. “I just hit my head.” 

 “I thought that, you can come up here…if you want. With me.” 

 “Oh.” There was a longer pause this time. “Are—are you sure?” 

“Of course.” She stood up, arms crossed over her chest self-consciously. 

Severus slid out from beneath the bed and stood, staring at the ground, uncomfortable by the situation and her thin shirt. 

“You can take the side by the wall.” 

He climbed in, moved as far right as he could so his shoulder brushed the wall. Lily got in after him and pulled the covers over them. They faced the walls opposite each other, heads resting on separate pillows. 

 Severus couldn’t think of anything to say, but his heart raced. 

“Sleep tight,” Lily murmured. 

After a few moments Severus could tell she’d fallen asleep. He was unable to do the same, so he turned on his back and stared at the ceiling, too heart-wrenchingly aware of the warmth radiating from her side of the bed. 

Minutes passed. Lily rolled over and stretched; she was used to having the bed all to herself. Her hand landed on his chest. Severus winced at her touch and memories of what he ran away from rushed back to him.

Lily stirred. “Sorry,” she said in a slightly slurred voice. She moved in closer and rested her head on his chest, right over his heart. 

“You okay?” He could feel her lips move against his shirt.

Severus pushed away the thoughts of his father. He was safe now.

“I’m fine.” 

“‘Fine.’” Lily smiled a bit; it was the second time he’d said that. “Are you cold?” 

“A bit.” 

She draped her arm over him, her hand resting beside his waist. His heart pounded against his chest as a wave of something heated rushed over him. 

“I can hear your heart,” she said, slowly drifting back asleep. 

Severus took a deep breath and sighed, trying to be calm. He reached behind Lily so his arm held her to closer to him, hand on her middle. The top of Lily’s head came to his chin, so he could pick up the faint scent of apple in her hair.

“Lily?” Severus said, voice skimming a whisper.

“Mm?”

“I—I like you.” 

 Her head nuzzled on him, and she exhaled slowly. “Me too.” 

Severus knew Lily hadn’t gotten the message. He realized he didn’t want to explain, he didn’t want to ruin the moment, their friendship. He could never imagine telling her how much he loved her. 

Later that night, Severus awoke, confused, at first, as to what had stirred him. He realized, with a pang, that it had been Lily’s soft crying. Her fingers clutched his shirt, trembling. 

Lily didn’t realize he hadn’t been sleeping, otherwise she wouldn’t have let herself cry. 

Lily had to be strong, for him… 

Harry had traveled to the end of the summer. He figured Severus would be fine on his own, without him there, since had Lily. The two needed to bond so they could stay friends. 

He went to their usual meeting place, hoping to see them before he went to his temporary house to get his school supplies list. As he neared the clearing, he saw Severus lying down in the shade. At first Severus seemed normal, just resting, but as Harry got closer, he realized something was wrong. 

Harry panicked. He’s dead, he’s dead and I couldn’t help him, I just made everything worse…Before dread consumed him, Severus moved his head slowly in Harry’s direction, his cheekbones shadowed so he looked like a skeleton. Severus extended a hand toward Harry and seemed unable to speak.

“Severus, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Severus couldn’t answer. His hollow black eyes stared up at Harry. 

Harry quickly reached into his bag and searched for the few packages of candy he had collected from over the last school year. He handed them to Severus, who tried to unwrap them but was too weak, fingers fumbling with the wrapping. Harry took the packages back and opened the first for Severus. His guilt prevented him from speaking. 

Severus took a while to eat the Chocolate Frog, eyes closed with satisfaction. 

After he’d licked his fingers clean, he took one look at Harry’s concerned expression and burst into tears. 

Harry sat down next to Severus and watched as he buried his face in his arms, weeping. 

It took a while for Severus to recover. When he did, his face was red and streaked with tears, which he didn’t bother to wipe away. 

“What happened?” Harry prepared himself for the worst.

Severus looked at Harry, then pulled up his sleeve. Bruises and angry red scrapes lined his arms, harsh against his pale skin.

“Your father. Did Lily help? Where is she?” 

Severus’ eyes welled up again and he blinked. “Not here. She left last week to go on vacation. I said I’d go back home and face my father, that I’d be fine…” His voice was shaky and raspy. 

“Severus…you can tell me anything, right?”

Even though he hadn’t told Harry everything, he was hiding his crush on Lily, Severus nodded. 

“Then can you tell me everything that happened when I was gone. Everything that has to do with your dad. Okay? I’m your friend, and I need to know.”

Severus looked into the distance. “My father…” His breath stopped, then returned in short gasps. He crossed his arms over his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut to hold back his pain. 

“Did he…abuse you and your mother?” 

Severus managed to nod. “But he didn’t just—just hurt us, he also…” 

“He also what?” Harry put his hand urgently on Severus’ shoulder, who flinched at his touch.

Severus turned away, eyes squeezed shut. 

Harry froze. He realized that the abuse had gone beyond hitting and shouting, and a horrible guilt overcame him. “Oh no…I’m sorry, if I’d have known—” 

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Severus said, and looked away. 

Harry didn’t say anything for a few minutes so Severus could recover.

“Does Lily know everything that he did?” 

“No. I ran away from home last month, and she let me stay in her room, but Petunia found out the day before they left and said she’d tell on me.” 

“You stayed in her room?” 

“Only at night.”

“And you couldn’t have gotten food from her?”

“I didn’t think to…I haven’t gone near the house since she found us.” Severus said “she” with an intense loathing. “Her sister ruins everything.”

It had been cloudy that day. If Lily had seen the forecast, the night’s events could have been prevented. 

Severus woke up to a crack of thunder. Lily sighed after he stirred. They were now so accustomed to sharing a bed that any movement either of them made woke the other. 

“Go back to sleep,” Severus said. The thunderstorms bothered him, so saying it to her helped. 

“Nn…” Lily adjusted herself so her face was even with Severus’. 

Severus looked at her closed eyes, then down to her slightly parted lips. He felt an overwhelming desire to kiss her. 

The room flashed with lightening, illuminating her features. Suddenly, there was a burst of thunder and his lips met Lily’s forehead. She’d moved her head at the sound.

And just as she woke up, not at the sound, but at his touch, there was a loud succession of footsteps out in the hallway.

Severus dove farther under the covers and Lily threw her largest stuffed animal on top of him. 

The door opened and a scared-looking Petunia entered, flinching at another rumble of thunder. 

Lily leapt out of bed and went to comfort her, but Petunia was staring at Lily’s bed. She ran past Lily, pulling back the cover. 

Lily clamped a hand over Petunia’s mouth. 

“MMPH!” Petunia struggled under her hand, eyes wide at her discovery. Severus rolled off the bed, just as shocked as Petunia.

Lily kept her voice low. “Severus, get out of here.” 

Severus nodded and hurried out, not knowing what he should do, or where he was supposed to go. 

The present Severus had left out some details, but enough for Harry to get the gist. “I’ve seen Lily once since then. She said Petunia would tell their parents if she saw Lily with me again. The only thing thing that kept her quiet was saying that you were my friend, and you wouldn’t talk to her again if she told.” His face changed from despairing to furious, then back again. “I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.”

“It’s just one more day. Tomorrow, we go back to Hogwarts.”