Since You've Been Gone (Jake's pov) CH9 part 2/2

"Promise to call!" I sob out to Drew, both of us wailing and sobbing in agony. This wasn't meant to happen, but it did and now, he'll be going away for awhile, and there's nothing I can do to fix it, nothing I can do to fill this void in my heart. Having lunch with my dad definitely wasn't meant to end like this, and it turns out, I didn't end up eating all of that food that Mom made either, no one did. I don't really think any of us had an appetite after I found Drew in the bathroom, his arms cut to shit and his face as red as a tomato from crying, especially me.

I blow a kiss to Drew, who's now getting in his mom's car, his bags already packed in the trunk. This was the agreement made with Drew and his mother once he was stable enough to comprehend everything. She told him that either he checked into rehab that specializes in mental health or she would do it herself. It was agreed upon them that he would go to rehab, get help, and when he was stable and released, he would live with his mom and grandma for a few weeks in his Grandma's apartment in America. It was also agreed that I could stay with them in America as long as I didn't do anything stupid.

I've never been to America, though Drew's been loads of times to see his Grandma. Apparently she lives in Detroit in a large apartment that's paid for by her husband and his money. He's rich or something, I don't really know the details all too well, but I do know that he's 64 and stinking rich! He's a lawyer who somehow ended up meeting Hilda McCarthy, a classy, fashion designer who lived in Michigan with her three cats. Drew's never been to her new place and he's certainly never met Todd Arnett, the loaded, 64 year old Canadian man who stole the heart of his poor old grandma.

Mom puts her hand on my shoulder comfortingly as a tear rolls down her cheek, like the proud adoptive mom she is. When I say adoptive, I guess I more of mean, nonbiological mother. Ever since Drew could comprehend the word abuse, he knew he was abused, by his father for the most part, but his mom had a bit to do with it. She never wanted to I don't think and she told Drew that, we both really believe it and when I say really, I mean really. But when he learned he fell under the category of an abuse victim, it was all: 'why can't I be normal' and 'is there something wrong with me?' It was a constant replay day to day and it became exhausting, though, anytime it became too much for him, he was welcome to stay at our house, where he was genuinely loved and that's why I will forever say that my mom is Drew's mom. My mom has always taken care of Drew since the day he first stepped in our house, she knew that he was a true Sterling and it's been like that ever since.

I fall into the bed, my face against the pillow, half exhausted, half alone and depressed. Drew flashes into my mind in an instant and never leaves it. I couldn't believe what happened. He told me that before that he used to cut himself, but that it had been months and he had a withdrawal. I wish I would've been there with him, but instead, here I am waiting for my dad to come pick me and Milo up for a "son to man" talk as he called it. 3:00 is when he said and it feels forever away when I know that the person I love is across town, an hour away in a mental hospital, suffering (yes I am aware he's not there yet). Sometimes I wonder if I'm too much for Drew and maybe I'm not fit for him and maybe he needs this time to himself, yeah, that's it.

I feel my heart racing as I think of him, thinking of him before he ever moved in and after he moved in, I love him so much it hurts. I call Drew's mother, afraid of what she might say when I call. It rings a few times before she picks up. "What is it hun? We just got on the interstate." I listen to the silence for a second or two before finally answering. "Can I talk to Drew one last time, there's something important I need to say." She pauses before letting out a breathy sigh and passing the phone to Drew. "Jake? What do you need?" I begin to sob again. He shushes me, trying to calm me down, which it helps, not much, but it helps. "I need to tell you something and please let me say everything I need to say." He listens closely before chuckling saying yes.

"Andrew Riley James, since the day that I first met you, I felt like I was floating. I was in such a dark place and it felt like, with you, that I could do anything. Now, even years later, I still feel that way, that I can soar when I'm with you. And that's why I'm telling you that Drew, I love you. You don't have to say it back and you don't even have to acknowledge that this happened and we can go back to being regular boyfriends, but I wanted you to know that I love you. I love your violet hair, your brown eyes, the way you write in your blue Costco pen, I love everything about you and I want you, Drew, so so badly that it hurts. So, please even if you can't love me, at least promise me that you'll stay with me and embrace everything about me, my goods and my bads and while I'm at it, I want you to be my first and whenever you're ready, I'm ready. That's all I needed to say."

It feels as if a weight was lifted off of my shoulders when I let that go and suddenly, for the first time, I think I can bare anything as long as it's with him.