Chapter 20

Esined

After Uncle Don and I finished having our moment, I made supper and did my homework. I ended up having to beg Uncle Don not to tell dad anything about our conversation. I knew that he was beyond upset with his younger brother, but I'd rather not be around when things went down.

I was mixing the mashed potatoes and I heard footsteps.

"Smells good," I heard Dad say.

I looked up. "Thank you,"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. You okay, Dad?"

"Yeah. You look like you've been cryin',"

Not that you'd care.

"I haven't,"

"If it's about your mama, just suck it up, alright? She's not comin' back for you,"

"She said she was," I mumbled.

"Well, she isn't. She doesn't love you,"

"Yes she does,"

"If she loves you then why did she leave?"

"Because you made her,"

He popped me in my mouth. "Stop back talking me before I get a belt and tear your behind up,"

I covered my mouth, tasting fresh blood in my mouth from my lip.

"Now you listen to me. Yo mama ain't here to save you no more," he whispered. "I suggest you watch your mouth before you end up in that garage. You hear me?"

"Yes sir,"

I cringed from the thought of being locked up in the garage again. That was a punishment that my dad started when I was ten. I began to think about the first time I was locked in the garage.

10 years old, Esined

"Esined Evans!" Dad yelled.

I was hiding in my closet with my little sister, Erica. I was praying he wouldn't find me.

Mama was gone and he was on a drunk rage.

"Esined!" he yelled through the house.

I held onto my little sister. We had our mouths covered as we saw his shadow cover the light coming through the door slits.

"Esined, when I find you it ain't gonna be a pretty sight!" his raspy, southern voice spoke, standing in front of the closet door.

Erica sniffed and there was silence.

The closet door was snatched open and we screamed. Dad snatched me up and yanked me towards him.

"Daddy I'm sorry!" I cried out before he could start spanking me.

"Daddy don't hurt Essy! She ain't mean to do it!" Erica tried to pull me back to her.

My dad held my arm up in the air with one hand and raised the leather belt up with the other. "Move your damn hand!" he slammed the belt down on my behind.

I screamed at the top of my lungs as Erica watched in fear with tears running down her cheeks.

"I told you to stay out of 'em, didn't I?!" he swung the belt again. "Didn't I?!"

I cried, trying to run away, knowing I wasn't going anywhere because he had me by the hand.

"Answer me," he slapped the belt against my bottom again, causing me to run in place and cry more.

"Yes! I'm sorry!"

"Daddy, you're hurtin' Essy! Stop it! Don't be mean!" Erica sobbed. "Be nice to her,"

"Shut up!" he hissed at her. "She knew better to play in y'all mama's flowers!" he gave me three more licks and I fell to the ground after.

You'd think, all of this? Over flowers? In my mind I thought I shouldn't have played in Mama's roses. I knew better.

I was screaming with my shirt covered in tears. My bottom was stinging and I couldn't catch my breath.

"Shut up before I give you something to cry about!"

I tried to cease my tears and screams, but I couldn't.

He snatched me up from the ground and Erica yelled.

"Daddy stop!" she followed after.

I screamed as he tossed me over his shoulder. I kicked my feet and he grabbed the key to the garage. I hated the garage. It was dark, cold, and dirty. There was a lot of insects and webs. I hated getting things out of here.

He carried me to the garage and unlocked it. He pushed the red doors and pushed me in there.

"You're staying in here until you learn your lesson,"

"I learned my lesson..." I huffed. "I did. I won't play in the flowers again," I tried to catch my breath as my chest heaved up and down.

He pushed me back and shut the doors to the garage.

"DADDY!" I screamed. I cried and yelled for hours.

I was in the middle of experiencing an asthma attack when I heard my mama's voice.

"Hold on baby," she kept on telling me until she got the garage doors open.

"It's okay. I got you,"

I couldn't breathe and my mama held me in her arms. She carried me into the house and grabbed my inhaler. She pumped it for me and I breathed it in.

"It's okay, baby. Mama's gotchu," she rubbed my back as I tried to breathe. She gave me more pumps of my inhaler.

I clung onto her as I finally got my breathing back to normal.

Mama began to hum as she rocked me back and forth.

Someday I know he's coming to call meHe's going to handle me and hold meSo, it' going to be like dying, PorgyWhen he calls meBut when he comes I know I'll have to go

I could feel the vibration from her chest to my head. I ended up making her shirt wet with my tears.

I never felt so safe in my life. Being in her arms and feel her warmth made me feel safe and wanted. Her humming that song that I grew to love made me comfortable. I didn't want to let her go. Her words repeated in my head.

"Breathe. Mama's got you, baby. I got you,"

Now, Esined

I felt a tight grasp on my wrist and it snapped me out of my flashback.

"Do you not hear me when I'm talkin' to you?"

"I'm sorry," I felt my knees become weak from the tight grip.

"Listen next time," he loosened his grip before letting my wrist go. "Bring me a plate when you're done,"

My wrist was throbbing and red. His finger prints were on my skin and there was an outline.

I stared at it and I didn't let a tear fall until he walked away. I wiped my tears and continued to cook. I sniffed and tried to get myself together.

When I finished cooking, I made three plates for all of us. I took my Dad his plate.

"Knock next time," he said lowly as he put letters in a box.

"Sorry," I stared at the letters, noticing my name on them in my mama's handwriting. "Are those for me?"

"No," he lied, putting them away. "Even if they were, you can't see them,"

"Why not?"

He looked up at me. "'Cause I said so. Don't ask me nothin' else,"

I gave him the plate of food and he stared at it before trying some.

He chewed it and gave me approval before telling me to leave his sight.

I went back to the kitchen and grabbed the plate I made for Uncle Don.

He smiled. "Thank you,"

"You're welcome," I said.

"What's wrong?"

"He's just being himself. That's all," I mumbled.

"Do I need to-"

"No. I'll be okay. I've been through worse,"

"That doesn't mean you have to keep going through it,"

I sighed. "I know,"

"I wanna go in there and beat him up," he mumbled.

"Uncle Don," I whispered.

"Yes?"

"I think he's hiding letters from me,"

"What do you mean?"

"I saw letters with my name on them and they were in my mama's handwriting. He said they weren't for me and even if they were I can't see them,"

"Do you know what the letters were in?"

"An old box,"

He stood up.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to get those letters,"

"No. You can't do that,"

"Yes, I can. And I'm about to,"

"You can't. He's gonna get mad at me. Just wait until he leaves. Please,"

"Fine," he mumbled before I helped him sit back down.

I knew that as bad as I wanted to read those letters, he wanted to go get them. I couldn't let him get them though. I didn't want my dad to know that I told Uncle Don and then he'd hit me for telling.

Uncle Don looked up at me. "I'll wait until he leaves tomorrow," he said. "You're reading those letters and you're writing your mama back,"

I smiled. "Thank you," I gave him a halfway hug and he smiled.

"You know I got your back, Caterpillar,"

"And I've got yours," I said as we did our handshake. "I guess we can't do the shoulder dance at the end anymore," I mumbled.

"You're funny," he began to laugh. "Not until I'm all healed up,"

"I wish that never happened to you," I frowned. "Do you know who did it?"

He thought for a moment. "Don't you have homework to do?"

"No,"

He broke eye contact with me. "W-Well no, I didn't see who did it. Wrong place, wrong time," he quickly finished.

It was something off with him. I noticed that he instantly became uncomfortable when I asked him who shot him. I felt as if he knew something, but was afraid to speak on it, so I stayed quiet. I didn't want to upset or irritate him with anymore questions.

"Sorry for asking," I twisted my fingers.

"It's okay, sweetie. You ain't mean to make me feel some way,"

"I'm gonna go eat my food now,"

"Alright," he said.

I left and went back to the kitchen. I heated up my food and are at the table alone. I began to think about what those letters from Mama could say.

-hi. how was y'all day? I hope it was better than mine lol.

I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. it wasn't much, but I'm gonna have y'all drinking tea in a chapter or so, so get y'all cups and pinky fingers ready.

question: how are y'all feeling about this book so far?

you can go into full detail or simply state if you like it. I love feedback and I'd love to know what I could work on as a writer.

do y'all want longer chapters or anything? let me know.

comments & votes are appreciated.

much love, Shia. xoxo.