14

Olivia had gotten a handful of days off around Christmas, but she was too anxious and upset to stay home. The days after the holidays were supposed to be spent with Elliot, but they weren't talking, so there wasn't a reason to stay home.

"Benson?" Cragen asked as he walked into the squadroom. It wasn't even seven yet, and his newest detective was already sitting at her desk.

"Good morning, Captain. How was your Christmas?" Olivia replied, leaning back in her desk chair.

"It was fine. Olivia, what are you doing here? You requested time off to spend with your boyfriend," Cragen frowned. Olivia took a slow breath and nodded weakly.

"I did request time off, but I don't need it anymore. I'd like to work."

"What happened?"

"Captain-"

"Don't lie or hide things from me, Benson," Cragen interrupted. Olivia swallowed hard as she looked at her phone as it buzzed and showed a text from Elliot.

"Elliot proposed, but I didn't say yes. Then we tried to talk it through, and he was rude. So we are taking time to cool off," Olivia frowned.

"Oh."

"Yeah," Olivia replied plainly.

"You can still use your time off to hang out at home. Maybe do a hobby," Cragen replied.

"No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"I can't sit still long enough for a hobby, and I'm anxious and can't sit and think about ruining a relationship because I'm too scared to commit," Olivia sighed.

"Go home, Olivia," Cragen spoke.

"Sir-"

"Okay, don't go home. Go talk to Elliot again, because you two are happy together. I tried to ignore your relationship since you two are good at keeping your personal relationship out of the squad room, but go talk to him. If you can't work things out to stay together, fine, but you need to be able to work together."

///

Cragen personally logged Olivia out of her computer, so she took the hint and left. A few more texts from Elliot came through while she drove home, but she ignored them. He was upset and snapped at her, but Olivia didn't appreciate it even if he apologized.

"You don't understand space, huh?" Olivia asked as she walked up the front steps of her house.

"Not when it comes to you... I love you, Olivia," Elliot frowned.

"I love you too, but you piss me off," Olivia sighed. Elliot nodded, stepping back and allowing Olivia to unlock her door.

"I know, and I'm so sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to snap and make you feel bad for saying no."

Olivia flipped on the lights before taking her jacket off and hanging it up.

"I accept your apology, but I can't get married right now. I want to get to know you better before settling down with you. Becoming a wife, and a mother, is a big deal and I don't want to fuck it up from the start," Olivia breathed. 

"Can we take a different step forward?"

"What do you have in mind?" Olivia asked as Elliot moved to where she stood. He placed his hands on her hips and drew her close.

"Let's move in together. I already spend most of my time sleeping in your bed, so maybe we can make it a permanent thing. We can get a place together or I can move in here. Living together will allow us to get to know each other better, and then maybe the next time I propose, you'll say yes," Elliot smiled.

Olivia gave him a nervous look, and his smile faded slowly. Elliot stepped away from Olivia and sighed softly.

"Do you want to break up? It seems like I can't do anything right!" Elliot exclaimed in frustration.

"No, I don't want to break up! I can't say yes right now. I need to look into my finances and figure out what will work better! So please, do the same and we can discuss it once we know what we are working with!" Olivia answered quickly.

Elliot eyed her for a moment before nodding slowly.

"That's reasonable... I'm sorry-" Elliot started, but Olivia quickly interrupted him with a kiss. She was hoping he'd shut up long enough that she could get her thoughts unknotted and figure out if moving in together could work.

"You have my full attention," Elliot mumbled into his girlfriend's lips.

"Good. Take your clothes off and meet me in my bedroom. I have a few things to grab from my car, and I'll be joining you soon."

///

Long after Elliot left, Agent Ford came over. Olivia was sipping a glass of wine when he let himself in.

"Want a glass?" Olivia asked.

"I'm kinda on the job, Olivia. What's wrong?" Ford questioned.

"Elliot wants to move in together. Can that work?"

"So you went from saying no to his proposal to wanting to move in with him?" Ford mused.

"It's either moving in together or we break up."

"Do you love him? This isn't happening because I told you to move on and be happy?"

"Ford, I didn't even love Hugo this much. Elliot is the first man that makes me feel special and loved. Thinking about having babies with him is exciting, but I'm still scared of it because I feel like I'll forget my girls... I'm ready to forget Hugo and try to be happy. If the girls get removed and brought here, at least they will be given back to a happy mother," Olivia rambled.

Ford sank beside her and looked out the front window.

"Stall as long as you can, and I'll see if we can get this approved. He'll have to move in here because this place is secure."

"Really?"

"Really. Let me see what I can do, Olivia. Just don't do anything big until I give you the green light."

Ford left and Olivia leaned back and smiled. 

"You can do this, Liv," she whispered to herself.