Pinecrest Lake

"I saw Joel at the lake today and he didn't have a shirt on. HE'S SO HOT!"

— Liliana Evans, age 13

__________

Joel stared at his face in the mirror of the bathroom— counting the wrinkles around his eyes, the strands of gray occupying more and more of his temples— as he listened to the muffled sounds of the woman getting dressed in his bedroom.

Her name was Tanya and she was visiting from Oakland with a group of friends. She had approached him at Ed's just like the last woman he had slept with, over two years ago now. After some mindless chatter that was clearly forced, he asked her if she wanted to come back to his place and she obliged, waving to her friends as she followed him to his truck.

It had been a little over a week since Joel had picked up that new coffee maker, since he had last seen Liliana— jumping out of his truck and waving to him as she walked toward the lake in those too-small denim shorts. A week that he had spent with her face carved into his head, with her smell stuck in his nose. So, when Tanya— beautiful and age appropriate— approached him at Ed's, he jumped at the opportunity to force Liliana out of his head that way.

It did not work.

Joel thought that after two years, just a singular touch from a woman would bring him to completion. Instead, he'd found himself being forced to imagine those big hazel eyes, that pert bottom, those plump, pink lips, just to keep himself hard enough to fuck Tanya. And even then, he had not come, had ripped himself out of her after she fluttered around his cock and darted into the bathroom to dispose of his unsoiled condom before she noticed.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

The woman was beautiful— long, dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, legs for days, and clearly in her late thirties or early forties by the laugh lines that were carved into her face. That was the type of woman he should be going for... not Liliana, never Liliana.

And yet, just the thought of her as he stood there, hiding in the bathroom, made his cock harder than when he'd been inside Tanya.

He was so fucked, so disgusting, a vile and horrible monster.

Joel took a deep breath as he grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around his waist before he walked back into his bedroom, where Tanya was bent over, shoving her foot back into her boot.

"Can I drive ya to your rental? Or back to the bar?" he asked, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck as her eyes drifted over to him.

"That's okay," she smiled, a pearly grin that did nothing to his heart rate. "My girlfriends are almost here. We're gonna go down to Sonora for dinner."

Joel nodded, his eyes drifting to the window behind his bed that looked out onto his deck as she dug around in her purse for something. Against his will, he wondered what Liliana was doing. The coffee shop was closed by now, but it was Friday, maybe she was hanging out with that friend— the one whose name Joel thought started with a V. Maybe they were at Ed's or The Eproson. Maybe she was at the lake, tanning or swimming or kayaking. Maybe she was at her mother's house. Maybe she was holed up in her room reading one of those psychology textbooks. Joel's eyes flicked back to Tanya as she approached him, smiling and holding out a little piece of a paper. A receipt he realized, as he took it, from the gas station on 108 right before you hit town, with her phone number scrawled on it.

"I had fun," she said, placing her manicured hands on his chest, "call me if you ever happen to be in the Bay."

Joel nodded curtly, forcing a smile when she got on her toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

He walked her to the door, waved at her as she got in her friend's Prius, then crumpled up that receipt and threw it in the trash just as soon as they drove away. He never went to the Bay, and even if he did, he wouldn't be calling her. This was not an experience he wanted to relive.

In fact, he needed to clear his head from all of it, from the disaster with Tanya and hopefully from his incessant thoughts about Liliana. So, Joel got dressed, grabbed his fishing gear, and got in his truck, driving up 108 toward Pinecrest.

__________

July 2011

Liliana rubbed sunscreen on her forearms while her eyes bounced over the glittery surface of Pinecrest lake.

"I thought we were gonna get tan, why are you putting on sunscreen?" Valentina groaned, adjusting the top of her bikini before lying back on her towel, her eyes fluttering closed as the bright, summer sun blanketed her face.

"My mom will kill me if I get burnt. It's only SPF 15, I'll still get a tan," Liliana said, squirting a glob of the thick, white sunblock onto her thighs.

"Why do you always listen to her? She's not here, how will she know?" Valentina retorted, propping herself up on her elbow and shielding her eyes with her hand.

"When I come back home looking like a lobster, she'll definitely know," Liliana muttered.

"Como digas..." Valentina sighed.

"What does that mean?" Liliana asked, glancing over at her friend while her hands worked to rub the generous amount of sunscreen onto her legs.

"It means like... whatever..." Valentina explained, her voice dropping into a monotone lull at the translation.

"Thanks," Liliana scoffed.

"You asked!"

Liliana rolled her eyes, her gaze drifting over to the dock as she finally finished rubbing in the lotion, wiping the excess that was left behind on her palms onto the towel beneath her. She glanced around, at all the tourists lining up to rent boats and kayaks, at the kids over near the shallow end of the swimming area with their puffy arm floaties, at the speed boats further out in the middle of the lake, then her eyes snapped to a small fishing boat, coming into the dock, with a single person inside steering it.

Even with the distance, she knew it was him, knew it was Joel.

He was shirtless, his wide, tanned torso glittering under the summer sun, the muscles in his arms rippling as he steered the boat toward the dock. And Liliana felt her heart pick up to race in her chest as her stomach twisted and fluttered like it always did when he was near.

"Oh my god," she heard herself whisper, her mouth popping open in awe as she watched him dock the boat, then climb out, throwing his t-shirt over one of his wide shoulders while he hauled a large, blue cooler and a fishing rod out of the boat.

"What!?" Valentina spat out, pushing herself up, her eyes squinting to try to find what it was her friend was gawking at.

"Joel," Liliana sighed, pointing toward him as he maneuvered through the crowds on the marina, still shirtless, still so hot it made Liliana want to cry.

Valentina scoffed, "he's old, I don't know why you're so obsessed with him."

"He's not old," Liliana spat, throwing a glare at her friend before turning her attention back to Joel, "he's thirty-three, that's a whole year younger than Orlando Bloom, who you told me yesterday was the hottest man you've ever seen."

"Orlando Bloom is famous; Joel is just some random dude."

"He's not random," Liliana exhaled, tightening her ponytail, then looking down at herself to make sure her sunscreen was completely rubbed in. "I'll be right back."

"Estás loca," Valentina muttered as she collapsed back down on her towel.

"Hey, I know what that one means!" Liliana shouted over her shoulder as she began trudging through the sand toward the dock. Her heart was pounding so fast she could hear it in her head as she caught up to him, her stomach fluttering madly when he looked over at her after she called his name.

"Hi," she spat out when she was finally in front of him, her neck craned so she could look up at his face. He was so tall, so much taller than all the stupid boys at her school.

"Hey kiddo," he said, with a smile, reaching up to wipe the glistening sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "Ya here with your mom?" he asked, his eyes glancing up to the beach behind her.

She hated when he called her kiddo. She wasn't a kid anymore.

"No, just with my friend Valentina, I'm thirteen now, so... yeah, I'm allowed to come hangout here by myself," she informed him, crossing her arms over her bare stomach when his eyebrows flicked toward his hairline.

"Very cool," he nodded, flashing her another smile that made her tummy flutter even though his eyes still looked sad.

They always looked sad.

"Were you fishing?" she asked, biting down on her bottom lip as she looked down at the cooler in his hand, her eyes lingering on his bare chest, the dark hair there, the hair that was lower too... above the waistband of his shorts.

"Yup," he nodded, holding the cooler up a little higher, "caught a couple trout."

"I've never been fishing before..." she said, in a little singsong voice.

"Never?"

She shook her head, reaching up to fiddle with her ponytail, hoping he would ask her to come fishing with him next time.

"Should ask your mom to take you sometime, s'a lotta good fish out there this time of year."

Liliana's heart plopped down into her stomach.

"I gotta get this into the truck before all the ice melts," Joel said then, jostling his cooler, his eyes bouncing over toward the parking lot. "I'll see you later, kiddo."

"Okay," she said softly, her heart still sitting in the bottom of her gut, "Bye, Joel."

"Bye Liliana," he called out as he began walking to the lot, and even though her gut was laced with disappointment, her tummy still fluttered at the sound of him saying her name.

__________

"Come on," Liliana groaned, "I'm bored, let's do something," she whined, throwing her body over the back of the couch, where Valentina was absorbed by the drama playing out on their television.

"Cállate, woman, I told you, we can go out tomorrow, today is dedicated to The Housewives," Val said, pushing Liliana with her forearm as she scooted into the corner of the couch, grabbing the remote and turning up the volume.

Liliana pushed herself back up, turning to look out the big sliding glass door, where the summer sun was still high in the sky, peeking through the pine trees, beckoning her outside.

"Fine," she sighed, walking toward the kitchen, "I'm taking the car."

Valentina answered in a grunt as Liliana started down the stairs to her bedroom.

She changed into a bikini, throwing a little yellow sundress on top of it, then tossed one of her many psychology textbooks, a towel, some sunscreen, and her water bottle into a beach bag.

Pinecrest would probably be packed, but it felt like a disservice to waste her afternoon holed up inside when in a few short months it would be snowing again.

The drive up there took about thirty minutes, the winding expanse of Highway 108 cutting through the mountains, covered in thick, cluttered pine trees. She thought of Joel the entire ride.

She hadn't seen him since that afternoon he dropped her off at the lake over a week ago, which wasn't abnormal, despite living in such a small town, she sometimes went months without seeing him, but something about the way they'd been interacting recently felt different, and she'd hoped that she would see him more often so she could try to dissect why that was. He'd always spoken to her like she was a child, even after she turned eighteen, after she started attending college, but something about the way he talked to her now felt more equal, like he was finally starting to see her as an adult.

It only took twenty years.

Not that anything would ever happen between them. As much as she'd daydreamed about it as a child, as a teenager, she knew now that Joel would never see her as anything beyond the five-year-old version of her he had met twenty years ago, even if he'd finally started speaking to her like she was an adult.

She parked in the secret lot next to the Pinecrest General Store to avoid the tourist crowds in the main lot, lugging her beach bag out of the Subaru and slinging it over her shoulder. It was warm today, but not nearly as hot as it had been all week, a small reprieve from the nearly one-hundred-degree temperatures that had plagued most of the summer season.

The main beach was littered with tourists— suntanning and blowing up giant floaties, their children splashing in the swimming area, so Liliana kept walking down the path toward the marina, hoping to snag a sunny spot on the other side of it near where the hiking trail began, but before she could even make it to the marina, her eyes snapped over, like there was some magnetic force tugging her attention. And walking up from the parking lot, toward the dock, coming straight for her, was a wide, towering figure holding a tackle box and a couple fishing rods. 

Liliana's heart stammered in her chest when his warm gaze flashed over her, twice, before his eyes met hers.

"Hi," she spat out, once he was close enough that she could make out the features on his face— his aquiline nose, his plush bottom lip, his scruffy cheeks, those sad brown eyes. 

Her cheeks suddenly felt hotter than the summer sun that was beating down on the top of her head. 

"Going fishing?" she asked, nodding down toward his tackle box, held in his giant hand.

"Uh, yeah," Joel nodded, then coughed, his big hand twitching around his fishing poles, his eyes bouncing back and forth, from her face to the marina. "You here with your friends, or—" Joel asked, his gaze drifting down to the beach bag on her shoulder.

Liliana shook her head, "Val refuses to leave the house today, it's just me. I was going to try to grab a spot on the beach, unless you want some company?" she asked, biting down hard on her bottom lip, her heart pounding away in her chest. She felt a lot like she was thirteen again, silently begging him to pay attention to her, to notice her, to relieve that needy thing in her gut that always needed more when it came to him.

"Oh," Joel twitched, color climbing up the thick column of his neck, his eyes once again flashing over to the crowded marina, "I was just gonna go fishin' for a couple hours, not anythin' exciting, I—" his words fell off as Liliana nodded, her gut twisting into a knot as her heart sank to meet it.

"Got it," Liliana nodded, flashing him a solemn smile as she began slowly walking away, back down the path that led to the other side of the dock. "I'll see you, then."

She heard Joel let out a sharp exhale behind her, then his voice called out, "Come."

Liliana spun back around, unable to keep her lips from breaking into a wide grin. "Yeah?" she asked, her gaze studying his face, trying to find any signs of regret or remorse. She found none, just those warm, sad eyes staring straight into hers. "Yeah," he nodded, his scruffy chin motioning toward the marina. "The beach looks packed, s'nicer out on the water."

Her cheeks ached as her smile grew even wider, "Okay," she nodded, clearing the space between them and beginning to walk alongside him toward the marina, thick, palpable, elation flooding through her core.

They got in line at the rental window behind a couple of teenage boys from out of town, the two of them waiting in comfortable silence while groups of people around them chattered, applying sunscreen and digging through coolers filled with beer and soggy sandwiches. When it was their turn, Joel stepped up to the window, his wide form blocking most of her view.

"What're you looking to rent?" came a monotonous lull from inside the rental shack. Even though Liliana could not see inside with Joel's large shoulders blocking her line of sight, she knew by the voice that it was Spencer, Ricky's friend who graduated from Summerville one year before she did.

"One of the small fishin' boats, two hours should be enough time," Joel said, his large form bending over to set his tackle box on the ground so he could pull out his wallet from the pocket of his dark blue trunks.

Liliana heard Spencer sigh, "I don't know man, we're pretty packed right now, might only be able to give it to you for a half hour."

"A half hour?" Joel spat out, his eyebrows furling together, "that's barely enough time to get out to the middle of the lake and back."

Some emotion between annoyance and anger sprang up in Liliana's gut and she stepped forward, squeezing herself around Joel so she was at the front of the window.

Spencer's eyes slowly lifted, seemingly for the first time, and his features twisted in surprise as his gaze bounced from Liliana to the giant man behind her.

"Lil! What are you—" he started, his eyebrows pinching together as his eyes continued to dart between her and Joel.

"What were you saying about only being able to give it to us for a half hour?" she asked, her eyebrows lifting toward her hairline.

"Oh," Spencer shook his head, "sorry, I didn't realize— two hours should be totally fine, just need a card and a driver's license."

Liliana stepped to the side as Joel took out his credit card and his license, sliding both across the counter.

Spencer ran his card, scribbling Joel's driver's license number on his clipboard while Liliana glared at him. These were the small aggressions outsiders had to deal with when visiting town, outsiders and Joel— who had lived here for two decades but was still treated with the coldness reserved for Bay Area yuppies and tourists.

It made Liliana seethe.

Spencer gave Joel back his credit card and his receipt, both of which Joel stuffed into his wallet. "Gonna hang on to your license until you're back. I got you in boat number fifteen."

Joel muttered out a thanks, then leaned down and grabbed his tackle box, beginning to walk down the dock toward the parked boats. Liliana followed him after flashing one more glare at Spencer.

"I'm sorry he's such a dick," Liliana said as they approached the boat, tugging her beach bag further up her shoulder.

Joel shook his head, his eyes drifting down to her before darting back to the boat. "S'alright, not your fault, I'm used to it."

Liliana's heart sank at that.

He shouldn't be used to it.

He had done nothing to account for the way the people of this town treated him.

When they got to the boat, Liliana carefully stepped in, her heart stammering in her chest as she felt Joel staring at her, his hand twitching at his side, like he was waiting for her to require his assistance. Despite how terribly she wanted to touch him, she managed to climb in herself, slinging her beach bag off her shoulder and onto the cushy bench seat at the back of the boat.

She watched Joel get in then, the bulk of his body moving with a grace that almost felt out of place for a man of his stature. He stuck his fishing rods in the holders at the rear of the boat, placing his tackle box on the ground, then wiped his glistening forehead with the back of his hand as he ducked under the bimini, taking a seat at helm.

Liliana carefully sat down on the hot, sticky bench seat as Joel started the boat and began maneuvering out of the dock, one big hand gripping the steering wheel, his eyes squinting to see as the bright sun reflected off the glittering lake.

Two hours, she had two hours of uninterrupted time alone with him on this boat.

The thought made her want to squeal.

The view of the lake, of the towering pine trees surrounding it, of the sharp, rocky mountains beyond, was exquisite from the middle of the water, but Liliana couldn't seem to look anywhere but at him— the way the muscles in his bold arms rolled as he steered the boat, how his t-shirt clung to his broad back, the way his features scrunched up as he tried to see through the bright, summer sun.

She twitched on the hot bench seat, the leather sticking to the back of her thighs, her fingers fiddling with the hem of her sundress. It almost felt juvenile, the desire that was bubbling up in her gut to take her dress off, to prance around him in her bikini like she did when she was thirteen. She knew— just like he had back then— that he would pay no mind to how much or how little clothing she was wearing, but that knowledge did not cease the girlish longing in her gut for his attention.

So when Joel cut the engine— as soon as they were in the middle of the lake, the people on the shore no more than colorful specks in her vision— Liliana stood up, pushing down the nervousness in her gut as she pulled her sundress off over her head, folding it up and stuffing it in her beach bag. She only allowed herself to peek over at Joel after she retrieved her sunblock from her bag, her cheeks burning with delight when she found him staring at her, his warm gaze hot on her skin as it hurriedly bounced over her. When his eyes met hers, they darted away, a cough echoing out of his throat, color climbing up his thick neck as he turned his focus to his feet, reaching up to scratch the back of his head.

Liliana's stomach flipped and fluttered as she bit down on her bottom lip to suppress a smile.

He was looking at her.

Isn't that all she'd ever wanted?

"Do you need any sunscreen?" she asked, squirting some onto her arms and beginning to rub it in as Joel walked past her, his body held in a tense line, like he was trying exceptionally hard not to look at her again.

He shook his head curtly, crouching down next to his tackle box and beginning to shuffle through his lures.

By the time he'd picked a lure and tied it to his fishing pole, Liliana had finished putting lotion everywhere but her back, her body trembling as she stood there, holding the bottle, staring at his wide shoulders. Maybe it was insane of her to ask him to do it, maybe the sun had turned her delusional, but the desire to have his hands— those wide, calloused palms— on her— just once— was so intense that she found herself speaking, in a little squeak, without much cognition on her part.

"Um, could you— could you do my back, really quick?"

Joel's spine snapped straight at her inquiry, his wide ribs shuddering, his hands beginning to twist around the handle of his fishing pole.

She shouldn't have asked, it was stupid, ridiculous, and so she shook her head— even though he couldn't see her with his body still facing away— and opened her mouth to revoke her inquiry, when he nodded.

"Sure— yeah, 'course," his low voice rumbled through a cough, placing his fishing pole down, his big form turning toward her, so she could see just how red his face was as he kept his eyes cast on his feet while he cleared the space between them, taking the bottle from her hand and moving behind her.

Liliana didn't think her heart had ever pounded as rapidly as it did then, as she gathered her hair in her hand, twisting it around her fist and bringing it in front of her, as his big form shadowed her, as she heard him click open the bottle and squeeze sunblock into his hands.

His palms landed on her shoulder blades first, wide and rough and warm, and she had to bite her bottom lip to keep from gasping as he began rubbing the lotion into her skin using the thick pads of his fingers.

He was touching her, touching her for the first time in her life after decades of dreaming about it. His hands were on her bare skin, and even though the action was not sexual in nature, she found herself swallowing a whimper, her thighs trembling as a knot of heavy, sweltering need wound itself into her pelvis, her pussy clenching, flooding the material of her bikini bottoms.

She took the moment his hands left her back to get more sunblock to try to calm herself down, to try to slow her heart, to try to normalize her breathing, but as soon as his hands moved to her lower back, she was swallowing another gasp, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as her thighs squeezed together to try to alleviate the ache between them. He rubbed the lotion into her skin in slow circles, his thick, calloused thumbs digging into her muscles, like she'd asked for a massage rather than just a quick sunscreen application. But she was not complaining, would not ask him to stop, especially when his big hands swept out from her spine, to wrap around her hips, then drag up to her waist, rubbing sunblock into her sides that way.

Liliana's eyes fluttered, her body swaying in front of him, her bones feeling like they had been replaced by gelatin or something of a similar composition as his hands rested there, on her waist for a moment before he spoke.

"Did you get the back of your neck?" He asked, his voice a low vibration across her skin, husky and gravel-edged, almost like this was affecting him as much as it was her.

But of course that wasn't true.

Liliana shook her head, even though she had gotten the back of her neck, because she didn't want his touch to leave her quite yet— ever.

Joel squeezed more sunblock into his palms, then his big hand was wrapping around the nape of her neck, and Liliana failed that time, to suppress the wet, whimpering sound that snuck past her lips.

She hoped he hadn't heard her, but knew it was impossible as the sound echoed into her ears and brought blood pooling to her cheeks.

He finished rubbing the lotion into her neck, his hands departing from her skin after what felt like a millennium and not enough time in the world. And Liliana swayed on her feet a bit as she turned around and craned her neck to look up at him, the dark quality of his eyes making her stomach clench, her pussy fluttering, aching for a reprieve.

"Thank you," she managed to get out, her voice unable to reach anything beyond a whisper.

Joel cleared his throat, then nodded, his eyes bouncing over her face as he held the bottle of sunscreen out between them.

She took it, and stuffed it back into her beach bag, her heart finally slowing to something almost normal as he walked back over to his pole.

__________

Oh, he was so fucked.

He'd come up here, to the lake to go fishing, to try to clear his head, to try to rid her from his mind. But then there she was, in a that pretty little sundress, her big hazel eyes staring up at him, and he hadn't possessed the strength to send her away when she'd asked to join him, not when those puffy pink lips had pulled into a hint of a frown when he tried.

And now he was stuck on this boat with her for the next two hours, with her in that fucking bikini, light blue and too small, the cut of the bottoms digging into her plush ass, the string top doing very little to hide her perky tits, the curve of her waist entirely on display for him.

When she'd asked him to apply sunscreen to her back, he thought he was going to have a heart attack. Thought he was going to keel over right there on the boat. Maybe he should have said no, should have refused, but surely that would have looked strange, would have been more suspicious than casually obliging.

Not that anything about this was casual, not the way he stared at her when she pulled her dress off, not the way he'd slowly, meticulously applied sunscreen to her back, relishing over how soft her skin was beneath his palms, how perfect the curve of her waist fit in his hands. And certainly not the painful erection he was now sporting. He'd tucked his cock into the waistband of his trunks right before he applied sunscreen to her neck so she wouldn't see the disgusting evidence of how turned on he was just from touching her.

He was still reeling over that sound she'd made, that wet little whimper that had him swallowing a groan, had his cock jolting in the waistband of his shorts. He could still hear it, echoing in his head as he checked to make sure his lure was attached properly.

What had elicited that exquisite sound? Surely not him.

He could not think about even the possibility of that.

The sun was baking his back, leaving his skin feverish, something that touching her had not aided in relieving. He needed to take his shirt off, needed to cool down before he became even more delirious from the heat, but the thought of taking his shirt off in front of her made his stomach cramp. He should not care, should not be thinking about what she would think about his bare torso— the pliant, softer portion at his waistband, the scar near his side where he had gotten his appendix out when he was seventeen.

Her voice, soft and sweet like honey on his tongue, interrupted his spiraling thoughts just as he was bringing his rod over his shoulder to cast.

"Can I try? I've never fished before."

Joel glanced over his shoulder, immediately regretting doing so as his eyes snapped to her perky breasts— puckered nipples pushing against the material of her bikini. His cock ached at the image, still infuriatingly hard, still tucked up into his waistband.

"C'mere," he exhaled, jutting his chin toward his side.

Liliana beamed, the vision making his heart pinch in his chest as she scrambled to his side.

"First of all, don't stand behind someone when they're about to cast, s'a great way to get hit by the lure," he said, lowering his pole in front of him.

Liliana's cheeks bloomed with color, her eyes drifting down toward her feet. "Sorry," she whispered, and Joel strangled the handle of his pole so he wouldn't reach out and tilt her chin back up.

"No, s'okay, I just don't want you gettin' hurt," he assured her, his eyes bouncing over her pretty face when she slowly looked back up at him, the corners of her plush lips hinting at a smile.

He coughed, forcing his eyes away as he brought his pole back over his shoulder. "You want to bring it back like this, then flick it forward," he said, as he went through the motion, casting the lure far out into the lake, where it landed with a little plop.

"Bright it back, flick it forward, got it," Liliana said with a nod as Joel reeled the lure back in.

He handed the pole to her once the line was reeled back in, his breath getting caught in his throat when her soft little fingers brushed his in the transfer.

"Just like I showed you," he said, stepping to the side to watch her as she oriented herself with the pole, her face blanketed in sunlight, her blonde hair glowing like she was some exalted figure sent here just to test him.

Liliana didn't bring the pole far enough over her shoulder, didn't flick her wrist fast enough, so when she released, the lure knocked against the propeller of the boat, then plopped back inside, causing her to jump back, a little scream echoing from her throat.

A burst of laughter forced itself out of Joel's chest as her neck snapped over to him, her big eyes wide, her hands holding the pole as far away from her as possible, like she thought it might explode.

"I suck," she spat out, trying to hand him the pole as he recovered from his laughing fit.

"Ya don't suck, you just didn't bring it far enough back, didn't snap your wrist at the right time, it takes practice," he said, gathering the pole from her and propping it against the side of the boat.

"Will you show me?" she asked, those hazel eyes peering up at him with more trust than he deserved.

Joel's mouth went dry as she stared up at him, waiting.

"Sure, yeah," he spat out, instead of saying no, like he should have.

He stepped behind her, angling his hips so that his still hard cock would not brush up against her backside and render him completely useless.

"Put your hands together, like you're holding the pole," he said, swallowing hard as her shoulders brushed his chest. Liliana did as he asked, and he let out a deep breath as he reached around her, gathering her delicate little wrists in his hands, bringing them far back over her shoulder. "You want to bring it far back, like this," he said, his ribs shuddering as the scent of her filled his nose— vanilla and coffee and so sweet he had to resist the urge to lower his head and bury his face in her hair. "Then flick it forward," he breathed out, snapping her hands forward with his grip on her tiny wrists, his fingers overlapping at her pulse points, which fluttered as his chest pressed up more firmly against her back.

Fly away little bird, fly far, far away from me before it's too late.

He did the motion one more time, then forced himself to let her go, stepping back to her side, his skin scorching, a bead of sweat ticking his skin as it rolled down his spine. His head felt too heavy on his neck, a buzzing occupying his skull. He was so hot, it felt like he was going to keel over and pass out.

Joel wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, then grabbed the pole, handing it to her. "Why don't you try again," he said, stepping toward the edge of the boat as he used the moment she was distracted by trying to cast the line to rip his shirt off from over his head, pushing his cock back down into his shorts, letting out a sharp breath as the light breeze cooled his sweltering skin.

He tossed his shirt over toward the bench seat, then watched as she bit her bottom lip between her teeth, bringing the pole over her shoulder and then flicking it forward, casting the line far out into the lake.

"I did it!" she squealed, jumping in place as her head turned toward him, a bright smile lighting up her face.

Joel felt a sharp pinch of self-consciousness erupt between his ribs when her eyes bounced down his torso, but it quickly evaporated, something hungry and pacing taking its place as he watched her gaze darken, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as her little chest heaved.

This could not be happening. The heat was getting to him again, he was delusional, surely imagining things, crafting up some desperate, pathetic scenario where she wanted him as fervently as he wanted her.

Joel coughed when her gaze finally returned to his face, his eyes bouncing out to the lure, bobbing in the water as the air between them buzzed.

"Good job," he nodded, "you can put the handle in the holder and just keep an eye on it now, if it starts shakin' then you caught somethin'."

Liliana leaned forward to place the handle in the holder and Joel forced his eyes to his feet so he would not gawk at her backside again, only grabbing the other pole when she was safely a step away.

He worked on tying a lure on the other pole while her distracting presence tugged at his side. He could see her, out of his peripheral, pulling a towel out of her bag and spreading it out over the bench seat. By the time he cast his line and placed his pole in the holder, she was sitting down, drinking from a big, pink water bottle.

Joel stood there for a moment, in the middle of the boat, twitching, his eyes drifting down her bare legs, to her little feet, her blue flip flops dangling from her toes, her toenails painted a pretty maroon color.

"You want to sit?" she asked, scooting over a little, patting the spot next to her.

Joel wanted to do more than just sit, he wanted to tug her into his lap by her waist, wanted to wrap his hand around the delicate structure of her jaw and eat that pretty mouth, wanted to drag her over his cock— which was still half hard in his shorts. But he couldn't do any of that, he'd already done too much, already touched her when he had promised himself he would never.

Still, he did take the spot next to her, scooting as far away as the cramped bench seat would allow.

"Did you used to fish back when you lived in Texas?" Liliana asked, turning toward him, those big hazel eyes reflecting sunlight.

Joel nodded, his heart squeezing in his chest at the mention of his home state. "The Colorado River runs through Austin, used to fish there," he said, turning his head to gaze out at the lake. If he squinted his eyes, if he let his focus blur just a little bit, he could pretend he was back there, in Texas, on the river with Sarah squealing as she held up the bass he'd helped her reel in.

No one in town knew why he'd moved here, what he had run away from, not even Liliana, who was the only person who would ever bother to ask.

Not a soul in this town even knew Sarah had ever existed, didn't know he had a brother either, it was easier that way.

"Do you ever miss it there?" she asked, her head tilted slightly to the side when Joel's eyes drifted back to her.

Joel shrugged. He didn't miss Texas itself; he missed the things there that he could never get back.

"Sometimes... I guess, not enough to go back."

Liliana smiled softly, a solemn little smile that hurt his chest.

"You haven't gone back at all, since you moved here?" she asked, fiddling with a loose string on the towel beneath her.

He shook his head.

"Wow," Liliana sighed, brushing the bulk of her hair behind her ear, "If I ever moved away, I think I would have to come back to visit at least once a month. My mom would probably kill me if I didn't..."

The way she talked about her mother sometimes made it sound like Liliana was still a teenager. She always seemed to be fighting, contending for her mother's approval. Surely— based on the way Diane treated Joel— she would not approve of Liliana being on this boat alone with him.

Fly away little bird.

"Well, I ain't got parents to get mad at me for not visiting," he said, reaching up to scratch his cheek.

"No family back there at all?" Liliana asked, without missing a beat, those big hazel eyes staring straight into him.

Joel shook his head, then shrugged his shoulders, letting out a sharp exhale.

"I've got a younger brother, but we don't— we don't talk," he admitted, his eyebrows furling together as his own voice echoed back into his head.

Why did he say that?

Liliana opened her mouth, about to speak, when a jostling noise erupted near the rear of the boat, accompanied by a splashing in the water.

Both their eyes snapped over to the poles, and sure enough, the one Liliana had cast was shaking in the holder.

Liliana scrambled out of her seat, nearly slipping as she struggled to get her little sandals fully on her feet.

"What do I do?" she stammered, hazel eyes wide as she leaned over to grab the rod from the holder.

Joel met her at the rear of the boat, clenching his fits at his sides to resist the urge to place his hand on her back.

"Grab the pole and point it skyward," Joel said, waiting for Liliana to follow his instructions. As soon as she had the rod in her hand, pointing it up at the sky, she glanced over at him. "Good, now wait until he stops tuggin', then start reelin' him in while you slowly lower the rod."

"Okay," Liliana nodded frantically, her eyes still a little wide. When she began reeling it in, her eyes bounced back over to him. "He's pulling really hard."

Joel chuckled, stepping closer to her against his better judgment, wrapping one of his hands around the handle, just above her hands, to help keep the rod steady.

"Keep reelin' him in, I got the pole steady," Joel said, his eyes drifting back and forth, from the line to her pretty face, her features set in a look of fierce determination now.

"That's it, just like that," he nodded as the flopping fish came into view. "As soon as you get him close to the rudder, tilt your pole back up."

Liliana did as he said, tilting the pole up and reeling the wiggling trout out of the water.

She squealed— this delightful little sound— as she began jumping in place, a grin breaking on her lips. "I did it! I caught one!" she exclaimed, still bouncing in place as she turned to face Joel, the joy radiating off of her palpable enough that Joel could feel it in his own chest.

"Good job, darlin'," he hummed through the grin he could feel crushing his cheeks.

Liliana's cheeks went pink, and Joel felt a heavy wave of affection cloy his veins.

And so how was he supposed to stay away from her, when she was the only person in town, the only person left on this planet who made him feel seen. Who made him feel something other than numb, made him feel like he wasn't just some broken, mangled forgotten thing.