13

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Jo

"Home sweet home," Negan called in a sing-songy voice from the front seat. 

I flinched at the sound, but he didn't seem to notice. We had been riding in silence for hours now. I sat up straighter in my seat, my body was stiff and my eyes were gritty and burned from the exhaustion of the night before, but I hadn't slept again. I had felt my eyes drift closed a few times but had snapped them right back open. I had essentially passed out earlier, but now I just wasn't comfortable enough to allow myself to be so vulnerable around Simon and Negan. 

I stared as we crested the hill. I had never been as far north as Virginia, but I loved the look of the forest lining the road. I wanted to be out there, those forests looked safe to me, a lot safer than being in here. My heart started to pound in my chest and the SUV suddenly felt too small. I closed my eyes for just a second. 

Stop, reset. 

All I had to do was get to Kate. Then she and I could leave, that was what Negan had said. We weren't prisoners, I could leave anytime I wanted I wrapped my hand around the grip of the knife he had given me. He had let me keep the knife. You didn't arm a prisoner, not one who could do what I could. And you certainly didn't put them in the backseat of the car you were riding in while they were armed. 

I wasn't a prisoner. 

I opened my eyes. When we came down the hill I sucked in a breath. He had called it a compound but for some reason I had always envisioned a community like Woodbury. A small town somewhere where a few of the streets had been fenced in to make it safe and give the illusion of normalcy. That was not the case here. No one was pretending things were normal here. This was a compound. 

It was a massive old factory,  sprawling and at least eight stories tall. There were huge smoke stacks coming off the roof, but I couldn't tell exactly what it would have been used for before. The building itself appeared to be made entirely of concrete with the exception of windows that started three floors up. The entire compound was surrounded by layers of fence. Within each layer I could see line ups of cars and what looked like people moving around. The factory was set in the middle of a large open field with clear line of sight for at least a mile in every direction. Woodbury was nothing, it was tiny, insignificant compared to this, easily taken. This place wasn't just a compound, it was a fortress. 

I glanced at Negan, feeling a sliver of fear slide through me. I had grown to, I don't know if I would use the word trust, but I at least didn't distrust him. I thought that maybe I had started to understand him. We had fought beside one another the night before, and out in those dark woods he had saved my life. 

Looking at this place it suddenly felt like I had no idea who he was. What did a man have to do to become the leader of a place like this? How strong did they have to be to hold so many people together? How much of themselves did they have to give up in order to become what they would have to become to do this? The act, his little show suddenly made sense. It was his mask, his persona, but was there anything left beneath it? Looking around this place  I didn't see how there could be. 

The first gate was thrown open and we were waved through. Between the first and second lines of fencing was an entire layer of biters, dozens of them. I couldn't hear them with the windows rolled up, so I was able to look at them objectively. I scowled at them, at first not understanding what this would do for defense against other biters. But as I took on the armed men standing at intervals around the fence I realized the enemies of The Sanctuary weren't just the biters. Other people, other communities would be the real enemies. Other people who would come and try to take away what they had built here. 

I glanced back at Negan once more, realizing the true extent of his strength. When the last of the trucks were through both sets of gates were slammed closed behind us. 

"Show time," Negan called in a jovial voice. He glanced back at me and winked before throwing open the door of the truck and climbing out. I followed at a slower pace. People had come outside and immediately started emptying the trucks. No one had come out to greet the men who had been away however, no one was here to welcome them home. 

Instead, everything was very business like, almost militaristic. Simon and another man began directing the civilians on where to go while all of the supplies and guns they had taken were being unloaded by tough looking men and women. Everyone was so busy, they were all hustling around with someplace to be it felt completely overwhelming. I froze, uncertain what to do or where to go. I shouldn't have come here. I backed up until my back hit the side of the SUV, my breath caught in my throat. 

"Hey Dwighty boy," Negan's voice boomed out and I glanced towards him. He stood in the center of the chaos, one hip cocked, and his bat resting casually over his shoulder. A blond man appeared at Negan's side, he took a knee beside him and looked up at Negan awaiting orders. 

A bad feeling went through me. People kneeled to Negan? I glanced back towards the fence and I suddenly felt very much like a prisoner. I rested my hand against the grip of my knife, but one knife didn't feel like enough. One knife was insignificant. 

I wanted to get Kate and get out of this place as quickly as possible. Seeing this man's actions made me realize that there couldn't be much of the man behind the mask anymore. Because if I considered what it would take for a single man to hold this place, I couldn't even begin to imagine how vicious he would have to be to get men like these to kneel. 

Negan didn't bother to glance down at Dwight when he gave his orders. "I want you to get my hot new friend here to the infirmary. Have the doc give her a looksy," Negan said jerking his chin towards me. "After that get her settled. She's Dixon's niece."

"Yes Sir," Dwight replied and he got to his feet and approached me. "I'm Dwight," he introduced himself. He looked like he was about to hold out his hand to shake, but I started at him warily and he dropped it back to his side. 

"Jo," I responded somewhat guardedly.

He nodded and headed towards the factory, expecting me to follow. I did, because I honestly didn't know what else to do. Being out here surrounded by so many people and with the growling walkers just a short distance away was not going to help me.

I glanced back over my shoulder one final time and caught Negan's eye. He was watching Dwight and I walk away with an unreadable expression on his face. When our gazes met he immediately put on that pleased smile of his and he winked at me. I shuddered and turned back to Dwight. It was all an act, everything was an act with him. It was impossible to tell what was real and what wasn't.

Dwight led the way through a side door. I flinched when it slammed behind us and my hand found the grip of my knife. There was no natural light, the halls were dimly lit and solid cement block. My brain started to scream at me that it felt like a prison. I didn't like the twisting, narrow halls. They made me feel claustrophobic and I started breathing loudly through my nose as I forced myself not to react. I fought down the feeling as I struggled to memorize the path we had taken in case I needed to get out of here in a hurry.

When we arrived at a plain metal door that resembled every other plain metal door we had passed Dwight knocked on it twice and waited respectfully for an answer.

"Come in," a male voice called, though it was muffled by the heavy door. 

Dwight held the door for me and I stepped through. There was an exam table and shelves and shelves of instruments and medications lining the walls, but there were also bookshelves everywhere and the whole room was illuminated by soft lamps. Sitting behind a desk on the far side of the room, sipping out of a mug  was a bald middle aged man in a white lab coat. 

"Doctor Carson," Dwight greeted. "This is Jo," he introduced. 

The doctor set down his mug, stood up, and came around the side of the desk. 

"She was picked up on that big run," Dwight explained stiffly. 

The doctor nodded. He stepped up to me and held out his hand. "Hello Jo, I'm Doctor Emmett Carson." 

I stared at his hand a second longer than was polite as my brain struggled with remembering how to do this. How to be normal. I took his hand in a gentle grip and shook it. I didn't like it, didn't like being touched my this stranger and I immediately pulled my hand back. 

Carson was watching me with sort of a gentle understanding and I liked that even less. It was too close too pity.  

"I think I have it from here," Doctor Carson told Dwight coldly. I could tell by the tone of his voice the doctor didn't seem to like Dwight, but maybe it was just me. Dwight and the rough looking men from outside would seem out of place in the doctors soothing office. It made me wonder how a man like Doctor Carson had ended up in the compound in the first place.  

Dwight pressed his lips together. "Negan told me to-" he started to say. 

"I would imagine you can wait outside the door just as easily as inside," Doctor Carson replied without looking at Dwight again. Clearly the other man was dismissed. 

Dwight didn't seem happy about it, but he left me with Doctor Carson without further argument. So the Doctor had more pull than Negan's foot soldiers. 

I was really struggling. I needed something, but I didn't know what. Something familiar maybe? Everything was strange and different and happening so fast I felt like I was having trouble keeping up. And this man with his pitying eyes was only making things worse. I didn't want to be pitied, not ever. 

Doctor Carson waited until the door clicked shut before he turned his attention back to me. "Well," he said thoughtfully as he looked me over. "How much of this blood you are wearing is your own?" he asked raising an eyebrow. 

I glanced down at myself and grimaced. I looked like an extra from a B horror movie. "Not much." I responded honestly, my voice came out low and uncertain and I didn't like that. I didn't want to seem weak, not in front of anyone in this place. This was not a place for the weak. 

My thoughts drifted to Kate and how she could possibly be safe in a place like this. The answer of course, still was Merle. Merle would thrive in a place like this, and he would see to it my sister was safe. 

The doctor nodded. "Well, there's a bathroom through that door," he said motioning to a closed door on the far side of the room. "There's a shower, towels soap, everything you need. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up before I examine you."

I took a grateful step towards the bathroom, but then hesitated. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Taking a shower would leave me extremely vulnerable. I didn't know these people, didn't know this place, but it had been so long since I had a shower. 

Doctor Carson seemed to understand my hesitation immediately. "I'll have Dwight fetch you some new clothes," he promised and he turned away, leaving me alone to my decision. 

I stepped into the small bathroom and closed the door behind me. I was beyond relieved when I found a deadbolt I was able to turn. As soon as it slid home I leaned my forehead against the cool metal of the door, feeling a profound sense of relief for the first time in...I couldn't even remember the last time I had felt safe. It seemed like such a small thing, to be able to lock the door, to have control over who could and could not come through it. I was surprised to notice I was shaking again and silent tears had fallen down my cheeks. 

I turned around and flinched, nearly stumbling back when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Shame immediately burned through me. It was me. I had caught the movement of my own reflection. 

I scowled back at the woman in the mirror, it was a woman I didn't recognize at all. My hair was short from when I had hacked it all off nearly a month ago. I touched it tentatively and grimaced, it was bad. I needed to find some scissors to fix it. I had done it with my knife in a fit of rage after The Governor had told me how beautiful he thought my hair was. Well I had sure shown him. 

I reached forward and touched the mirror with gentle fingers. I looked gaunt, almost sickly, my cheekbones stood out more than they ever had and there were dark circles under my eyes. I was also covered in gore. I was surprised more people hadn't been staring at me when we first arrived. I pulled the shirt over my head and tossed it in a pile on the floor. 

My body looked strong, I had never had this kind of tone to my muscles before, but it was also covered in ugly bruises in various stages of healing. I grimaced. I looked like a warrior, or a weapon. I turned away from the mirror and quickly tossed the rest of my destroyed clothes onto the floor with the shirt. The only thing I kept with me was the knife. I carried that into the shower, setting it on the ledge beside the shampoo. I turned on the water and stepped inside. It was icy at first, but I don't think I really noticed until it began to warm up. Blood and dirt swirled around the drain at my feet. I found bottles of shampoo and conditioner and a bar of soap and truly believed in this moment I had died and gone to heaven. 

The hot water did wonders for my aching muscles, but it also made me sleepy and I blinked hard a few times as I swayed. My body threatened to shut down on me once more. I quickly rinsed the last of the soap away and stepped out of the shower. I was drying with a towel when there was a gentle knock at the door. I flinched again. 

"Jo, I'm going to leave some clothes just right outside the door," Doctor Carson called in a soothing voice. 

I pressed my lips together and wrapped the towel tightly around my chest. I cracked the door to see a small pile sitting just outside of the door as he said. I glanced up towards the rest of the room, but Doctor Carson was already back sitting behind his desk and seemed to be engrossed in a book in his hands. I didn't know if he actually was, or if it was for my benefit. Either way I was grateful. He seemed extremely gifted at making himself nonthreatening. It was a strange skill to have in a place like this.  

I took the clothes back into the bathroom and locked the door. I sifted through the pile and concluded that Dwight must be married or have a daughter or something. There was a plain pair of black leggings, a stretchy black tank top, sports bra, underwear and socks. All of which would have fit anyone up to two sizes larger or smaller than me. I threw my old clothes away in the small garbage can. There wasn't much left to salvage there and I certainly never wanted to see them again. Without another option for footwear I pulled my tall boots back on. I clipped the knife onto the waistband of my leggings. It pulled uncomfortably at the stretchy fabric, but I could always find a belt later. 

Once I was dressed I stepped back out into the exam room. Doctor Carson stood and gestured towards the exam table. I climbed up on it and shifted uncomfortably. 

"Do you have any specific pain?" he asked. 

I shook my head. Now that I was clean and had showered I felt better. I just wanted to find someplace safe to curl up and go to sleep. I didn't want to be around strangers anymore. 

Carson studied me without touching me. The tank top left more of my bruise mottled skin exposed and he shifted, looking uncomfortable. "This bruising..." he commented. He pulled his glasses off his nose and looked down at me. "If you are in an unhealthy or dangerous situation...I want you to know that we will help you," he promised earnestly. "Negan requires me to report all evidence of abuse and he-"

I cut him off. "It's not that." I told him quickly. "Negan already...took care of the situation," I promised him. I don't know why but it surprised me to hear that Negan was so on top of this type of thing. He had seemed fairly protective of people in his care several times over the last few days, but I had put that up to the typical behavior of a leader. This was something beyond that. 

Carson nodded. "I'm still obligated to report it," he said. "I don't want to get on Negan's bad side," he said with a smile but there was a part of me that thought he was entirely serious. I concluded Negan's bad side was something to avoid at all costs. 

I nodded and he finished his exam. He asked me questions about how much I slept and ate. He checked my eyes, ears and throat. All in all it was an incredibly surreal experience. Just like going to the doctor before all of this happened. 

"Dwight get out of my way!" I heard a loud shriek out in the hallway and despite my excitement to see my sister again, I grimaced in sympathy for whoever was standing between her and the door. "That's my sister and if you don't-" Kate's voice was cut off by the low rumble of another male voice.

Carson turned to look at me. "It seems you have guests."

I nodded.

"I can ask them to wait," he told me. As hard as I tried to hide it, he had noticed my discomfort during the exam. Not that he had done anything wrong or inappropriate, but it seemed I now had a weird aversion to being touched. 

I shook my head. It sounded like poor Dwight was facing the wrath of Kate. I could barely contain the sheer relief of hearing my obnoxiously outspoken little sister. It gave me hope that whatever she had faced hadn't been so bad it destroyed her. She still sounded like herself at least.

"I would worry about Dwight," I said in a low voice. I think I was teasing, but I couldn't be sure, it had been so long since I had done it, I was out of practice. 

Carson snorted and laughter danced in his eyes enough that it made me think he was probably familiar with Hurricane Kate as my family used to call her when we were growing up. 

Carson went to the door and opened it. He had barely swung it open three inches before Kate was barging through it, nearly knocking the Doctor off balance. 

"Jo!" She exclaimed and she ran the last few feet to me and wrapped me up in a suffocating hug. I hugged her back, and held on, unable to believe any of this was actually real. Still in the hug I looked beyond Kate to see the man loitering in the doorway.

"Hiya Barbie," he greeted uncomfortably.

I smiled at him. A real, full smile that stretched my cheeks so much they hurt.

"Hi Uncle Merle," I called to him.

There was a devious twinkle in his eyes and he stepped further into the room. 

Kate pulled back and looked me over. A frown wrinkled her nose as she took in my obvious injuries. She spun around to face Doctor Carson. "What's wrong with her?" she demanded taking a step towards the doctor. 

"Kate," Merle's warning voice rumbled patiently behind us. 

Kate stopped, which surprised me. Kate never stopped. I glanced back at Merle amazed she had listened to him. Kate didn't listen to anyone. Certainly not me. 

"There's nothing wrong," Carson said soothingly. "She's free to go. She needs to rehydrate and get some sleep." 

Kate wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards the door without hesitation. "We'll get her home then. We'll take care of her."

I stiffened, not used to...so much. I was overwhelmed again. I loved Kate, and everything I had done had been to take care of her and get back to her but I didn't know how to handle her anymore. I stilled. 

Kate noticed and stopped, looking down at me, concern darkening her blue eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked. I didn't have words to explain to her what had happened. I didn't know how to explain to her what was wrong with me. And there was something wrong with me. I knew that much. I hadn't come out of that cell the same way I went in. 

I licked my lips and turned back to Doctor Carson determined to do this right. "Thank you Doctor Carson," I told him sincerely. "For everything."

He smiled kindly. "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me. And welcome to Sanctuary Jo." 

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Negan

I stood out and watched as my men unloaded the trucks. We had made one hell of a haul. We nearly doubled our firepower and had enough food stores to last us six months. We had lost men though, and people were resources just as much as our new guns were. The newbies we brought home with us were all civilians. They would be useful but not in the same way as the soldiers I had lost. The men were hustling around me, unloading the trucks and getting ready for the next run. I stood in the middle of it all, but I wasn't really paying attention, my mind was caught up elsewhere. I turned when the side door clicked open and Dwight stepped back out. 

He approached me slowly. "So...how's our hot friend?" I asked as casually as possible.

"With Dixon and Kate," Dwight reported.

I nodded. "What about the rest of the newbies?" I didn't really care right now, we had a system in place to help them fold into the community fairly seamlessly, but I felt like I needed to ask so my interest in Jo wouldn't seem so obvious.

"All settled," he reported his voice tight with tension. Dwight hadn't been here long and while he still worked for points he seemed obedient enough. 

"Alright, get the hell outta here. Ain'tcha got a wife and sister or something to take care of?"

Dwight nodded, bowing his head before striding back through the door he had come out of. 

I waited nearly an hour before I went to see the doc, enough time to make sure Jo cleared out. I wanted a chance to talk to the doc alone. I rapped on the door with Lucille, but threw it open before waiting for an answer. The doc was sitting at his desk. He flinched when he saw me and I flashed him a smirk.

"Doc," I greeted, swaggering in.

"Sir," He said and he started to stand. 

I waved him off and he sat back down."So," I said as casually as I could managed. "How's our new friend?"

Carson frowned at me for a minute and then seemed to understand who I meant. He cleared his throat and took off his glasses. I dropped into the chair on the other side of his desk, setting Lucille in the open space between us.

Carson glanced down at Lucille for a second nervously before looking back up at me. Carson had never been tough to keep in line, but sometimes he seemed to think him being a doctor made him an exception to the rules or better than the rest of us. I didn't have any proof, but I also didn't trust the man. He had been a surgeon so it made sense to take him instead of his brother who had been a lady Doc. But maybe his brother would have fallen in line better, been more of a team player.

"She ah...she's good," he responded nervously. He swallowed and tried to meet my eyes before looking down at the notes in front of him. "Most of the blood on her was not hers, some minor lacerations and some fairly severe bruising..." the paper in his hands shook slightly as I rolled Lucille in my hand. The barbs grated against the metal top of the desk. He met my eyes for a fleeting second before looking back down. "Judging by the amount of long term damage I would like to report to you systemic abuse."

I nodded and snorted out a humorless chuckle. "You got no idea doc." I told him.

He frowned as though he didn't understand my words but then continued. "Long term Malnutrition," He said, "I would speculate six months to a year. Moderate dehydration, nothing serious enough to waste an IV, but I did warn her she needed to re-hydrate soon or she would become ill."

I scowled at his words. Who in the hell did he think he was deciding what resources we did and didn't use? If she needed an IV she should have goddamn had one. I turned Lucille again, this time putting pressure on the grip, making the barbs scrape loudly like nails on a chalk board. Carson flinched.

I pressed my lips together and asked the question that had been weighing on my mind since last night. "And what about her brain doc?" I kept my voice detached, so I wouldn't seem too interested. She was just a new recruit, but what had happened last night in those woods was fresh in my mind. She was one hell of a fighter and we could sure use that, but I wasn't convinced she was all there after what had happened to her. If I was going to let her stay I had to be sure. 

"Her brain?" Carson asked stupidly. "She didn't mention or show any signs of a concussion."

I pressed my lips together, fighting back the urge to get out of my chair and intimidate the man into thinking more clearly. "Her mind," I clarified, biting off the word. "Is she nuts?" I asked bluntly. 

Carson frowned for a moment as he really considered my question and shook his head. "She seemed fine," he thought for a moment. "Jumpy," he said and then he added thoughtly, "seems adverse to touch." 

I frowned at his words. That wasn't what I had thought last night. When that damn herd was nearly on top of us it seemed like being touched had helped her think. 

"All of which are very normal responses to the long term abuse. I would say suffering from the effects of chronic exhaustion perhaps, but I didn't do a full psych evaluation."

I hummed in the back of my throat and climbed to my feet. "When are you checking up on her again?"

He frowned. "We made no follow up appointment," he confessed shrugging.

I turned to look at him, cocking my head to the side. Fear slid behind his eyes. Carson had been with me long enough to know when he had moved into dangerous territory. I stared down at him through narrowed eyes. "You just said she was dehydrated and you sent her out of here without so much as a how do you do, and you weren't planning on checking up on her after that?" 

Carson stared at me and I could tell he was trying to work out what answer would get him in the least amount of trouble. "She's new," he finally settled on saying. "I didn't know what her status was...I-"

My temper snapped. "Her goddamn status was I sent her to you to patch up, not kick out the door and spend the rest of your day pissing away my time!" I growled out the words. 

Carson flinched and backed up a step. 

Even as I said them I wondered why I was so mad. I mean she was hot sure, but I had met plenty of hot women, hell I was 'married' to half a dozen of them. They were easy to come by. And yeah, she would make a hell of a soldier if she hadn't gone bananas in that cell, but I had plenty of loyal soldiers...there was something about her, I just couldn't put my finger on it. It made no sense why I was this worked up. It bothered me what had happened to her, and part of me felt responsible for the added torment those two weeks had cost her. 

Probably I was just tired. Been on the road for nearly a week. I needed to burn off some stress, maybe wind down a little. "Thanks for your time Doc," I called to him and swung towards the door. When I stepped into the hallway Simon was waiting for me.

He dropped to his knee. I didn't bother to acknowledge it. "Keep an eye on the new girl," I told him. "I want eyes on her at all times, report back to me every move she makes," I paused for a second and looked him in the eye. "But don't make her feel like you're watching. Don't make her feel like she's a prisoner," I warned.

He nodded. "She's with Dixon now."

I chewed on my bottom lip and swung Lucille around so she rested against my shoulder.

"Dixon and Kate share a dorm?" I asked. I had never really paid much attention to them until they came to me with their little plan to take Woodbury. It had been a good plan, highly profitable, but I still didn't trust Dixon. He acted the part and fell in line, but I knew a wolf in sheep's clothing when I goddamn saw one.

"Yeah." Simon confirmed.

I nodded. "If she needs her own dorm give it to her. Make sure she has what she needs, clothes, food, the works," I turned to leave. I didn't want to see the curiosity on Simon's face. Simon had been with me since the beginning and he knew I never paid this much attention to a new recruit. Never. No one would question me, but there would be speculation if I wasn't careful. I was halfway down the hall when I stopped and turned back to Simon.

"Find her some knives too," I called.

"Knives?" He clarified like he hadn't heard me right. Like he hadn't been goddamn listening.

I swung back around to face him, cocking my head. "Yeah, knives. As many as she wants, whatever kind...throwing knives, Fighting knives...as many as she wants. Outfit her." And I stormed off. More aggravated with myself than Simon. He was trying to do exactly what I wanted. I was the one struggling against the urge to go check on her myself.

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Hi guys, I hope you enjoyed the update!!! Oh my gosh guys, we've already reached 2k reads. Thank you so much for all the support. I really appreciate it!