4

<><><><><>

"We didn't have to leave," Kate grumbled beside me. Her voice grated on my already frayed nerves. I tightened my fist around the steering wheel of the truck. In truth I was surprised it had taken her so long before getting after me about my latest decision. I ran my other hand over my face. I didn't want to go over this again with her, it would just be the same old argument.

She thought we could trust Rick's group, but we couldn't trust anyone. We couldn't risk it.

Trust no one, keep moving, stay alive.

I cut my eyes to her then looked back to the road.

"You know we did." I said resolutely, though even I could hear how tired I sounded. I had been responsible for our safety for so long I hated to admit how nice it was for that week to be able to turn the control over to someone else.

There was a small part of me that wished we could have stayed. But they were headed towards Fort Benning, and after seeing what was left of the CDC I just couldn't risk Kate's safety. She was all I had left.

Kate made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat. "No, I don't." She snapped. "They were good people, they would have protected us and taken care of us."

I slammed on the brakes, jamming the truck into park I whirled on her. "We can protect ourselves," I was so angry so suddenly it surprised even me.

I couldn't believe she would even think that way. That she would think she needed to find someone to protect us instead of learning how to do it for herself. "It's time to grow up," I snapped unkindly. "We don't need anyone to take care of us. We will take care of us and protect us!" I was yelling now and couldn't seem to stop. "You can't depend on anyone in this world!"

"You're just scared." Kate threw back scathingly.

I stared into her eyes, refusing to look away. "Yeah, I am," I agreed completely honest.

A brief moment of triumph flared in her eyes but was quickly snuffed out as I continued. "I was scared that while yes, they welcomed us at first, as soon as the first herd of Them showed up they would remember we were outsiders."

"Rick wouldn't-" Kate started to argue.

I scoffed. "Rick is going to protect his family no matter what. Rick already has two helpless people depending on him. And if you think for a second that he would put either one of us before them you are..." I looked away and shook my head. "Our safety is our responsibility. You can't depend on anyone else."

"Well, they have more than just Rick!" she exclaimed. "Shane and Glenn and Dale and Daryl! They were a strong group," she argued as though there was still a way to change it. We had left the group days back and there was no chance of finding them again even if we wanted to. Which I didn't. We were going to be better off on our own.

I gave her a withering look. "We weren't their responsibility and I wasn't willing to risk either of our lives on their sense of charity." My voice was low and harsh. I would feel bad for being so blunt with her later, but right now she needed to understand. "This isn't a game."

Kate's eyes widened for a second as her temper flared. I recognized the action and knew I had pushed her into a whole new level of pissed off. Kate had always had more of a temper than me. "You think I don't know that!" she raged. "I have lost just as many people as you Jo!" she bellowed. "I have watched every single member of our family die just like you! You think you're the only one who feels that way? You think you're the only one who feels responsible and guilt for surviving? You think you're the only one who can take care of us! But you aren't! You're just scared to let anyone else in! You're terrified of losing someone else!"

"I am not!" I yelled back. Maybe I should have been the more mature one and kept my cool but now my temper was gone. I was exhausted and stressed and worried constantly and I hadn't slept in days.

"Tell that to Daryl!" Kate screamed.

I flinched at that and pulled back, my eyes widening. "I don't know what you mean," I said in a hollow voice. I gripped the steering wheel in both hands and stared hard at the empty road. Daryl. The surly redneck and I had formed an unlikely friendship over the week we had been together. He had been the first person I felt like I could trust since the beginning. I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Kate snorted and looked away from me in disgust. "Please, I may have been sick and a little out of it but I'm not an idiot. There was something there."

I just shook my head refusing to even consider the words she was saying. I wrapped myself in a numbing hyper-focus that had gotten me through so much. It helped keep the guilt and fear at bay.

"Stop it!" Kate snapped, she latched onto my arm and gave me a shake. "Don't shut me out. You shut everyone out! You started to let him in and as soon as your realized it you ran and dragged me along with you."

"Drop it Kate." I shoved open the door and climbed out of the truck. I reached back in behind me, wrapping my hand around the grip of my golf club. I couldn't sit there and let the dark thoughts roiling through my head take shape.

"He wouldn't have wanted you to keep being alone you know," Kate had thrown open her door and stood on the floor of the truck so she was resting her hands on the roof of the cab. It took me a moment to realize the 'he' she was referring to wasn't Daryl anymore. "You can let yourself care for someone else and not feel bad about it. Tommy is gone."

I flinched at the sound of his name, and felt bile rise in my throat. "Shut your mouth," I snarled stalking down the road. I wasn't going anywhere, not really, but I needed to move.

"Stop pretending you don't feel anything!" she screamed suddenly.

I flinched and turned my back to her, my eyes scanning the trees and fields that lined the road. There were a couple houses set back away from the road, which meant there was a good chance there was some of Them in the area.

"I don't," I muttered under my breath. It was impossible for her to hear me from back by the truck, but I said it more for myself than anything. I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply.

Stop, reset. I chanted to myself.

I slowly ran through my roiling emotions and closed them off in a little box in the back of my brain until I felt nothing, nothing but the concentrated anger I needed to get us through this. Kate needed to understand and let go. We wouldn't be able to find Rick's group again even if we wanted to now.

"Jo!"

Her yell pulled me back to her, to what we were talking about. I met her eyes. She glared at me, lifting her chin defiantly. She opened her mouth to speak again, but a growl to my left caught my attention.

I turned towards the edge of the woods and one of them shambled towards me. I took a deep breath, and stepped forward, hoisting the golf club. I waited as it shuffled towards me, it's jaw clicking. I swung the golf club with enough velocity it smashed through the skull. The body fell, pulling the club with it. I staggered, but didn't let go of the handle. I jerked on the club a few times, trying to pull it lose, but it was stuck.

I closed my eyes and hung my head. I was so tired. A single tear fled down my cheek. I couldn't turn around and face my sister's hard, knowing eyes. Instead i fought as hard as I could to not cry. I couldn't break down here, not like this. Some day, some day there would be a time and a place where I could.

She wasn't wrong about any of it. I hung my head and breathed as I tucked away all the little pieces of myself that would interfere with our survival.

I flinched when I felt Kate's hand close over my shoulder. I hadn't heard her approach. That was incredibly dangerous. I wiped my face and turned to face her. She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. I recognized the resigned look on her face. I knew I was frustrating her. She wanted things to be like they were, she wanted us to be sisters who could laugh and talk about their feelings.

I stood, dislodging her hand. "We need to keep moving." I said simply. I turned and walked back towards the truck. I was done talking.

That night, I sat out on the tailgate with my golf club resting across my lap and stared up at the stars. Kate was sleeping on the bench seat in the cab while I kept watch. We should find another vehicle, one we could both sleep in comfortably, but for some reason I didn't want to let this one go.

We had managed to scavenge some food today and some more gas, but I needed to come up with a plan. I wanted to put more distance between us and Atlanta but I was afraid if we moved too far out we might end up stranded. I ran my hands over my face, scrubbing at my eyes. I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep. If I was honest with myself I hadn't been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time since we left the group. I lied to Kate every day when she asked me if I slept when she woke. I would sleep when we were safe.

<><><><><>

We scrapped and scavenged for almost two months fairly successfully. We cleared houses and cars and stores as we came across them, and avoided other people like they carried the plague. I made the mistake once, and Nick died because of it. I wasn't willing to make the same mistakes again. But when winter hit, even I had to admit we were in trouble. When I bothered to look in the rearview mirror I saw how gaunt I had become. Kate was a little better but we were both slowly starving.

I was failing.

And that knowledge prevented me from sleeping. Those words chased themselves around and around my brain all day every day until I was sure I was going insane. I was beyond regretting the choices I had made that led us here. I was beyond reflection of any kind really. I was merely existing. Surviving.

We had stopped outside what looked like an abandoned farmhouse. I had no idea where we were. We both climbed out tiredly and crept towards the door. We were both so weak from lack of food it took us longer than it should have to climb the short stairs up the porch. This was our fourth stop of the day. All the other houses had been picked clean. If we struck out at this house I didn't know what we were going to do.

The door was slightly ajar, which made me feel a little better about there not being any of Them inside. Regardless, we moved silently into the kitchen. We were in no state to face any of Them. I was light headed and shaky. We really needed to find food. We started scouring the cupboard for anything that might be useful.

A few weeks back Kate had picked up the spindle from a broken banister and started carrying it with her when we raided houses. She had it and a small, soft sided sack over her shoulder and started tucking things in it she found. She was a bit of a magpie but I wasn't going to argue with her. It excited her and gave her something to do and focus on instead of the never ending quest for food and water. Day in and day out that's all I could think about.

We had just found the empty pantry when I heard the first groans that signaled Their arrival. I quietly padded towards the front door and looked out. I swallowed hard. There was a huge herd of Them already surrounding the truck.

"We gotta go," Kate's voice was hushed behind me. I'm not sure when she stopped being afraid when we came across Them, but it made me worry she had lost something. That innocence was gone, and it was my fault.

"No wait!" I said, looking back at the truck, I didn't want to abandon it.

"Come on Jo," she snapped pulling on my arm and dragging me towards the back of the house.

I looked at her and saw the determination in her eyes and nodded curtly. She was right. We slipped out the back door and I motioned towards a few ancient looking pine trees. Without hesitating Kate swung herself up into the lower branches. We could wait out the herd as long as we kept quiet and they kept moving.

I nearly fell out of the tree as gun fire erupted from somewhere behind us. A large group of men came out of the trees behind us. They had military grade weapons and were taking out the whole herd of Them. Their gunshots peppered the truck, hitting it in the side and the engine. I bit my lip until it bled as I watched my prized possession being destroyed. What the hell were we going to do now? We were too weak to walk very far, and this farmhouse was far away from just about anything. It's why I picked it, thinking there was a chance others hadn't found it. Who the hell did they think they were?

As soon as the last of Them fell the group gathered into a semi circle around one man. "Scour the area. Take anything of use, and move quickly." he bit out the orders. "Take the house," he said to one of his group. "And you, take anything of use out of that truck."

Kate whimpered from above me and I looked up at her then quickly back to the group of men. Her and Nick's packs were both still in the truck, along with everything else we had gathered over the last few months. I still wore my pack, so we would at least have something once they left. The leader turned in our direction and was scanning the forest. I didn't think he would spot us. Not many people thought to look up.

"Is someone out there?" The man called. He started walking back towards our tree as his men left to follow his orders. He was armed, but his gun was still in it's holster. "I heard you. Are you in trouble?" he asked in a confident, clear voice. "We can help you..."

Kate gasped softly and I immediately reached up and gripped her calf willing her keep quiet. We didn't know these people. We couldn't trust them. It didn't matter what they could offer us. We couldn't trust them.

The man turned in a small circle. He knew we were close. "We have medical care...and food."

I sunk my fingers into Kate's leg. "No," I whispered.

Kate looked down at me, anger blazing in her eyes. "I won't starve to death. We don't have a choice. This is it. You screwed it up for us last time. Now it's my turn." she whispered so only I could hear her.

I felt like she had slapped me. I pulled my hand away completely in a daze. I knew she had been mad, but I hadn't realized she still blamed me. I thought she understood.

She called out loud and clearly. "We are coming out."

The man straightened and turned in our direction. "Who is we?" he asked in a calm voice.

"My sister and I," Kate replied as she carefully started lowering herself down to the ground.

I ground my teeth, but followed her. Knowing we had no choice, they knew we were here now. There was no chance of escape.

Kate landed first and he took a step towards her. I jumped the rest of the way so I was beside her. My golf club hung loosely in one hand, ready for me to swing it up. He paused for a moment as though surprised by my appearance. He looked me up and down for a moment before his gaze settled on my face. I reached up and self consciously ran a hand over my braided hair. I knew I didn't look my best, but I didn't look bad enough to warrant the staring.

He seemed to notice and I'm sure what he considered charming smile spread across his lips. He moved his hand away from his gun and approached us slowly, his hands held up so he wouldn't appear threatening. It reminded me of how I first met Rick, but there was something to the tightness in this mans shoulders that made me wary. Rick had seemed sincere, this man...not so much.

He held out his hand once he was closer as though he were going to introduce himself and shake our hands. He was middle aged, with brown hair. On first glance he looked like a school principle, but the way he moved made me think there was muscle and training hiding beneath his facade.

Kate smiled and took a step towards him. She wobbled a little and he grabbed her forearm to steady her. I had already jumped forward at his first move in her direction. His gaze met mine and I saw him take note of my reaction. Shit. I should have played the victim in need of help, that way if I needed to fight our way out it would have been a surprise.

"We have a town of survivors." He said kindly, he was talking to Kate but his eyes were on me and I didn't like it. "Anyone is welcome as long as you are willing to pull your weight and help out." He looked well fed, and his clothes were neat and clean. He also wasn't carrying any gear which told me his camp must be close by and well stocked.

"We are!" Kate said quickly, latching her other hand around his forearm. "Please," she implored in a desperate voice.

I ground my teeth. I wasn't willing to beg.

"Please take us with you," she said, her voice breaking as tears swam in her eyes. Shame burned through me. I had done this to her, my failure had made her this terrified.

The man smiled that same oily charming smile that made my skin crawl and nodded. "Of course, you will both be very welcome in Woodbury. My name is Phillip."

<><><><><>