t h i r t y - s i x

Niall and I walked a lot that night. We ended up going to a Tesco express and buying ourselves a 4 pack of chocolate muffins. Niall finished 2 in under 5 minutes and ate half of my second one but I didn't mind. I wasn't that hungry. We ate the muffins while walking along the street towards an ice cream parlor that I never knew was in London. We went in just as it was about to close and both got an ice cream, me chocolate and Niall cookie dough. We found a bench by the side of the road and sat on it while we eat our ice creams.

"Lily?" Niall said suddenly when we were in the middle of eating our ice creams.

I turned my head to look at him but I was met with an ice cream in my face.

I gasped, "Niall!"

He laughed hardly as I tried to wipe the ice cream off my nose with my palm because I didn't have anything else.

I groaned, "Your so damn annoying!"

"But it's funny," he said through laughs.

"No it's not! But this is," I said and pushed my hand with all the ice cream I'd wiped off my face into his face.

He frowned and I burst out laughing at he stuck his tongue out and tried to lick the ice cream off his face.

"I hate you," he said and even though he was saying it in a jokey way, I still felt sad and my body clearly displayed that well because Niall saw and said, "Hey, I was just kidding."

"I know," I said and forced a smile onto my face. I took another lick of my ice cream, staring at the pavement as I did.

"Look at me," he said quietly and I looked up to see him smiling, "Your beautiful."

I blushed, "You can't even see me, it's dark."

"Is that so? If I can't see you then how come I know your blushing."

"Oh shut up," I said and nudged him shoulder, "I'm not blushing anyway."

He chuckled, "Oh really?"

I opened my mouth to reply but my entire body froze when I felt his nose push gently against my cheek.

"But your cheek is warm."

I cleared my throat, "N- no its not."

I knew he was smiling when he said, "Oh but it is."

I didn't know what was going on apart from that the man I love was sat right next to me on a bench in a street with no one around with his face right next to mine.

I turned my head so his nose was now touching mine. I felt my ice cream fall from my hand but I didn't care and clearly Niall didn't either because he let his do the same thing.

"You are so so so beautiful," he breathed and I blushed again.

"Niall don't," I shook my head but it didn't move away from his.

"Don't what?" he said quietly, "Don't say your beautiful?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

"But you are Lily. Your the most beautiful girl in the world and not just because of the way you look. The way you act and your personality and your constant giggling and blushing and your wonderful wonderful amount of love you have for every God damn living thing. All of it is beautiful. So please, for God's sake, stop telling yourself that you aren't beautiful when it's so clear to everyone that you are," he said in a rough but caring voice.

I nodded my head in response. His hand tucked a small bit of hair behind my ear and my entire body came alight at his touch.

He smirked and was about to say something when my phone rang loudly from inside my small bag. I took my face away from Niall's and reached into my bag for my phone.

"Hey Carol, what's up?" I said when I slid the answer button across the screen.

"It's your grandma," Carol's voice said through the phone. The sound was muffled but I could hear the sadness in her voice clearer than anything, "She was in a car crash."

I clapped my spare hand over my mouth as my tears started falling and my chest began to feel tight.

"Is she ok?" I managed to choke out.

I knew Carol was shaking her head when she said quietly, "No, she's dead."

My hand holding my phone began to wobble and slowly my phone began to slip. I heard Carol say your dad was with her when she passed just before my phone fell fully from my hands and into my lap, allowing me to now have both hands over my mouth.

"Lily what's wrong?" Niall's worried voice asked me but I couldn't speak. My tears kept coming and in a very short space of time my cheeks were soaking and hot despite the cool air. I could barely breathe.

When Niall's hand touched my shoulder my head didn't snap around like it usually would. Instead I let out a sob which made more and more sobs come and escape my mouth.

"Hey hey hey," Niall whispered into my hair and pulled me into his arms, locking me in a warm hug, "Please don't cry. It's ok."

I shook my head and let out more sobs.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said. He didn't sound demanding or like he was ordering me to tell me. He sounded worried and concerned.

"My... my..." I tried to speak but my sobs wouldn't let me.

"Shhh," he said and stroked my hair, "Don't cry. Please please please don't cry. I hate it when you cry. I hate it mostly because even though your crying you still look so fucking beautiful and it's crazy. But when you cry it also means your hurting. And I hate to think that your hurting. Even if you just got a paper cut I hate to think that it would sting you. But obviously you haven't gotten a paper cut. You don't have to tell me what's wrong. I'm not exactly your favourite person at the moment. Which is understandable but then again, is it really possible for me not to be your favourite person? I mean, I'm the best person ever. No one will ever be as amazing as me..."

My breathing steadied as I listened to Niall. I wasn't sure what he was talking about. He sort of just kept talking because he knew it was calming me. Eventually my sobs stopped all together, leaving only the tears that rolled slowly down my cheeks left.

Finally, I cleared my throat which made Niall suddenly stop talking and look down to me. I'd ended up half lying, half siting on him with one of his arms lying across my tummy and the other playing with my hair.

"Um..." I began but I didn't quite know what to say. I sat up so it was easier to look at him.

"It's ok, just take your time," Niall said, not taking his hand away from my hair.

"It was Carol on the phone," I took a deep breath, "My grandma's dead."

As I spoke the words, I didn't want to believe myself. She couldn't be dead. Who was going to get me through my dad's boring parties? Who would I talk to when I needed cheering up? More tears escaped my eyes as I thought about how I was going to have to cope without my grandma. She had always been there. Always. And now all of a sudden, she wasn't.

"Oh Lily, I'm so sorry," Niall said and I tried to force a smile but it didn't work at all.

"She was in a car crash," I said. More sobs came out my mouth and Niall opened his arms. I fell onto his chest in hopes the pain would just magically go away. It didn't of course, but some how having him there was way more comforting than I would've ever thought. My body shook with every sob and I felt bad for Niall because I'd never cried this much in front of him before. In fact, the only time I'd cried this much was when my mum died. My tears were being soaked up from my cheeks by his jumper but he didn't care. He was stroking my hair and resting his cheek on my head along with the occasional, comforting shhh.

"I've gotta take you home, to your dad's house," he told me in a soft voice. 

I nodded but didn't move off his chest. I wanted to go home to my dad's house. I had to see him. But at the same time, I didn't want to. It was already painful enough and seeing my dad would make it worse. 

"Lily c'mon," Niall said and tried to sit forward a bit but I stayed leaning on his chest.

"What am I gonna say to my dad?" I asked the air. I wasn't talking to Niall or myself. I was sort of just... talking. My voice was hoarse from all my crying and sobs, "He's lost so much."

"Hey," Niall said in a louder voice to make sure I was paying attention to him. I moved my head the slightest bit to look at him, "Your dad is in as much pain as you right now, ok? You've both lost someone you love. He isn't going to care what you say to him. He's going to care that your there with him in the time he's hurting. And that's all you can do for now, just be there for him and let him be there for you."

I shook my head, "You don't understand. He's already lost my mum and his dad. And now he's lost his mum. It's not gonna be ok."

"Baby I know," he said and pulled me in for another hug, "I know."

The hug was quick because Niall insisted on taking me to my dad's house. We had to walk back to his car that was still parked outside the restaurant but it wasn't a super long walk. Niall tried many times to make me laugh and even offered to give me a piggy back but I just wasn't in the mood. How could I be? My grandma had just died.