Chapter 3

But Hyunjin didn't even try contacting Han.

Right?

"Jisung!" Lee Know shouted snapping Han out of his thoughts, "Felix is done, come on already."

Han frowned and said "Hyunjin is my brother, not you, stop shouting at me." Han walked to Felix as Lee Know stood there frozen.

Yes, Lee Know had been thinking about his best friend a lot, but actually hearing his name... Lee Know leaned back against the fence and slide down. He closed his eyes as he felt the sky getting lower and lower, ready to crush him. Lee Know's chest ached and he couldn't breathe. Lee Know gasped trying to catch his breath. He didn't want a panic attack now. Not when he was with Felix, Felix was his responsibility.

Lee Know choked on his breath as Bang Chan sat in front of him. Chan looked unsure what to do but ended up keeping his hand on Minho's shoulder, effectively grounding him. Lee Know drew in a sharp breath and opened his eyes as he came back to reality.

Chan asked concerned "What happened?" Lee Know's eyes widened and he glared at Chan, smacking his hand away. "I don't need your help." Chan winced getting up.

It was time to go back inside. Chan walked away with a frown, "I should've known I'd make things worse.." Chan thought. Lee Know looked at the ground. He didn't mean to do that...

LUNCH TIME

Lee Know looked around the lunch hall and saw Felix, Han, Changbin, IN and Seungmin at a table. Seungmin was super quiet in class, but with his friends, he always acted like himself. It was his safe space.

It used to be Lee Know's safe space too.

When Hyunjin was there.

Now Lee Know preferred to sit alone. If Hyunjin was alone everyday, lunch time was a small gesture Lee Know could do. Lee Know looked around for Hyunjin... Just to make sure that Hyunjin was eating lunch. Nothing else.

He spotted Hyunjin, and thankfully, Hyunjin was sitting with Bang Chan. Not alone. Someone tapped Lee Know's shoulder. Lee Know almost punched them.

Felix stood wide-eyed and said "Come on, let's sit together, look, Hyunjin isn't alone either." Lee Know sputtered "I don't sit alone because of Ji- Hyunjin!" Felix snickered "Sure. Anyways, he looks hot today..." Lee Know almost hit himself this time. Lee Know looked at Felix in disbelief, while the latter shrugged, "He looks hot with his black hair." Lee Know raised a brow "My hair are black?" Felix snickered "Your hair are dark brown."

Han came and said "You two are going to sit with us or just going to stand in the noisy hallway?" Han crossed his arms while Lee Know gulped. Why was Lee Know feeling nervous... Lee Know scowled and said "Look who's ordering me around now. I'm not your brother, leave me alone." Felix frowned as Han went to say something back as well.

Then Felix grabbed both of them by their ears and dragged them to the table. Lee Know snickered at Han who in response, stuckout his tongue at Lee Know.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin and Chan were having a small conversation. Hyunjin said "Where were you during the fire drill? If it's ok to ask..." Honestly, Hyunjin hadn't talked at all for about a year and his throat hurt like hell. He didn't even know why he stayed quiet so long. His dad hadn't choked him that hard after Han left.

"Oh, you know that guy Lee Know? I think he was hyperventilating or something. I tried to help him, but he just got mad. Maybe I just made him uncomfortable.... Or maybe he didn't expect anyone to help him." Chan said actively trying to forget the reason that kept crawling in his mind- "Nobody likes you Chan."

Hyunjin's breath caught. He knew about Lee Know's panic attacks. Hyunjin used to be the only one who could help him with them. Lee Know felt responsible and always tried to be strong. He never really let his feelings out or talked about his problems.

His problems were his problems to deal with only. He didn't need to worry anyone or look like an attention seeker. Or worse, look weak. Lee Know would do anything to look strong in front of his brother. Hyunjin remembered Lee Know once said"I don't tell anyone about my problems because they worry too much. If I look like I won't become so worried, it would be easier for Felix to reach out to me." Hyunjin had told Lee Know that sometimes showing emotions was a better way to make people open up.

Hyunjin felt his throat tighten and his eyes water. Lee Know left him. Lee Know left him because Han left him. Han left him because Hyunjin was too stubborn to leave his father. It wasn't Hyunjin's fault really. His father was rich and had connections. He threatened Hyunjin not to leave. When Han left, his father was furious. Hyunjin had to beg to his father to leave Han alone. The punishments that came after were just a bonus.

Hyunjin abruptly got up and ran out of the lunch hall. His vision got blurry with unwanted tears. He was so tired and sick of everything. He hadn't done anything wrong to deserve this....... did he?

He ran towards the bathroom and bumped into a blond haired boy. Hyunjin cursed. Why was he so clumsy today?! Hyunjin choked on a sob trying to say sorry, still not being able to see properly and ran to one of the bathroom stalls.

Meanwhile the blond, Felix, followed Hyunjin worriedly. After bumping into Felix, Hyunjin had muttered some incoherent words. Hyunjin locked himself in a bathroom stall.

Felix took a deep breath and waited for a couple minutes, giving time for Hyunjin to feel relatively calmer. Felix stepped towards the stall and gently knocked "Hey Hyunjin-ah.... It's Felix."

"I'm not here." Hyunjin mumbled. Felix chuckled and said, "I can see your feet from under the door."

Hyunjin looked down, still teary-eyed and raised his feet in the air by climbing and supporting himself between the two walls. Felix smiled.

Felix said, "It's been so long since we talked." Hyunjin stayed silent. Felix said again, "Hyunjin-ah! I missed you." Felix decided it was better not to name the others yet. Hyunjin groaned, "Ugh, when will you start calling me Hyung?"

Felix snickered "I knew you were in there. Can I come in or can you come out?" Hyunjin said "Ew no."

Felix knocked the door again. But this time, it was to a particular tune. Something Lee Know used to sing to help Felix fall asleep. Something Lee Know used to sing to calm Hyunjin down. Lee Know didn't sing as much anymore. Hyunjin's eyes welled up with tears. Hyunjin quickly wiped his eyes clean and said "Fine, come in just... stop that."

Felix smiled and slid into the bathroom stall from under the door. "Wow Hyunjin, your eyes are red." Felix said and Hyunjin lips curved upwards "My eye colour is black, not red." Felix tried to control his laughter "It's dark brown, no one has black eyes."

Hyunjin looked Felix straight in the eyes and said lowly, "But mine are black, aren't they?"

Felix gulped suddenly nervous and nodded as he stuttered, "Of course, I- they're really bea- black! THEY'RE REALLY BLACK!"

Hyunjin raised a brow, "Uh Felix?" Felix stared and said "What?" Hyunjin said breaking eye contact "Isn't Minho looking for you?"

Felix came back to reality and said "Oh sh**! I am so dead..." Felix paused before sliding under the door and said "Can we meet after school in the school garden outside? I wanted to give you something." Hyunjin thought about it and nodded slowly.

Felix ran outside happy to see and actually talk to Hyunjin once again. Hyunjin stood up straight in the stall and breathed. Why was it always so easy with Felix when things were so complicated?