012

JI YONG - END OF MOTTE TOUR

The plane was too quiet.

Or maybe it was just me. My ears still rang from the last show, from the screaming, from the drums vibrating through my bones. Or maybe it was the silence after—the kind that wraps around your throat when the lights go down and there's no one left to perform for.

I shifted in my seat. The leather stuck to my back. I pulled my hoodie tighter even though I was sweating. My body was so light it felt like it wasn't mine anymore. Maybe I left part of it on some stage. Japan? Bangkok? Who knows.

I hadn't really eaten in... hell, I didn't even know how long. People kept handing me things—drinks, pills, food, clothes—but I stopped recognizing what was what. Everything tasted like ash.

My reflection in the cabin window didn't look like me. Hollow eyes. Jaw sharp like a knife. My hands looked too big for my wrists. When had that happened?

Taeyang leaned over from the next seat. He didn't say anything. Just pressed a bottle of water into my hand and nodded like he wasn't going to ask how I was doing.

Good. Because I would've lied.

The plane landed with a soft thud, but my heart didn't.

Coming back home felt like returning to a war zone I hadn't prepared for. The real world. Seoul. Reality. Two months left of freedom. Then the military. The shave. The uniform. The silence.

I wanted to throw up.

Daesung offered to take me home, and I let him. Him and Taeyang flanked me like bodyguards—not from fans, but from myself, maybe. I watched the city blur past the car window, neon bleeding into gray.

Someone said something. I laughed when I was supposed to. My throat ached.

I kept staring at my phone in my lap. It buzzed sometimes. Messages from staff. From people I'd met on tour. From fans. A few from my mom.

Not from him.

I looked out the window. Trees, buildings, signs I couldn't read properly.

I hadn't told him I was coming back.

My thumb hovered over the screen.

I opened the chat.

Still there. His last message still pinned to the top:

You don't scare me, Ji.

God. I'd read that more times than I could count.

I didn't know what to say.

Didn't want to sound like I was expecting anything. Or hoping. Or—fuck it.

I typed.

im in korea again. lol

Three words. One laugh that didn't feel like one.

I hit send.

Locked the screen.

Didn't breathe.

Let the city carry me the rest of the way home.

I had barely waved Taeyang and Daesung goodbye when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

From: SeunghyunAre you at the airport? Do you need me to pick you up?

I just stood there for a second, key halfway to the lock. My stomach flipped. I hadn't even made it inside yet and he was already... thinking about me.

I let out this breath I didn't know I was holding. My hand was shaking a little, so I just leaned against the door for a second and typed back.

To: SeunghyunNo, I just got home. Tae and Dae dropped me off. But... thank you. For asking.

Three dots appeared almost instantly.

From: SeunghyunOkay... just wanted to be sure. You must be exhausted. Want me to come over later?

I closed my eyes. God, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to bury myself in him, curl into the one place that ever really felt like shelter. But I also didn't want to drag him into the mess of what I'd become after the tour.

I turned the key, stepped inside, dropped my bags. The silence of the apartment hit me like a wave. No lights on. No voices. No chaos. Just me. Alone.

My fingers hovered over the screen.

To: SeunghyunMaybe not tonight. I look like death. I smell worse. Give me one night to feel human again, and then... yes. Please come.

Seconds later:

From: SeunghyunFine. But only one night. I miss you too much.

I stared at that for a long time. Then I sat down on the cold floor, surrounded by unopened suitcases and memories that felt like bruises. I typed again.

To: SeunghyunI missed you the whole damn time.

I barely made it past the hallway.

Dropped my bag somewhere between the entrance and the couch. Shoes kicked off without even untying them. Jacket on the floor. My body moved like it was still on autopilot from the tour—do this, walk there, bow, wave, perform. Collapse.

And that's what I did.

Made it to the bedroom. Didn't even bother pulling the blinds. The bed was still unmade from before I left, but I didn't care. I didn't even take off my jeans. Just face-planted onto the mattress, fully clothed, and let the exhaustion swallow me whole.

Buzz Buzz.I twitched. Groaned. Rolled onto my side.

Buzz Buzz.

What time was it? I squinted. The sunlight slicing through the blinds felt like an attack. My jeans were stiff from dried sweat, and my mouth was dry as hell. Head pounding.

Phone still in my back pocket. I wrestled it out like it weighed a thousand pounds.

Unlock. Blurry vision. Notifications everywhere.

7 missed messages.

All from Seunghyun.

I scrolled past the ones I couldn't process yet. Everything was too bright, too loud, too much. But the last message stuck.

From: Seunghyun"Open the door when you're ready."

My throat closed up for a second.

I sat there, still groggy, phone warm in my hand. My brain was slow to catch up but... he was here. Or had been. Maybe still was. He didn't ask to be let in. Didn't bang or ring the bell or text a million "where are you"s. Just that one line.

Like he knew.

Like he always did.

I sat there for a moment longer, just breathing. Letting the silence settle over me like dust.

Then I got up.

Every joint cracked. My legs were sore in places I didn't even know had muscles. I dragged myself to the bathroom, flicked on the light, and winced at my own reflection.Hollow cheeks. Purple rings under my eyes. My hair was sticking out in four different directions. I looked like someone who'd just crawled out of a war zone.In a way, maybe I had.

I bent over the sink, turned the faucet, and drank straight from it like a damn animal. Then I splashed cold water on my face until it stung. It didn't help much. Still looked miserable. Still felt miserable.

I dried my face on the sleeve of my shirt and grabbed my phone from the counter.

Typed:"You are outside?"

Instant reply."Yes. Do you want me to leave?"

I stared at the message for a beat. My thumb hovered over the keyboard.

"I look horrible."

"Ji, you've vomited on me more times than I can count. I'm not going to be scared haha."

I let out a breath. Almost laughed. Almost.

"But it's okay tho if you don't want to open the door."

There was a pause. Not long, but enough that I imagined him looking at his screen, thinking.

"I'm going to." I replied before I could change my mind

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH

FUCK YEAAAHHH

Okay so rn in camping, my wifi works horrible but I get SUPER inspired, so if chapters are way longer just now its because of that.

Dont forget to vote and comment my pretty people. Things are getting interestiiinggg