20 - Shinobu's Day (Giyu Perspective)

Perhaps Giyu is too kind to a fault. Too kind to argue back that he didn't ruin Shinobu's birthday. Too kind to bring up the fact that he rented a car because Shinobu brought up how she wanted to be picked up by car that day

Too kind to bring up how he bought the biggest bouquet the flower store could make because Shinobu showed him a video and said how it would be her dream to receive something like that

Too kind to bring up how much money he had to spend for their matching outfit. Too kind to bring up how much of a headache getting that reservation was, and how much he would have had to spend for that dinner

Too kind to bring up how he saved up all this money just for Shinobu to have her dream birthday

Too kind to bring up how little she did for his birthday

Too kind to bring up how little she did at any other day, really

Too kind to bring up how much he wants to feel even a little wanted by Shinobu

That night, Giyu wondered many things

Why was it that he spent so much money and did so much planning, and he is blamed for ruining her day when all he did was taking flowers out of pity?

Why was it that he could never say these things to his girlfriend?

Why can't you ever try to understand me for once

Giyu doesn't say anything because he knows they'll start fighting again.

Is love really about who is the biggest sinner and the most responsible to be blamed?

The day comes in flashbacks

The vivid morning. Shinobu's smile

The way she held his hand

The way she...

Does.

And the way everything falls apart

The jealousy, the anger flaring, the distance that Giyu worked so hard to close for this day

The fighting

The crying

Why does it always feel like they're lacking?

What didn't she ever do?

What did Shinobu ever do?

Giyu lets out a shaky breath. He buries his face in the palm of his hands and lets the sound of his exhaustion in his lungs make it past his lips

Then he stares at the hand Shinobu held that very morning

Right

It will always be the girl who holds his hands in rare mornings that tells him he's too kind

Perhaps that's the only reason why

Because no matter how much they tear each other apart, Giyu will never be so cruel to himself to love someone else who isn't Shinobu Kocho

He pushes himself from the countertop, grabs the keys of the car that he has yet to return, and prays that there is an open flower shop at this late hour

Giyu knows an apology will fix this

Giyu knows

Apologies were bandaids for immaturities and continuous heartbreaks throughout the years. Apologies have never been enough to hold relationships, but what else could they ever do, really?