Part Fifty-Four

Beth’s POV

It had been a week since I had the phone call from my mother; I hadn’t bothered to ring her back. I didn’t want to. She hadn’t bothered to ring back either, so it’s obviously not that important.

Louis hasn’t brought it up either since then, so I thank him for that. I know he wants to ask me about it, I can see the way he looks at me. He’s holding back though, he’s trying his best to give me time to think it over, but soon his detective side will show and his curiosity will get the better of him. I need to be ready for when he asks. What am I going to tell him? The truth? But I’ve already been lying to them all for so long… will they hate me?

I sighed and collapsed back on the bed not sure what to do. Why was everything so confusing? Why hadn’t I just told them all about it when I first met them, instead of lying to them for the past (almost) two years? Why was I such a coward? If I told them… would it be so bad?

Best case scenario: They’d all understand why I lied to them and they’d forgive me. Then I wouldn’t have to lie to them ever again, and I wouldn’t have to see my family again. Surely they wouldn’t make me go back.

Right?

Worst case scenario: They’d all hate me and kick me out the house, forcing me to go back to my family. I’d never see any of them again and my life would be over.

So, if I don’t tell them…

Best case scenario: Louis forgets all about the phone call, my family don’t contact me again and I move on. I carry on like nothing happened and I live happily ever after.

Shut up Beth, this isn’t a fairy tale, there’s no such thing as ‘happily ever afters’ in the real world. Grow up and face reality.

Worst case scenario: Louis doesn’t let it drop and keeps digging until he finds out, he then gets upset and angry that I didn’t tell him the truth. He tells the others, they’d all hate me and kick me out the house, forcing me to go back to my family. I’d never see any of them again and my life would be over.

Well… thinking about it like that, if I tell Louis or I don’t there’s still a chance that they’d end up hating me and send me back to my parents. If I tell him, he could hate me. If I don’t tell him, he might find out and hate me.

It’s a fifty, fifty situation.

I’m not a gambling person.

I don’t really like those odds.

Am I going to risk everything and tell him now? Or I could not tell him and spend as much time as I can enjoying my life before it all comes crashing down.

I like the sound of the latter option more… apart from the ‘life comes crashing down’ part… but if it gives me more time… but then I’d be lying to them for longer…

“You okay Beth?” Louis yanked me abruptly away from my thoughts; walking in the room.

“Yes… No,” I sighed putting my head in my hands. I decided not to lie to him. I just couldn’t, not when he was being so nice and loving and… understanding. He trusted me whole-heartedly and all I’ve done is lie to him. How could I do that to him? He’s told me nothing but truths. I don’t deserve him. He deserves someone who he can trust and who won’t lie to him.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked sitting beside me on the bed.

“I don’t know…” I mumbled, “You’re all going to hate me…”

“I’m sure that’s not true Beth, I could never hate you,” He kissed my cheek and I laughed humourlessly.

“Oh believe me, you’ll hate me,” I shook my head.

I know I probably wasn’t making much sense to him right now, but I honestly didn’t know what to do. People always say honesty is the best policy, but how can I be honest when it could result in, what I feel is the most perfect life I could get (even if that is without my actual family… but the girls and the boys are my family now, I don’t need anyone else), could come crashing down.

The truth, well my truth, was like venom, and every day a little bit more was being dripped into the ears of the ones I love around me. This wound will never heal. If I tell them the truth then they get the all the ‘venom’ at once… if I don’t and they work it out for themselves they’ll be gathering information little by little and the venom will continue to be drip fed to them. Which is more painful, a quick death or a slow one? I know which I’d prefer.

“Beth, you’re worrying me, what’s going on?” He asked turning to face me, with a serious face on.

I know he’s trying, and all I’m doing is putting a glass wall in front of him, which he just keeps running into. We’re making all the same mistakes…

It’s time to end it. He can’t go on loving a fraud, and I can’t go on lying to him. It’s time to end it. Now.

“I’ve… well, in short, I’ve been lying to all of you…” I whispered. Urgh, it sounded worse saying it out loud. Please let me explain. I silently begged.

“What do you mean?” Louis frowned, “Does this have anything to do with the call from your mum?”

My chest tightened. I should have realised he’d put two and two together… he’s smarter than everyone thinks. Well, most of the time… some of the time… occasionally… okay, so he has these little burst of knowledge now and again, it doesn’t make him dumb.

“Yes,” I sighed. There’s no going back now. Come on Beth, don’t be a coward. You’ve been hiding from this for too long now. It has to end. It has to. If not for your sake, for Louis’, for your friends… Lauren, Molly, Sophia, Mel, Niall, Liam, Harry and Zayn. This is it. It’s time to tell the truth.

“My family and I… don’t exactly get on… in fact… they sort of hate me…” I started; trying my best to explain it in short terms. Not because Louis’ was dumb, but because it was a long story and it would take forever for me to tell it else.

“Beth, I’m sure that’s not true,” He chuckled, but stopped when I kept a straight face, to show I was being deadly serious, “Why?” His voice was now barely a whisper, but it seemed like a shout in the silence of the room. The one word seemed to bounce around the room, echoing off the walls as I tried to think of the easiest and quickest way to answer that simple question. ‘Why?’

It seemed like an eternity before I eventually answered. “My mother works in a hospital as Clinical Lead on the A&E ward; my father is a successful surgeon; my oldest brother is a doctor; my other brother is a trainee doctor… me, well, I’m unemployed and according to them failed my A levels. I didn’t, I got straight B’s, but they all got straight A*’s, and with my B’s I couldn’t get into the University they wanted me to. Not that I wanted to, I wanted and still want to be a successful photographer. They think it’s a stupid dream and I need to grow up. They tried to make me go back to school and do my A levels again, but I didn’t want to. So… I packed my things and ran away from home…” I finished my story. Well most of it. There was one part I left out… but he didn’t need to know about that. It was in the past, and I’d rather it stayed in the past.

“Beth, I’m so sorry, why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered; his face seemed strained, and worried, but I saw no anger or hate or even hurt. Is that a good thing?

“Because, I’d already been lying to the girls for the past year… I wanted to tell you, but I guess I was just ashamed…” I buried my head in my hands.

“But, there’s just one thing…” He trailed off and I looked up at him again.

“Yes?” I pressed him.

“I thought you went to your parent’s house for Christmas…” He frowned.

“Well… I didn’t want any of you to find out about my family, because they are horrible and to be honest… I was scared you might send me back to them, because they don’t actually know where I am, not that they care,” I explained.

“Beth, we’d never send you back if you didn’t want to go,” Louis smiled and kissed me quickly, “So, where did you spend Christmas?”

“It sounds really sad… but I spent it alone in some hotel…” I sighed.

“Beth! You should have just told me, I would have taken you with me back home for Christmas! No one should spend Christmas alone,” He hugged me tightly.

“It really wasn’t that bad…” I lied.

“Beth,” He smiled, seeing straight through my lie.

“Okay, so it was horrible,” I laughed.

“Well, this year you are coming home with me,” He smiled and I smiled back.

“Thanks,” I hugged him.

“No problem,” He smiled, “So… did you ring your mum back?”

“No,” I shook my head, “And I don’t plan on. If it really is that important she would have rung me again.”

“True,” He smiled.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

As if on cue my phone burst in to song, alerting me of an incoming call. “Speaking of the devil,” I muttered, shivering slightly, seeing the caller ID and putting my phone back on the bedside table.

“Are you not going to answer that?” Louis asked, gesturing to my still ringing phone.

“Nope, she can leave a message,” I shrugged.

“Bethany, it’s your mother again. I can see you’re still not best pleased with us, but this isn’t about me. It’s about Jonathon, he has some important news for us all, so we’re having a family dinner. In which you must attend. It is on Friday, at noon. Bethany, I would like to see you there,” Her high-pitched squawk of a voice filled the silence in the room, giving me my instructions. She’s still as demanding as ever.

“Great, just great,” I sighed.

You’re probably thinking, ‘Why do you just not go?’ And the reason is that… I kind of wanted to go, to bury everything, if you like. To put the past in the past and possibly move on. If not that, then to just find out how my family is getting on… and I am slightly curious as to what my brother needs to tell me so importantly. The only thing is… I dread seeing them again… you could say, when I left we weren’t exactly on the best terms.

“Are you going?” Lou asked.

“This was always going to happen Lou, I guess it’s just time I face my family again,” I muttered. I can do this though. I can. I can’t. I really can’t. Why do I have to be such a coward?

“I’ll go with you,” Louis smiled as he had a brilliant idea and I couldn’t help but smile back; even if it was only a small smile on my part.

“Are you sure you want to do that? You’ll have to dress smart…” I bit my lip.

“I can dress smart!” He gasped in horror.

“I know, I know, but you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” I said nervously.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine Beth,” He kissed me.

Wait… did she say Friday? That’s tomorrow! Oh man.

That means, I’ll have to get a smart dress, matching heels and accessories… because I don’t think I have anything smart enough for a mandatory family dinner. I haven’t had to go to one in two years, so I haven’t needed anything smart.

Louis has plenty of suits he can wear, or even just smart dress pants and a button up shirt. Just as long as he looks smart. Or my family is going to have a field day.

“Well, I’ve got to go shopping for something smart,” I announced.

“You want me to come with you?” Louis asked.

“Sure,” I smiled and we set off.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Is my hair okay?” I asked Louis for like the millionth time.

“Yes, now let’s go, or we’ll be late,” He chuckled and pulled me out of the house, with a fleeting goodbye yell to the others- who assumed we were just going on a date. We both went along with it; I wasn’t ready to tell them all about my family just yet.

We had found a nice smart dress eventually on our shopping trip yesterday, it was a grey number that came to just above my knee with short sleeves and a thin black belt across the middle.

“Now Louis…” I started as we got in the car.

“I know, I’m on my best behaviour, I’ll be good, I promise Beth; but I’m sure everything will go fine,” He winked at me as we began the drive to my parent’s house.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” I laughed lightly, before going serious again.

“What were you going to say then?” He asked.

“Yesterday… I wasn’t entirely honest with you,” I sighed.

“What do you mean?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Well, I didn’t actually lie to you… I just left a bit out… but I suppose I should tell you,” I sighed and Louis pulled up to the side of the road- even though we’d only just started our journey.

“What did you miss out yesterday?” He asked, somewhat nervously.

“When I was little… I had a third brother… he was the eldest out of us all, his name was Chris, he was seven years older than me. He was… our family’s first ‘failure’…” I looked away from Louis and out the window as tears built up in my eyes.

“What do you mean ‘was’?” Louis whispered; taking my hand in one of his, with the other hand he gently tilted my head back so I was facing him again.

“When I was thirteen… he was twenty… he had done well in his schooling, and he was on his way to become a very successful doctor… but the p-pressure j-just got to him Louis,” My voice cracked and tears slid down my cheeks, after one fell, it was like the others just seemed to follow and I couldn’t stop myself.

“What happened to him Beth?” Louis whispered.

“My parent’s refused to believe he was depressed… they refused to help him, deluding themselves into thinking he was alright… but we could all see it… and one day my parents took my other two brothers out for a meal, but I was too young to go, well that’s what they said anyway. They left Chris in charge of me that night. I just remember being in bed and having a nightmare… I went to find Chris, he could always help me in those situations,” I choked on my words and had to stop.

“Beth,” Louis wiped a tear from my cheek, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, no, I do, I want to tell you,” I whispered and he nodded, waiting for me to carry on. I could see he was looking very concerned for me, almost as if my pain was hurting him too.

“It was dark in the house, as it was night, but the others still weren’t back… I walked into Chris’s room, where I had heard noise… his lamp was on in the corner and I could s-see…” My voice cracked and even more tears poured down my face as the memories of that night flashed through my head, “H-He had a rope… tied around his neck… and he was standing on his bed… he looked at me Louis… he looked at me… but he wasn’t there…”

“I begged him… I knew what he was going to do… he looked at me and said three words… ‘Follow your dreams’ a-and t-then he… s-stepped off t-the…” I couldn’t speak anymore, the lump in my throat was too big and the tears were like a never ending water fall on my face.

“Beth,” Louis’ voice cracked and I even saw a tear slide down his cheek. He leant across the gears and hugged me tightly and just let me sob into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, no one should go through that,” He whispered. When I’d finally calmed down we straightened ourselves out and I wiped my face, making sure my make-up hadn’t run. Louis continued the drive silently, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to talk. I can understand… it’s not every day your girlfriend tells you she watched her brother… No, stop, or you’ll set yourself off again.

“I-Is this your house?” He gasped as we pulled up into the drive. It was more like a mini Buckingham Palace. It looked very grand inside and out. Statues littered the outside grounds, it even had a giant fountain in the middle of a huge lake in the back garden- but you couldn’t see that from here. Even now, just sitting outside the house on the drive, I could see Louis was in awe of it. He shouldn’t be. Half the rooms aren’t used; the house is just for show more than anything.

“My parents,” I replied coolly.

“You ready?” He asked, looking over to me.

“As I’ll ever be,” I nodded and we climbed out the car and walked up the rest of the gravel drive.

“Louis,” I caught his arm before he buzzed the doorbell.

“Yes?” He turned to face me.

“There’s one more thing you should be prepared for whilst we’re here…” I said and he nodded for me to continue, “You should be prepared for them to insult me… and possibly you… as I said, they hate my dream of being a photographer… but more than that… they blame me for Chris’s death…” I said quietly.

“Why?” He asked, looking taken aback.

“They needed someone to blame, and me being there at the time… it was just easier for them to blame me than think that they failed Chris. But… don’t worry about me Louis, I’ll be fine… I’m used to it,” I smiled reassuringly.

“Okay,” He nodded once more and I let go of his arm so he could press the doorbell. The doors opened after a few seconds and Harvey, the butler, showed us into the dining room, where the rest of my family awaited us.

Harvey pushed open the door and Louis and I stepped inside the dining room, holding hands. We would get through this. Right?

All eyes landed on us.

“Bethany,” My mother acknowledged me, “And who’s this?”

“This is Louis Tomlinson… my boyfriend.”