[CHAPTER 18]

───🦋･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.🦋───

───🦋･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.🦋───

TITLE : A CHRISTMAS APART

THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM WAS was warm and alive with chatter, the usual excitement buzzing through the castle as students prepared to head home for the holidays.

Snow fell gently outside the windows, covering the Hogwarts grounds in a soft white blanket, and for the first time in weeks, Ellie felt like she could finally breathe.

She stood by the fireplace, tugging on her scarf as she watched the others say their goodbyes. Daphne  and Pansy were hugging, promising to write.

Blaise and Draco were loudly discussing the vacation. Lorenzo  was laughing at something Theodore Nott said, tossing a casual glance toward her—but it no longer made her heart skip.

No.

Not him.

Not anymore.

And maybe that was the worst part of all.

She still wasn't ready to think about what that meant.

She just needed to go home.

And so did Mattheo.

They hadn't spoken since that moment after practice—the moment where he had held her wrist, where he had looked at her like she was something he didn't know how to let go of.

They hadn't even tried.

It wasn't like they were avoiding each other. Not really.

They still sat at the same table during meals. Still passed each other in the corridors.

But it wasn't the same.

They weren't fighting.

They just... weren't anything at all.

And that hurt more than she wanted to admit.

Now, as students started heading toward the carriages that would take them to Hogsmeade Station, Ellie felt it again—that strange, aching pull in her chest.

Like something had ended before it had ever really begun.

And then—

A shadow shifted in the corner of her eye.

She turned.

Mattheo stood by the portrait hole, hands tucked into his pockets, watching her.

Her heart did that stupid, fluttering thing again, and she hated herself for it.

For a second, neither of them moved.

Then he nodded, a small, almost careful motion.

"Have a good Christmas, Ellie."

She swallowed. "You too."

And that was it.

No last words. No lingering looks. No pretending there was anything left to say.

Just a polite goodbye between friends.

Or whatever they were now.

And yet, as Ellie stepped into the cold, as the train carried her away from Hogwarts, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had left something important behind.

—

Home wasn't the escape Ellie had hoped for.

She had thought that being back in her childhood house, surrounded by her family, would help clear her head.

That being away from Mattheo would make everything go back to normal.

But it didn't.

If anything, it made it worse.

Her mother noticed first.

"You've been quiet," she remarked one evening over dinner, watching Ellie too closely as she passed the mashed potatoes across the table. "Something on your mind?"

Ellie forced a smile. "Just tired."

Her mother hummed, unconvinced. "Too much studying? Or is it boy trouble?"

Ellie nearly choked on her water.

Her father snorted. "She's at Hogwarts. That's enough trouble on its own."

Her younger brother, Jamie, waggled his eyebrows. "Ellie's got a boyfriend?"

Ellie shot him a glare. "No."

Jamie grinned. "That wasn't a no fast enough."

Her mother, however, didn't let it go so easily. "You do seem a bit... distracted."

Ellie busied herself with cutting her food, pretending not to hear.

Because how could she even explain it?

She wasn't with Mattheo.

They had never been real.

But somehow, this felt worse than an actual breakup.

Like something had been pulled from under her before she even had the chance to hold onto it.

—

Christmas came and went.

Snow fell heavily on the village, blanketing the streets and rooftops in soft white. Lights twinkled in the windows, and carolers sang in the town square.

It should have been perfect.

And yet, Ellie felt like she was watching it all from a distance, like she wasn't really there.

Her friends sent letters. Daphne  and Pansy wrote about their families, the presents they got, how much they already missed Hogwarts.

Mattheo didn't write.

And Ellie told herself she didn't care.

Told herself she wasn't waiting.

But when Christmas morning came, and there was nothing from him—not even a casual, meaningless "Happy Christmas"—she felt the absence of it like a dull ache in her chest.

She had no right to be upset.

He didn't owe her anything.

Just like she didn't owe him anything.

That had been the deal from the start.

Hadn't it?

—

New Year's Eve arrived, and Ellie found herself staring at the fireplace, lost in thought.

Tomorrow, she'd go back to Hogwarts.

Back to the castle where Mattheo would be waiting.

Or not.

Maybe nothing would change.

Maybe everything already had.

Her mother's voice floated in from the kitchen, humming a soft holiday tune.

Jamie was playing with his Christmas gifts, lost in his own world. The snow outside glowed under the light of the moon.

It was a quiet night.

A night meant for fresh starts.

For moving forward.

But Ellie wasn't sure how to move forward when she didn't even know where she and Mattheo stood.

She closed her eyes, exhaling softly.

Tomorrow, she'd find out.

___

The train ride back to Hogwarts was colder than Ellie remembered.

Not just in temperature, but in feeling.

The usual excitement that came with returning to the castle after the holidays felt strangely muted, like a hazy memory she couldn't quite grasp.

She sat with Daphne  and Pansy, listening to them chatter about their Christmases—about new dress robes and family dinners.

Ellie laughed when she was supposed to. Nodded at the right moments.

But she wasn't really there.

She was thinking about him.

About Mattheo.

And she hated it.

She had spent weeks trying to forget.

Trying to push him out of her head, trying to focus on anything but him.

But no matter how much she tried to bury it—no matter how many times she told herself it didn't matter—there was always something pulling her back.

A stupid memory. A passing thought. The way his voice still echoed in her head when she least expected it.

She clenched her fists, staring out the window as the countryside blurred past.

This was stupid.

He wasn't hers to miss.

And yet, when the train finally pulled into Hogsmeade Station, and she stepped onto the platform, her heart betrayed her by searching the crowd for him.

And when she saw him—standing there with his Quidditch bag slung over his shoulder, laughing at something Blaise had said—her chest tightened in a way she really wished it wouldn't.

He looked the same.

Like Christmas break had never happened.

Like nothing had changed.

Like he hadn't spent the last two weeks not talking to her.

Ellie forced herself to turn away.

She wouldn't let herself care.

—

For the next week, she tried.

She really, really tried.

She threw herself into schoolwork, into Quidditch practice, into late-night study sessions with Daphne  and Pansy.

She spent time with Lorenzo , even though something felt... off now.

Even though she could tell, deep down, that whatever feelings she thought she had for him weren't there anymore.

And she told herself that was fine.

That she didn't need to replace Mattheo with someone else.

That she didn't need him at all.

But Hogwarts wasn't big enough to avoid him forever.

Not when they had classes together.

Not when they still sat at the same table for meals.

Not when Quidditch practice forced them into the same space, over and over and over again.

And Merlin, that was the worst part of all.

Because Quidditch had always been where they worked best together.

Where everything else faded away, where it was just about flying and playing and being a team.

But now?

Now, every time she met his gaze across the pitch, every time his voice cut through the wind shouting her name, every time he brushed past her in the locker room—

She felt it.

That tension.

That thing they weren't talking about.

That thing that had been building between them for months, even when they'd been pretending it wasn't there.

And the worst part?

He was fine.

Mattheo acted fine.

Like nothing had happened. Like they hadn't spent the last few months tangled up in something they didn't have words for.

Like he hadn't kissed her in a way that made her ache.

Like he hadn't ended whatever it was between them without even explaining why.

And maybe that was what hurt the most.

Because if he could move on so easily...

Then she had to too.

—

So she avoided him.

Or at least, she tried to.

She stopped sitting near him at meals.

She made excuses when practice ended, rushing out of the locker room before he could catch her alone.

She talked to Lorenzo  more, even though it felt wrong now.

And when Mattheo finally did corner her after a long practice, brow furrowed, arms crossed, she acted like she didn't feel like her entire body was on fire just from being this close to him.

"What's going on with you?" he asked.

She blinked. "What do you mean?"

Mattheo frowned, like he could see right through her. "You've been avoiding me."

Ellie let out a sharp laugh. "You've been fine with ignoring me since before the holidays. Why does it bother you now?"

His jaw tensed. "I haven't been ignoring you."

"Oh, really?" She crossed her arms. "Because from where I'm standing, you didn't seem too eager to talk to me after telling me we should 'stop pretending.'"

Mattheo's expression flickered, something unreadable passing through his eyes. "I didn't mean—"

But she didn't let him finish.

Because it didn't matter.

Not anymore.

"It's fine, Mattheo." She forced a smile. Forced herself to be the one who was unbothered. "You don't have to explain."

His mouth opened like he wanted to argue, but she didn't give him the chance.

Instead, she turned on her heel and walked away.

Because she had to.

Because if she let herself stay—

If she let herself listen—

She wasn't sure she'd be able to keep pretending that forgetting him was even possible.

───🦋･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.🦋───