| Chapter Twenty-Two |

Days passed and Seunghyun was growing more and more anxious. His mind kept wandering to dark place thinking about where Jiyong could be and if he was okay. Just thinking that he was out there all alone and hurting and vulnerable because of him made Seunghyun even angrier at himself.

Still, he knew he couldn't sit around and throw a pity party for himself. That wouldn't bring Jiyong back to him. If he wanted him to be safe, he had to go out there and find him, even if he refused to speak to him. Even if Jiyong would never look at him the way he used to, Seunghyun knew he couldn't live with himself if anything ever happened to him that he could have helped. That's why he had to find him before it was too late.

Thunder shook the sky as Seunghyun drove the city, his eyes scanning over virtually every area he could see through the dark. There was not even a sign of Jiyong anywhere, though. Maybe it was too late for Seunghyun to find him. Maybe he had gone back to his old place or got a ride from some stranger, gone anywhere to get away from him. He didn't want to think like that, but what else could Seunghyun have expected after the truth was dropped on him like that?

A heavy sigh fell off his lips as he finished making his last circle around the city. Maybe it was time to throw in the towel, he thought--at least for tonight. He put his car in park at a random spot after turning it off and sat back in his seat, dragging his hands down his face in distress.

When he finally looked around at his surroundings, Seunghyun realized that he was in the same park that he went to the night he first picked up Jiyong. A small, faint smile spread across his lips as he thought of that night where it all began. He wished he could stop time and rewind it back to those times, when Jiyong was with him.

After another minute, Seunghyun sat up and started to turn the keys when he noticed someone sitting on the same bench that Jiyong was that night so many weeks ago. He couldn't exactly make out if it was him or not at first, but when the person shifted a little, Seunghyun could clearly see that it was him. He finally found Jiyong. He sighed in relief, shutting his eyes temporarily as the breath left his mouth. He slid his seat belt off and exited the car, shutting it before walking over to the bench.

"Fancy meeting you here," Seunghyun said to the younger male, not yet sitting next to him. Jiyong lifted his head up and saw Seunghyun standing there, although he could already tell it was him by his voice. His presence made Jiyong feel safer, but he wouldn't dare show it on his face. He was still pissed off at him and still feeling hurt by him, so he looked away after only a few seconds. Seunghyun sighed, not surprised by but still feeling disappointed in his reaction.

"I was worried about you," Seunghyun said as he sat down, his eyes on Jiyong although Jiyong refused to look at him. "I was driving around like a maniac looking for you."

"Well you found me, so you can leave now," Jiyong said coldly, doing the exact opposite of what his heart was telling him.

"I can't do that," Seunghyun said, hunching his back over and resting his arms on his thighs. "I already let you go once, and I'm not gonna make that mistake again."

"How do I know I'm still not just part of your assignment?" Jiyong said, causing Seunghyun to blink his eyes rapidly a few times in guilt.

"It just started that way, I swear. I never went into it with plans to make you fall in love with me so you'd want to stay. I never wanted to hurt you, even when you were part of my assignment," he said, his eyes falling upon Jiyong again.

"You're such a fucking liar," Jiyong said as a flame of anger lit up under his heart, just ready to burn it and all its stored hopes to pieces. He looked over at Seunghyun before continuing with his talking. "It all started out as a fucking lie. You only picked me up because you were told to by your boss. I mean, how do I even know if you being so nice to me was genuine? Or did she tell to be like that, too?"

"No, I did that because I wanted to, Jiyong," Seunghyun said in his own defense. "Everything I did for you after that was because I wanted to."

"You know what, I don't even want your pity and kindness anymore. I never did. I just wanted to get through one more night with one more stranger and move on with my shitty life. But no, you just had to come along and ruin it for me." Guilt tugged at Seunghyun's conscious as he heard Jiyong's words. "I've been through too much shit in my life to deal with you and your lies. I never asked you to be nice to me or take care of me."

"Then why'd you let me?" Seunghyun asked, shifting so that he was facing Jiyong a bit more.

"Because I thought..." Jiyong came to a pause as he inhaled a sharp breath, trying to prevent himself from crying again. "I thought that you might actually be different." Seunghyun leaned back from the younger male once he heard those words. "I thought that you might actually just want to be nice to me and that you might genuinely love me."

"I do," Seunghyun said, scooting closer to him and bending a bit so that he could see his face more clearly. "I do love you."

"Then why would you keep something like that from me?" Jiyong said, giving up and letting salty droplets of water fall from his eyes, as he looked Seunghyun in the eyes for the first time since he had arrived. "You don't lie to people you love, not unless your love is fake."

"I thought I could tell you...I really fucking wanted to, but I just got discouraged and decided to drag it out," Seunghyun started to explain, pressing his back against the wooden of the bench. "I saw how scared you were and I didn't want you to think that all people are terrible and that life is out to get you. Then before I knew it, I was falling for you and I kept it a secret because I didn't want to lose you." Jiyong exhaled, turning his head away from Seunghyun as he wiped his tears. "And my love for you was never fake," Seunghyun continued, trying to earn Jiyong's attention again. "Everything I said to you about loving you and want to keep you safe was true. I know that's hard to believe right now, but it's true and I hope you can find it in your heart to give me time to prove it to you. I know you're beyond pissed at me and that only time can begin to fix this, but I really hope you don't want to to throw away everything we have."

Jiyong remained silent for a few moments, not too sure of how to respond.

Jiyong thought about that for a minute or two, his eyes slowly shifting and meeting with Seunghyun's pleading ones. Despite the way he currently felt about him. Seunghyun was by far the most amazing and loving man he had ever been with and that was a feeling he wanted to hold on to. But, that same amazing, loving guy also broke his heart by lying to him and it wasn't just some small white lie. 

But was that one lie worth letting him go entirely? He didn't know.

"I was raped tonight," Jiyong said nonchalantly, most of his tears now dried up, causing Seunghyun's eyes to widen. "It's not the first time it's happened to me, but this time felt worse. Probably because I already feel like shit."

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Seunghyun asked.  Jiyong simply shrugged. There were no words to accurately describe how he felt. "Who was it?"

"That guy I saw at your friend's party," Jiyong answered. Seunghyun temporarily looked away as he furrowed his eyebrows, trying to think back to the night of Daesung's party. He turned his head when Jiyong's voice rang in his ears again. "The night before we met, he was one of my clients. I took all of his money because I didn't want to wake him up and ask how much I should take. So then, I guess he's a private investigator or something, so Dongguk asked him for help searching for me." Jiyong was quiet for a moment as Seunghyun looked away, who was trying to contain his anger for the other man's sake. Jiyong sat back against the wooden bench. "Even after everything, though, I still wanted you to come and hold me after it happened," he added after a moment, earning Seunghyun's attention again. 

That was when Seunghyun decided to take a chance and be bold. He moved closer to him and took him in his arms. Jiyong was caught slightly off guard, but he didn't feel strong enough to push him away or even squirm around. He just felt empty, like a hollowed-out shell of a human.

Jiyong let himself be held for a few minutes before Seunghyun sighed and pulled back. "Want to go home?" he asked in the soft, deep voice Jiyong had come to find so comforting. 

As much as he wanted to protest and tell him to go away, he couldn't. Jiyong gave up. He was done fighting off this demon in his head that kept telling him to steer clear of Seunghyun. He didn't want to him, but he needed this man much more than he was consciously aware of.

So, he just nodded his head. Seunghyun smiled a little but contained it quickly as not to get his hopes up. He knew he had a long way to go before Jiyong would forgive him. He helped him stand up and led him over to the car, opening the passenger's side door for him. He closed the door after Jiyong was safely inside, quickly heading over to get behind the wheel. Then, with Jiyong finally back with him, Seunghyun started the car and headed back home.