Part 38

Ryan moaned softly, her thighs heating up. She was so wet, Beyoncé watched her curiously, noticing her reactions. Ryan looked so pretty, so naked like this, Beyoncé couldn't help pressing her lips to Ryan's mouth.

Ryan kissed back, desperate for more. Their lips always fit together so perfectly, making them both moan from the sensation. Just kissing her made her legs spread even wider.

When Beyoncé pulled away Ryan whimpered, both from the loss and from the sensation between her legs. A smirk spread across the older one's face.

"Is she doing a good job, honey?" Beyoncé husked, her lips just below Ryan's earlobe now.

Ryan groaned rolling her hips, "y- yes," she breathed looking down. Between her legs Gabrielle, was licking and sucking all over her clit.

"Good girl," Beyoncé breathed and Ryan didn't know if she was talking to her or to Gabby. Either way, she got so much wetter watching as Beyoncé's hand found Gabby's hair, stroking it from her face so they could both watch her.

"H-uh huh," Ryan panted. She could barely breathe as liquid trickled out of her soaking wet pussy. "Just like that mama," Ryan hummed looking down.

"Uhn uhn," Beyoncé raised a brow, her hand pinching Ryan's nipple. "Eyes on me," she said, her voice was low in her throat as her fingers slid over Ryan's jaw.

Ryan moaned as Gabrielle flicked over her clit. "Yes mommy," she said, her eyes landing back on Beyoncé who gripped her neck and pulled her into a kiss.

And then she woke up. Ryan had been thinking about that dream all day. She'd been in Gabrielle's bed dreaming about a threesome with Beyoncé and then she'd kissed Gabby goodbye in the morning. She didn't feel bad about it but she felt strange. That was clearly more than just a sex dream. But God it was so hot.

Beyoncé showed up to the dinner looking much better than all of the other parents, partly because she was the youngest parent there, but also because she wanted to look good. Hopefully looking good would make her feel good. Besides, Brooke got it from her. She had to remind these hoes.

The dinner went surprisingly well. The seats were mixed up again so Beyoncé got to know Zendaya and Ryan was sat with Justine's mom this time who was really lovely but definitely a gossip. She could see where Justine got her nosiness from.

"So my daughter tells me you're dating someone?" She raised a brow. The lights of the restaurant cast a glow across the table.

Ryan rolled her eyes laughing a little bit, "she's so... why would she even say that?"

"So you're not dating anyone?" Justine's mom asked.

"Nope," Ryan huffed. She still had mixed feelings about the whole thing with Beyoncé and dating wasn't going so well overall. Gabby had told her she needed to tell Beyoncé how she felt otherwise she'd always have Beyoncé in the back of her mind. She might've been right because every time she tried dating, she was silently comparing them to Beyoncé.

Coco was the only one who knew the full truth about that though. Justine, however, probably still thought she was with Peaches who she'd seen on her phone screen a couple months ago. Ryan was barely home anymore, working or staying at Gabbys all the time. And Ryan wasn't about to tell Justine's mom that she had a fuck buddy.

"Oooh what happened?" Justine's mom asked her, sensing a story and wanting to know more.

"I just said something that I shouldn't have and now she wants nothing to do with me," she sighed letting her eyes drift across the table. Beyoncé was in white again. That had to be her favourite colour or something. She loved an all white outfit. She looked so cute and grown, her glasses perched on her nose, as she avoided looking up and catching Ryan's attention.

"You said sorry?" Justine's mom asked.

"Yeah but—"

"Did you say it properly? And does she know how you feel?" Her mom interrupted in a way that meant she knew what she was talking about and was giving Ryan advice.

"I think so. It was just really bad," Ryan swallowed pushing around her food.

"Nothings unforgivable sweetheart, just give it time. Sometimes people need space to be hurt and then they'll come around. Especially if they know how you feel about them."

Ryan smiled, "thanks." She was still sad but it was a nice conversation. Justine's mom was so talkative. They'd had a really good conversation before, talking about food and different restaurants. Ryan had said she was excited to try this place.

"You not gon eat the rest of your food?" She asked.

The younger one looked down at her plate. She usually would've finished eating by now but she'd been sneaking looks at Beyoncé this whole time, who was chatting it up with Zendaya and avoiding both Shawn and Ryan at the table, who just wouldn't stop looking at her.

Zendaya caught Ryan's eye and smirked at her, deciding she was going to ask Beyoncé about Ryan. "So how's your study thing going? Ryan used to talk about it a lot," She asked trying to segue into asking more about Ryan.

Beyoncé explained a little bit about it before Zendaya asked, "how about Ryan? She's a part of it right? What do you think of her?"

Beyoncé was caught off guard by the question and for the first time allowed herself to look at Ryan. The shorter girl had food in her mouth, chewing and the fork was in her left hand. Beyoncé wanted to stare, she wanted to get sucked into her again the way that she used to. But Ryan hadn't looked up yet so she still had a chance to look away.

"Um yeah she's..." Beyoncé looked back at Zendaya, remembering she had to be professional. "She's making great progress I think. You know there's so many students it's hard to keep track," she said tapping her left fingers against each other.

Zendaya shrugged, "I guess. But don't you think Ryans—"

Beyoncé was saved by her ex husband tapping on his glass for a toast. Then most of the parents did the same thing they did last time telling their kids how proud of them they were.

But then Ryan's parents opened their mouths. Beyoncé felt like she was bracing herself even though it had nothing to do with her. She shouldn't care. But these parents had somehow managed to create Ryan and as much as she didn't want to, she still cared about Ryan.

Ryan's mom started to speak, comparing her to all the other girls at the table, telling her how much she was disappointing them. Ryan's grades had improved but still they weren't good enough. Ryan thought about speaking up, defending herself, but she'd done that before and it was seen as talking back.

Instead, she let her mother speak, embarrassing her. Then her father joined in agreeing with his wife. And Ryan just listened silently waiting.

"I'm sorry," Ryan swallowed. Everyone was watching her, listening to her being chastised like a child. She could feel the tears about to fall but she was doing her best to hold them in. She wasn't going to have another panic attack. She started counting in her mind instead.

"Mm you should be. It's so embarrassing when you act like this. Me and your father just want what's best for you," Ryan's mom looked so disappointed in her and Ryan just didn't know what to say.

"I-it's—"

"We don't need excuses. We need you to just do better. All of your friends seem able to do it, they're not complaining or acting like this. Look at them."

Ryan was already going through hell and now she was being punished even worse for it. She swallowed back tears as they continued to speak.

Beyoncé's heart broke for her. All of the parents felt a little bad for the girl. And her friends all looked sorry for her which only made Ryan feel even worse. The only person at the table who held a different expression was Beyoncé, whose nostrils flared and her jaw bunched.  She was pissed, glaring at Ryan and her parents.

Ryan met her eyes briefly and it only reminded how she'd messed things up with Beyoncé. The older one was probably mad at her for taking the attention away from her daughter or something. She was already mad at her for what she'd said to Brooke and now there was this. Beyoncé probably hated her.

"I'm sorry," Ryan's throat choked. She stayed and waited for her parents to stop speaking before she stood up going to the bathroom, once again. Beyoncé bit down on her lip as hard as she could, stopping herself from chasing after her. That would definitely suspicious but her fists clenched under the table and she looked at Brooke who was holding her tongue.

The three girls looked at each other speaking in some kind of secret language and finally Justine got up to check on her, Beyoncé subtly breathing a sigh of relief. She wanted to be there for her but she knew she couldn't be. Especially considering what usually happened when they were left alone in bathrooms.

Ryan was visibly hyperventilating by the time Justine opened the door. "I don't need— oh it's you," Ryan relaxed a little, dabbing cool water on her face. She wasn't okay no matter how she tried to play it off. Her parents just seemed intent on making her feel bad.

They hated her. That was the only explanation. They hated when she embarrassed them, they hated when she was doing well, they hated when she spoke up, hated when she didn't speak. Ryan thought they hated her and she didn't know what she'd done that was so bad.

Justine placed a hand on her back stroking, "Ry you need to breathe okay?"

"Yeah I know," Ryan said through sobs. Everything felt so hard lately. She hated it all so much. It wasn't just this, it was school, it was the fight with Brooke from months ago, it was Gabby who clearly liked her but wouldn't say anything, it was last nights date, it was Beyoncé, it was always Beyoncé.

She missed her so much. Even as Justine held her and tried to comfort her, all she could think about was how Beyoncé had done the same thing with her last time, helping her calm down after she'd panicked. She missed how those arms would wrap around her and hold her so tightly. Beyoncé was just so perfect and she'd messed all that up.

The dinner continued, Ryan eventually rejoining the table for dessert. She was silent as they finished eating, uncomfortably pushing her cake around her plate. She didn't look up again but everyone seemed a little awkward now, even all of the parents.

If she had looked up, she would've noticed Beyoncé looking at her, waiting for her to catch her eye. The older one couldn't stop looking, couldn't help herself. She cared too much. More than she wanted to.

When it was finally time to go, Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. She followed her parents to the parking lot. And Brooke stood outside the restaurant with Zendaya and her mom who was waiting for an Uber. Brooke's dad had said he needed to speak to her mom. So Brooke stood by waiting and getting to know Zendayas mom a little.

It was dim outside now, the days just about beginning to lengthen as the air held a gentle breeze and patches of sunlight brushed through the clouds. "Ryan we will talk okay?" Her mom held her gaze with something Ryan couldn't understand just yet. Her mom wasn't smiling but she wasn't frowning either.

"Um ok?" She nodded her goodbyes

Ryan's dad placed a hand on her shoulder as they said goodbye. It was the closest thing to a hug he'd given her in years and Ryan didn't understand what was going on or what she'd done wrong now.

Her mom hadn't even commented on her makeup being messed up, no one had told her to watch the company kept, they weren't shading her friends or telling her off more. That's what she expected them to do. But they weren't saying anything. They were just saying bye to her.

Eventually they left and Ryan just stood there a little bit lost before the made her way out of the parking lot. Today had been a lot. She had so many things to deal with, her parents, school, work... and then Beyoncé. Everyone's advice was in her mind and she wondered if she should talk to her. Maybe getting it off of her chest would help her feel better.

As Beyoncé was leaving, she felt a presence behind her. She whipped her head around, her fear spiking as she saw the familiar face. "Shawn just leave me alone please," she didn't have the energy for whatever this was. Wasn't he supposed to be taking Brooke out tonight? That was why she was leaving so early.

"Don't be like that," she felt him lean over her body, trapping her between his body and the car.

"Shawn—" she groaned feeling her body heat rise.

"You don't want me to leave you alone," he smirked, getting closer making the hairs on her neck stand on end.

"I— I do. Please just stop," it was weird how he could do this to her, make her feel so weak. She could usually tell him to leave so easily. She could stand up for herself, but her voice felt so much smaller now. That whole meal had been awkward and tense and so much was going on. She didn't have the energy for this as well.

"Come on baby," he leaned in closer to her and she could smell the alcohol from dinner on his breath as her whole body tensed up in response.

"Shawn please you're drunk," she said.

Then she felt his lips press against her and her whole body froze. She knew he liked to push past her boundaries but she didn't expect him to actually do anything like this. He'd never been like this before.

"Beyoncé," she heard a voice and Shawn jumped looking back to see Ryan walking towards them in the parking lot.

Beyoncé let out the breath she'd been holding, a rush of strength coming back to her. What the fuck was wrong with him? What was wrong with her? She pushed him away.

"Hi honey," she smiled tightly as Shawn finally stepped away from her. Ryan ignored him.

"Can we talk? About... the um... about your study," she said convincingly.

Beyoncé exhaled, she'd never been so grateful to see Ryan in her life, even as mad as she was at her. "Of course we can h...," she swallowed looking at Shawn then back at Ryan.

He frowned looking between the two before he looked at Bey, "I'll uh... I'll see you later Bey." He said.

Beyoncé just nodded as he finally walked away. She wouldn't see him later, she actually needed to cuss him out and finally file for that restraining order. She hated him. Hated.

Ryan walked closer, "you okay?" She placed a steadying hand on her shoulder. She hadn't actually seen the kiss, just saw him getting too close and she knew Beyoncé well enough to know she was uncomfortable.

Beyoncé breathed, "yeah thanks. What happened to your parents?"

"Oh they left straight after the dinner. Traffic or whatever" Ryan shrugged.

"Oh..." Beyoncé swallowed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ryan asked her again, frowning at the older one.

"Of course. What did you wanna talk about?" She asked getting into the car and gesturing for Ryan to join her.

"You know what Bey," Ryan said sliding into the passenger seat, a wave of familiarity settling over the car.

"Ryan..." she couldn't handle that right now. One person pushing to get back with her was enough for one day.

"I know but I'm sorry about Brooke. I was just so mad and I... but I'm sorry Bey. And I didn't even fight her for real, I let her get in a couple good hits."

Beyoncé chuckled at that last part. If Brooke was telling the truth, she got in more than a couple. "I know honey," Beyoncé sighed, running a hand along the side of Ryan's face. She missed her too. So much. It was so hard to be alone with her. All she wanted was to pull her close. But everything was just so messed up now. "But you know I can't..." she sighed.

"But why?" Ryan asked, her eyes growing wide. She still felt so vulnerable but she couldn't miss her chance. Everyone had told her to tell Beyoncé how she felt, to truly apologise and that maybe she'd understand and things could go back to how they were before.

"Ry... you know Brooklyn comes first. She's got a baby on the way. I have to do what's best for her"

Ryan grit her teeth, "what about what's best for me? Why is what's best for her what's worst for me?"

Beyoncé's eyes closed sadly and she wiped a tear before it could fall. It wasn't the best for her either. She didn't want to hurt Ryan. She hated that.

"I just want to say how I feel," Ryan said plainly. She had to get it off her chest. "Beyoncé I love you," She was done trying to pretend or avoid telling her the truth. She'd loved her for a while now and the feeling felt mutual.

There was something about how Beyoncé could be so kind when they were alone. She had this outer shell that was extremely protective and kind, Ryan loved being wrapped up in that protection, having someone try to take care of her. But inside Beyoncé needed just as much care. She acted like she didn't, because she was strong and capable.

But Ryan had let her be weak sometimes. Ryan was there to lighten the burden. She wanted to be stronger just for Beyoncé. She was getting better at controlling herself, and thinking before she reacted to things. That was because of Beyoncé.

"I love you Beyoncé. I'm in love with you," she gulped, still hopeful that she could fix things as tears dripped from her eyes. Beyoncé just looked at her, eyes wide, almost shimmering because she knew what she had to say.

Ryan saw her expression falter.

Beyoncé looked like she wanted to break. But she didn't, her head tilted, her heart tugged and she breathed. "I... Ryan..." she said struggling to find the words as she looked at the darker girls open brown eyes. Beyoncé was usually so quick, so obvious with her words.

She didn't lie and didn't try to hide, at least not with Ryan. That made her easy to talk to and easy to listen to. She was usually easy to be around. She didn't hide her feelings. Ever.

"Ryan..." she trailed her hand over her skin, cupping her cheek and not holding back. She no longer cared about who might see them through the dull windscreen. All she cared about was Ryan in that moment. She cared about her knowing that she was sorry.

Ryan didn't want to cry. She wouldn't. But her eyes grew shimmery as her heart pounded in her chest. She'd never told anyone that she loved them before. Never in her life. She'd never felt that way about another person.

But Beyoncé was looking down after her confession, holding her heart in her extremely soft hands. She could do whatever she wanted with it but it seemed like she'd made up her mind.

Ryan let the tears fall as Beyoncé handed Ryan's heart back to her. Beyoncé wiped the tears with her knuckle, fighting her urge to kiss it better. "Ryan, I'm so sorry."

"I-it's fine," she tried to swallow the tears racing down her cheeks.

Beyoncé held her. That was the least she could do, pulling Ryan closer and onto her chest. Ryan had never been in love before and now her first love was breaking her heart.

"Shhhh honey," Beyoncé breathed softly rocking her. Her own heart was hurting just seeing her like this. She knew exactly what Ryan felt. It was breaking her heart to cause this much pain.

She was doing the same thing that Kelly had done to her so many years ago, but at least Ryan had been brave enough to say something, to admit how she felt. She'd been honest and put herself out there. She didn't deserve this and Beyoncé hated herself for doing this to her.

"I'm so sorry Ry," she repeated letting Ryan's tears fall onto her.

Beyoncé used her fingertips to wipe Ryan's tears. She didn't want to mess up her makeup but it was already messed up at this point. Her chest ached letting Ryan cry into her arms. She hated to know that she was the cause of this.

But maybe that was her punishment for messing with Ryan in the first place. Beyoncé should've known better. She was smarter than that, stronger than that. But why did she always have to be so smart and strong? It wasn't her fault Ryan was so beautiful. It wasn't her fault she had connected so much with her.

But she was smart enough to know she didn't have to act on it. She didn't have to flirt with her at dinner, didn't have to have sex with her or take her to her hotel room or any of the things she had done to encourage this. That might've made for two more lonely people in the world but it also would've saved so much of this hurt.

Beyoncé wiped a tear from her own eye. She could go home and cry properly but right now was about the girl in her arms. "Ryan honey," she breathed, feeling just as dejected as Ryan looked up up at her.

"I'm sorry," It was hard to even meet her eyes. She felt so guilty — not wrong for what she was saying — but guilty about how she was hurting her.

——————[A/N]Sorry yall, dw it gets better. 😭We can make lemonade.

Thoughts? That dinner went better than it could've gone right?

Shawn?

Ryan's parents?

Any predictions?