Part 25

Beyoncé had just finished work when Chris called to ask if she wanted to meet up. She usually hated making last minute plans and she felt a little nauseous from this morning, but, since they hadn't hung out in a while, and she missed her friend she decided to go.

"Hey Chris," she grinned, walking around the table to give him a hug. Chris was sitting with a heavy glass in front of him when Beyoncés heels finally hit the floor of the lounge. She was right on time but he was early as usual. She figured maybe it was a white people thing or a British thing.

"Hi Bey what's up?" He grinned showing all his teeth.

"I'm good, how have you been?" She asked, taking her seat and ordering a drink. She'd been throwing up earlier so she just got a soft drink.

Chris was one of the only friends she had that lived nearby. They'd met when she first tried to start dating and it took all of 2 seconds to realise they weren't right for each other. Their chemistry just wasn't matched in that way. They were supposed to be friends, nothing more nothing less. Just two bisexuals in their 40's figuring out dating.

As they sat, they started chatting and it was going well, both of them catching each other up on what was going on in their lives: Beyoncé talking about work and Chris talking about life and his kids. He asked why she was sick and she shrugged saying it must've been food poisoning. She'd been cooking more, trying to get better at it.

Chris just laughed at her. She really wasn't that bad. Then the topic of dating came up. Chris admitted he wasn't really trying to date anymore. He was "too old," he claimed but Beyoncé knew that meant he was just not ready after his last experience. Then the question turned on her and when Beyoncé tried to deflect, Chris wasn't having it.

"No go on tell me, you met someone didn't you?" Chris could tell by how she was acting, eyes lit up, cheeks blushing, her hand running endlessly through her hair.

Beyoncé sighed but she couldn't hide the smile on her face. She was supposed to be hiding this but she hadn't told anyone yet and it felt so big. "I didn't— it's really bad," she explained.

"That's what makes it fun though," he raised his brows.

"I really shouldn't..."

"Come on Bey, who am I gonna tell?"

"Fine but don't judge me. She's... I mean if you saw her it would make sense. She's—"

"Enough with the disclaimers, who is it?" He had this glint in his eyes as if he knew this was about to be juicy which only made Beyoncé roll her eyes.

"Okay but I was... it was that stupid dinner for Brooke and her dad was there being an asshole every chance he got. You have to understand I was stressed—"

"And horny?"

"Yeah." She shrugged, still toying with her hair. "So I might have slept with one of Brooke's roommates," she cringed, avoiding eye contact.

"Nooo?" His eyes widened.

"I told you not to judge me," she was still playing with her hair as she stared at her drink.

"I'm not I'm not," he threw up his hands. "I'm just shocked is all. Was it good?" He asked before looking at her and answering his own question. "Must've been, look at you. You look like a bloody teenager."

"Shut up Chris," she swatted his hand.

"You're the one that looking all chuffed right now. You look like you just found an extra Yorkshire"

"What?" Beyoncé frowned. "What did you just say?" She burst out laughing, what the hell was that?

"Shut up don't change the subject, tell me about this roommate."

Beyoncé rolled her eyes. "Ugh it's stupid, Chris. It was just supposed to just be a one time thing," she swallowed. "Or maybe twice 'cause Brooke brought her when we went for coffee and one thing led to another..."

"Yeah and how many times has it been since then?"

Beyoncé grit her teeth, "honestly I've lost count."

"Get in!" He cheered.

"You're not supposed to be encouraging this," she rolled her eyes at him. He was so childish.

"And why not? You deserve to have a little fun when you want to."

"'Cause she's... Brooke says they're best friends," she shifted in her seat.

"Yeah but it's not like..." he frowned reading her body language. "Ohhh it's more than just a little fun?"

"It wasn't and then... I don't know what happened. I just kept letting things happen and I just kept doing things for her, and spending time with her. You know how I get when I like someone. And then she was at mine last weekend and we did all this stuff and..."

"You brought her to your place?" Beyoncé nodded shyly. She'd known that was stupid which was probably why she hadn't told Chris any of this until now. "Bloody hell Beyoncé, took me like a year before you let me come over."

"You kept "offering" to fuck me," she rolled her eyes.

"And she wasn't? You probably did it as well didn't you." Beyoncé didn't even hide her smile anymore. "You make me sick."

They both descended into laughter. They had the kind of relationship that was built on this. It was silly which is what made it so easy.

"She's so different though," Beyoncé scrunched up her brows in thought.

"What like she's got a screw loose or something?"

Beyoncé rolled her eyes, "what is wrong with you?"

"What?"

"I just meant sex with her is different. She's so," Beyoncé swallowed. "She lets me... take the lead... like fully."

"I would've let you be in control too Beyoncé," he tutted smiling.

Beyoncé scoffed raising a brow. "Really? You would've let me spank you and put my fingers in your—"

"Alright calm down..." he paused. "Although it wouldn't be the first time." He replied. Beyoncé's eyes widened. They spoke about sex all the time, how had that never come up? "Anyways tell me what have you been doing with this girl?"

"It's just things I've never really done before, she lets me do all that stuff." Her voice got quieter admitting that. "And I say things to her that I've never said to anyone. It just happened one day."

"You're really comfortable huh?"

Beyoncé nodded, that same goofy grin on her face. She was so embarrassed.

"She must be too if she's letting you do all that."

"Yeah I keep checking to make sure it's okay. I think she wants me to go further honestly. I don't know, I'm so worried that I'm gonna actually hurt her."

Chris laughed. "You'll be alright, just light pressure on the sides of the neck, avoid the windpipe"

"Wha...?" Beyoncé rolled her eyes. "She mentioned choking too, I guess she wants me to do it but I'm scared. What if I snap her neck or something?"

"I just told you, light pressure..."

Beyoncé rolled her eyes but tucked that information away to fact check later. She was really becoming best friends with Google when it came to all of this kink stuff. She hadn't known how much she would love it until she started actually doing it, which was crazy because she'd always had an active sex life. It had just been pretty vanilla up until now.

"Anyways tell me, you like her or you just like all this sex you're having?" Chris asked.

Beyoncé tucked her bottom lip beneath her teeth. "Both," she cringed at how bad this was. "She lets me do stuff for her, take care of her, but not too much. She doesn't let me tire myself out or spend recklessly... It's like she knows where the line is before I even think of a line."

Chris hummed. He knew how important that balance was for Beyoncé. She could easily throw herself into another human being and neglect her own needs. She'd basically done that her whole childhood.

"Chris this is really bad. I can't feel like this about Brooke's friend."

Chris sighed. "I think you already do. I think you're... as my son would say 'down bad'"

"Shut up," she groaned. This week had already been strange. Ryan had left which meant her bed felt a little empty at night but she was used to that so it didn't really bother her. The only thing that bothered her was Ryan's faint scent lingering on her pillows which she hadn't washed yet.

"Hey it's not that bad, at least she likes you too."

Beyoncé shrugged, "that's not comforting."

"Everyone needs someone to make them feel good. At least this one makes you feel as special as you are."

Beyoncé rolled her eyes for the millionth time. He always knew how to cheer her up. But now she had a lot to think about including what she wanted with Ryan. It was obviously more than sex. She knew that. Ryan knew that. Ryan was either just being patient or she didn't know how to end things. And maybe Beyoncé was being cruel by expecting her to.

Meanwhile, Ryan toyed with the idea of texting Gabrielle. She still hadn't, she just wasn't sure if she actually wanted to. She knew what she wanted and it wasn't Gabby.

But at the same time she couldn't wait around for someone who'd made it clear that this was just sex. So she sent a text, just one, and then she clicked off messages and called her best friend.

Coco hadn't answered her phone in weeks. So much so that Ryan had stopped reaching out after at least three ignored texts. This time though, Coco answered on the first ring and asked Ryan if she wanted to come over.

Ryan agreed. She hadn't seen her in ages and she missed her best friend even if she was a little pissed off with her.

"Hey girl. How are you? How's things?" Coco asked hugging her as Ryan entered her room. She'd already ordered pizza and it got there just before Ryan did so the room smelled just like fresh greasy pizza.

Ryan looked at her deciding her course of action. Coco really had been a distant friend. Ryan had barely seen her lately and when she had it was brief and they hadn't really talked. She missed her best friend. And she had so much to tell her.

"What's going on with you?" She asked. She wasn't going to ignore the obvious.

Coco sighed. "I've just been depressed, it got pretty bad. I don't know if you heard..."

Ryan raised a brow. She literally hadn't heard anything. She minded her business for the most part so campus gossip didn't always reach her.

"I might've had a little grippy sock vacation," Coco grit her teeth.

"Wait what?" Ryan's eyes widened, how had she missed that? And no one had told her, just gossiped about her friend behind her back, what the fuck? "Shit I'm sorry, I should've checked on you more."

"It's alright, we've both been busy."

"Yeah but still." She felt bad because they were supposed to be best friends. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened, Ryan should've paid more attention, should've noticed the signs. And the fact that Coco hadn't turned to her in a time of need made her feel extremely guilty. Coco just shrugged, this was awkward to talk about.

"I love you, you know that? You can always talk to me."

"I know, I think I was just too embarrassed honestly," she cringed. "I love you too though."

Ryan could sense she didn't want to talk about it anymore so she changed the subject. "What are we watching?"

The older one picked out a movie on Netflix that neither of them had seen yet. It was one of those parody horrors where people got decapitated but it was ridiculous. The two got comfortable, crunching on snacks and pizza enjoying each others company.

They were like sisters, having grown up together. Whenever Ryan's parents kicked her out, Cocos house was where she went. The comfort she felt with her was nothing like how she felt with her other friends. She didn't have to perform or even talk if she didn't want to. Coco didn't mind. She loved her either way.

"I'm tired," Ryan yawned eventually.

"So am I, you staying over?"

"Yep I'm not moving," Ryan said nestling into Cocos chest.

"You need a girlfriend bro," she rolled her eyes.

"I'm plotting on someone."

"Ooh tell me more."

"Shh, watch the movie." The two settled into a comfortable silence, calmly watching the tv together. Coco had been Ryan's best friend since they were kids. It was a whole group of them at first but the group had dwindled over the years and Ryan and Coco were the only two who went to the same college after high school.

They were the type of friends who could not talk to each other for months but when they finally spoke everything was just the same. They were always there for each other. They could tell each other anything but still Ryan hesitated over bringing up Beyoncé. She didn't want it to lose its fun. And telling people made it real and would make her think about what she was doing.

Beyoncé was the same, which was was probably why they hadn't talked about the dating comment from last week. It was less fun if they had to have serious conversations. And Beyoncé was busy enough to forget about the conversations she needed to have.

Beyoncé spent the next week thinking about Ryan as well. Work has been easy and Shawn hadn't tried to reach out again. So her mind was not too occupied. She knew her and Ryan couldn't really be together but maybe they could be. Maybe.

She just needed to figure out how it could work. She went over it in her mind, creating lists and trying to figure out if it was really worth it. She was already feeling so much more than she should have been, Ryan occupying her thoughts even when they were away from each other.

She felt like a teenager falling for someone. There was the sex, of course, but it was more than just that. Ryan was kind and sweet and she made her laugh freely. Her heart beat faster around Ryan, and her palms even got sweaty when she wanted her to like something.

She felt like home in a way that she wasn't supposed to. She was supposed to just be Brooklyns friend.

Beyoncé never did much during the week: work, food, tv, sleep. She took pleasure in the simple things, but she'd been thinking about having the cleaner come less since it was only her who lived in the house. She should get better at tidying up after herself and not rely on someone else doing it for her.

She spent Friday evening doing chores around the place and then, she started cooking. She was trying to make mac and cheese and baked chicken the way her mother used to make it. She'd tried to make this countless times and she could never get the recipe right.

One time she got close and she didn't even remember how she got there. Brooke had loved it though. "Best chicken ever," she'd exclaimed through her braces. Shawn had complimented it too, but neither of them really knew how much it meant to her.

Now she stood in the kitchen, alone grating different cheeses to add in while she paused and played a tutorial. Part of her wanted to FaceTime Ryan but the younger girl had told her she was going to a party or a birthday or something, maybe both. Beyoncé hadn't really paid much attention, too busy watching Ryan as she tried on different outfits.

Beyoncé put the chicken in the oven, setting a timer and went back to working on the mac and cheese. She had never been good at getting the timings right for food. One thing would always be ready way before the rest and she'd have to microwave it or heat it on the stove so it would all be hot by the time she dished up. That was if she didn't forget and burn something like she often did.

As she cooked though she wondered what Ryan would think of her cooking. It wasn't anything special at all but she hoped at least that Ryan might like it. Shawn had said her cooking was nice but he had also hired a chef to help with the cooking, which didn't give her much faith in herself.

In a dream world, Beyoncé would be cooking with Ryan beside her. She liked that housewife role sometimes, being dressed in an apron, taking care of the home. Her little daydream was something out of a hallmark movie: wiping food from each other's lips, kissing in between tasting the food. She wanted that as corny as it sounded. Watching Ryan eat was one of the simple pleasures in life.

She combined the cheese and pasta, mixing it in and hearing that sound that cheese and pasta make when combined. She wasn't trying to be nasty but she noticed it. Ryan was, unfortunately, the best sex she'd ever had. She opened her up and now there were so many more things she wanted to explore, so many avenues to pleasure and even better orgasms that she wanted to travel.

Every time they had sex she came, which was more than could be said for some other people she'd slept with. It had been the same with Kelly; she hadn't known how much that meant back then. Now she knew exactly what that was worth, she never wanted to go back.

Ryan made her feel so free.

She finally topped the dish with extra grated cheese, proud of herself as she pushed it into the hot oven setting another timer and rinsing the dishes for the dishwasher.

When she was finally ready to eat, the sun had gone down and the moon was a crescent against the dark sky. She'd left the tv on and came in to see SVU had started. She changed the channel searching for something lighthearted to watch. Shrek 2 was on which made her want to text Ryan again. The younger one still couldn't understand how the first movie had managed to make her cry, and took every opportunity to make fun of her for it. It wasn't that funny. It was the scene with Fiona and donkey in the cave.

Even still, she knew that Ryan wouldn't judge her if she said the crazy things that were on her mind. It was nice. Ryan saw her in a way she hadn't been seen before. She wasn't just somebody's mother or wife or sister or there to do anything for her. She was just Beyoncé and there was no pressure to try to be anything else. Ryan actually seemed to like her more when she was just being herself.

Eventually she started to slip into sleep. She was exhausted and the cooking had probably made that feeling worse, what with all the time it took and the fire and heat from the kitchen. And the food was heavy. It was surprisingly good but she still hadn't perfected the recipe the way that she wanted to. There was always something missing, always something she messed up. She sometimes wondered if it tasted better just because her mom had made it.

In the middle of the night she was woken up to the sound of her phone ringing. She groaned reaching around the bed and dresser to find wherever it was coming from. No one ever called her this late.

"Mommy," Brooklyn was crying which instantly woke her up. Brooklyn never called her. Especially not at this time. And she was crying, Beyoncé could hear it.

"Brooke Brooke? What's wrong?" Beyoncé felt her heart break as she heard her child sob through the phone.

"I—" Brooklyn choked out. She was so afraid to say anything, scared to tell her mom. Terrified to deal with her stupid actions having stupid consequences.

At the same time all she needed was her mom right now. She was the only one she trusted. She couldn't tell anyone else.

"Talk to me baby, what's going on? What happened?" Beyoncé sprung into action. "Do you need me to come get you?"

Brooklyn sniffled. She'd forgotten how much her mom loved her. How she would drop everything just to be there if she needed her.

"No mom that's okay," she sniffled. "I— I have to tell you something." Her voice was so small, Beyoncé felt her heart constrict. It had been years since she'd heard her daughter cry and the sound felt like knives in her chest. She just wanted to take away her pain.

"What is it my love?"

"I-I can't. I don't want you to be mad at me," her nose was running now. And she sounded like a baby, not the 21 year old that had been mad at her for the past year and a half.

"Whatever it is, we can deal with it together. Brooklyn I love you, you know that," she explained. Beyoncé was instantly transported back into her role of a protector. She'd do anything for her child. If she didn't want her to be mad she'd try her best not to be mad. She couldn't be mad when her child was crying like this anyway.

"I'm so sorry mom"

"What's going on Brooke? You can tell me."

"Mom I- I'm pregnant."

————-[A/N]Eeeeeeeek!! Brookes pregnant?!?! How yall think beys gonna react? Did yall notice bey throwing up at the start? Lmfaooooo

They both had little moments with seeing their friends. I felt like they needed a little calm before the storm.

Also omg I actually googled the choking thing to check (in my Beyoncé era) but it actually scared me fr yall, choking is so dangerous 😭 people die from that it's crazy. Yall be safe out there