32 - crutch

Author's note: I wrote this story 11 years ago and the amount of love over the years is incredible. Thank you so so much everyone! Since the Michael movie all I see is MJ on my timeline and it's inspired me to write again. I miss him so much, every day. Writing has always been my way of coping with that. It's like a constant hole in my heart but writing patches it up a bit. 💕 I love yall!

——-

I'm doing 120 on a 75 freeway, wild eyed and burning hot as the pitch black trees fly by my headlights. I don't know where I'm going, but I know I have to get away. I have to keep going... going... going... with every mile one more step away from my marriage. Away from Michael.

All I could picture was that one night again at dinner... telling Michael he was horrible for doing this to Lisa, ranting about how marriage is a cohesive union. And now here we are. My hands started to shake against the leather trimming of the inside of my steering wheel.

"Slow down, speed demon."

I saw her smug stare in my peripheral vision as Vanessa crunched on her chips in the passenger seat, with each obnoxious bite pushing me more and more on the edge. "You know, if you told me 10 years ago that I would be waking up in the middle of the night to the screaming of one of the most famous couple in the world screaming about getting some unknown pregnant--"

I felt my temples throb. "Let's not, Vanessa. I need silence and you're lucky you're even with me right now."

"This may or may not be too soon..." she leaned over, slighting grazing her black polished fingernails on my thighs, "...but you know I can make this all go away."

A snort escaped from me at the mere thought of me sexually engaging with Vanessa, or me sexually engaging with anyone right now. "No thanks but no thanks. I've forgotten the scent and taste of pussy at this point in my life."

"Oh please. I know you and your little lover assistant Alisha have hit it off by now."

I ignored her, remaining tight lipped and glanced at my rear view mirror scanning my surroundings, looking for cops. I slowed to 90.

"You know I always wondered what she tastes like. You tell me, Giovanna. Is she sweet or is it as salty as her attitude?"

I've had it. Jolting my foot down I floored the ceramic brakes, halting abruptly as Vanessa's body flung forward until she was caught by the seatbelt.

"I will literally kick you out of my car right now and let the police handle your stay for tonight."

She clutched her side at the sharp pain from the cutting seatbelt and let out a groan, knowing she had no choice. "God, motherhood and dick has really changed you."

"Or maybe it's because I'm married."

"Barely."

"Very," I quipped, but I wasn't convincing anyone.

"Is this asshole really calling right now?" she asked, digging the vibrating light from my purse and held it against my ear for me.

"Gia!" he plead before I could even say hello. "How can you leave Aiden like this?"

"Stop trying to explain yourself Michael and don't even make me feel guilty."

"This was not supposed to happen without you!"

I took the phone from her hands and pressed it tighter to my hearing, offended now. "That doesn't make sense. How can someone have access to your frozen sperm?"

"Ok Frecks. Again, I just presented it as an idea."

"An idea doesn't get someone possibly pregnant."

"And we filled out some paperwork..."

"Paperwork," I repeated, nodding my head as I absorbed how much more real it was all becoming. The vision of Michael and another woman sitting down with a pen in hand, legally scripting his initials away on the dotted lines over frozen semen without my consent or even my knowledge... it was all cringy and disgusting. My hands started to shake against the leather trimming of the inside of my steering wheel.

"And a sample."

"Sample! " I exclaimed, wanting to hurl. Nasty. Just nasty. "You say the word as if we're shopping for groceries at Costco. Except this sample is your literal cum and it's worth millions of dollars!"

"Nothing that we signed gave her any go-ahead to actually use it." He continued to spew his BS and listening to these words took me back to that dinner of many. Me telling Michael he was horrible for doing this to Lisa, ranting about how marriage is a cohesive union. And now here we are. My hands started to shake against the leather trimming of the inside of my steering wheel.

"I just... I just... I wanted to get started as soon as possible but only after I consulted with you... it's a long process to begin with. When you told me no, the entire thing was cancelled in my mind. I'm keeping the timing of this tour in perspective here."

My hands trembled on the wheel. "Oh of course, the tour. Our marriage wasn't in your perspective, I guess. Our family?" I questioned, this time hearing nothing on the receiving end. As I neared my home the silence continued, before hearing Aiden's whimper in the background. I stayed on subject. "Did you fuck her, Michael? Seriously, just tell me."

"Ooooh," Vanessa cooed, not hiding her sadistic joy.

He did a sharp exhale. "You know the answer to that. Look Gia--I am just as confused as you are."

"No, you don't even know the meaning of confused if you think your mindset is leveled with mine right now thinking of having a child with those genetics. How disgusting," I hit my left turn signals and winced at both directions of the road before turning where my gates were. "Your fuckery has hit a new hemisphere today."

Vanessa crunched another chip, shaking her head. "Why are you even still on the phone with the fucker?"

"Hmmmmm why am I still on the phone with you, Michael?" I cosigned, sending him into a rage filled stutter.

"A-A-are yo-you seriously listening to that crackh--?!"

I clicked the phone off, pulling to towards the door and handed Vanessa the keys. She nodded as she clutched them in her hand, making her way to my trunk to get out her suitcase as I remained inside already feeling my own loneliness. Vanessa looked as if she was waiting for me to join her and sighed when she realized I wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Giovanna. And I mean this with no sarcasm whats-so-ever. I'm really, really sorry about this."

"I have someone to see," I informed, not even sure why she felt the need to lie to me. "I'll be back."

-------

3:40 AM

To my surprise, the lights to his house were on. I slowly pulled into the driveway, switched the keys off, and collapsed my head onto my steering wheel with pure dread. I leaned back in my chair and glanced at my silent cellphone waiting for a single chirp from Michael.

'0 notifications'

Why was I even waiting anyway? He has always been the one being I run to when I'm hurt, but the catch is he is the one who hurts me the most. And the worst part is, he's the only one makes me see the world in technicolor.  I was exhausted, I was weary, and as the seconds passed I became more and more regretful making this visit to this someone. I closed my eyes and pictured that night in Neverland. I can still hear the screams, the voices, the cold chills, the scent. I picture my husband entering our bedroom, going from caressing my cheek to trying to wake me up desperately... the dried blood still in between my thighs. All for him. All for him. All for...

============

Michael inhaled sharply, finally spilling all of the recent events out to Austin. He called him over for breakfast after not really being able to sleep. Between Aiden's off and on crying after the disappearance of his mother and repeatedly not being able to get a hold of Debbie, his actions were getting surreal. He attempted to bite into his pancakes between sentences. Despite not having the appetite, his pounding frontal lobe was saying otherwise. "...And that's what happened."

There was dead air between Michael and Austin. Michael crossed his arms in defense, already bracing himself for his best friend's criticism sitting across from him at the table. Austin smiled down at Aiden in his lap, giving him some of his orange juice.

Michael frowned at his silence, moving a wispy black curl out of his exhausted eyes, "Austin."

Austin couldn't help himself, using this perfect opportunity to brag. "I"

Michael flicked his lashes, trying not to hear what he inevitable knew what was about to come out of his mouth. "Do not..."

"Told."

"Please don't."

"Your stupid ass."

"Okay."

"SOOOOO!" Austin exclaimed, lifting Aiden up in the air and then down again, his long toddler legs kicking in the air.

Aiden laughed at Austin's antics,  clapping his tiny hands. "Oh you're laughing now little one, but your parents are going to ruin your childhood!" he said in his baby voice, tickling Aiden's neck. This made Aiden hysterical, screaming with joy.

Michael slit his eyes, getting more and more mad at himself. "Aiden, come here. Come to daddy!"

Aiden squirmed in Austin's lap, laughing harder and harder as Austin teased him with words he didn't understand. "Hahahaha yes! Who's parents are beyond fucked? Your parents are beyond fucked!"

"Austin."

"Broken household! Mommy issues! Siblings from 5 different vaginas! Who do you even trust?!"

"AUSTIN!" Michael said, pushing his chair away from the table and went to get Aiden himself. Aiden went quiet at his father's tone and glanced at Austin with a look of confusion as Michael pulled him away and into his arms and back into his seat.

"I'm getting too old for this stress. I mean... I mean she's probably not even pregnant... right?" Aiden squirmed out of his lap and ran the other direction, instantly distracted again.  He let him wander. "Maybe this is just... maybe..."

Austin bit into his bacon, smirking. "I love the denial. First step of the grieving process. First step to recovery."

"Austin."

"You're acting as if it's the end of the world! You're the one who nutted in a syringe... again."

"I've had it frozen long before I even hired Debbie... for Gia... at the time."

Austin paused his chewing, grimacing. "Gross man."

"It's not the end of the world but it is the end of my marriage."

"And the start of fatherhood!"

Michael rolled his eyes, knifing into his pancakes as if he wanted to kill it. "I already am a father!"

"Ouch... harsh words to say about your unborn child. That you wanted, may I add."

"ThAt yOu wAnTeD, mAy I aDd," Michael mocked, eyeing Aiden as he walked back to him, wanting some pancakes. Michael propped him on his lap again. "Not without Gia on board."

"Then why even engage this?"

"I don't know... I feel like I'm running out of time. Gia almost got... got shot for godsake!"

"Gia also had a miscarriage."

"Don't even try the low blows on me."

"Is it a low blow for you or a low blow for her?"

========================

knock knock KNOCK

"Giovanna?!" the voice yelled through the glass as he fiddled with my lock door handle trying to open the car. "Giovanna?!"

My head jerked up as I gained awareness and immediately squinted my eyes in pain at the pouring sunlight. It was morning?

Yes. It was morning. And I fell asleep in Brock's fucking driveway, with mascara stained cheeks from the crying before. Can it get more shameful than this?

I groaned, opening the door unable to look him in the eyes, staring down at my feet instead.

"Giovanna, are you serious right now?! Gia?! Look at me."

I turned my head towards him, blinking before it registered that he was... standing. No chair. No crutches. And as far as I could see, no braces. Oh my god.

His face turned harsh as he bent down to unlock my seatbelt for my limp body and grab my hand for me to get out of the car. Still in my nightgown, my knees worked themselves bringing me up to him, face to face. He blinked at me, waiting for some sort of explanation and based on past events I had no idea where to start.

"You... you're walking," I gawked taking in his tall frame.

"Does that soothe your guilty conscious?"

I stared at his legs, ignoring his statement. "You look great."

He stepped back and glanced sideways, inhaling his fury back. "Look... you... you need to leave."

"Excuse me?" I blinked.

"You can't be here... why are you even standing outside in plain sight?!"

"... Because you told me to get out of my car?"

Brock looked over his surroundings before grabbing me by the arm and carrying me inside of his garage. I was hoping he was leading me inside of his house, but he stopped right at the steps. I groaned. "So you're not going to let me inside?"

"Okay... with all due respect, cut the shit, Giovanna. Is your relationship in turmoil? Is that why you're here?"

To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to get straight down to the get down. I tilted my head and tried to sound as genuine as possible with a slight pout. "Of course not. I just figured to visit you... you've saved my life."

He broke his glare and stroked his chin, chuckling. "Don't take this as an insult love, but no amount of Botox can save the lie on your face."

My eye twitched trying to ignore that but my fingers immediately brushed against my forehead, obviously not being able to ignore that. He continued.

"You show up in my driveway unannounced, asleep, still dressed in your pajamas. I don't know what Michael has done to you this time but I am not going to be played again--"

"Play you? I just wanted to see you," I said quietly, placing his hand in mine.

I felt his arm tense immediately as he looked down at my hand as if I had some sort of oozing rash. "To even try to act like what happened never happened...," he chuckled at my forwardness in disbelief. "You're disgusting, Giovanna. That man has made you sick... in the head."

"Michael has nothing to do with this," Tears began to swell in my eyes and I don't know why. It had nothing to do with Michael, and all of what I allowed myself to become.

"Brock" a woman's voice called from the other side of the garage door. "Brock, I need help with something."

He glanced at the door and then back at me. "Look, go home. Take a shower. I'll call you some other time," waving me off to dismiss me off of his, and technically my, property. He turned to the door and I grabbed his large, veiny wrist tight, feeling the white of his skin form around my grip.

"Brock! I am in great pain here. Consider this a... cry for help?"

His jaw clenched as he snatched his wrist away with a scowl. "You knew what you were getting into with this man. Drive home safe, Gia. Take care of your kid."

—-

Feeling like the ultimate loser, I pull into the garage after the silent drive home. I don't know why I felt defeat, I just did. I thought I had won the perfect man. The perfect life. The perfect family. The house greets me with stillness. Walking into the kitchen, I spot a note in Vanessa's handwriting sitting on the counter.

"Gone for a while. Take care of yourself" the note read.

Relief washes over me. I wanted absolutely no company anyway.

My phone starts ringing off the hook. My throat tightens instantly.

I answer sharply. "Didn't I tell you to stop calling me? Call your baby mother, okay? I'm not your baby mother."

"You're my wife, baby."

"I was just a womb."

"Gia—"

I hear something slam against the phone, like Michael hit it out of frustration. Then silence.

"You react before you even know if anything happened."

"Enough has happened behind my back already." My grip tightens around the wine glass. "How could you do this to us? Especially after everything that happened. You know I would've given you another child. You know I wanted Aiden to have a sibling."

"I'm sorry. I—when you had the miscarriage, I was devastated. I wasn't thinking."

I shake my head slowly, too exhausted to even cry now.

"If she's pregnant, Michael, we are done."

"Baby—"

"Done," I strain out, refusing to let the velvet pull of his voice weaken my resolve.

A long breath crackles through the speaker before he speaks again.

"So you're gonna leave me again? What about Aiden? I know I'm wrong, Gia. I admit that. But why do you always run whenever things get hard? Why are you always running from me — like I'm some, some ugly thing?"

My eyes roll at the audacity of him twisting this back around on me. I suck my teeth, end the call, and take another long gulp of wine.

Ever since I met Michael, he'd turned my life every way but loose. Loving him felt like stepping into his hypnotist's trance. Slow, consuming, impossible to escape. That man could wrap a woman around his finger like the tape around his finger, so tightly you'd mistake suffocation for devotion. And no matter how angry I got, no matter how deeply he cut me, there was always something tethering me back to him.

"And what was I?" My inner voice asked. I knew he was married. And I still gave him my womb. And one thing about those tables, they definitely turn.

"All I needed was some time to heal. Just a little. Why did he do this?!" I groaned to myself, trying to calm my nerves. Even if she wasn't pregnant, how would I trust my husband again?

I stare down at my reflection in the mirror, swirling inside the wine glass. Mascara slightly smudged. Eyes tired. Older somehow.

I run a bubble bath and submerge in the warmth. Another call rings through the house.

I let it ring. Then again. And again.

Finally, a voicemail plays.

"Gia..." His voice comes through softer this time, but I could hear the exhaustion behind the rasp. "I know you hate me right now and I deserve that. But please don't shut me out tonight. Please." A pause. I hear him exhale shakily into the phone. "I can handle you screaming at me. I can handle you cussing me out. But when you go cold like this..." Another pause. "I'm on my way to your house, okay? Austin's wife has Aiden. I need to see my wife."

"Shit" I mutter, quickly turning the drain on and stepping out of the bath.

Grabbing my keys, I head back toward the garage. He may be coming but I won't be here. I just know he'll walk through that front door tonight looking the way he always does. Pretty, apologetic, and irresistible...

As the garage door rattles open, headlights sweep across the driveway.

My stomach drops.

It's not Michael. It's Brock.