31 - over and over

I entered inside of the hidden door in Michael's closet and turned on the lights that made my wedding dress instantly sparkle inside of the glass case it was enclosed in. Michael had it styled on a mannequin with my exact proportions and it was the same as I remember.

Our wedding candids were framed on the walls in black and white. I could hear the laughter still echoing in my mind from that magical day.

"You haven't been in here before have you?" I felt my husband's satisfying grip around my waist from behind and felt warmer. His hair fell over my face as he kissed my temple from behind.

"I never knew it existed. You really made a little shrine," I nodded, chuckling at the picture of Aaron twisted expression after he tasted his first glass of champagne at our wedding after party.

Michael placed kisses on the pulse of my neck and his scent absorbed me. I will never get enough of it. "Can I say that was the best day of my life? Ten years of anticipation to have you."

I paused, turning to face him and inhaled.

He stepped off. "Um?"

"You're being too nice to me. I was trying to see if there was alcohol on your breath."

"I have to be drinking to appreciate you? You're such a mood killer."

"You want something. Go ahead and ask me, Michael."

His eyes wandered, avoiding mine. "Nothing. It's just that... you know. Work is coming up... gonna miss my baby. A lot."

My heart fell to my stomach as he reminded me exactly what I didn't want to hear. Months of being without Michael really tore me a part. Multiple daily calls couldn't replace his touch and presence and raising Aiden was a full time job without him. Now that Aiden is becoming more aware I wonder how he'll handle his daddy being gone too. At least Brock kept me company but that was over and done with now. Way over and done with. I had three weeks left with him.

"Aw, bring it in," he said, reading my thoughts and hugged me, rocking me from side to side and I tried not to tear up. I felt lonely already. "I have some plans for us today. Would you like that? Just you and I."

"I thought you had your Rock & Roll Hall of Fame tonight with your brothers? Don't tell me we're not going."

"As much as I'd rather not, yes. I was thinking spa, nails, hair, Hall of Fame, and a really nice dinner to finish the night."

"You don't mind Vanessa being here without us now?"

His eyes winced as if I just pinched him with those words. "Uh, yeah. She's fine."

I blinked, impressed by the change of heart. She's been here for a few long weeks of hell, but I was glad he finally relaxed. "I told you she's harml--"

 Michael swatted his hand, trying to get me to cease the topic I guess. He backed away towards the door, going to his next task. "Ready in an hour please, okay? Meet me out front."

His weird behavior is something I've always been used to, but he just seemed extra off. "Ok..." 

He inhaled as he continued to back away through the door. "See you soon."

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The waiter, with sweat beading on his brows poured the glass of wine so nervously he was trembling as he rolled the bottle around the glass rim, until the last drop came out. Michael sat across from me in his military style black and gold blazer, looking me over with total awe written on his face. His curls draping across his parted lips as he couldn't control the yearning expression on his face.

I cheesed, feeling my self turn hot red already. "What is it?"

"You just... you just look unreal tonight, baby. Completely stunning."

The waiter took these words as a sign to let us be and rushed away.

I looked around at the dimly lit, classic Spanish ambiance of the place. It was gorgeous inside. "We've never been to this restaurant before. You picked a good one honey," I complimented while biting into one of my tapas, the flavor exploding on my tongue. The inner foodie inside of me was screaming. So fucking good.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it..." He stirred his salad around, separating the carrots from the lettuce. He seemed very uncomfortable and tense. Something was off, as it has been all day.

"Do you have something on your mind?"

He blinked, trying to come up with his words to say. "Ok, I'm just going to spill it." 

I flashed an eyebrow, waiting for his response.

"Debbie..." he inhaled, clearly struggling to 'spill it.'

"... Michael," I encouraged.

"I know you don't want to go through pregnancy again at this time. I know that. So I was thinking... well, I talked to her. D-debbie, I mean," he stuttered, talking in circles. "She offered to help... in a big way."

"Help as in what?" I inquired, picking up my wine glass and sipping slowly, failing my attempt to calm my heart rate. 

"She offered to be a surrogate... I think you know what I'm about to ask."

... Here we go again.

What's more shocking? The question or that I am not surprised by him asking it? I knew this was coming. I saw it in his big, curious eyes every time I denied him another child. It was only a matter of time before he got the brass balls to ask. The merlot became suddenly bitter and dry on my tongue as I struggled to swallow it down. "We could've saved ourselves a lot of time if you just asked me this at home. Is this why you took me to dinner?"

He gulped, moving his hair behind his ear. "I've had this place booked for dinner before it even came in my mind."

Yeah right. "How long has it been on your mind?"

He fidgeted, biting on his bottom lip, a bad habit when it came to his nerves but as hot as it looked I never complained. Until now. I placed my glass back on the table and leaned in, "Michael, are you going to answer me?"

"Are you?" Michael's tone was fragile... vulnerable.

I placed my hair behind my ears and stared down at my ring. I knew he would do this even if I agreed to a second child. We always made it understood I could never give him the amount of children he wants. "You really must think I'm a fool."

 He shut his eyes, taking the no like a slap in the face. "Gia--"

"It's out of my control at this point, isn't it?" I wouldn't put it past him to have his mother in mind already knocked the fuck up. "Did you use a turkey baster and let it marinate as well?" I scoffed, remembering my life before my angel Aiden. And before Michael completely turned my world upside down, again.

"Gia, nothing has been done."

I shot him a look calling bullshit.

He put his hands up, guilty. "My sperm is stored. That's it. I'm asking you for your consent. This is for us, not for me... I'm only asking a question."

It doesn't matter if he's asking me. When a thought is in Michael's head, it is in his head. "The thought is already in your mind to a point where you actually got the courage and audacity to propose it to me at dinner, in a crisp white shirt, knowing I could throw this wine at you any moment. But you asked anyway," I said below a whisper, my lower lip quivering fighting back my hurt, the tears in my eyes completely diminishing my pride. "You must think I'm as stupid as Lisa, huh? Or is my worth equivalent? How many women are you going to do this to?"

He exhaled, blinking out of belief. "Lisa? Really, Gia? Don't even put you and her in the same sentence, she's not worth it--"

"Did you take the mother in mind out to dinner too? Like you did to me that night?!" That night seemed like a million years ago. I still remember the flutter in my stomach when I opened the door and looked up at the man who had groomed me for all of those years and how casually he asked me to not even be the mother of his child, but the surrogate! The fucking surrogate! With a smirk written all on his face.

"I respect your decision, Gia! I wasn't expecting a yes anyway. I was just bringing up an option..." he tried, attempting to calm me down. He leaned in and deepened his voice. "You cannot cry in here. The waiters are watching."

"Nothing is more embarrassing than your husband having a baby with someone else."

"Nothing is more embarrassing than me not being even able to get an ounce of an erection on my first wedding night because all I could think about was me marrying the wrong woman!" 

"What?! You blew my back out--"

"I'm talking about Lisa, Giovanna. I said my first wedding night."

My eyes rolled before I could stop myself. I have always hated being second. "Ok."

"Do you understand the gravity of that situation?"

"Well it's understandable. Lisa isn't a gem."

"Gia. I was thinking of you the entire time. Have you seen the wedding video? Me chewing my gum because my teeth were chattering. I was so nervous. I felt so out of place. Your smile was the only thing on my mind... your laugh was the only thing I could hear when that preacher was telling me to kiss the bride" he said, screwing his face as if he had a horrible taste in his mouth. "If you could even call her that."

I felt my heart rate increasing exponentially and immediately downed my glass of wine, trying to get out of there as soon as possible. "I'm leaving."

Michael pursed his plush pink lips, disappointed. "Come on, you want to go back home? Or?"

"I want my own room, a hotel around here is fine. And I want to sleep with Aiden. Without you.

"Please Gia, don't be dramatic. I completely understand."

"Dramatic, yeah? If I sat here and told you Brock got me pregnant, how would you feel then?!"

His expression went blindsided as he replayed the sentence over and over again in his mind. "What did you just say to me?"

"You know exactly what I said you fuckass. How would you like to watch this baby grow inside of me? Knowing with each month, with every kick, this baby is not even yours. And even worse, it's because you told me to fuck him?!"

He raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "You're bullshitting me."

"And if I'm not?" I challenged, standing up from the table with crossed arms. I had him vulnerable and truthfully, I enjoyed it.

"I know you are. Did Brock not remind you about your birth control?"

... What?

My jaw dropped. And it stayed there. How did he know?! How. Did. He. Know?! I even stored them in a xanax bottle for stealth. How?!?!

He nodded his head, getting the confirmation he didn't want to have. "You bring up me treating you like Lisa except it seems like you're the one doing the repeating, Frecks. How many women are going to do this to me?"

My blood red nails dug into the palms of my fists in utter disbelief. I was shaking, completely flustered. I didn't know whether to call him an asshole or beg for forgiveness for doing that behind his back.

His eyes trailed down to his barely touched food as if it was a foreign mass. It was obvious he had loss his appetite. His eyes stayed there. "Stay at Neverland tonight. I'll  just have one of the guys drive me somewhere else for the night... I'll send someone to drive Aiden here as well."

My tone went soft, feeling a hole in my stomach thinking about us being separate. "No, don't. I'll meet you back at Neverland. Let's all sleep together tonight. The three of us." I grabbed my clutch from my chair and pushed it back in, quickly rushing away to gather my thoughts. I left him and excused myself at the door where security details were waiting.

"We're going home in separate cars," I quickly whispered in the tall man's ear. He nodded, and him and three other men formed a diamond around me ushering me outside to the vehicle.

I quickly glanced through the window, seeing Michael's silhouette through the closed curtains. He hadn't moved.

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Neverland - 10:39 pm

Two hours later I was still alone as I sat at my custom vanity in our bedroom, wiping the cold cream across my eye makeup. I heard Vanessa yell a goodnight from the other side of the door as Aiden yelled back. "Night night Nessaaaa!"

I looked at my bare face and frowned, reminding myself to schedule a facial appointment tomorrow. Everyone who told me I'd grow out of getting pimples was a bold faced liar. I heard Aiden react to the show on the television.

"I like that car, mommy!"

I turned to see what he was referring to, watching the chrome Ferrari wheels smoke as it zoomed down the road. I giggled, "Mommy has that car, baby. Daddy brought it for me a long time ago."

"Nah-uuuunh."

"Unh-huuuuuh!" I replied, walking over to him and tickling his belly.

I remember it distinctively. 1989. I looked out of my peep hole of my new house to a cheesing Michael, swinging a set of keys around his index finger. I slid the lock open and cracked the door.

"Hey, you," he greeted, his eyes wild with excitement.

"Hey yourself."

"I've got a surprise for you, Frecks."

"Michael... if this is one of your little pranks I swear to god--"

"Can you just come outside, please? It's not a prank this time." He slid his arm behind my waist and pulled me closer to him. The urge not to feel him up was so tempting. "Come. I got you something... just a small token of how much I appreciate you."

I bent down, kissing Aiden all over his chubby cheeks as he went completely hysterical, laughing his toddler ass off, until the phone rang interrupting our fun.

"Phone," Aiden noted. "Daddy."

I crawled across the sheets on my hands and knees and reached for the home phone from the nightstand on Michael's side of the bed. I picked up, but before I could even say hello the woman's deep breathing came into the speaker. She sounded like she had just ran ten miles.

The woman cheered in happiness as she spoke. "Michael!! You won't believe this! It's done! It's done!"

"What's done?" I asked with a suspicious tone. "Who is this?"

"Is this Miss Giovanna?" she asked, calmer now.

"Yes... is this Debbie?" I felt a lump in my throat and glanced at my curious son, who noticed the alarm in my line of sight.

"Yes... can you please have Michael call me when he's available? It's urgent. I'll be up all night."

My lips rubbed together as I felt the inevitable coming. "Will do," I forced, hanging up the phone immediately. I stared at the wall, shying my face away from Aiden. But he already sensed my depression and started to crawl towards me.

"Don't cry mommy. Alisha said crying is for babies..."

I hadn't even noticed I'd been crying. My hand quickly swiped my eyes with my satin night gown as I used the other to switch off the table lamp. The television was the only light in the room now. I peeled back the covers and crawled inside, patting the right of me for him. "Come on, sleep with me tonight."

"Is daddy coming?"

"Y-yes... he'll be here later. But only if you close your eyes."

That's all the motivation he needed as he hurried under the sheets, laying his head on the pillow beside me. I had to push his curls out of the way. I hadn't washed his hair in 5 days and his afro was just getting bigger and bigger.

Once I heard his soft snores I turned the TV off, letting the silence consume me. As exhausted as I was I didn't sleep for at least 45 minutes. I heard Michael's footsteps enter quietly as I began to drift in and out of consciousness. 

 I waited for him to change into his pajamas before I spoke up, making him jump at my whisper. "She called. She said it's done."

Michael paused and even in the darkness I could tell his face was stuck in confusion.

"What's done? Nothing is supposed to be done. We didn't agree on anything... we haven't even began discussing anything."

"Does she have access to the sperm you said you stored?"

We both heard Aiden's snore come to a halt as our voices began to stir him. We both decided to stop the conversation. Michael grabbed his cell phone and walked out of the room, closing the bedroom door completely behind him. I kissed Aiden on the back of his shoulder, praying that he was still asleep.

Twenty minutes later Michael returned, dragging his feet to his side of the bed, sliding to the other side of our child. I waited for something. Some sort of confirmation... something.

Michael began to sniff uncontrollably as his voice broke. "She did it... she claims she actually did it..."

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#DRAMA!!!!!

Somehow I always pictured Vanessa as Alex Vause from OITNB. For some reason.