Chapter 4

I DO NOT OWN THIS DRAWING- I ONLY ADDED THE BACKROUND & RAIN

TW: alcohol, SH, blood and suicidal thoughts/attempt (sorry guys)

Kavehs POV

It all started when Alhaitham came back home late.

While waiting for him I dozed off and when I heard him come back I ran to the door, but he had strangely dissapeared in his room.

I figured out he had had a bad day and decided to warm up some leftovers for him and then he'd have the opportunity to relax and just forget it for the rest of the day.

When I knocked at his door he didn't replied.

"Alhaitham? Are you okay? I got you some food."

No reply

Then I decided to enter and he was sitting on his bed with his soundproof headphones.

He looked up and just took the food without saying anything. It kind of hurt me, though but I left, understanding that he maybe needed some time alone and that I shouldn't be that clingy.

The next morning Alhaitham was already gone and he didn't even leave a note for me, as he'd usually do.

Was he getting tired and annoyed of me?

This thought stayed in my head for the whole day. It was making it impossible to focus and that's why I fucked up a project for a client.

I came back home tired and devastated by the fact I just had failed another customer.

I needed the money so, so bad...

In my room I just collapsed and started crying, feeling useless again. 

Then I went to the kitchen and took a bottle of alcohol, emptying it in large gulps. Afterwards I tumbled into the bathroom and threw up.

"I'm so useless"

"Even Alhaitham got sick of you in less than two weeks of dating"

"Debts will just keep piling up"

I got dizzy and puked again.

Then I caught sight of my razor, the blade to be precise.

My thoughts were getting louder and louder with each passing second and I just felt the urge to.

I grabbed it and the pain on the outside, slowly silenced the pain I felt inside.

Once I was done my hands were shaking, warm, fresh blood rolling down my arms.

I let out a defeated chuckle and then proceeded to just roll some bandages around my arms and throw on some hoodie to hide it.

"God, I am so pathetic..."

Alhaithams POV

I left early this morning not really thinking of the consequences my actions could have over Kaveh.

"He's old enough to take care of himself" I thought.

Now I know how blind and selfish I had been.

The paperwork still kept increasing and it meant I had to stay longer at the Akademiya.

I plugged in my headphones and started working. Hours later not even half of pile was done, that's why I'd have to stay a little more.

Kaveh wouldn't mind, right?

Kavehs POV

Alhaitham wasn't coming home.

It was already 10 p.m. and he never came that late."He's so fed up of yourself he's staying at the Akademiya on purpose"

"You were just a "distraction" for him. Nothing more."

"No one actually likes you. They all use you for something"

"Just go and dissapear out of everyone's life's" 

These thoughts just wouldn't shut up.

My breathing became shaky and I put my hands on my ears as an desprerate attempt to make them quiet.

"He doesn't like you. Why would he?"

"He's been pretending"

"Look how easily he abandoned you"

"Stop being so clingy, you obviously don't mean anything to him"

They're right.

No one will ever care about me.

I'm just a waste of space and don't have any purpose in this life.

I've just been a burden to everyone who came across my path.

I cannot even pay debts properly and I waste my money on scams.

"See? You should just dissapear out of everyones lifes"

"That way they'd be happier"

"There's an effective way of solving all of those problems..."

Really? What way is it?

"To kill yourself"

Alhaithams POV

The papers in front of me were still a lot, but I just couln't continue.

It's not like I could focus anyways. All of my thoughts spinned around Kaveh and I had this feeling that something bad was about to happen.

I had to go home, apologize and make up for it.

Fuck being the acting grand sage! I'm going back to be the scribe. Kaveh is way more important for me and I had been terrible to him these past days.

I ran back home, just wanting to hug Kaveh, tell him everything is over and spend way more time with him.

When I entered the house everything was silent. Bottles of alcohol were scattered on the living room table. All of them empty.

"Oh archons..." I mumbled and rushed to Kavehs room.

He wasn't there.

I searched the whole house and Kaveh was missing.

Where did he go?

Suddenly a horrible thought invaded my mind.

"Fuck, he isn't going to-" I ran out and asked everyone I could find if they had seen Kaveh.

I panicked as everyone denied. Fuck, fuck, fuck...

It started raining making it even harder to find him. Sumeru city is huge! How was I ever going to find him?!

"KAVEH!" I desperately yelled against the rain "KAVEH!"

Then finally a citizen came up to me and told me he had seen a blonde guy walk towards the northern bridge of Sumeru city. It had to be Kaveh!

With tears building up I ran to the location begging that he hadn't done it yet. 

The rain was getting heavier and seeing infront of me became harder and harder to see something... but there! I could distinguish a familiar figure standing on the edge of the bridge.

"KAVEH! DON'T"

It seemed like he couldn't hear me...

Everything happened as if it was played on slow-motion...

While Kaveh was taking a step into the air, ready to fall into the emptyness I bolted towards him, grabbed him and threw ourselfs onto the sturdy floor of the bridge...

Kavehs POV

As I was about to jump, someone yelled something, grabbed me and flung me onto the floor.

My body was numb and it took some while for me to process what was happening.

I looked up and realised I was in Alhaithams arms and he was telling me something, crying.

"ARE YOU COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'VE WORRIED ME?!"

Tears were streaming down his face and landing on mine.

It could also be rain.

I didn't care. 

"Kaveh! Please reply! Talk to me!"

It all felt so surreal.

I wanted to cry, to scream, to laugh at the stupidity of the situation, but nothing came out of me.

I had worried someone I love again. I even hadn't been able to do something as easy as jumping off a bridge...

So here I was. Making someone else feel like shit, but not caring about anything at all.

How selfish of me.

Then they finally appeared.

Thick, bitter tears and Alhaitham hugged me tighter...

Alhaithams POV

I was really scared. Terrified, to be honest.

Kaveh wasn't replying to any of my words, as if he were in a trance.

Why did he wanted to do that?

Is it my fault?

Shit, it is!

How do I fix this?

He'll try and do it again!

I don't want to lose him. I wouldn't want to lose him for anything in the world.

He had always made my days better. He had always been a ray of sunshine in my life.

No words could possibly describe what I felt for him and what he had done for me. My heart has always belonged to him. Since the very first day we met.

How is it possible that I forgot all of that over something as stupid as work?!

I pressed him tight onto me, afraid that he'll dissapear the moment I release him.

He was crying, I was crying, even the clouds matched our feelings.

At some point, he actually returned the hug, and the relief I felt in that exact moment was unimaginable.

"Kaveh...why?" I asked softly, my voice shaking.

"I-I'm just tired Alhaitham", Kaveh mumbled back, not daring to look at me "I-It's all too m-much... I'll only keep hurting you and myself even more If I continue this... Ending it is the easiest solution..."

Hearing him say that broke me even more.

"Don't say that Kaveh. It might be the only solution you might think of right now, but there's always another way." I wiped some of his tears away.

"These past days have been very hard for both of us, I know. And I've been terrible for neglecting you and our relationship. It's not your fault at all. It's completely mine. I've made you almost..., a-almost-"

I started crying again and Kaveh tightened his grip around me.

"I've been a fucking idiot for giving work a bigger importance. But that will all change now. I've decided I don't want to be the acting grand sage anymore. I want to go back to be the scribe, to have more time for you...for us..."

I paused for a moment, then I continued:

"Kaveh, I love you so, so, so much! I've been loving you for years now and I've been so blind for hurting you!"

Kavehs POV

When he said these three words I've been so keen on hearing, everything just stopped.

Did he really just say that?

Did he just said that he loves me?

I looked at him and his gaze was filled with sincerity, confirming the words he just spoke.

"I-I..." I was speechless.

He really meant it...

Then Alhaitham kissed me and I retourned the kiss, rediscovering the comfort his lips gave mine.

It stopped raining, almost as if the clouds celebrated our reunion.

"I love you too, Alhaitham" I replied.

He smiled down at me and suggested that we should go home now.

We kissed again and that night a new and stronger bond grew between us as we promised to always support each other and never abandon each other's feelings or needs.

I was going to keep living for Alhaitham.

Authors Note:

THANK YOU FOR READING!!

I may have cried writing this chapter...

It's my first time writing like deep angst and I'm not a native speaker so I hope this chapter even makes sense, because I have this weird feeling it doesn't🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Anyways, tell me ANY feedback you can give me because I really wan't this story to be good and enjoyable for you guys.

I've decided that the next chapter will be a sort of romantic and chill one and afterwards I might write smut🥲 (I don't know how I'll manage to do that)

Since Christmas is just around the corner I'll spend time with my family and stuff which will make my updates less frequent for the next 2-3 weeks...

Thanks for reading again and have a great day!!

-Ju☆