Smg4 Fanfiction: Crystal Splezter - Mario and the Bob Mansion

Plot: Thanksgiving takes a turn for the weird when Bob invites the gang over to his new Mansion.

(November 17th - 2018)

The moment the gang entered the huge, house they were hit with a mixture of disturbance and confusion.

In front of them, A giant statue of Bob stood before them. It wasn't long before the Garo himself came to greet them.

Bob: Yo yo, watsup my homies. Thanks for coming over to my pad for the first ever celebration of Bob's giving.

Bowser: You mean thanksgiving?

Bob: No, I mean Bob's giving.

He gave them a tour around his house, showing off various statues and paintings of him.

Bob: Anyway, as you can tell, this mansion of mine is very sexy. Filled with the most Mozart paintings and art.

Tari: Ooh....impressive!

Bob: May I offer you in a super rare ultimate DLC Bob painting? Photoshopped by yours truly. It is a masterpiece.

The picture was an old Greek painting, with both the people's faces replaced with Bob's. Disturbed, Meggy tried to back away and stand in front of Crystal's line of sight. Meanwhile, Saiko was writing in a notebook.

Saiko: Wow, Bob knows how to be noticed! I got to take notes...

Smg4: Don't you live in a garbage dump? How'd you afford this place?

Bob: Oh, that's easy. My sound-cloud rap career really hit off last week. Look at them followers!

Boopkins: Yay! Congrats, Bob!

He was interrupted as Mario kicked him away angrily.

Mario: Can we eat now? Where's the Turkey?

Bob: Oh yeah. Follow me to the dinging room.

The dining room was huge, with a long table and a Mona Lisa photo with Bob's face photoshopped onto it.

Bob: It is time to commence the Bob's giving feast. Thanks for joining me.

Mario (Staring at silver dish): Is...is that a Turkey!?

Bob: You betcha it is!

Removing the lid, Bob unveiled the Turkey was actually a live one. It screamed as everyone looked confused, except Crystal.

Bob: Mmm...delicious.

Bowser (Face in hand): Bob...you're meant to cook it first...

Bob: Huh? Oh yeah, guess I forgot. (Draws shotgun) just give me a sec while I take care of that.

Bob loaded his weapon as Meggy put a hand over Crystal's eyes. Bowser quickly snatched up the Turkey and leapt to the kitchen door.

Bowser: Uhh, you know what Bob, how about i take care of this?

Bob: Oh. Uhh...sure. Do you want the shot-

Bowser: No bob, it's fine.

Bob: And Meggy, can you go help bowser cook, please? That'd be helpful.

Meggy was taken aback in surprise. She'd never admitted it, but she never really learned to cook, with all Crystal's meals since she got teeth being store bought. Of course, she wasn't gonna tell anyone this, so...

Meggy: Umm...err...Can I!? Cooking is my specialty!

She shuffled Crystal's high chair nearer to Tari.

Meggy: Crystal, be nice to Tari, okay?

Crystal: Okay Mommy!

Giving Tari "the look", she went off to the kitchen.

Bob: Oh yeah, that reminds me. We also need some special beverages for this occasion. Can you three go get my secret Bob juice please?

Saiko: Yeah sure, this was boring me anyway...

Boopkins: Oh sure! Where is it, Bob?

Bob: Just go upstairs and turn right. It's in my SPECIAL room, you can't miss it.

Mario: Oooo, maybe he'll have food up there too! (Runs off)

Saiko: Hey, don't run off like that idiot! (Follows Mario)

Boopkins: Oh, we're gonna get lost so easily.

Boopkins went after them, leaving the remaining guests. Tari, Smg4, Crystal and Bob were left in awkward silence. Almost a minute passed and the only sound was Smg4 coughing.

Bob: So...uh, do you guys want to hear the story of Bob's giving?

Tari and Crystal turned to listen out of curiosity, but Smg4 was skeptical.

Smg4: Ehh...not reall-

Bob: A long long long long long long long long long long long time ago...

The flashback showed some Mario and Luigi like figures arriving at a beach via a boat.

Bob: Some pilgrims came on boats, to what we now know as the mushroom kingdom. But they sucked at being alive.

They were soon attacked by local beasts, before being rescued by a tribal leader that looked familiarly like Bob.

Bob: But they were saved by the glorious Bob tribe, my ancestors.

It then showed the pilgrims worshiping The Bob tribe.

Bob: And so, everyone loved and thanked and praised the Bob tribe for being so awesome and sexy. And so they made a day called Bob's giving to worship them.

Smg4's face simply screamed "Unbelievable" while Crystal smiled and laughed. Tari even stood up to clap.

Crystal: So cool!

Tari:nWow, that's so cool and educational!

Smg4: Uhh...I'm pretty sure that's not how thanksgiving went...

Bob: What do you know? Were you there?

Tari: But if the pilgrims worshiped the Bob tribe...why are none of the presidents in mushroom kingdom history from the Bob tribe?

Bob started to sweat, clearly panicked.

Bob: Hey...uh...wanna hear the story of Bob-mas?

That drew the girls attention instantly, but Smg4 screamed in horror.

Bob: Well, it all started 2,000 years ago in the North Pole...

...

In the kitchen, Meggy was watching Bowser chopping vegetables and nervously tapping her foot.

Meggy: Uhh...so I have a confession to make...

Bowser: Oh, and what's that?

Meggy: I'm...not a very good cook...

Bowser: Really? How do you cook for your kid?

Meggy: Just store bought scraps...hehe, my life is a mess...

Bowser: It's fine, I understand. I have 8 kids, so I can relate.

Meggy: Thanks bowser. Sometimes it's nice to relate with another parent...

Bowser: No problem! Besides, I've already got a back up Turkey for the food."

Meggy: Oooh!

She took the Turkey as Bowser gave her instructions.

Bowser: Think you Can paint it in cooling oil for me?

Meggy froze.

Meggy: Did you just say...paint?

Bowser: Uh...yeah? Why?

Before Bowser even know what was happening, Meggy was shooting her splatter-shot all over the place, throwing all sorts of other inkling splatter weapons all over the place. By the end, both the Turkey and the kitchen were covered top to bottom in cooking oil.

Meggy: Now I just Chuck it in the oven, right?

Bowser: Wait! Nooo! There's too much oil!!!

It was too late, Meggy having already turned the oven on.

Meggy: This cooking thing sure is easy!

Then...the oven caught on fire.

...

Upstairs, Mario, Boopkins and Saiko were trying to find Bob's "special Bob juice". Walking down the hall, Mario was in his own world as Boopkins tried to talk to Saiko.

Boopkins: So, uh, Saiko? How ya been?

Saiko: Huh? Yeah. Fine.

Boopkins: Uh, you seem to have made friends with the other girls!

Saiko:...They're okay. 

Boopkins: Uh, that's good! Uh...are we still friends?

Before she had a chance to respond, Mario called them to a nearby dark room.

Mario: My Italian senses are tingling. This is it...

They entered the dark room, making Boopkins nervous.

Boopkins: Oh, guys? It's a little bit dark in here.

The door slammed behind him, scaring him.

Mario: Ohhh mamma Mia, I can't see ass in here! Oh! I found the light switch!

The lights came back on and everyone was stunned in shock and horror. Bob was literally on every wall and surface.

Saiko: This is going to haunt me for weeks...

"Agh! Guys, I'm scared! Is this some sort of demonic chamber?"

Mario (Rooting under bed): Nope, this is just his bedroom.

Mario found a bitten burger and a porn magazine before he found a jug labelled "Bob's special juice".

Mario: This must be it!

Boopkins: Yahoo! Well, that was easy. I was sure we were gonna come across an obstacle of some sort and consistency go on some crazy adventure!

Saiko: Well, I'm glad we didn't. Time to go back! Being in this room is bad for my health.

Saiko tried to open the door and leave...but it wouldn't budge. They were locked in Bob's hellhole of a room.

...

Downstairs, Bob was finishing the story of Bob-mas in a Santa hat and beard, Tari and Crystal listening super intently.

Bob:...And if you're a good boy and girl, Bob Claus will visit you at night and give you a present.

Tari: That's...that's so beautiful.

Crystal: I want prezzie!

Tari: Aw. Don't worry Crystal, you'll definitely get a present!

Bob: Only if you haven't been naughty. And if you praise Bob enough-

After listening to Bob's tall tales for so long, Smg4 screamed and finally snapped.

Smg4: I'm sick and tired of this S***! None of this is real You two!

Bob: Wow, how could you say that? Only coal for you this Bob-mas!

Smg4: Whatever! I'm gonna go check the cooking!

Smg4 ran off screaming, leaving Bob and the girls in silence.

Tari: So, if I'm super well behaved, can I get some new games and a new duck?

...

Smg4 entered the kitchen...

Smg4: Hey guys, need some hel-Jesus Christ!

Only to find it was currently burning down. Bowser was running about trying to put out the fire and Meggy was standing to the side holding a frying pan.

Meggy: It wasn't me, I swear!

Smg4 barged back into the dining room in a panic.

Smg4: Bob! Where are your fire extinguishers!?

Bob: LOL, safety is for losers.

In the kitchen, Bowser looked in the closet and thankfully found what appeared to be an extinguisher.

Bowser: Aha! We're safe!!! Time to die fire!!!

Instead of putting out the fire though, it shot flames directly at his face.

Bob: Oh yeah, we have flamethrowers that look like fire extinguishers. Does that count?

As if on cue, Bowser ran into the room in flames. Meggy followed after him and Bowser started running around the room, setting everything he touched on fire.

Tari: Ahhh! Bowser!

Meggy barley managed to grab Crystal out of her chair before it caught aflame. Meanwhile, Bob wasn't even reacting.

Bob: This is fine.

...

Upstairs, Saiko was attempting to barge down the door to no avail. Tragically, Mario's attempts at using Boopkins as a battering ram were unsuccessful as well.

Boopkins: Oh man, we're stuck here forever.

Mario: Nooo! Mario's gonna miss the food!

While the others panicked, Saiko took a drink from Bob's drink.

Saiko: So this is where I die, Huh?

Saiko's face quickly turned to one of disgust, which Boopkins noticed.

Boopkins: Huh? What is it Saiko?

Saiko: This juice is just gasoline!

Angered, Saiko threw the glass and spilled the contents on the floor.

...

Downstairs, Tari was trying unsuccessfully to put the fire out with a water bottle before it quickly ran out. Meggy was behind her, holding Crystal close to her and away from the fire.

Tari: Meggy, didn't you steal a firetruck? That would come in handy right now.

Meggy: I didn't steal it. I borrowed it! Also, the Woomy brigade is on hiatus till we can legally own a firetruck...

Smg4 was desperately trying to extinguish Bowser with a water sprayer, turning and calling out.

Smg4: Bob! I could use some help here!

Bob was still sitting calmly in the middle of the flames.

Bob: I'm okay with the events that are unfolding currently.

Tari: Uh...guys? The ceiling has caught fire...

Tari's observation was accurate, as upstairs, Mario, Saiko and Boopkins were literally beginning to feel the heat.

Boopkins: (Sniffs) Hey, do you guys smell something burning?

Mario: Ooh...the ground is getting spicy too. Is there a fire?

Saiko: Fire?! Oh no! The gasoline!

Bob was still sitting calmly...

Bob: Everything's fine-

Before the entire roof exploded and came down around them. Fire surrounded the remains of the wall and everyone was groaning disoriented on the floor.

Saiko: (Cough) God dammit Bob...

Bob: My home...you guys...destroyed my home.

He looked down saddened, but then...

Bob: Oh hey, look. The Turkey is cooked.

Seeing the perfectly cooked Turkey on the floor in its dish, Everyone gave him confused glances.

Bob: Well, what are you waiting for? Dig in.

Boopkins: Huh? Your...your not mad at us for destroying your home?

Bob: Don't worry, I can buy another house with my cash money. But...I can't buy cool friends to celebrate Bob's giving with like you guys...

Everyone was taken aback. Was Bob actually being sincere-?

Bob: This will also make a great sob story for MTV. Yeah boy!

Bob immediately lost all respect in the destroyed room.

Bob: Haha, just joking LOL. Crap.

And so, everyone started to eat for thanksgiving. Mario, Smg4 and Bowser stuffed their faces, while Meggy and Tari had a fun chat as Crystal tried to chomp down on an entire Turkey leg. Boopkins sat nearby Saiko, humming along while eating.

Saiko: And to answer you before Boopkins...

Boopkins: Huh?

Saiko: Yeah, we're still friends.

Boopkins: Yay!

And Bob simply observed it all, glad that everything...went just how he expected it.

To be continued...?