What's A Situationship?

Work had gone by painfully slow. I managed to finish a marketing report that I had been putting off, updated all my price lists and created new folders for my new jobs. I found I had been more productive than usual, because I needed the distraction to not clock watch. I had been invited by Josh, one of the partners, to go to the bar after work with some of the team. I told him I had plans and he tried to question what I was up to. I sensed from the day I started he was interested in me. I, however, wasn't the slightest bit interested in him. He creeped me out.

At home, I'd cleaned every room of the apartment. Knowing Pedro might actually want to see my reading corner, I had to make sure everything was showroom ready. I was burning my favourite Jo Malone candle, whilst drifting through the apartment getting ready. A power ballads playlist had been playing, soundtracking my getting ready process, when Oliver FaceTimed and stopped the music. Ever since I moved to L.A, pretty much all calls between me and home had been video calls. It warmed my heart to know they needed to visually see me, as much as I needed to with them.

"Hey Oli."

"Hey Elle, you alright?"

"Yeah are you?"

"Yeah all good. What you up to? You going out? You look nice."

"Thank you. Yeah, I'm going out with a friend."

"Friend? What friend? Where you going?"

"Just a friend I recently met. Not sure where we're going. They've planned it."

"Sounds like a date. Are you going on a date, Elle?"

"Nope. Just friends."

"How long have you been friends?"

"Does it matter?"

"Why are you being weird?"

"What do you want Oli?"

"Well I wanted to ask if you're gonna be home for dads birthday, but now I want to know why you're being weird. Who's the friend?" Oliver had always been a protective brother. But since mom died, he had gotten worse. Between him and my dad, it was sometimes unbearable. But I had to give the edge to Oli, Dad knew when to give me space. Oliver didn't. He thought if he controlled everything I did, I wouldn't end up like Mom.

"Oliver stop. Please."

"So just tell me who it's with. Where are you going? It'll drive me mad thinking something could be happening to you."

"Don't be so stupid. I'm in fucking L.A, there's nothing you could do even if you knew!"

"Please just fucking tell me, Elle. You're worrying me."

"Pedro Pascal. I'm going for a drink with him. Well, presume a drink. He's organising it."

"Am I meant to know who that is?"

"He's an actor. I don't think we've seen him in anything. I've seen him on TikTok though."

"When you say actor, do you mean acting anyway he can until he gets his big break? Or like an actor actor?"

"Google him."

"He's on google? Let me check. Two seconds." The line was fairly silent, just the noise of Oliver keyboard clicking as he typed. I hated that he always had his phone on loud. Freak. "Fuck off Elle. He's Hollywood famous, and you're going out with him?"

"I live in L.A, I see famous people sometimes and..."

"Eleanor, you know he's 48, right?"

"Yep. Are you going to continue to be like this, cos if you are, I'm going to hang up."

"No sorry, I'm just.... A little shocked. You sure it's actually all legit?"

"I'm not sure if I'll be home for Dad's birthday. I forgot to check at work today if I could get the time off. I'll do it on Monday."

"Eleanor, please be careful."

"Oli, I'm gonna go. I need to finish getting ready."

"Elle, please just fucking listen to me. I worry about you. I saw how you've been after Sam, I can't let you do it again..."

"Sam wasn't anything. We never properly got together, so..."

"You're right, he's fucking nothing. But he still fucking hurt you. Seeing you so sad, Elle, I panicked. Then you fuck off to L.A and I can't look out for you. It scares me. I don't want you-"

"To end up like Mom, I know. But I'm not going to. I'm fine. I'm more than fine. I'm happier now than ever. I'm not Mom." The words fell out my mouth before I had chance to stop myself. They hurt me, so I knew they hurt Oli.

"Elle, this is too much. I'm sorry. Go get ready, please. Just be safe. Text me tonight when you get back home."

"I will, speak to you properly tomorrow. And I'll keep you updated with getting time off. Love you so much."

"Love you kid." We ended the call, both slightly sharp but also tender with each other. He was my best friend. My whole heart. But he drove me mad. Tears burnt in my eyes, so I threw my head back to stop them rolling down my cheeks. I didn't have time to reapply my makeup. My phone buzzed on the sofa next to me.

Pedro: I'll be there in 20/25 mins.

Shit! I shot up from the sofa, going to grab my lipgloss. My hair was in soft waves, not my usual messy waves. I had gone for my natural make up look, but started to panic and think I'd need to make a bit more effort. I had a black, thin strap corset top on with high waisted black tailored trousers and black converse. I had a black leather jacket to hang over my shoulders. I applied my lip liner and gloss to my lips, perfecting my pout. I only ever wore this combo. And sometimes red if it was a special occasion. Maybe I should have done the red tonight!? I was in the middle of spraying some perfume on my pulse points when the door knocked. My heart thudded in time with my steps and before I knew it, I was yanking on the handle. There he was. Fuck. He looked good.

"Holy shit!" His jaw dropped. I just made a guy, no, Pedro Pascal's jaw drop. A boost of confidence. His fluffy hair was slightly slicked back, but a rogue curl had broke free and sat handsomely on his forehead. He wore a white shirt with black swirls on it, jeans and white trainers.

"Is it too much? I can get changed?"

"No! No nooooo, no. Don't do that. Don't get changed. I mean, you look great." He swallowed hard before he shot me a sweet smile. I wish I could read his thoughts.

"Do you want to come in?" I stood to the side and allowed him access.

"Thanks. These are for you." He handed me a large bouquet of roses. I'd never been brought flowers by a guy. A wave of emotion hit. "You alright?"

"Yes. Sorry. I just had an argument with my brother. Then you go and do this. I'm not going to cry, I promise."

"It looks like you're gonna cry." Pedro smirked, and before I knew it, I was engulfed in his big arms. Soon, his chest was pressed against my face. I quickly pushed back, earning a frown from Mr Pascal.

"I'm going to get make up on your shirt."

"Doesn't matter." He pressed me against his chest again, but I had enough time to put my hand on the V cut of his shirt and place my face against that, and not his white shirt. I felt Pedro's chest thump as he caught his breath, something in the way I had put my hand on his chest made him breath harder. I thought I'd gone too far, but the gentle rubs on my back showed me that Pedro didn't mind our embrace, or my touch. "Everything OK with your brother now?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine. We always are. He just gets too much. He's like a second Dad. Except Dad knows when to stop. Oliver doesn't."

"I have sisters, I know how your brother feels. It's hard." I looked at him through my lashes and saw him look down on me. The closeness of ours faces and eye contact was too much. My fingertips tingled. I wanted to kiss him. So bad. What the fuck is happening!?

"Do you want to see my reading corner?" I asked, needing to change the subject and put some distance between us.

"Yes please!" His voice was soft and child like and melted me. This man was dangerously sweet. I mumbled a "Come" and showed him through the open plan space I called home. Well, home away from home. My apartment was all neutral times with green and gold accents. Framed prints hung on walls, and plants decorated each area. I worked hard on my first week here to make this space cosy and my own. "This place is great! You really have an eye for details. It's very charming."

"Thanks. I thought it was only right I made it my own, seeing as I spend most of my time here. Here." I gestured towards to large, most comfortable loveseat ever. My wool blend throw clung to the back of the velvet seat. There was a gold side table next to it which hosted my current read, a lamp, and a coaster for a beverage. A small shag rug centred the area that was next to the dark oak built-in bookcase. The sole reason I wanted this apartment.

"Wow. I could really lose myself here!" Pedro's eyes flickered between the mass of books that lined each shelf, and the cosy area. "How many of these have you actually read?"

"I'd say all," I moved across the room, "apart from this section. This is where all my new books go. So I can keep track of what I need to read."

"You've read all these?" His dark eyes widened. I nodded. "That's really impressive. You must be really intelligent."

"I'd like to think so." I flicked my hair over my shoulder in mock confidence. "Would you like a drink?"

"I'd love to, but I made us a reservation so we probably should go soon?" He seemed apologetic.

"You're sweet. Thank you for this. And for the flowers."

"I couldn't show up to a date without flowers. That wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me."

"This is a date?"

"Wait, what did you think it was?" He panicked. I licked my lips, tasting the unpleasant stickiness of my lipgloss.

"Just two people hanging out, getting to know each other?" I tried my best to stifle my grin.

"Gosh, I'm sorry - I just, I, I mean..."

"I'm just joking. It's a date if you want it to be."

"Do you want it to be?" There was a begging tone to his voice that made me swoon. How this man had got under my skin so soon scared me.

"Yes. I do."

"Me too." He grinned.

"Do I have time to pop these in some water?"

"Sure." He was looking back at my bookcase, his eyes scanning my reads.

"I can't remember any guy buying me flowers."

"Ever?"

"Nope."

"I find that hard to believe."

"It's the truth." I turned to him, wanting to see his reaction. Was he taking pity on me?

"So no guy has brought you flowers?"

"Nope. Never really done this dating thing. Well, there was one guy but it was more of a situationship. Never really a relationship."

"What's a situationship?"

"A relationship that's never been a relationship. We'd go on dates, we'd stay at each others houses. But never got into a relationship."

"Why? What's the point?"

"He never wanted me to be his girlfriend, I guess. I don't think I was enough for him to want me and only me."

"No. Don't say that. Anyway, his loss is another man's gain." He winked. Fuck! He continued to watch me cut the ends of the roses he brought me, and put them into water till I could arrange properly later. "You ready?"

"I just need to grab my coat from the bedroom." I went to get my leather jacket, phone and handbag. I couldn't resist texting Liv.

Me: Pedro brought me flowers and confirmed that this is, in fact, a date. Do I look OK? *photo attached*

I locked my phone and placed it in my bag. My jacket was hanging over my bare shoulders. The sun was setting in L.A, and still too warm for me to commit to putting my arms into the sleeves. When I re-entered the living area, Pedro was looking at a shelf with photos on it.

"What's this?" He pointed to something on the shelf. I made my way over. He was pointing to my favourite picture ever.

"That is me and Olivia, my best friend, at a Harry Styles concert last year. She's gorgeous isn't she?" My finger pressed on her face through the glass.

"You're hotter. Why are you dressed as cowgirls?"

"It's just how you dress for Harry Styles."

"And this?" He pointed to a abstract Harry's House print next to it.

"A Harry print Liv brought as one of my leaving gifts."

"You wasn't lying about your love of Harry Styles then?" His mouth formed a tight, straight line as he placed the photo back on the shelf.

"Don't be jealous. He's not taking me out tonight."

"But you'd go out with him if he asked?"

"Absolutely. But he would never."

"He would if he met you."

"Don't be bitter, be better, baby." I winked. "Come on, let's go."

"Tell me something you've never told anyone else." Pedro brought his wine glass up to his lips and took a sip. Something that had me in a chokehold all evening. Pedro had brought me to a Mexican restaurant. It was lovely, the food was amazing and the company was beautiful.

"That's a dangerous question." My finger danced on the rim of my own glass. "Depends on how deep you want me to get? Is it something like "I want to have sex in a restaurants bathroom?" Or like something meaningful?"

"Do you want to have sex in a restaurant bathroom?" His chocolate eyes were almost black.

"Yes." I licked my lips. There was a moment between us where we just stared at each other. It happened several times during the evening. Pedro took another sip of wine.

"Tell me something deep. Something you've wanted to say out loud but never have."

"OK. But you can't judge me."

"I never would."

"I sometimes think I'm incapable of love. Feeling it. Like do I love people, or do I just think I do? Or maybe feel like if I say it, then that's how it feels. I know it sounds silly because I know I love my family and friends. But do I? Cos I don't know if I'm the sort of person who can love." 

"Can I be honest?"

"Please do." I took a sip and prepared myself to hear words I didn't really want to.

"Well first of all, I feel that too. To a degree.  I feel like I won't ever love anyone. Properly. Ever since my mama died. I've kinda stopped myself getting into anything with anyone because I couldn't handle the feeling of loss again." My heart hurt. I wanted to reach out and hold his hand but didn't. He needed to tell me this. "And second of all, whilst you won't believe me because I've known you for 2 days. I can tell you love people. The way you speak of your family, your friends. You wholeheartedly love. It's so obvious. Maybe to everyone but you." I wanted to believe his words desperately but it didn't happen. Suddenly, my phone started vibrating in my bag, causing both me and Pedro to jump.

"Sorry, can I just...?"

"Go ahead." Pedro was leaning forward towards the wine bottle to top up our drinks. Jack's name flashed on my screen, my heart dropped. Please let Olivia be OK!

"Sorry, I need to take this!" The panic in my voice must have been evident, as Pedro didn't question or say anything. "Hey Jack!" Pedro's head snapped up. I got up from the table, on the prowl for a quieter spot in the restaurant to hear him better.

"Hey Eleanor. Sorry to call you. Are you OK to talk?" His voice was shaking. Fuck.

"Yeah of course. Everything OK?" I could feel my heart thud in my chest.

"Yeah everything is good. I just, will you be coming home for your dads birthday?" Wait, what?

"I'm not sure. I spoke to Oliver about it earlier."

"I did ask him but he said he'd ask you and let me know. It's just, I'm going to propose to Olivia. And I know she would hate it if I did it and you weren't here so I was going to do it the week you were back for your dads birthday so you could come to the celebrations and be here for her. That way you wouldn't have to miss it and wouldn't have to take extra leave."

"Jack stop I'm going to cry! That's so thoughtful, I'll be there. I won't miss that. Oh my god, Jack. You're gonna marry Liv!" Tears burned in my eyes. I looked up to see Pedro watching me. He looked angry, yet concerned. What do you expect, he's brought you on a date and you've left him to take another call from a guy and now you're crying.

"I know, I can't wait! And you're going to get to be a maid of honour!" He laughed.

"Jack, I can't do this right now. I'm out, and I'm going to be a mess. I've already started crying!" I heard him laugh. 

"Sorry, I didn't know you were out. I wouldn't have called. I couldn't ask Liv, she'd have got suspicious."

"Don't be sorry. I'm so happy. Can you text me a picture of the ring? I do need to go, but let me know if you need anything." I ended the call, and quickly dried my eyes as I headed back to the table.

"Are you OK?" Pedro asked, pushing my topped up wine glass towards me. I guess he'd saw me crying and thought I'd need a drink.

"Yeah, sorry. That was Jack.. Olivia, my best friend. It was her boyfriend. He just asked if I'd be going back home for my Dad's birthday because he's going to propose to her and wants me to be there for their celebrations."

"Ah that's great." He seemed legitimately happy. His fingers played with the stem of the glasses and I wanted them to touch me in the same tender way.

"It really is. Honestly, they're the best couple. And he makes Olivia so happy. She's going to be so happy!" I felt the tears burn again. Shit.

"See. You said you don't think you can feel love, but you're crying happy tears for your friend." His smile was tender, heartfelt. "You ready to do some dancing?" A mischievous grin plastered Pedro's face.

"I'm always ready." I flirted, licking my lips before flashing him my best smile. My response caused him to smirk at me. We were making eye contact till I saw him adjust his jeans near his crotch and lean forward so his elbows rested on the table. Pedro continued to stare at me before catching a waiter who passed by the table.

"The cheque, please." Though he was talking to the waiter, he never stopped looking at me.

"What are you staring at?" I challenged, wanting to hear what delicious words fell from his mouth. The wine in our blood causing us to misbehave.

"You."

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

"Can you even see me without your glasses on?"

"Contacts, baby." My breathing hitched on his words. Fuck.

"Like what you see?"

"A lot. Do you like what you see, Eleanor?"

"Eh, it's alright."

"Ouchhhhh!" Pedro leant back in his chair. "I thought things were going too well."

"Gotta keep you on your toes."

"It's fucking working." The waiter came back with the cheque and before I could even look at the total, Pedro snatched it from the silver plate.

"What are you doing?"

"Paying for dinner."

"Let me give you some money."

"Nope."

"Pedro."

"Eleanor."

"Just let me give you some money."

"No."

"We split it or I go home?"

"I pay or I go home."

"That's really not fair."

"I asked you out, I pay. Those are the rules."

"I don't like the rules."

"You can throw a tantrum all you want. I think you're hot when you're angry." His cheeky grin caused me to roll my eyes. He got from his chair and headed off to pay for dinner. Whilst he was away, I checked my phone. A text from Jack and two from Olivia.

Jack: *photo attached* this is the ring. Do you think she'll like it?

Olivia: bitch I told you it was a date!! Fucking hell im so jealous. But girl, you look so so so soooo good. Trying to give the man a heart attack?

Olivia: I need full details on the date, by the way.

I replied to Jack to tell him it was exactly what she wanted. I decided to  reply to Olivia later on when Pedro wasn't around.

"Ready to go and dance the night away?"

"Hmmm."

"Don't be moody, baby." He gave me a goofy grin. Even he knew it was impossible for anyone to be mad at him when he looked like that.