Weapon Hunting

The toilet. Bard's brilliant plan was the TOILET!

"If you speak of this to anyone I'll rip your arms off." Dwalin growled at Bain, Bard's son, as he emerged from the toilet.

I was pulled out next, dying a little on the inside from the day I'm currently having. I swear to god if crawling out of a toilet isn't the last traumatizing thing to happen to me today, I might just throw myself off the roof.

"Da? Why are there Dwarves coming out of our toilet?" One of Bard's daughters asked.

"Will they bring us luck?" The younger daughter asked.

I tried not to glare at the small child as I was handed a blanket and some dry clothes, if anyone on this planet needed luck it was us not this random child!

I subconsciously did a head count, making sure we were all accounted for. Luckily it seemed everyone was here. Kili sat next to me and I put my head on his shoulder. I looked over at Thorin who was staring out the window at something.

"A Dwarvish windlance." He mumbled.

I got up and walked over to him.

"What, did you see a ghost or something?" I asked.

"He has." Balin said walking up to us. "The last time we saw such a weapon the city was on fire. It was the day the dragon came. The day that Smaug destroyed Dale. Girion, the Lord of the City rallied up bowmen to fire upon the beast. But a dragons hide is tough. Tougher than the strongest armor. Only a Black Arrow fired from a windlance could have pierced the dragons hide. And few of those arrows were ever made. The store was running low when Girion made his last stand."

"Had the aim of Men been true that day...much would have been different." Thorin said coming out of what looked to be flashbacks going through his mind.

"You speak as if you were there." Bard said appearing behind us.

"All Dwarves know the tale."

"Then you would know that Girion hit the dragon." Bain said stepping up next to his father. "He loosened a scale under the left wing. One more shot and he would have killed the beast."

Dwalin chuckled behind the boy.

"That's a fairy story, lad. Nothing more."

Thorin stepped up to Bard.

"You took our money. Where are the weapons?"

"Wait here."

Thorin gathered Dwalin, Balin, Kili, Fili and myself together as Bard went to retrieve the weapons.

"Tomorrow begins the last days of autumn."

"Durin's Day falls the morn after next." Balin continued. "We must reach the mountain before then."

"And if we do not?" Kili asked. "If we fail to find the hidden door before that time?"

He was pale and his voice hoarse. I was getting worried.

"Then this quest has been for nothing." Fili replied.

Bard returned with the weapons.

We all sat around his dining room table as he unwrapped them.

When he saw the "weapons" Fili looked offended. The others inspected them, none of them looking too terribly impressed.

"What is this?" Thorin growled.

"Pike hook. Made from an old harpoon."

"And this?" Kili asked, picking up what looked like a long handled mallet.

"A crowbill, we call it. Fashioned from a smithy's hammer. It's heavy in hand, I grant but in defense of your life, these will serve you better then none."

"We paid you for weapons!" Gloin said. "Iron-forged swords and axes!"

"It's a joke!" Bofur said as he tossed the harpoon hook thing back on the table.

"You won't find better outside the city armory." Bard told them. "All iron-forged weapons are held there under lock and key."

Dwalin and Thorin shared a look. I knew that look. We're getting those weapons. Balin saw the look as well.

"Thorin, why not take what's on offer and go? I've made do with less. So have you. I say we leave now."

"You're not going anywhere." Bard said sounding frustrated and annoyed.

"What did you say?" Thorin snapped.

"There are spies watching this house and probably every dock and wharf in the town. You must all wait til nightfall."

Thankfully Thorin said nothing.

I looked over at Kili who slowly lowered himself onto a bench. He was in pain, I could tell.

I went and sat next to him.

"Kili."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"I am, really. I just need to make it to the mountain. Then I'll deal with it."

I sighed. I knew there was no arguing with him. Short of an order from Thorin himself, nothing was going to stop Kili from getting to that mountain. I gently laid my head on his shoulder and he kissed it, putting an arm around me.

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I sighed. My dumbass honestly thought that for once in his life Thorin might listen, but no, he had a plan and no one was going to stop him from carrying it out. The second Bard left the house Thorin set into action. He gathered us all and, ignoring Bain's desperate attempt to keep us inside, we left to find the armory.

"As soon as we have the weapons we make straight for the mountain." Thorin whispered as we snuck through the town, covered by the darkness of night.

We made it to the armory and some of the Dwarves quickly arranged themselves into a staircase up to the window, so the rest of us could get inside.

Thorin gave me a small push telling me it was my turn to go. I made a run, light on my feet and quickly stepped up the Dwarven steps. They grunted a little under my weight, but not nearly as much as they grunted under the weight of their fellow Dwarves.

Once enough of us were inside we started pulling weapon after weapon off the walls. Everyone started piling the iron-forged weapons into Kili's arms. I held my own, hesitant to hand them over. Kili was pale and sweating, he looked ready to collapse.

"You alright?" Thorin asked as Kili groaned under the weight of all he carried.

"I can manage." Kili insisted. "Let's just get out of here."

He made for the stairs, made it to the second step before his leg gave out. He fell, weapons all clattering to the ground.

I winced at the loud noise. There's no way nobody heard that. I ran over to make sure Kili was ok.

No one dared to even breathe in that moment as we waited to see if we'd been caught.

Then the yelling started. We're screwed!

I heard Dori yell at the Dwarves waiting outside to run, then the sound of swords being drawn.

Those of us in the armory armed ourselves and the Dwarves cried out as we prepared for battle. But before we could move soldiers were upon us with swords aimed at us.

I stared wide eyed at Kili, who had a blade pressed up against his throat.

The Dwarves struggled as we were dragged away, all except Thorin and myself. We were shoved through the streets until we were standing before the Master of the town.

"What is the meaning of this?!"

"We caught em stealing weapons, sire." Braga explained.

"Ah, enemies of the state, eh?"

I rolled my eyes.

"A desperate bunch of mercenaries, if ever there was, sire." That little weasel Alfrid agreed.

"Hold your tongue!" Dwalin snapped. "You do not know to whom you speak! This is no common criminal! This is Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror!"

The crowded began to murmur as Thorin stepped forward.

"We are the Dwarves of Erebor. We have come to reclaim our homeland. I remember this town in the great days of old. Fleets of boats lay at harbor, filled with silks and fine gems. This was no forsaken town on a lake. This was the center of all trade in the North." Thorin's speech was getting the crowd riled up. "I will see those days return! I would relight the great forges of the Dwarves and send wealth and riches flowing once more from the halls of Erebor!"

The crowd cheered, loving what Thorin was promising.

"Death!" Someone yelled from within the crowd. "That is what you will bring upon us!"

I knew that voice. It was Bard.

"Dragon fire, and ruin." He continued. "If you awaken that beast it will destroy us all."

Thorin was unshaken by Bard's words.

"You can listen to this naysayer, but I promise you this, if we succeed...all will share in the wealth of the mountain."

The crowd seemed more than happy with that statement.

"You will have enough gold to rebuild Esgaroth ten times over!" He went on.

The crowd cheered. They were ecstatic with the promises Thorin was making.

"Why should we take you at your word, eh?" Alfrid asked, ruining the moment. "We know nothing about you. Who here can vouch for your character?"

I didn't hesitate.

"I can! I have spent months travelling alongside this Dwarf. I've been through more than my fair share of danger at his side. I wouldn't have even made it this far if it wasn't for him. I've gotten to know the true Thorin Oakenshield. If he gives his word, then he will keep it!"

Thorin gave me a soft smile, thankful for my kind words. I smiled back at him.

The crowd went into yet another uproar, until Bard began yelling once more.

"All of you! Listen to me!" He shouted. "You must listen! Have you forgotten what happened to Dale? Have you forgotten those who died in the firestorm? And for what purpose? The blind ambition of a Mountain King so riven by greed, he could not see beyond his own desire!"

Thorin stood his ground, staring Bard down.

"Now, now!" The Master shouted. "We must not, any of us be too quick to lay blame. Let us not forget that it was Girion, Lord of Dale, your ancestor, who failed to kill the beast!"

Thorin looked at Bard with an expression I couldn't quite read.

"It's true, sire." Alfrid agreed once more. "We all know the story. Arrow after arrow, he shot. Each one missing its mark."

The crowed all agreed, they'd heard the same stories. Bard approached Thorin, towering over him

"You have no right. No right to enter that mountain."

"I have the only right." Thorin replied with a calm so deadly it gave me goose bumps.

Thorin turned to the Master of Lake-Town.

"I speak to the Master of the Men of the Lake. Will you see the prophecy fulfilled? Will you share in the great wealth of our people? What say you?"

"I say unto you...Welcome! Welcome! And thrice welcome King Under the Mountain!"

The crowd burst into cheers.

As Thorin turned to face the people of Lake-Town I could see Bard was not happy.

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***Does anyone else absolutely hate the word "Thrice"?***