9 - Lies And Reality

The feeling of anxiety hit Lauren again as soon as she sat down on the drivers-seat once more. "Fuck.." She muttered while she waited for Camila to get in the car as well. Lauren was trying very hard not to have a full-on panic attack again. She was breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth as she grabbed her phone to put in the address Tom had sent her. She'd have to drive them to the spot where the drug-deal was taking place, so that they could catch Camila in the process and make her look guiltier than she actually was. Of course the woman was aware of the things that her husband did to make money, but she'd never done anything for his business. Right?

"Lauren, you're stressing again.." Camila said as she'd climbed in the car as well. "Please tell me what's going on. Is it because I'm leaving or- or because we- we- oh god, It's because we.. cheated. Of course it is. Shit, I'm sorry."

The green eyed woman shook her head. "It's- It's-" She stuttered.

"Lo.." Camila breathed out. Silence settled in the car as Lauren took deep breaths while fidgeting with her fingernails. "Lauren." Camila said, reaching a hand out towards her and starting to trace random patterns onto Lauren's arm. "I've- I've known you for what? Three months and I've been feeling more like myself than I did the past four years." She said. "I've- I've never felt this before.. I- I don't want it to end."

Lauren shrugged, not knowing what to do or say. Of course she didn't want, whatever this was, to end either, but she didn't have any control over it, not anymore. "Me neither." She muttered, speaking the truth. "Maybe I can convince Mando to stay here.."

Lauren scoffed, smiling faintly as she shook her head. "You think he'd do that?" A sad smile took over Camila's face. "Honestly.. no." She chuckled darkly. "But.. I can try. And if that doesn't work then I'm sure that we- we won't stay there forever, right? I mean Cuba is nice but I do belong in Miami.."

"I- I don't know what his plan is." Lauren said, looking down at Camila's fingers, which were nervously dancing over her skin, it gave her goosebumps. "Besides.." She sighed. "Camz.. we both know that this- we- we both have our lives.. at home, you know?"

A deep sigh escaped from Camila's lips and she shrugged her shoulders "I- I don't know if I want that life anymore." She said, momentarily looking up into Lauren's eyes before looking back down. "I know." Lauren said. "But I don't know how we- how to get out of it." She admitted bitterly. She wasn't just talking about Camila's marriage, but also the fact that she was an undercover agent for the Miami Police Department who had fallen in love with her target. It was quiet for a while then, before Lauren decided it was time to pull the bandage off and get it over with. "Let's go home." She said, starting the car and putting the radio on.

Camila nodded and sat back in her chair. 'I Found' from Amber Run started playing and both women stayed silent, lost in their mournful thoughts.

———

"L-Lauren? I don't think this is the quickest way home." Camila stated after some time. No other words had been shared on the car ride. Angus and Julia Stone was softly playing in the background as Lauren was now driving off-road, somewhere in the woods. The sun had started to set and it was starting to get dark. She ignored the brunette at first, but knew she would start talking again soon anyway. Her heart was slamming against her chest and she's wondering how she'd ever become an undercover agent in the first place. No operation had been as tough as this one. She'd rather get shot by Zayn a 100 more times than to live through this one.

"Hey, I think the navigation thingy has it wrong." Camila continued, bending forwards to take a look at the modern looking navigation system the Tesla had built into it. "See, it's sending us into the-"

Lauren felt like she was suffocating herself. She pulled over abruptly. Both women were slung forwards in their seatbelts as the car came to a stop in the middle of the deserted, muddy road. "I have to ask you something."

"Jesus Christ Lo, is this where you'll murder me?" Camila exclaimed, gently rubbing her collarbone, where the seatbelt had just pressed into. "Have you ever done anything for Armando's drug-business?"

Lauren looked at Camila's face, which turned from slightly-amused to surprised. Her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed while she stared at the green eyed woman sitting next to her. "Where is this coming from?"

"I need to know." Camila crossed her arms over one another and smiled sarcastically. "You need to know?"

"Camila.." Lauren sighed. "Please just answer my-" "Why the fuck would you need to know this?" Camila replied, suddenly sounding more irritated than Lauren had heard before. She hadn't really expected it. "What the hell is this about, Lauren?"

"I promise I'll tell you, not now though. I need to know first. It's important."

Camila scoffed. "Well maybe I'll tell you once you stop being a mystery, Lauren Green."

Lauren cringed at the horrible made-up last name and was slightly taken aback by how defensive Camila seemed to act around the subject. Maybe she was a part of Armando's business anyway and Lauren had it wrong all this time? Would that change her feelings for the girl though? Lauren's answer was plain and simple. No. She was pretty sure by now that her feelings for this woman would be stronger than pretty much anything else.

"You don't understand how important this is.." Lauren stressed, shaking her head.

"Because you're not telling me-" Lauren's phone buzzed in her pocket and both women heard it, looking down at the device. Lauren grabbed it and was relieved to see it was Zayn calling. "I'll be- I'll be right back." She said to Camila, who nodded, still looking bothered.

"Hey." She said, picking up the call as she got out of the car.

"Abort mission Lauren. The deal isn't happening today." Zayn sounded stressed as his voice rang through the phone's speakers.

Lauren's eyebrows furrowed. "What?!" She closed the door with a loud bang. "Mando canceled the appointment. Said his head wasn't on it and that he wanted to pack and go."

Lauren's fist hit the roof of the fancy car. "Fuck. Seriously?!"

"Please tell me you haven't told her anything yet."

"No." Lauren breathed out. "Fuck, I was about to. I'm literally.. I-" She took a deep breath and turned around abruptly, away from the car. "Zayn, fuck I- I'm breaking. I can't- I- I was about to tell her and- fuck I-" She hissed at her colleague, tears in her eyes as she looked up at the sky.  "Hey.. It's- It will be alright Lauren.. bring the girl home and- and it's over okay. It's over now. They'll move to Cuba. It's over. The operation is canceled."

A wave of anger washed over the raven haired girl. She kicked at a fallen branch on the floor. "Fuck!" Her voice rang through the quiet forest and she looked over her shoulder to find Camila gaping at her from inside the car. She took a deep breath. "I'll be there in a bit." She hung up the phone and placed her hands on top of the black car, taking a few breaths before opening the door and sitting down on the driver's seat again. "Sorry.." She mumbled. "That was- It was Zayn."

"Is everything- well I- I mean everything doesn't seem to be okay right now but.. will- will you be okay?"

Lauren put her hands on the steering wheel and leaned forward, her chin leaning on the leather. "Honestly, I don't know." She felt how Camila's hand ran over her back shortly before she leaned back again and took another deep breath before turning to her. "I'm sorry for asking about the drugs. It- it doesn't.. It shouldn't be any of my business.."

Camila sighed and nodded. "It's alright, don't worry about it."

Lauren turned the car around and this time, really drove the both of them home. Both women stayed quiet, not knowing what to say and not daring to speak up.

———

A day passed. A day of Lauren pretending to be sick in bed so that she wouldn't have to spend time with the woman she'd fallen for. The woman married to the drug-lord they had been trying to catch. The woman she was sure she'd never speak to again after having to disappear out of her life when the operation had ended. Camila Cabello.

It was Tuesday now and Lauren was staring out of her bedroom window. She watched how Armando was loading up the car. Camila was nowhere to be seen. She wondered how the brunette was feeling. Probably shit as well.

"Spying isn't necessary anymore, it's over. You know that, right?" Zayn asked, walking into the bedroom. He wore a simple shirt and some obnoxiously yellow pants.

"Fuck off, please." Lauren mumbled, her eyes not averting from the house next door.

"You still haven't told me what happened." Lauren rolled her eyes and took a sip from the drink in her hand. Pure whiskey. No ice. "Nothing happened." She said. She was lying, she knew that. But she just didn't care anymore. This would be the last day she'd spend with her colleague and she'd told herself that she'd never go undercover again. She'd find a simple fucking desk-job rather than ever putting herself in another situation like this.

"You can be honest with me. I won't tell, Lauren." Zayn said, his accent annoying the shit out of Lauren. "Or can I finally call you by your real name now?"

Lauren's head snapped in his direction then. "Fuck off and fuck off." She said, her eyes narrowed as she stared at the boy.

"You're in love with her." Zayn stated. "You're in love with her and you're sad about it, which I totally understand but it does help to talk to someone about it.."

Lauren shook her head, a weird grin playing on her face. "I don't wanna talk to you." She said, sipping from her drink again. Zayn sighed. "What happened Lauren?" "Jesus Christ Zayn, take a fucking hint." She hissed at her colleague. "It's.. It's whatever. We kissed and- and we both feel the same way about each other. And apart from the fucking fact that she only knows half of me, it sounds like a rather amazing love story, doesn't it?" "I'm sorry for you." Zayn replied, not acting surprised because he really wasn't. He'd seen it happening in front of his own eyes and had tried to warn his colleague about it. Can't do anything about love though.

"Don't need your pity, thank you very much." Lauren replied, turning around to face the window once more and almost stumbling backwards when noticing a certain brunette was now dragging a pink suitcase towards the car. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked at the woman that would forever move out of her life now. She downed her drink and listened to how Zayn left the room. Camila was wearing a simple, dark-blue dress. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. Much to Lauren's surprise, the brunette suddenly looked up and right into her eyes.

She stood there, stiffened by surprise as Camila shot her a bittersweet smile. She stepped backwards and pulled the curtains closed with a rough tug before turning around and forcefully throwing her whiskey-glass towards the other side of the room. The glass slammed against the wall and shattered into a thousand pieces, just like her heart.

———

A month later

It was dark outside as a certain raven haired woman made her way home. It wasn't cold, but the blazing summer heat had been swapped for a milder temperature. The woman had left the 24/7 shop with a pack of ready-to-eat pasta and a new bottle of whiskey. She held a cigarette which had already been smoked up almost completely. Loud rock-music was blasting through her headphones and an ever present look of numbness was positioned on her face.

She walked up onto the stairs to the sixth floor of her apartment building and threw the cigarette bud onto the concrete floor before forcefully kicking her door open with her leather boots. 

"Hey, is that you?"

She rolled her eyes and placed the pasta and whiskey on the small kitchen counter her apartment was provided with. "No it's an intruder." She said, sarcasm laced in her words.

"It's 2:30 a.m, it could have been."

A scoff sounded from the dark haired woman's mouth. She slid out of her leather jacket before opening up the microwave door and shoving the pasta packet in. She pressed a few buttons, the light went on in the machine and it started whirring. After opening a cupboard and pouring herself half a glass of whiskey, a brown haired woman appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Have you been at the bar again?"

"No, I've been visiting all of my friends." The woman replied, leaning against the counter as she took a sip from the cheap whiskey she'd bought. She cringed internally at it's foul taste, but had gotten used to not being able to drink the high-end stuff anymore after-

"Jesus, I'm only trying to show some interest." The other woman said. She was dressed in a pyjama shirt and shorts. "Didn't ask you to."

The microwave beeped then and both women looked at the pasta, which should be warm now. "I'm trying to be a good friend, you know, look out for you and stuff." The woman said, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "I don't need you to." She grabbed her pasta from the microwave, together with a fork, out of the drawer, before walking over to the living-room and sitting down on the brown, leather couch.

She was followed by the other woman however. "Your mom has sent you another letter." She said, throwing an envelope in her direction before sitting down on the wooden chair that stood next to the couch.

"Big deal." The woman replied, ripping the envelope open. "Bet she just needs money again." Her eyes skimmed over the piece of paper that was laying in her hands.

Dear Michelle,

I haven't heard from you for a while. I hope you're doing well. Taylor and Chris have told me they haven't spoken to you for some time either.

I'm doing well now. I just got out of rehab and things are seemingly looking up for me.

I want you to know that I'm no longer drinking or using anything.

Please let me know if you would like to visit me some time.

I'd like that very much.

Sweet regards,

Your mom

"And?" The woman on the wooden chair asked curiously.

"It's.." The other woman sighed. "She's saying she wants to see me. But I- I don't know if I want to. She says she's clean."

"That's your choice to make."

"I know." She sighed, laying the letter on the table before taking another sip of whiskey. The brunette on the wooden chair sighed, gaining an annoyed look from the other woman. "Hey, maybe you should stop drinking that crap too." She said. "I'm just sayin'."

"Maybe you should mind your own business."

The woman put her hands up in defence. "I'm just trying to help, Michelle." "Well I don't need help, Lucy." She says. "And since when do you call me by my fucking birth-name?" "I read it on the envelope. I keep forgetting your actual name is Michelle Jauregui."

Green eyes looked up from her pasta. "Well it's been Lauren my whole life. Except at work." She said. "I've never liked Michelle."

Lucy smiled. "What do you use at the office then?"

A deep sigh escaped the green eyed woman's mouth. "Michelle.." She said, sounding tired. "But it's nice because when I go undercover, they never know I'm really using my- my actual name. Lauren. You feel me?"

"Right." Lucy said, scratching her head before yawning. 

Lauren shrugged while taking a bite and looked down. "I don't know. Shouldn't you go back to bed or something?"

"I was thinking that maybe my good friend and awesome roommate would give me a bite of that pasta." Lucy smiled, her long brown hair shining in the light that their one living-room lamp was providing.

"Get fucked." Lauren said, a small smile on her face however as she stuffed her mouth full. "Yeah about that. How does a girl get laid when her roommate is always home?"

Lauren scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not always home." She stated.

"You go to the bar and come home at uncertain times, alright?" "Well take the fucking risk." Lauren replied, washing her pasta down with yet another sip of cheap whiskey.

"You sound jealous." Another scoff left Lauren's mouth. "Jealous?" She chuckled. "of you?"

Lucy smiled while getting up and sitting down next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and resting her chin on her shoulder. Lauren was semi-drunk and she had to admit that Lucy was pretty and totally her type. Things had happened between them in the past. Things that both women had enjoyed very much. She also had to admit though, that she hadn't felt like having sex ever since she'd come back home after the failed operation. Nobody was Camila Cabello, not even the pretty Lucy Vives.

"Here. You can have the rest." Lauren said, shoving the plastic pasta-pack onto Lucy's lap before getting up from the couch. "I'm gonna go sleep." "You've met someone, haven't you?"

Lauren was standing still in the middle of the room. She'd almost been on time to dodge the question but was stood in front of the door to the hallway.

"It was during your last undercover operation. It has to be. You haven't been- the same ever since you returned." Lucy stated.

"Luce.." Lauren said, still standing in front of the door.

"I know I'm right." Lucy said confidently, from her place on the couch. 

Lauren turned around and shrugged. "I don't feel like t-"

"Oh my god, so I am right?"

"Luce.." Lauren sighed deeply. "Please-" "What's her name. Where is she now? Tell me more." Lauren shook her head and turned around. "Another time."

———

The next day she woke up with a bit of a hangover. She'd been drinking too much again, just like pretty much every night after the operation had ended. Lauren was a mess and she'd fully accepted that by now. "Fuck.." She said, massaging her temples. Her phone started ringing then. She sat up in bed, her eyes narrowed, trying to protect themselves from the sunlight shining into the room. "Hello?" "Agent Jauregui. We have some news about the Perez operation that we'd like to tell you about here at the office."

"Tom?" She mumbled, dumbfounded by hearing a voice she hadn't heard in over a month. "Wh-what kinda news?"

"There might be one last chance for us to catch them and we need you and agent Malik to work with us."

———