51; a foreigner in his own mind

Just to clarify; his mind is heavy with the intensity of his thoughts, such contrast to the muted noise of the room he's in that he has the urge to react. To tap his fingers or shuffle around or scream, anything to dislodge the unbalance between mind and senses.

Breathe, he reminds himself, though the voice in his head is similar to Jaspers. Ironic in a way that vampires don't need to breathe to survive, but it's a grounding technique he's used since he started having panic attacks years ago. Breathe, that southern voice orders again, Calm down. Don't scream.

He won't scream; it would only be worse after he'd finished, once he ran out of air and the silence started eating him up again. Screaming wouldn't help his torn mind despite its temptation, it definitely wouldn't help the rest of the occupants of the house and how they're so very... aware of him. Not scared, not distrusting, but very aware of how he acted yesterday- Worried is the word, but Elias doesn't want to acknowledge that -After the blaze of his power, the attempted murder and how he'd gone deathly silent after. Elias can't blame their reaction, he really can't; he's sure from the outside it would startle any of them, but himself?

It had completely rocked him off centre.

Here's the problem at hand; he doesn't know how to go forward now. None of this was supposed to happen and because he can't rewind time to tell his past self that there's no use in reacting so darkly as in the end Bella would return to him- he's got to live with the decisions he made when all hope was lost.

He'd become a monster, if only momentarily. He was going to kill Sam Uley- which, sure, he had his reasons and he could be guiltless out of that admission in the end, if he wanted to. But the other thoughts? The demand to kill his vampire family if they stood in his way? The minuscule moment that he recognised the want to sever heads from bodies for standing against him?

That wasn't him. It wasn't. It couldn't be; that wasn't a person who wanted to protect the ones he loved, like he always thought of himself. That was a fucking maniac, a monster- that was someone as evil as Victoria.

It was also Elias, however briefly.

Eli's eyes slip close, washing away the view of the medical room he's in. He can still see his sister even with his eyes closed, her frozen body forever imprinted in mind. She's alive, he reminds himself- past the flux of self decremating thoughts- her hearts an erratic beat in her chest and she's going to wake up within a few days. She's changing, even if she's deathly still.

"Carlisle, are you sure I did everything right?"

That's Edward, his voice hesitant and hopeful as he stands near the windows, watching the sun rise again. They've cleaned the room, the blood is gone now, the horror of birth is non existent; other than Elias. He's still filthy, blood dried on his skin, ash taking the places it isn't resident. The only clean thing about him is the pair of jeans and zipped open hoodie he'd hastily pulled on when walking inside. They'd moved around him like he was a part of the furniture after he refused to budge, no matter what they begged or pleaded. To shower, to feed. It didn't matter. He stayed by Bellas side, staring down at her body, listening to the beat of her heart and drowning in his mind.

She's alive.

"It's the morphine, you administered enough medicine in time. I'm certain she's transforming very painlessly so there's no need for her to react. She might even be sleeping," Carlisle assures Edward, certainty clinging to his words.

Elias is very glad that his mind couldn't be read at the moment otherwise Edward would know how wrong the statement was. Morphine did not take the pain away, nothing could stop the burn of venom- but it did have a strange consequence whilst transforming. It sealed off the ability to react, to move. It numbed the physical body, it bound and stole the voice, but never the pain. Elias knew this, Bella knew this- she'd told him, the first time in the ballet studio, when Carlisle and Edward saved her from the bite from James. The venom had been in her veins, but so had morphine as Carlisle treated her, they'd all theorised it wasn't enough medicine. Only Bella, upon reflection, knew it made no difference.

Then Elias had been treated with the same medicine on the mountaintops. Edward injected it in multiple entry parts, the liquid barely having time to spread before the venom in his veins. Elias knew it wouldn't work to stop the pain, as Bella had said; he hadn't known that it would steal his choice of reacting. Once he was turned, he'd told her of course. He wasn't just sitting still out of pure will like they all thought, not at first anyway. Once the venom had washed away the morphine, he had to stay motionless as a task- before that? His choice was stolen.

They'd discussed telling the truth to Edward and Jasper and the rest of their family, but it would only cause concern. As far as they knew, morphine worked. But to Bella and Elias, transforming would hurt just like it would anyone else- only now they couldn't beg for death or scream in agony. It was a small mercy, to not allow their loved ones to share the horror they went through. It's why they'd agreed to keep it a secret. They doubted Carlisle would ever try to turn to another person, or tell others of the 'discovery' that meant humans didn't have to suffer in their last days- many vampires were not compassionate like him. If he did either option, they'd mutually agreed to tell him the truth. If not, the secret would go to the grave with Elias and Bella.

How kind they all, yet you wanted to hurt them, A voice snarls, ever present since his spill into the dark. Elias twitches back a wince and finds himself arguing with it. No, no i fought against the command when it came. I wasn't, i didn't-

He can't breathe again. Jaspers voice in his head is lost under the buzz of other tinted thoughts.

He's worse than Victoria. At least she didn't deny her true nature, she was open in the way she wanted to kill people for revenge, in the way she was so very happy in being a weapon to get retribution of her lost love.

Elias was the type of monster that smiled instead of snarled, that thought of himself as a shield when he was a double edged sword. Elias was a monster that thought himself too good for human blood but wasn't above wanting to kill his friends and family when his true nature took over.

Elias is a fucking mess. He can't stop the thoughts and his throat is sending a forceful burn around his body. He needs to feed, but that means leaving Bella, that means walking out the house and past the carnage of the fire he started and stopped outside. It means facing fully what he became last night.

"Elias?"

He wants to hide. He wants to forget how easy it was to turn into a 'true' vampire. He wants to go back to the time he truly thought he could fight his instincts. He wants to pretend there isn't a longing to go back to the dark. It would be so easy, after all, Like slipping back into a warm bed when you're so very tired yet have things to do.

"Elias?"

Someone is touching him. Fingertips along his hair, brushing the matted blood stained curls from his forehead. His eyes might be closed but his map is open, the world of red and black. It's Carlisle. Elias can't read his expression clearly, not like this, so he opens his eyes.

He looks so very worried, it's painted on every soft feature of his face. "Elle? Can you talk to me?"

Elias wants to apologise, but the very thought of opening his mouth hurts. Mentally and physically, because he's starved and venom is burning his tongue. Mentally it hurts because he has so much to ask, to want to know.

Who do you see when you look at me now? Your son? Or the man from last night, the stranger with the intent to kill in his eyes? I don't know which one I am now. Can I be both? How is that possible? How have I never noticed that part of me?

Carlisle speaks again, not to Elias though. He's very concerned now, not since the newborn has reacted outright. He's asking Edward if he can read Elias, if there's anything obviously broken. The lack of mental reaction is so abundantly wrong. This is normal, he says, an echo to words Elias already heard earlier from Alice and Nate, words Jasper spoke the first time they pondered over vampire mentality. Sometimes vampires can snap and lash out, sometimes instincts are too powerful to fight.

But it's not just his vampire nature, is it? Elias has always been a little too easy to sway to hurt, he's always been one hand up ready to burn. The vampire darkness might have pushed him over the edge, but even human Elias has always been standing on the edge, waiting for the moment to jump.

I am not the person I thought I was. The realisation is like ice in his veins. He feels... violated. Changed. It's as if he's a foreigner in his own mind, trying to navigate a land that seems half familiar.

He looks back towards Bella, dismissing Carlisle's gaze and continues into the madness of the mind. He can't ever truly disconnect from the world, his senses are always tracking, listening. Carlisle and Edward are hushing whispers with their family soon enough, leaving Elias alone in the room. They're concerned again. Elias doesn't want it, doesn't feel like he deserves it.

You wanted to kill them, a voice painful reminds, so very set on dragging Elias back to the dark. The curly haired boy's reply is instant, I wanted to kill everyone.

And that makes it better, does it?

It certainly doesn't make it worse. I didn't target my loved ones, I just wanted out. I wanted to hide from the hurt.

So you regarded them like a human does a bug under their boot. Marvellous.

He's fucking talking to himself now. Can vampires have mental breakdowns? This feels like one. Though he doesn't have a source to compare it to.

You weren't so far gone as to want to kill Jasper.

No, Elias doesn't think he'll ever be that far gone no matter what. Jasper and Bella, practically oil and water next to each other, but both equal parts of his soul and humanity. Or rather one is his heart, the other his conscience. There isn't any way he'd hurt them, no matter how far gone.

But could they ever look at you, knowing what you wanted to do to everyone else?

Bella might be disgusted, she might understand. It depends if her own mindset changes once she's turned, one she tastes the madness that vampirism can breed. Either way, she won't leave him. They're too... dependent on each other. Elias is sure of that. They'll be able to get past it. She'll have to knock some sense into him, perhaps. He deserves it at the least.

Jasper on the other hand... His own eyes practically gleamed with insanity, a mirror image to Elias' last night. How Elias had misunderstood him, thinking him a lesser danger then what he was. Just like he thought of himself. Elias is torn between knowing the blond will completely understand, or be completely disgusted in him because this isn't the person Elias was when they fell in love, was it?

Or had Jasper seen that from the start? The darkness of a spark in Elias, the ability and chance it could become something more? After all, it only takes a spark to start a wildfire.

It only takes a bit of madness to become a monster.

Right, Elias is stopping this now. If that voice is an extension of himself, he doesn't know how anyone wants to talk to him. It's fucking exhausting.

He focuses on his sister again, silencing his mind as he catalogues the differences in her already. She's looking healthier, her body has healed all the wounds. Her hair is vibrant, nails bleaching white- the first signs of the venom taking effect since they're the 'dead' parts of the human body. It's already been a day and a half. Elias is sure she'll turn within three days; her heart, unsurprisingly, is as stubborn as it is strong. Soon enough she'll be able to think past the pain and hear what's going on around her.

When Carlisle walks into the room, he's not alone. Elias is aware of the discussion they've just had- Carlisle is very concerned about Elias, he fears his sons mental health, especially as he's a newborn, still learning what this life offers and burdens. Especially because he hasn't fed for weeks and doesn't seem to want to anymore. Esme is scared he's going to starve himself to insanity.

Elias does want to feed, the burn is very painful and prominent. He's just... distracted. Half crazed. He wants to stay near Bella. He's gone for so long now that what's a few days?

There's Esme coming over to hold his face dearly, her own expression distraught. "Elias? Can you speak to us, please?"

Us. Her, Carlisle, Edward, Alice. They're waiting on a response. Elias feels himself stilling his already frozen body, but he wants to talk, he's sure he does. He wants to speak. But what to say? An apology won't suffice. His jaw can't seem to unclench.

A foggy human memory comes to the surface, triggered by the similarity of this situation. His human mother in this scenario, looming over him as he sits at the table in the Sherwood kitchen. It's dark in light of the kitchen and emotion both Sherwood's feel. She doesn't reach to touch him, knowing how he recoils, or perhaps it's her own disgust that stops her reaching out. Elias can't remember, but he knows her mouth is set in a thin, angry line. He knows what she's going to say before it's shouted, 'You're worrying us! Speak to us already!'

'I don't mean to,' Elias -depressed human version- wants to say, but he can't seem to find the words either. He stares blankly at her, trying to convey his feelings without letting them out. It doesn't work. They're yet again on two different islands, trying to build a bridge and meet in the middle. It never did work.

Elias sinks into the memory, eyes closing, allowing it to centre him. He doesn't want to make the same mistakes again. He needs to speak... but he doesn't know where to start. He needs to apologise.

"That's it," a deep southern voice announces, determined in the way he walks into the room. Elias can see him even before his eyes open, a magnet in the way he draws Eli in. Alice is quick to nudge Esme out of the way, allowing Jasper to take her place. Elias tracks him with open eyes, feeling almost... tender, in the way the blond's attention on him is of a physical force. The curly haired vampire almost wants to back away. Even looking at Jasper brings too much to the surface.

Jasper is strict in expression, his eyes- still dark as Eli's- are absolutely smouldering in their intensity. Jasper takes one glance at him and moves, brushing his right hand to Eli's neck. Palm cupping the side of his throat, thumb dusting his Adams apple. Elias thinks he's going to yank him out of place, shake him awake perhaps- which might work. But he lingers his hand there for a moment and then squeezes, equal in pressure and time. Twice. Twice means stop in their own language, completely reevaluate what's happening and speak.

Elias inhales in shock, feeling as if he's been electrocuted. His brains suddenly pinpointed with focus of the present. He's starving and he's confused and so very disgusted with himself. 

"Talk," Jasper commands.

Elias can speak, even if his mouth is full of venom and his tongue is heavy. "I don't know what to do," he starts, swimming in the blond's touch, the vibration of his own noise against Jasper's hand tickles.

The blond nods in understanding, nothing negative found in those eyes. "You just need to feed darlin, then you'll be able to think clearly. Everything after that, we'll shoulder together. Let's go feed, yes?"

Jasper hasn't fed either. Eli's mouth twitches down in the need to scold him, even though he knows the reason why. He's been waiting for Elias. "Ok."

Jasper takes his hand off him and holds it out in offering, Elias doesn't need to think before threading their fingers together. "Don't let go of me," the scarred vampire orders.

Elias hums something low in agreement, allowing himself to be led out the room. They don't try to go through the house, instead leaving through the patio doors leading to the forest. Elias is doing a good job of not looking at anyone's faces, not wanting their concern right now, or to show how expressionless he is himself; it's all for nothing since he's going frozen again the moment he almost leaves the room.

Jasper looks at him in question. Elias flicks his gaze to the table, ignoring the family watching them, "Bella," he says in an explanation, yearning.

"You'll be back before she's awake, don't worry," Alice assures, glazed eyes telling him she's looking at the future. Elias feels a rush of relief and appreciation to the small girl, especially as she adds, "We'll collect you if you're not, or if anything else happens. I promise."

He nods a little, knowing she wouldn't lie. He turns back around and follows his mate into the outside world.

The aftermath of the fight is horrible. There's only a few burnt trees left near the house, some of them broken and desecrated on the ground. Elias can see claw marks found in bark, past it's charred outside. There's upturned soil where someone must have been thrown and the scent of smoke is heavy in the air despite no heat lingering. It looks like war.

Elias walks through the carnage slowly, the steps he takes mirroring to the ones he took only a day ago. Once he's in the middle of the destruction, he stops. There's a radius of scorched earth in a perfect circle where Elias stands- Of course, he was the focal point of the attack. The source of it.

How in hell did he not hurt anyone? Every inch of the ground is tarnished. He remembers it being a vague command to the fire, to not stray near the ones he loves as he focused on Sam. But to see it on the outside is different. He had the gift of fire, he has for years- he never knew it could be like this. As devastating as an explosion, but with the precision of a bullet when he wanted it to be.

Jasper was somewhere within this mess, Elias thinks in a numb shock. Jasper stood around the fire, protecting Elias from being attacked from behind. He doesn't have one mark, not even melted shoes or ash tainted skin- the newborn knows this. He remembers not allowing anything to touch him.

"Ignore it," Jasper says, yet again a command. It's too easy to follow it. Elias snaps his gaze back towards the rest of the forest, the lush healthy green of it that remained untouched from attack.

Jasper nods in approval and carries on leading them into the woods, hand in hand.

•••

Sanity came back to Elias with every sweet mouthful of blood from the first deer. Emotions came back with the second. The third deer brought nothing but a warmth to Eli's body as it finally quenched the venomous fire he'd felt for weeks.

It's amazing what blood can do to relax a vampire. Elias almost feels weak at the knees once he's finished drinking, like he could collapse and laugh forever- or perhaps that's the relief of not being starving now.

The void voice in his head, so permanent recently, becomes a quiet hum. Elias could ignore it if he wanted, pretend nothing bad had happened recently and go back home and act as if he didn't do anything wrong; but that's not him. He needs to get over this, through it, destroy it if possible, before going on.

By the time both men are finished feeding, the sun is up, casting the forest in a warm glow. Elias rises one hand up, flexing fingers into a stream of sunlight that comes through the trees, allowing his skin to bounce the light off. Jasper watches as he rises from the kill he's drained himself, transfixed with how different Elias has become now he's fed. There's light in his eyes now, in colour and emotion. He's still absolutely dirty from the birth and there's now fresh blood spilled on his chin and chest. Jasper wants to cross over to him to clean it off with his own mouth.

He doesn't do that, not yet at least. He plants his feet and allows the light of his thoughts to change into a smile. "Are you feeling better now?"

Elias eyes his own shine a moment longer before regarding Jasper.  "Now I'm sentient, you mean?" He grins, sharp but not warm.

Jasper tuts deeply, his head cocking to the side as he runs his eyes over Elias' body. "That's a shame, I was enjoying ordering you around and you listening without complaint. We could have had fun."

Now that paints a vivid picture in Elias' head. Him, more vampire than man, subdued and lax in the blond man's proximity since he knows whatever Jasper wants is ok. It's amazing what his brain recognises as safe, even if he's monstrous or human. "You should have taken the chance whilst you had it," the newborn says disappointedly, "I wouldn't have minded."

"Neither would I," he admits, expression pinched in thought of how that would have gone, "though you are lovely in every emotion you show, starvation isn't exactly what I like to see when I look at you."

"And what do you like to see when you look at me?" Elias asks, aiming it to be humoured, but his eyes hold an intensity that makes Jasper's chest ache.

He strides idly towards the newborn, categorising how each step makes Elias on edge, aware of their closing proximity, "Everything you offer, everything you are."

The words wash over Elias like a caress. He does this tick that tells Jasper that if he was human, he'd be blushing. The blond can't help but step closer, one hand cupping his neck again, the other coming to the curls on his head. "And Perhaps, hair I can run my fingers through. How about we go wash this blood off?"

Right. Elias shakes off the glaze of Jasper touching him and how it makes him want to pull the blond to the floor and undress him. "Lead the way, Goldilocks," he encourages.

He does, his hand never leaving Elias' yet again. It's quite a reassurance, that no matter what happens, Jasper will be there, willing to lead the way. There is no fear found in his touch, there never has been. Through blood and fire, he would reach for Elias.

It's after they're undressed and plunged into the river and when Elias is moderately more human looking that they speak again. It isn't a conscious attempt of conversation, but Elias finds himself tracking Jasper's skin, as if he will find a new scar or something. They're only waist high in the water, but there's absolutely nothing changed in his appearance.

"I didn't hurt you," he says with relief.

Jasper doesn't hesitate to say. "No, you never have and never will."

Pushing back his wet curls from his forehead, he says quietly, "I did hurt others... I was going to kill them."

"Yes," Jasper states simply, not at all bothered by it.  "They deserved it, all things considered."

Eli's eyes slip closed again. When he speaks, he wishes the admission can get lost in the river's current, swept away without consequence. "I'm not talking about the wolves."

He knows how the words change things, how they've already tainted Elias. Jasper's brows pinch, Elias can see that even with his eyes closed since the map in his mind is active. He can't see much of anything else, no emotion in real depth- so he opens his eyes. He thinks that it's what he deserves, witnessing the disgust on his mate's face. It's a form of punishment from his actions.

There's no disgust, however. There's concentration and a tick of Jasper's lips. "That's what it is then? You're distraught by the way you wanted to hurt people you love," he realises almost... plainly.

Elias blinks, feeling a bit dumb from how casually Jasper says it. How carefree he is. The words tumble out. "I refused to, at first. There was this voice, urging me to do what must be done and Carlisle was standing in my way and I refused to hurt him to get to Sam. But then I thought about running, about hiding from everything- I thought of the chase our family would give and how I eventually would have to stop them following because it's either I stopped them or I come back to reality and I couldn't do that."

And Jasper... he laughs. Head thrown back, scars shining in the sun, droplets of water still trailing down his cheeks and collarbones. He laughs like Elias has just told him the best joke in the world.

Elias, in return, splashes him. He's not hurt at the reaction, more confused than anything, but he is pouting as he pushes water at the blond. Jasper, in turn, starts to laugh even deeper.

"Why are you laughing, I'm serious?" Elias asks, hands at the ready for another splash attack. He doesn't realise that he's smiling properly for the first time in weeks.

Jasper pushes back his soaking hair, a few stray giggles slipping out his mouth as he explains. "Because I've been so worried about something so...trivial. I thought your lapse in mentality came from a doubt of vampirism, though I'm aware that's more of my fear than a true possibility, but all mornings I though I would take you out here and you'd want to tell me you'd regret this life or something akin to it. But no, you're having a moral dilemma over murder." He's humoured again at the end, it's found everywhere Elias looks.

"I'm talking about the murder of people I love and how I had to fight myself to stop that," the newborn corrects, though talking about it now doesn't feel as intense, not since Jasper reacted like that the first time.

"Listen, if that's your way of justifying your actions, answer me this. Theoretically, Is it your fault for having to stop them, or their fault for following you?" He asks with a grin, reminding Elias that he's arguing with someone who has a PHD in philosophy and quite often ponders about theoretical questions for fun.

Upon Eli's bout of silence, Jasper moves closer, his hands picking up Eli's. He presses his river soaked lips against his palms in a kiss, a show of devotion.

"We've all been vampires so very long Elias, we know the risks of chasing our kind when they're rampant, when they've lost hope. Death and murder is a simple option to them. Just as not giving up hope on someone you love is a simple option for our family," despite the darkness of the words, his golden eyes are light as he looks at Elias. It's what he needs to fight off the void. "I know it sounds strange, I thought so when I first joined them. They would follow us to the end of the earth, they'd die, just to try to bring us back to humanity. They'd forgive us for killing them."

"No one can forgive that type of thing," Elias shakes his head, thinking it impossible in this scenario. He would never ask for that, he wouldn't dream.

"Didn't you?" Jasper tuts with irony, making the curly haired boy freeze. "You died so Bella and Edward could live, so I could continue on in this life. Our teeth might have not been the weapon that killed you on that mountain, but recognise all the same you did die for us." He pauses with intent, his eyes the colour of sun shine and just as engulfing, "Do you forgive us?"

Elias feels a little hypocritical, compared to the words he just spoke, but these are undoubtedly true. "There's nothing to forgive."

Jasper carries on without a miss. "If Bella was the one who lost hope and allowed her deepest instincts to rule her, would you die for her to come back? If you exhausted every other option and it was your death that made her come back to humanity, would you do it? Would you forgive her?"

Elias would be smarter than that, he would have other options... but if that was the last choice then, "Yes."

Jasper nods simply again, glad he's gotten his point across. Glad that the hint of self disgust has dissolved from Eli's shoulders. "Just as our family would for you. Just as you have for them. Do not feel bad, especially not under the circumstances that made you go feral."

Elias can't find a weak point in his argument, he can't disagree with him. It feels wrong, still, to have thought of that. He knew he was capable of being a monster, he never knew he would be willing to give in. "I thought I was stronger than that," Elias admits disappointedly.

The first traces of anger come across Jasper's expression. He squeezes Eli's hand, drawing all attention to him as he commands, "You're stronger than you realise, you don't see yourself clearly."

"I'm starting to realise that, too." He recalls the attack, the gleam of insanity in Jasper's eyes, the mirror image of Eli's. It felt like chaos recognising chaos. "You've always sensed that of me, haven't you? The threat I possessed, or could possess."

"Yes," Jasper says without guilt or uncertainty. "Like I said, darlin, you can't see yourself very well." He couldn't see how people would die for him, even at his hand and it would be an honour. Or how despite his gift being so young, so underdeveloped, it was hauntingly powerful. It had been even when he was human.

Elias, upon having nothing else to argue about, seems to accept his own actions. His shoulders drag, like the weight of the world has been lifted from them, there's metaphorical years taken off his face before he's burrowing into Jasper's chest, solace found in the silliness of his skin and the scent producing from his body. Jasper smiles to himself, happily embracing his mate.

"I would never regret this life," Elias vows, remembering the blondes earlier statement. "I love being a vampire, I love you."

"I'm glad," Jasper sighs deeply, clinging to Elias tighter before pulling the newborn back by his shoulders until they're not touching. Being away from him is like a shock, Elias remembers very pointedly that they're at the side of the river, submerged to their hips. He looks at Jasper in question. "I'd like to head home before Alice sends Nate to find us, I'd also like to show to everyone how right I was about you being perfectly fine after feeding."

"Smug bastard," Elias snorts, going to take steps into the forest when Jasper softly catches his jaw and turns him back around, catching his lips on his own, but just as he does Elias sees the dark satisfaction he has from it all-the conversation, the reaction eli has immediately from kissing- it's the only darkness Elias would never fight against.

•••

Upon returning home, Elias feels lighter. Not without burden entirely, but sane enough to recognise that everything will be ok. Edward and Alice are waiting for their return, both of them are holding one of Bella's lifeless hands.

"You're not going to disappear on me, are you?" Alice asks as soon as he's stepping back into the familiar medical room, despite her words being accusing, she's got a dazzling grin attached to her face.

Elias realises then that in the moment that when he was burning, his shield must have dropped- Alice probably saw the many undecided paths that lead to the same destination: away.

Not wanting to discuss it in front of Jasper, or allow Jasper to realise how they're discussing it, he turns to the blond and asks, "Will you check on Arden for me?"

Jaspers eyes narrow, knowing he's being sent out in the nicest of ways, but he follows the instructions without hesitation. Once he's out of the room, Elias pulls all his power into his left hand. There's a spark beneath his skin before a flame engulfs his fingers; as soon as it's being used physically, his mental power becomes useless. Alice and Edward are left open to his mind. The thoughts are carefully swaying about random things, but the future is clear for Alice. All Eli's plans currently revolve around Bella and their family.

"Amazing," Alice sighs, skipping over to him. Elias, with a simple mental command, extinguishes the flame in his hand and returns the hug she squashes him in.

"Your husband is going to feel left out if you let everyone but him in," Edward points out. 

"I'm waiting for the right time," Eli shrugs, pulling back from the pixie like vampire. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

"You did, you're lucky we're immortal because my hair would be turning grey by now," Alice chides, though she's still grinning.

Before Eli can reply to that, he hears the familiar footsteps of Esme and Carlisle approaching. He turns to them, feeling the workings of his heart stuck in his throat. He's got half the word 'sorry' out his mouth before they're even in the room but Esme is shushing him in an instant, replacing Alice in a hug.

"There's no apologies needed," she orders sternly, lovingly. She's shorter than Elias, yet the feeling of maternal love that she oozes makes Elias feel like a kid again. 

"And I'll fix the damage I did to the forest," he replies instead, wincing in memory.

Esme pats his cheek once, "I thought it was about time to add more flowers in the garden anyway." Eli finds himself grinning at that, relief being woven into his features. Esme wrinkles her nose suddenly, "You smell like the river again."

"I'll shower once I've spoken to Bella," he vows.

Edward stiffens at that. Elias is turning to him, copying the action without command. "Actually, we discussed it. It's better for me to be here when she's awake. From your experience, the more people there are, the more you want to react."

Elias is very careful to take the words in slowly, allowing his mind to see how the plan is from love and care and not because someone is keeping his sister away; despite it all, there is still the urge to curl his lip and snarl at the ginger man.

"If she calls for me, I'll come," he says pointedly, a curl of a growl being forced down.

Edwards lips twitch at the sound of it. "As soon as she's fed, you can see her. I don't relish in keeping you away from each other, it only further upsets her."

•••

Arden is a gifted child. In multiple senses, but mainly in the fact he also can transmit his thoughts to others minds, even Elias'. The first time he does it, Elias freezes out of shock. He's always been able to keep people out, or confuse them from the fact they're chasing smoke from his mind.

It happens when he sees Arden for the second time in his life when Bella is awake and left for her first hunt. The family are in the living room, multiple jobs being done at once. Esme and Carlisle are discussing Bella and her newborn instincts, Emmett is being a human folding machine, sorting piles of baby clothes that Rosalie has brought and is instructing him as to what is good and what isn't. It's hilarious to see such a massive vampire hold such a small pair of socks. Alice looks like she's meditating against the couch, but Elias knows she's scanning the future. Jake is upstairs, asleep in Eli's bed because for some reason his room is a communal sleeping room for wolves. It's the three men at the window that hold Eli's attention, or rather the middle man.

Arden is being cradled in Jaspers arms, his tiny body even smaller compared to the lithe muscle of Eli's mates body. Jace and Nate are on either side of him, trying and failing to capture the child's attention and bring out a small gurgle of laughter. It should make Elias smile, or joke, but he's struck by the image of Jasper holding the child, looking so very paternal. It does something funny to Eli's heart, like it skipped a beat, but that's not possible since it's dead.

Elias never wanted children- he's known that since he was a child himself- not since they demanded so much care and he felt inadequate to do it; he didn't want to fuck them up like his birth parents did him. Sure, he helped raise his brother, but Easton was a special example in Eli's mind. It didn't help that as he grew up, his power grew- he never allowed himself the opportunity to even think of it, after all, how could he raise a child when he could hardly touch another human?

When he met Jasper, they spoke of it on two occasions. The first, Jasper- in the early stages of their friendship, long before a relationship started, even if the feelings were there- had questioned when Elias grew old, would he seek out a partner and start a family. The answer was always no- starting a family wasn't a priority to him.

The second time he asked was when Elias was aware of vampires, of how choosing Jasper meant that possibility would never be viable. It wasn't on the cards biologically, obviously, and it's not like they could adopt- Elias still wasn't bothered.

But seeing Jasper hold the little child in his scarred arms, his rare wide smile come out in the open as he too tries making Arden laugh- Elias isn't reconsidering his answer, but his stomach does swoop with the sight of his partner and a kid.

Maybe in another life, he thinks, not too troubled by it. This life is perfectly amazing, too.

"Look, it's uncle Elias," Nate chides in a baby voice, beckoning the vampire over. His eyes never leave Arden. "Maybe he can make you let out that adorable squeak you did earlier!"

Elias walks to the odd group, enamoured by it all. As soon as Arden spots Elias, he's wiggling and reaching out to the best of his limited ability. Jasper, reading both his thoughts and emotion, says, "he wants you to hold him."

A shy smile brightens Eli's face. "Well let's not deny the little man, shall we?" He tuts, holding out his hands. He knows he's being watched around the room, all of his family ready to intervene just in case. Arden does have human blood in his veins.

But Elias already knows it's not a problem. His vampire troubles are more about mentality and power than it was about thirst. Proven by the fact that when Arden's warm body is tucked into Eli's arms, he doesn't feel an ounce of temptation. Just a whole load of devotion.

"Hiya kid," he mumbles, swaying in a motion that he knows is calming. Arden, upon settling and seeing him, does indeed let out a little gurgle that could be laughter. Nate throws his fists up in success.

And it's then that Arden looks up at Elias with familiar big brown eyes. They're already skin to skin, so the kid doesn't need to move as he transmits his thoughts. Elias freezes, the intrusion being fought by his own power, but Arden simply passes his defences and starts replaying memories of his life.

It's very odd, seeing through a child's eyes. Especially as Arden is mentally developed more than a human child; he can understand things to a better capability then he should, though there aren't any words transferring. Just emotions and images.

The first is of his birth, seeing how red the delivery room is- his mothers face is daunting to Elias, because he knows what she looks like healthy. But to Arden, he replays her face and feels safe- that's his mother, he loves her. Next is his father, who smiles down at him all bloodied.

That's when Arden shows Elias himself. He looked half crazed in hunger, his hairs a mess as it's pushed out of the way- his eyes are manic but attentive. Spots of blood paint him. He's staring back at baby Arden with shock and awe before turning back to Bella, making sure she too is looking at her son.

"He's got your eyes Bella," Elias says in memory, a compliment and a surprise. Arden likes that.

And then Bellas heart stops and Arden is upset. He doesn't like this memory, he's showing it anyway. In the past, Elias is a blur of speed as he rips metal apart in his bare hands to find a needle, the violence of it scares Arden. Then he's being moved, arms and temperatures being different as he's passed to Jake. Elias wasn't aware he was still watching at this point, that he could remember so clearly.

"Let Elias take over," Edward commands and Elias is lunging for his sister, starting CPR, lips coming down to her own- blood smeared between the siblings and he's trying to clear airways.

The memory jumps until Elias is coming closer. This time he's looking at Jake, cradling his face to gain attention- Eli's eyes are as black as night and they look like they've never known anything but darkness. He looks terrifying and Arden is aware of danger, to an extent, he's squirming in the memory of being close to this version of Elias, until he says, "protect Arden, protect her son."

And with those words, Arden gets a flood of safety in his mind. Trust starts to associate with the image of Elias, especially as he goes back to Bella, to Arden's mother, and tries bringing her back to life.

The next image he shows is only a few minutes after that one. Arden is upstairs near the windows, surrounded by Rosalie's arms and her golden hair. She raises him up, cooeing softly, distracting him from the noises of a fight. But as she's walking to the couch, Arden has the glimpse of outside at the angle- humongous wolves and his family, they're fighting and coming off the steps, is fire. There's no human form behind the mass of it all, but it moves like a human would, until it's going too quick to be anything other than unnatural.

It's helping his family, in the memory. Arden likes that.

More images come, they're not as strong as the first one since they're not as important to Arden. Someone brings him to where Bella is transitioning and Elias is in the background, catatonic and unblinking. Someone else mentions Elias by name amid conversation. Esme, as Arden shows memories to her and she narrates to him what each of them mean, states very casually, "the fire is Elias, he was protecting us. He's your moms brother, they're very, very important to each other. He would do anything for you both."

The images stop, brown eyes blink up at him, waiting. Elias has the oddest impression Arden's shown that to tell him that he knows who Elias is; as well as to ask if all the information is correct.

"She was right, we are very close. I love her very much, as I do you kid," Elias promises, holding him one armed, the other coming to smooth out the tuffs of red hair on his head. Arden gurgles again, looking happy.

A memory comes again, but this one was Eli's own mind, triggered by the present. It happens sometimes, distant memories of human life that flashes once before fading. In this one, Elias is a kid himself, his arms aren't big enough to hold a child, but he's still cradling the kid to him with the correct posture an adult would. He remembers very vividly the consuming feeling of doing anything for the innocent baby in his arms. Of loving him beyond reason, just like now.

Easton. He used to hold Easton like this. He used to hold him when he screamed and would only calm down when Elias was swaying him softly. He vowed to love him forever, he will- but he won't ever be able to see him again. He knows this, he knows it's a sacrifice of the life he chose. But seeing Arden, holding him, brings back that loss so abruptly that it feels all consuming.

Jasper, having caught his expression, moves to intercept the child. He takes Arden out of Eli's arms, transferring him to Nates awaiting one's. Arden makes a gurgle of complaint, tracking Elias with his eyes- but Elias can't look at his nephew, he can't stand to see his disappointment of being moved.

"I think it's about feeding time, huh Arden?" Nate speaks, drawing his attention away from the commotion.

Elias turns heel and leaves the room, eyes watering with venomous tears that can't fall.

•••

Rosalie is the first to come out to him. She regards him for a moment, wrinkling her nose at how he's decided to sit on the stone floor and how it's marked his dark jeans, before ultimately joining him on the ground.

Elias feels a bit pathetic, all things considered. Crying at holding Arden, being silent for days, the attack. "I'm a bit of a mess, recently," he says instead of greeting or questioning why she's here. He has an idea.

"Yes, you have been," she tuts nonchalantly, tucking a golden strand of hair behind her ear. "But no one holds it against you. We've all been there. I completely demolished our house in a fit of rage the first year I was turned."

"You did?" Elias asks incredulously, "no one ever told me that."

"It's a bit embarrassing for me to remember, our family has been polite to leave it in the past," she shrugs and even though Elias knows she's telling the truth, she doesn't sound embarrassed.

Elias has multiple questions he wants to fire off, specifically why did she do it, but knows ultimately the answer to that is because she probably wanted to. Instead he asks, "was it satisfying, at least?"

"Yes," she laughs fondly, "I started with Edwards room."

That makes him laugh. He can imagine her, all crazed fury as she smashes his piano. Edward would have been too polite, or scared, to stop her.

"So, what did Arden show you?" Rosalie asks once he's stopped laughing, her questioning about as subtle as a bullet leaving a gun.

"I didn't mind what he showed me," Elias corrects her, knowing that's why she thinks he left. "But holding him, realising how much I love him already... It reminded me of Easton."

Rosalie, who's been under the influence of Easton's charm the whole day of Bella's wedding, nods sympathetically. If anyone can understand the loss of children, both wanting them and unable to keep them, it's her. "Arden been asking for you again," she says instead of trying to console him, knowing there's nothing to say that will help.

"I'll come in once he's finished his bottle," he vows.

"Good," she nods, gracefully standing back up. She allows a moment to bend down and wipe dirt from her blue jeans, her lips pursing in distaste. It's with her eyes to the floor that she's able to quietly- though no less sincerely- admit, "I'm sorry for scarring you."

Funnily enough, Elias feels himself brighten up. He looks down at his right forearm where a silver bite scar now - and forever - resides. "I used to trace my throat scar, do you remember?" He pauses, tracing his finger over the mark. The indent is thick compared to his smooth immortal skin. "It's a nervous tick I have, I kind of miss it if I'm honest."

"I remember," she makes eye contact, trying to search if he's being forgiving for her sake, but no, he genuinely doesn't mind. "Either way, you have my apology."

He nods as an answer, using it as an act of dismissal. Rosalie hesitates for only a second before tracing her earlier steps to go back inside. He goes back to watching the woods, listening for the noise that comes with vampires running and tracking oncoming sources of heat, eager for Bella to return. It's a futile task, he knows she still has another hour, but it fills the time.

Jasper joins him after a few minutes, opting to sit pressed into the newborn's side from thigh to shoulder. Elias knows it's because of the smell of blood inside the house, so he huddles closer, hoping his smokey scent will offer comfort. Jasper's shoulders drop as he inhales, his eyes fluttering. It's a lovely sight- it makes Elias want to kiss him.

Before he can another person is walking out the front door, their steps rushed in an attempt to leave. Elias knows it's Jace without looking.

"Finally had enough of us vampires?" He teases, moving his sight past Jasper and to his friend. The russet skinned man collapses next to the couple with an embarrassing smile.

"I don't like the smell of blood," he admits sheepishly.

Eli's laugh is unforgiving and loud. Especially as Jasper mutters a small sarcastic, "Me either."

There is silence then, as much as can be when you have supernatural hearing anyway. There are things Elias wants to ask, wants to know. Jace looks at him with the same warmth he usually does, his smile doesn't drop as if he's remembering how Elias ripped his old pack brothers apart for their attack. Vaguely, he wonders if Sam was back to normal health yet, if any of them were. Those third degree burns wouldn't heal instantly, nor would any other of his injuries from Eli's teeth and hands.

Elias doesn't ask that, not wanting to damper the mood. Or risk his words to come across as gloating. "Have you been home to see your mom yet?"

"Yeah," Jace beams, "she was so happy to talk to me in person. We had breakfast and I told her why I did what I did, sticking with the vampires, as she says. She doesn't understand how I'm able to separate 'soulless creatures'," he scoffs at the definition, "from how I view you as human. Despite my efforts to explain, it caused a bit of a rift between us. Especially as Jared came home just as I was leaving...."

"Your ability to sympathise is very similar to Carlisles," Jasper notes, brows pulled together in a way Elias knows that means he's reading Jace's emotions.

Not that he needs to, since the man is as open as a book. "She wouldn't see it as a positive trait."

"As long as you're aware," Elias assures, and for good measure adds, "she'll come around. You're more than welcome to stay here if things are rocky at home, Esme loves learning new recipes to cook."

"She did say something about a brisket," he flashes a smile. "Thank you."

There's nothing left to say after that, just three men listening and waiting. Elias can hear Arden finish his bottle before he drifts off to sleep with little snores. Jake is awake now, coming down to the living room and having his turn of being a human rocking machine for the baby. He and Rosalie are whispering insults at one another to not disturb the kid, which is very amusing to the onlookers of Nate and Emmett. Carlisle is in his office, helping Esme decorate the last of Bella's birthday presents for after she's arrived.

He's just slipped his eyes closed, allowing his mental map of heat to spring up when there's a pricking of warning- two vampire heat signatures coming towards the riverbank, still miles out. A moment later, a push of wind is carrying Bella's newborn scent to Elias. It's all sweet lavender and flowery, just as it was when she's human.

He's up on his feet instantly, excitement powering him in a way that makes him want to spark his skin in warmth. Jasper tries grabbing his hand to stop him, "Careful Eli, you don't know how she'll react-"

But Elias is jumping down the steps, sure of his sister. Bella is hesitant in her own steps, trying to remain human paced. She looks breathtaking. "Bella!" He calls, loud enough for a human to hear despite the fact she isn't one anymore.

Scarlett eyes lift to connect to Eli's form. There's a second of shock where Edward wraps his arms around the top of her arms, as if he's unsure how it can play out too. But Bellas face lights up as she shouts back in the same glee, "Elle!"

Elias has no trouble as he goes to her and hugs her, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as he lifts the shorter brunette off the ground. Her face is squished into his collarbone, it would normally spark a self defensive instinct that a vampire is near his neck- but this is Bella, the one person other than his mate who he can trust past reason itself.

Her skin, now immortally cold, is the same as Eli's own. She has no beating heart, but she is alive and strong- it makes him hold her tighter. Bella makes a noise in her throat, half a cry, then strengthens her own grip on him. If he wasn't also a newborn he's sure the power in it would crack his skin.

"I missed you so much," she whispers out in a hitch, breathing in his own familiar smoking scent.

He brings her down to the forest floor, giving her a mocking confused look, "You saw me days ago," he teases, because he can, because she's alive and the relief of it could make him burn.

She rolls her eyes naturally, giving him a glare, "I haven't been able to hug you for months without the fear of my human body being crushed."

"No chance of that now," Edward tuts, coming next to Bella and wrapping her arm around her middle. There's something new about his smile, his eyes, as he looks at his wife now, "You're both newborns."

The curly haired boy feels his chin jitter up defensively. "I'm older," he argues.

"In vampire months," Bella shakes her head, long hair filtering into her face, "I'm older in human months."

He goes to mock her argument- which may or may not have been by mocking her voice- when he feels Jasper come up behind him. Bella stiffens as she finally gets a good look at him, her red eyes flickering from Jasper and how he presses his hand into Eli's hip until the boy retreats back to him naturally.

"You both look very..." she trails off, not sure as to how to explain it in a way that doesn't sound threatening. Eli knows she wants to say feral, much like Esme had when they stood next to each other. But she settles on a stiff, "Different."

Edward laughs lowly into the crown of her hair and Bella looks like she would before she'd blush. Elias leans back into Jasper more with a grin.

"It's okay Bella," Jasper smooths over in his deep southern accent, amused too, "it's a normal reaction to seeing us together, apparently."

Jace's laugh is louder than his steps. Bellas shock appears again through her stiffened reaction as he comes to stand on Eli's other side. "With Jaspers scars and Eli's intense eyes, it's scary isn't it?"

"Jace," Bella notes in a choke. Eli has to bite his tongue to hide his laugh- he remembers the first time he smelt the scent of wolves. Edward, on the other hand, laughs more- earning an elbow to the ribs from his unimpressed wife.

Bella masks past the scent and manages a soft smile to Jace. "It's nice to see you're still here," she pauses, sniffing again, "Even if you do stink."

"When you're used to being around us, it actually stops being a bad scent," he informs nonchalantly.

Inside the house Rosalie mutters a low, "I'm calling bull."

Bella doesn't seem as concerned about it as she did a moment ago, not since her attention diverts towards the house. She spares a look to Edward in explanation, "our son."

"He's waiting for us," Edward confirms, "try to prepare yourself. He has human blood in his veins, remember."

"Come on little sister," Elias holds out his hand to her, encouragement and backup found in his stance like always, "you'll be fine."

And with him by her side, she's sure he's always going to be right.

I kind of hate this chapter but that's my own fault as I wrote half of it when I was feeling angsty.

Obviously, for those not realising, I've changed scenes and the plot around. How do you like it? Do y'all have any ideas you think would go well with the story? I like hearing what you all think.

Also, I'm always asking for music recommendations, but this time I have someone to recommend. Noah Kahan. I'm gonna go see him live along with Dermot Kennedy and ugh, I can't wait.

I hope you're all ok! Don't be a silent reader!