44; one day at a time

Just to clarify; Carlisle is the one to make the phone call.

It's morning again, but in a typical Forks way. Outside is grey and harsh, rain pelts against the window with such ferocity Elias is sure the glass will give. Carlisle stands at the windows, looking out; his shoulders loose under his shirt and his tone somber but still deeply caring. Eli is glad he can't see his expression. He knows that he's upset, he respects and cares for the Sherwood's with a intensity the humans don't share- they raised one of his sons, after all.

Alice sits cross legged at Carlisles feet, back pressed against the glass, eyes closed, head on the window as she concentrates on the future. The house is deadly silent other than Carlisle's voice. All of them are aware of what's happening, all of them are holding their metaphorical breath.

Elias sits on the couch to try fake some kind of normalcy, listening to Carlisle speak, aware that his heart might not beat but it does break. It feels wrong. So wrong, just sitting there; he can't think of anything else to do. He feels like a kid again, hiding behind a parent, letting them take the lead because his voice doesn't work.

Those twisted and faint memories of himself after the house fire from his childhood- just after he was first adopted- are very faint impressions in his mind. Remembering them is like trying to recall a plot from a film he half watched when young. He doesn't get a clarification of the memory, not really, yet it's the oddest reminiscence. He's transported back to that feeling when he was seven- curling up on himself, trying to not be noticed, hoping that if he stills, the pain will stop. Freeze and hope everything will be ok.

It lasts only a second, then he's back to the present. He's stronger now, one hands gripping Jasper for dear life, the other is delicately holding Esme's. Her thumbs strokes small circles on his knuckles, it's nice. Grounding.

"I'm sorry to say this... but Elias passed away in his sleep last night," Carlisle explains after a few minutes of mindless conversation, of warning David to sit down. The sadness leaking out of his words is truly genuine.

Elias hears the way his dad inhales in shock, then silence. Silence for a long time. Eli's concerned, but he can't do anything but sit and listen to how David continues to breathe- which is something, right?

The crying comes quietly. It's as if David is trying to silence the sadness from coming out. He wouldn't want to show it, especially to Carlisle. Elias is reminded that in his life, he's seen David cry only a few times- all of them because of his children. Eli can imagine it now, his dad smothering a hand over his mouth, trying to keep the hurt and agony pouring out.

"Is-is-" he sniffles out a sob as he corrects himself, the use of words making more sadness pour out, "was he in any-any pain?" David whispers.

No, Carlisle answers instantly, no he wasn't. The story goes like this; he had the best medicine available, he was comfortable in bed and ready to go. He felt no pain. Elias Sherwood died human, surrounded by Carlisle Cullen, Jasper Hale and Bella Swan, at the Cullen home. He died knowing he was loved and he lived the best life he could, even if his mistakes were as present as the scars he carried. He died from two cancerous tumours in his head and with two families who will forever cherish him in different ways.

One will cherish him forever. One can only cherish him in memory now.

David Sherwood cries for a long time. Carlisle says the one thing that's on Eli's mind, repeated like a broken record, I'm sorry.

"I need a moment," Elias whispers, his voice coming out uneven just like David's. He stands, dropping both Jaspers and Esmes hand, head down to not meet anyones gaze as he leaves the room. He can't handle the pity right now.

Elias heads outside into the rain, his mind swimming in different thoughts that all lead to the same point. Elias Sherwood is dead, his parents now know this. They'd known this was coming from the moment he had the diagnoses months ago, but it doesn't lessen the agony gutting Elias from the inside. He'd never liked causing people pain. He wanted to be a shield rather than a sword- he'd always tried to protect every person he loved. He didn't want to hurt them, even if it was unintentional.

"Easton, go-go get your mom," David's voice floats down from the phone and burns the insides of Eli's mind. He's responding to the kid asking what's wrong. David's voice is knocked down in a way Eli's never heard before- weak, broken, hopeless. Easton. He has to tell him. He's so young, so unaware- he's an only child now. Elias is a memory to him, his only proof of existing in a empty room, memories and the items he left behind.

Eli's halfway down the driveway when his legs give out, he's forced to his knees, unable to run away. It's a mental fault that's forced him to stop, not a physical one. This is the price of his choice- he knows cannot run from this. The rains heavy against his skin, soaking him to the core- he can feel the coldness of it now, in this body. Eli tips his head back, throat bared to the world. He wishes the rain would wash away the sins he's committed.

Elias can't cry now, but each rain drop hitting him represents the tears that want to fall. A half cry and sob rips out his lips, his hands rise to pull at his hair when someone catches them by the wrists. Good too, since he's easily able to rip himself apart like he wants to at the moment.

Rosalie squats in front of him, soaked in rain to her core, her normally perfect hair ruined. Elias stares at her, his expression easily readable. His mouth opens, words form in his mind, but nothing can come out.

"I know," Rosalie whispers to him sadly. Of course she does, better than anyone. She knows the price of this life, the humanity they'd left behind. She knows the way he feels, the way his minds battling and turmoiling- she's experienced it all.

Rosalie leans forward, wrapping a arm over Elias' shoulder, holding them together. A hug. He's being hugged. It's unexpected, but as it happens he realises it's what he needs right now. Elias presses his head into her shoulder, grips her jacket with the lightest of touches, his words coming out as a dark cry, "how?"

How? How did she manage it, living each moment knowing this wasn't her choice?

It's funny, but up until this moment, Elias hadn't really understood her, not fully. They both had different stories yet a similar chapter- they wanted something from their human life, something they couldn't have. Elias wanted his family to not feel his loss, he wanted them to be whole. He wanted them to understand him and not be scared of him, he wanted to be there for his little brother.

Rosalie wanted her life back, her mortality, her options. They both could have died human, but here they both were, alive. There's a difference, sure; Elias had chose this, because he knew Jasper couldn't live without him. Rosalie knew that too- it's why she'd asked him to reconsider. She wanted to protect her brother. She wanted him to live, knowing this was the best option for him. She wanted him to live just as much as she wanted herself to live as a human.

(Later on in life, Elias would scold himself for thinking it was only himself who was ruled to protect the people he loved. Rosalie was savage and stubborn, she mourned every day for the future she could have had, but every action she took was to protect the people in her life now. No matter what she had to do. They were more alike than he could have ever known.)

"Rose," the curly haired boy says in question, looking in her eyes, a new found respect for the blonde woman. The nickname comes out naturally, laced in a curiosity that's childlike, "How do you do it?"

"One day at a time," Rosalie tells him, "live one day at a time Elle."

•••

Elias thought they'd be more repercussions.

He thought, after the revelation of his death, things would come falling down in one way or another. David would question it, without a doubt. Especially as Carlisle told the Sherwood's how Elias' body was already in the process of being cremated. He had no service, he didn't want a showing of his death. The Sherwood's had known this already, he'd left a letter explaining it when he initially left home. But Elias still expected refusal, fighting, suspicion- there wasn't any. David, from what Elias heard, let it slide easily. He had no fight left in him. His mom couldn't muster the energy, she was too sad.

The Cullens had connections. Elias already knows this- but even he is surprised as to how easy it is to fake his death. Jasper pulls the strings for a death certificate, a body (Elias tries to ask who it is, but Nate and Alice give him a deadpanned look as if to say shut up) does get cremated. Either way, Elias is thankful for whatever human died so he could live easier.

The urn Elias chooses is simple, silver and metal, it has his initials carved onto it. The Sherwood's are allowed to pick it up from the crematorium. When Carlisle and Elias first created this plan, a sinking hole plunged in the newborns stomach as he thought about how his parents have a stranger in their home. Esme had given him the idea to put some of his belongings in the box before the cremation- so a little part of Elias would go back to his human house, even if his body didn't.

He put his last pack of cigarettes in, his fake ID that he stole from his cousins ex in revenge of breaking her heart, a worn out plaid jacket his brother had brought him as a birthday present. He put in the first black book his parents had ever brought him when he was adopted- initially starting his obsession with journaling. It's all things he'll miss, but is able to live without.

Esme cooks two weeks worth of meals and delivers them to the Sherwood house, trying to make their day to day tasks easier whilst grieving. Carlisle writes to them, offering them a fully paid grief therapy with a doctor in Port Angeles. There's no reply, but at least it's there.

Bella keeps him updated every night through their phone calls. She and Charlie have been over everyday, just like Nina Cameron. Sometimes Edward comes too, to give his support to a 'grieving' Bella; and to spy into Eli's parents mind, to make sure they aren't planning anything dangerous. To themselves, or to the Cullens.

"Screw you," Bella had tutted fondly when Elias questioned if she could play the part good enough. It was meant as a joke of her acting skills, nothing more, but it triggered her. Elias was shocked, still partially amused, but then she'd admitted, almost guilty, "I watched you die on that mountaintop. Even if you're alive now, it's easy to remember that day and get teary eyed."

Elias had sobered up and apologised in a instant.

When the town of Forks learnt of his passing, it was...weird. Bella told him about people showing up at his house, trying to give their condolences, mourning for a version of Elias they didn't know. It was annoying to him, it made him want to go down and slaughter them- his family didn't need bothering by gossiping folk, even if part of them were genuinely sorry for the Sherwood's- leave them.

Luckily enough it was Charlie who snapped and starting turning people away, giving the warning for them to be left alone or there would be legal action; Elias is touched- he hadn't known that man could get angry for anyone other than his own daughter.

Elias' heart cracks even more when he learns about Edward and Bella looking after Easton. They'd done it to get him out of the house- his cousins and uncle had come to Forks to support them in the hard time- and emotions were flying everywhere. The house was too busy. They took him to a arcade an hour away and got him ice cream- Bella narrated every moment, about his brothers braveness of the situation, of his questions. They answered them to the best of their abilities. Easton was sad, sure, but he also expressed how happy he was that Elias wasn't upset anymore. Now he could rest as 'happy Elias.'

The vampire couldn't hear anything from the phone after that- his skin had flared from the emotions swallowing him and the phone melted and smoked to useless scraps. He threw the bits at the nearest wall with a cry. Jasper grabbed him from behind, holding him, triggering his heat back into his bones as it couldn't come up near him.

A week after Elias' death is announced, he writes a letter. He's spurred on with the information of Edward and Bella taking Easton out, with the mental image of his younger brother being surrounded by crying adults.

Dear Jace,

I have a favour to ask, I'll say it outright. First, I just wanna say that I'm sorry about our last encounter. All of this is very new to me. I'm sure you can imagine what it's like, being in your body but not feeling like yourself at first. I'm getting used to it, it isn't so bad, you know? I still feel like me. Even if I don't look like it to others.

Jace, I know it's a lot to ask. I don't even know if you're my friend now, or if you've gone back on your promise, but I'll keep my end and give you time to adjust. I won't say I understand if you don't want to be friends, because even now I've changed, you're still the same wolf, the same Jace.

Anyway. My ask. I'm sure you've heard the news now, but I'm dead. Shock, I know. Can you do me a favour, hell, not even me, do him the favour. Please, visit Easton, you and Jake? He misses those times in the garage, I'm pretty sure we all do. It was dark time for me, a painful time, but you helped me heal and see that just because I was hurting, I didn't have to do it alone.

I'm getting sidetracked again. But, you and Jake, be nice to my brother, try visit him. He loves you two, I know you'll protect him now I'm not there. Tell Jake it'll give him a few good points in my book if he goes too- he's in the negatives at the moment.

I really hope you're doing well.

I put my new number on the back of this letter, just incase you want to talk-spitfire

Elias passes the letter to Edward, who visits his home with Bella and secretly passes it along to Nina Cameron. Elias can practically see how that worked, Nina, heart thumping fearfully but her face set bravely. She knew of Edward nature, she knew that Elias wasn't as dead as everyone thought. She was part of the council in La Push. She'd probably glared with true fire, even with Edwards polite words and soft tone. Elias couldn't hold any anger at her- not if she passed on the letter to her son at least.

Jace would visit, he's too kind and did love Easton. Jake would too, after making sure Bella wasn't at the Sherwood home. The only question now, would Jace call? Could he keep his promise?

"Elias, do you still want to do this?" Carlisle calls, calm voice a tad apprehensive. Next to him Jasper looks just as worried.

Elias comes back from his own mind, looking away from the candle he'd been zoning in on. "Yep," he assures Carlisle, "Sorry I'm just a little distracted."

Understatement of the fucking year.

"Okay," Carlisle accepts slowly. Eli knows if Alice or Edward was here, he'd be looking at them for reassurance of their gift to check the newborn is actually okay. It was odd, Eli knew this. One minute he'd had been ready to practise his power, ready to distract himself, almost buzzing with nerves as he sat on edge of the dining chair. Then his eyes had caught the flame on the table and he'd frozen for a moments, lost in remembering why he was so interested in doing this.

"I'm okay," the newborn scoffs to his worried mate, even going as far to rub his hands together like a cartoon villain, "What are we doing first doc?"

Carlisle pushes the tall white candle on the table closer to Elias. "I want you to extinguish the flame."

Eli's excited expression falters. "I couldn't do that when I was human," he denies, glaring at the fire. He'd been able to turn off the flames when they'd been on his skin, but getting rid of heat or fire all together? It feels wrong.

"Powers intensify when you turn, I couldn't influence people so strongly when I was human," Jasper leans his elbows into his knees as he speaks, the action stretching his shirt over his chest. Distracting. "We believe that if you can steal flames without touching them, then possibly you could learn to ignite flames without having to steal them," the blond speaks surely and encouragingly, fully convinced Eli's capable of it.

Well, Elias is glad they believe in him, because he doesn't.

Still, the newborn exhales through his nose before breathing in again- the scents and flavours swirl along his tongue, down his throat before settling in his lungs. There's a new taste- charring, hot, dangerous- a open flame.

Unlike other vampires who hate fire as it's one of their weaknesses, the smell, the sight of a gorgeous red light flickering from the wick is comforting for Elias. Like the sight and scent of home just before stepping through the door.

Maybe that's why he has the primal urge to move to the fire, to trace its dancing pattern with his fingertips- letting the heat and flames light over his skin, higher and higher until he's consumed-

-no. He pushes the urge away, instead focusing on the opposite. He wants to cut the flame off, to destroy it- but no, that feels wrong too, from the tips of his skull to the heels of his feet. Even looking at the flame and trying to gain control to extinguish it isn't possible. It's as if somethings blocking him. He tries going around it in his mind, but it's the same. Blocked. He tries again, pushing against the barrier in his brain that doesn't allow him to destroy fire- it doesn't work.

No matter how hard Elias glares at the candle.

The dark haired boy snarls in the base of his throat as the flame continues to burn- taunting his effort. The newborn reaches over and clamps his hand over the candle- the flame sizzles out as the wax squishes between Eli's fingers.

"Well..." Jasper grins, all teasing and not at all disappointed in Elias, "Thats one way to do it."

Elias gives him a flat stare. Normally the use of sarcasm from the blond cheers him up- now it makes him want to huff.

"You're learning," Carlisle laughs too, reaching over to unclamp Eli's hand over candle- one stiff finger at a time. "You aren't going to get it straight away, there's no rush."

Elias rubs off the wax from his long pale fingers, spraying the table in specs of white. "Lets go again," he boasts.

"Don't lose your temper this time," Jasper taunts with a smirk, standing from the couch. Elias resists the urge to hurl the word 'bastard' at him- the blond enjoyed not being the centre of attention now the family worries over Eli's control.

The newborn decides to glare at him with red eyes instead- the blonds lips curl into a lazy smirk as he grabs another tall candle across the room and ignites it with a lighter from his pocket. He doesn't come back to the table, or make a move to, but instead lifts the candle to chest height, as if he needs the distance to see it better. The red flame flickers, it's light reflecting in Jaspers eyes, tinting them from gold to red.

"I have an idea," Jasper says, looking past the flame and to Elias with such a hot intensity it makes the newborns body rush in want. "Well, Carlisle and I were speaking and we came up with it together. If it doesn't work, it'll suck for me, but I don't think that will happen. I have complete faith in you darlin."

"Jasper," Elias calls in a question, not understanding, the rush of want that appeared from Jaspers gaze trickles into a stream of nervousness. "What do you mean-" he goes to say, but Jaspers moving, his free hand is rising, palm down, fingers together.

Dread shocks Eli's system as he sees Jaspers hand go to hover over the flame- a vampires true weakness. He knows he can cross the room in a second, to push the candle away, to tackle the blond if need, but something else uncurls in his chest in panic. He's instant in action, his mind and body working and zeroing in on the flame; Eli's hand shoots out, palm up, fingers spread out like he does when using heat. Instead of pushing out, he pulls in- his fingers curl into his palm, making a fist.

The flames stolen in a instant. Jaspers hand hovers over a painless trail of smoke. He hasn't even looked away from Eli, he doesn't look scared- only proud.

"Told you," he laughs, his words more to Carlisle, who's intrigued and shocked.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Elias hisses, up and across the room, ripping the candle out the blondes hand. Jaspers grin spreads. "You could have hurt yourself, what if I couldn't stop the flame, what if i-"

"-couldn't protect me?" Jasper asks, cocking his head. There's humour and mockery in his words- it takes Elias a moment to connect the dots. When has the curly haired boy ever not been ruled to protect Jasper, when has he not been so instinct driven to do whatever seems impossible for him? Like fight a vampire when human, or be a sane newborn, or now, to steal a flame.

"Oh," Elias realises, blinking in shock. His body relaxes from its anger. Jasper laughs deeply, a beautiful sound that makes Eli's lip twitch. He shifts his stance, holding the newborn to his chest.

"It's truly remarkable that your mind works like that Elias," Carlisle narrates with wonder. Elias doesn't look at him, he's too busy breathing in Jaspers scent, but he can image the way his face lights up. "We thought it was just Jasper in general that cooled your instincts and now we know he held with your power, but I think it's actually the way you want to protect him."

Jaspers lips brush Eli's ear as he says huskily, "I'm flattered darlin," his breath is cool as it traces his skin. Eli's head moves, bearing his neck, especially as the blondes accent thickens as he whispers, "thank you."

It takes all of Eli's strength to not pull Jasper to the woods.

"Let's try again," Carlisle calls, motivated with the revelation, not at all noticing Eli's struggle with running away. He's half thankful and half tortured- he protects his mate and this is what he gets. Horny and denied.

•••

The time after his 'official' death is very bizarre.

Sometimes, he feels like he can't process or think past the guilt of hurting his human family. Especially as Bella updates him every night- the Sherwood's are healing, slowly but surely. It helps with people visiting, Nina, Charlie, Bella, Jace...

Elias reminds himself in those moments that he didn't hurt them purposely. That they were gonna lose him either way. He thinks of all the good in his life, of his family now, of how he doesn't regret his decision and that's ok. He takes it one day at a time, like Rosalie said to. It's a good method.

Today is a good day. His thirst is getting easier, he'll practise his power with Carlisle later as, everyone's busy so they can't worry about him- aka meaning they accidentally hover- and he has the house alone with Jasper. He should use it as a opportunity, but Eli's mind is elsewhere at the moment.

Jasper Hale likes philosophy books.

Scratch that. He loves them, and philosophy itself (evident in the degree he has in the subject) but more specifically the search into moral and metaphysical philosophy.

Elias doesn't really like philosophy; simply because it's a question he can't answer. Most can't answer, no matter how much they delve and ponder the works of humans, life, the world and whatever else is out there.

Elias is pondering over the matter for different reasons. The first, Despite the fact vampires don't get tired, or yearned to relax their legs and sit down, Jasper is reclined on their bed, his back against the wall, ankles crossed, book pages flicking inhumanly fast.

He looks relaxed, intrigued in whatever the book says, he looks happy. There's no immediate glowing sign that shows it, but Elias can tell in the lightness of his eyes, the relaxation of his broad shoulders, the way his pink lips tilt at the sides a little, as if Jasper isn't aware he's doing it.

Elias smiles to himself, burying the urge to tease the blond for his love of philosophy. The second reason Elias is thinking about Jasper and his love for philosophy is because of one joke, one feeble joke Eli made days prior about how Jasper is searching for the meaning of his life.

The the cocky blond had snapped the book shut, stared him dead in the eyes before stating, "I know the meaning of my life, it's when my lips meet your neck and you moan so deeply I-"

It was a good thing the Cullens had money because Elias hadn't let Jasper finish speaking before rushing over to live out the rest of his words. The clothing between them shredded to scraps, then the sofa bed, then more furniture, and a few of the bedroom walls... Esme was not happy with the destruction of their bedroom... but she did get to redecorate, so she didn't hold that grudge very long.

Maybe Elias should make another joke. See if the same scene will play out. So much for not taking the advantage of a free house.

"For a writer, you do hate books a lot," Jasper muses, placing the hardback reading material on the bedside table, eyeing where Elias is leant against the wall, glaring at Jaspers philosophy book.

I wasn't glaring, I was just thinking and not blinking, the newborns wants to clarify, but he decides to answer instead.  "I don't like philosophy and I don't hate all books either," Eli tells, casting a look to his black journals stacked on the shelves, exactly thirty of them. "I do hate story books."

Jaspers brows pinch, a scar highlights between them. "What's wrong with stories?"

The scoff that comes out Eli's throat is like liquid fire. "I'm living a life most people would kill for, what most people only dream of," he steps, appearing in front of Jasper, looking down at him with a smirk, "Why in hell would I waste it by reading stories of other people's life?"

"You got me there," Jasper grins, grabbing Elias by the loop of his black jeans and tugging him. Elias lands on top of the blond as they fall backwards onto the bed, the giggles between them only smothered by the short kisses they start to share.

Seems Jasper wants to take advantage of a free house too.

They both hear the footsteps running back to the house at the same time. Ones almost a skip, the others just as light but steady in step. Alice and Nathaniel.

Elias groans purposely, the sound curling onto a growl. So much for a little privacy- that word doesn't exist with Alice Cullen.

Or Nate apparently, because he shouts loudly- unnecessary since Elias and Jasper can hear him miles away- "If you break your room, you're not getting another one!"

There's the click of the downstairs door closing, a millisecond later Nate and Alice come striding into the room like it's their bedroom.

"I hate you both," Jasper promises, hands tightening around Eli- who's still resting on top of him without a hint of embarrassment. Screw them, they should obey the rule of disappearing when they hear something they shouldn't.

Alice purses her lips, distaste painting her soft features as she runs a hand across the open clothes rack containing all dark shades of shirts. No fashion sense. "I need Elias' help-"

"-As much as she hates to admit it," Nate tuts, flashing her a grin as she scowls before looking back to the newborn, "You're Bella's best friend, you know her best, so it's your duty to plan the wedding too."

Elias sits up straight. "I don't know how to plan a wedding," he declares, not denying the offer because he does want to help. It's his sister after all.

"That's where I come in," Alice reminds in a fake scolding voice. Elias can almost hear the eye roll Jasper does. "Let's go spitfire. We have exactly a month and a half before the wedding and almost million things to decide," she orders, resting her hands on her hips.

Jasper sighs purposely, "You already know you've decided them Alice," he reprimands, tugging Elias by his cotton shirt, "Leave us be and go disappear somewhere."

The newborn falls into the blond again, finding it extremely funny how Alices golden eyes twist in annoyance. Nate does too, if his small laughs are any indication.

The annoyance turns into a smug spark in Alices eyes. "I wasn't talking about my decisions, specifically," she riddles, her words directed to Jasper.

Jasper, who stiffens momentarily before moving to stand up, huffing a small, unsurprised, "of course."

Elias narrows his red eyes at the blond, wondering exactly what he's planning that's so secretive. When Jaspers calm face doesn't give anything away, he turns to Alice and Nate for an answer.

Alice grins secretively, bounding over to Jasper, grabbing his hand and speeding out the room. Elias can hear their conversation change to something about Bellas wedding, so he looks at the other long dark haired Cullen.

Nate gives him a shrug. "I have no clue what they're planning either."

Ugh this feels so choppy, I'm sorry, its like a filler chapter to set up my future plans. I hope you enjoyed the little Elias x Rosalie bonding moment though.

Also, I was writing the letter part to Jace and I got to thinking what would Eli's handwriting look like? So I had a little mess around and then I got carried away and made the whole letter lmao.

Attached is also an aesthetic for Jasper and Elias' bedroom. Because I spend too much time making stuff for this story instead of actually writing it lmao.

Don't be a silent reader!