Chapter 13

XIII. Deserve

I COULDN'T SLEEP AT all that night. I kept on tossing and turning in bed, the thought of Piers' outburst earlier that day wouldn't permit my mind to forget. I sat upright when the sunlight peeked through the curtains, informing me that it was already the start of the day. I heaved out a deep sigh, already giving up at attempting to sleep. I glanced at the time on my phone that was resting on my bedside table and I learned that it was already 6:03 am. I decided that it was already time to prepare for breakfast.

I did my usual morning routine then marched to the kitchen to prepare everything I needed to make the Strauben. When I couldn't comprehend the instructions on the cook book, I shook my head in frustration. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm still thinking about yesterday... that's why. I still couldn't comprehend the meaning behind those actions. I was left with more questions than answers. Well, I can guess but before I could permit myself to finish it, I can only scoff and shake my head.

What are you talking about? A part of my mind sneered, You don't even deserve him. You're a burden, nobody could ever love someone like you.

I almost dropped the funnel when I felt a pair of strong arms snake its way to my waist, pulling me in and pinning my back closer to the body that stood behind me.

"Hey there," He muttered into my ear, making me instantly blush.

I tilted my head to the side so that I could take a clear view of his face, "H-hey, g-good morning." I tried to smile at him to ease the dragons in my stomach that was starting to have their volcano party.

He smiled at my flushed and stuttering state, and I couldn't help but admire the gorgeous being that stood before me. Piers, then shifted his gaze at my work. "What are you making today?"

"Strauben," I said, and as expected he had this confused face on again whenever I say something in my mother tongue. "Strauben..." I repeated, slowly this time. "It's a German term for funnel cake."

"You could've just said funnel cake."

I chuckled, "Well, I like the expression you wear whenever I speak something you don't understand."

He huffed but also chuckled right after. I returned my attention back to the task at hand, trying hard not to focus on the heat of his body all over me.

"You should definitely teach me some German some time." He said, which made me hum in response. He snuggled close to me as if I was a cuddly teddy bear, making me bite on my lips to suppress the silly smile that was starting to etch on my lips. He is just simply irresistible.

Then, Piers gently turned me around to face him and I was left with the choice but to stare at his handsome features. His hand then went up to caress my face, his thumb stopping just below my eyes. His feather touch sent involuntary shivers on my spine.

"Did you sleep well last night?" He breathed, must have been noticing the bags under my eyes. But instead of inspecting the eye bags, his gaze were on my parted lips, which made my heart thump so fast I'm afraid it might jump out of my chest.

"No..." I whispered absentmindedly, staring at his lips, too.

I saw how it slowly curled upward, "Why?" He whispered.

"I don't know..."

Don't...

We were interrupted by the sound of a dog barking. We turned our heads to the side to see Piper barking right at us, as if whining or scolding.

"He's... he's probably hungry..." I leaned back, trying to give some space between us. I swallowed and bit on my lower lip, finally going back to reality.

Piers let out a sigh and rubbed on his nape as he looked back at me, his cheeks dusted with a shade of pink. "I'll feed him then set up the table."

"Oh, right! Uh... yeah, sure. I'll just... I'll just finish up in here."

Without another word, Piers led Piper out of the kitchen. I let out a long breath at the realization of what just happened back there. What just happened? Did he just flirt with me? Did I flirt back? Does Piers even know how to flirt? My hands went up to my cheeks, feeling the heat emanating from it. I shook my head to shrug off the thoughts then I turned around to find the first Strauben that I made already burnt.

"I guess this precious Strauben is going to the trash bin." I sighed, then took it out of the pan and set it aside for the meantime. This is your fault, Piers!

Honestly, falling in love was the last thing that I wanted to do in my life, as I didn't believe in it to begin with. Although I grew up from an aristocratic family, I never felt the ideal kind of love that a normal child, let alone a person should feel as reputation was everything to my parents, especially to Camilla, and maintaining it was their priority. The image of a perfect family was just a sham... because the perfect family everyone thought held the deepest, darkest secrets.

"Come on, try it! It's best to eat it while it's still warm." I said with a hint of enthusiasm when I served the plate of Strauben in front of him. Piers shook his head with a smile as he chose to put some blueberry jam on it while I chose to just simply dust it with powdered sugar. I waited for him to take a bite, then he nodded his head in approval.

"Not bad. Not bad at all."

I smiled, then took a bite of my own food, reminiscing the memories behind the flavor. "My Grandma used to make Strauben for me when I was still living in Germany." I sighed nostalgically, smiling as I took another bite.

"Do you miss home?" Piers asked, looking intently at me.

"No, not really." I admitted, playing with my cup of coffee. "I didn't have any good memories in Germany other than my grandmother and her Strauben. If I had the choice before, I wouldn't leave but my parents' business expanded so I had to move here in America."

"If you're given the chance, would you go back to Germany?" He asked, slowly, as if he was careful with his tone and intentions.

I lifted my head to lock gazes with him, who only looked away and pretended to be engrossed on his own food. He took a bite of his food as I pondered about his question.

Now that he had asked me about it, I have no more news about my relatives in Germany, and for all I know they could have forgotten about me and thought that I was dead, following my father's infidelity, my mother's death and my disappearance in 2006. Maybe that's why they never bothered to look for me. After all, the only family who ever truly loved me was my late grandmother, who was the mother of Camilla, and I never really got close with my German relatives because they were similar to my father and I don't want to endanger them if ever my secret comes out, as my identity especially what my blood was now made of are a heavily guarded state secret.

"You mean, go back to my relatives?" I asked, which made him stop. "I think they're now doing fine without me. Besides, Piers, your family has been more of a family to me than my own. You're my family now."

Piers smiled, and I did as well. Before our staring contest could lead to something else, my phone rang in my pocket. I was the first one who averted the gaze to fish out for my phone to look at the one who's calling. It was Phyllis, yet again.

"Who is it?" Piers asked.

"It's your cousin," I said as I pressed the answer call and hovered the device on my ear. "Hello?"

"CHERYL!" She shrieked, a little too excited. I winced and had to put the phone away a little bit from my ear. "Was geht ab?"

Why the hell is she speaking in German? "Nicht viel. Was hast du so gemacht?"

"Okay, I didn't quite understand that." She giggled.

I rolled my eyes, "Phyllis, please tell me you didn't call just to annoy me."

"No! I called with a purpose! Oh, my God, I'm so excited to see you!"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"Well, I just got a call from Ms. Therese and she said that she'll be back in two days! Do you know what that means?" She practically squealed in my ear which made me hold the phone away from my ear again. But when her statement finally registered in my brain, my eyes locked with Piers.

Ms. Therese is our combat instructor, who took a three month leave. I had complied to her pointers which is to work out, practice shooting and work on our reflexes and stamina. I'm sure she'd expect a lot from us after being on break for months. I'm already sensing a killer training regimen coming, but more importantly... I'd have to go back to Los Angeles.

"Why do you sound so excited?" I asked with a frown, "Knowing our combat instructor, there'd be a killer training menu waiting for us that would put abuse to shame."

"I'm not excited about the training, Cheryl, I'm excited to see you! Are you excited to see me?"

"No," I deadpanned with an eye roll.

"Ouch, meanie," She laughed, not seemingly the least affected, "So I guess I'll see you very soon?"

"Yeah,"

"Is Piers there? I want to say hi!"

"Yeah, he's here," I said then turned my attention back at Piers who was almost finished with his breakfast. He looked at me when I reached out my phone to him. "She wants to say hi."

Piers took the phone from me, which then gave me the opportunity to continue my breakfast that was starting to get cold by the way.

"Phyllis, there's no need to shout." Piers said, a frown evident in his voice. "Because you're annoying." He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I'll drive her home." I took a sip of my coffee which was now lukewarm, "No, I can't. I have a really busy schedule." I glanced at him through my lashes, Phyllis must have told him something about me because his gaze shifted to me with a raised eyebrow. He huffed, a hint of amusement lingering in his expression, "Huh, really?" Piers snorted at whatever Phyllis was talking about. "What would it be about?" Then he shook his head, might be in disappointment. What would they be talking about? "You're really impossible, Phyllis. I'm going to hang up now." Before he could do it, Phyllis said something which made Piers' action stop for a moment. Then he became serious, "No. Not yet." He glanced at me then back at nothing in particular. He exhaled, "Yeah, okay." He drawled. Then he smirked, "That, too." Then he hang up, snickering to himself as he handed me back my phone. I raised an eyebrow in question.

"What's funny?" I asked.

He shook his head, saying that it was only a cousin thing. I shrugged then just finished the rest of our Strauben. Piers did the dishes whilst I'd gone back to my room to pack my clothes, personal belongings and a few of Piper's things, which wasn't that much, all while feeling a bit down. Oh, scratch that, I feel more than a bit down. Because going back to LA means being apart from Piers. He wouldn't be able to stay because he has a lot of work to do, and knowing of the fact that he'd be back in the line of duty next week, and thinking of the fact that we will be apart for a long while like last time was surely devastating. I guess I should get used to this by now.

Cheryl Hansen has become officially obsessed with Piers Nivans.

I pouted at the thought as I shoved the rest of my toiletries inside my bag, Piper watching me while he laid on the bed. I offered him a smile then patted him on the head, thinking if he could handle new people and surroundings.

"I'm sure you can handle it, boy." I smiled at him.

By the rest of the day, Piers and I just spent it playing scrabble on the floor, which was a huge handicap for me because I don't have a wide English vocabulary and as a result, he beat me to it.

"Truth or dare?" He asked, grinning, letting me choose my penalty.

I groaned, then thought for a moment, "Dare."

"I want you to sing."

"What? No! I don't want to." I whined like a child.

"That doesn't serve the purpose of dare if you don't comply."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Piers smiled, "I just make the most of the moment of my victory in here."

I gave him a small glare but decided to comply. I took a deep breath then decided to sing Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis, and I immediately felt embarrassed at the sound of my voice which reminded me of a sheep's vibrato. Piers stifled a laugh as he covered his mouth with a palm. I stopped just before the chorus to shoot him a glare again.

"You know what, let's just watch a movie." I grumbled.

"Fine," He said, chuckling a little, then he stood up. "I'll just go get my laptop."

I nodded in agreement while I arranged the tiles of letters from the scrabble then set the board aside. Then I went to the kitchen to make some cheese-flavored popcorn and reheat the leftover Strauben. When I got back, I saw him setting up the laptop while I settle the food on the table. His eyes were focused on the screen as he was scrolling through the folders of movies.

"So what do you want to watch?" He asked, which made me tear my gaze away from him to the screen. All of the movie titles were unfamiliar and mostly the genres are either action or horror, so I just shrugged my shoulders.

"You choose."

Piers scanned his folder of movies then clicked on the movie entitled The Blair Witch Project, which was under the horror genre. I never really liked horror movies but decided not to go against it. I just acted chill about it and sat on the couch beside him while eating on the bowl of popcorn.

However, in the middle of the movie, I was starting to feel really creeped out because what I expected from the movie were those really cheap jump scares and serial killers. My eyes were focused at the scene in front of me when suddenly, Piers stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom."

But before he can take a step away, I immediately stopped him by grabbing him by the hand, making him stop to look at me with confusion laced within his expression.

"Wait! Don't leave me!"

"But I need to pee." He frowned.

"I'll go with you!"

He gawked at me, "What?" Then he smiled as if he realized something, "Are you scared?"

I immediately let go of his hand and leaned back on the couch, "Of course not!"

"Okay," He shrugged, then he turned on his heels and proceeded to walk away.

"Piers!" I whined, pausing the movie.

"Cheryl," He called out, in the same tone I used. He went to the bathroom and I can only assume him laughing to himself, making me let out a sour expression. I tried to preoccupy myself with eating some Strauben and petting my dog that was sleeping right next to me. I snuggled close to my blanket, finding comfort but to no avail, the image of the Blair Witch forming on my mind.

"Piers!" I called out again, but there was no sign of him. "Are you already taking a shower? What's taking you so long?" I complained when I couldn't take it any longer. I already pushed the blanket aside then followed his footsteps to the bathroom. I knocked on the door several times but he wouldn't answer, then I tried to rattle the doorknob and was surprised to find it unlocked.

"Piers? I'm going in," I informed him, then slowly opened the door to find Piers facing the wall. I remember the similar scene from the movie which made me let out a small laugh, which sounded like a dying seal to my ears. I tried hard not to let him know that I'm already nervous at what he's trying to pull. "Nice one, Piers. Very original." I rolled my eyes as I approached him, "It would take a lot to scare me—"

Piers abruptly turned around and held my shoulders, completely startling me and making me let out a scream. He chuckled at my reaction, which rewarded him a glare from me.

"It's not funny!"

"I'm not trying to be funny, I'm trying to scare you."

Touché, Nivans. "I'm not scared!" I screeched, stomping my foot to the ground. But he wouldn't even take me seriously, the idiot was grinning like he had achieved something.

"Damn, Cheryl..." His hands then made its way down to my waist, staring at me with eyes full of affection.

I don't deserve this kind of stare.

But it made me instantly forget how pissed I was at him. "What am I going to do with you?" His hands travelled down to my waist, the warm contact making me lose my mind.

I don't deserve this gentleness.

I looked back at his face who was only focused on me, a warm smile decorating his lips. Now I'm all blushing like a school girl! What the hell! Have I gone nuts?

"Why? What do you have in mind?" I blurted out, which sounded so wrong in so many levels. This is one of the things I hate about myself because when I'm all flustered, I really tend to say the stupidest things.

At my words, his smile stretched as if he was amused with the thing he had in mind. He leaned down, closer to my face. My chest ached at our close proximity when his gaze lowered to my lips, and I can literally feel the steam coming out of me. I just closed my eyes, anticipating for something I don't know but I only felt his finger brush against the side of my lips.

"You still have cheese on your lips." He said, chuckling. I opened my eyes to see him grinning like an idiot before walking out of the bathroom and back to the living room couch. I was left there dumbfounded, then a smile broke out on my face before following him out to finish the rest of the movie.

I don't deserve to be this happy.

I just gaped at the ceiling that night, thinking about everything I've been through. I was fine before. I was fine with the fact that I will never be able to live a normal life, that I possess the blood of a monster now. A person like me doesn't deserve to be loved. I didn't mind it... I already accepted it until this happened.

I shook my head to make the thoughts go away and ended up letting out a deep sigh, then sat up and switched on the lamp of the bedside table. I opened the drawer and took out my journal and pen. My therapist assigned me to write down my thoughts every day, which she never told me the purpose about. I ripped a sheet of paper then started writing.

After writing, I took my pillow with me and marched outside of my room to his room. His bedroom door was slightly ajar, which I found strange. He must have forgotten to close it. I slightly opened the door, creating a creaking sound and I peered my head inside to see him fast asleep on his bed. Piper came inside his room and jumped on his bed, positioned himself by the foot of the bed, stretched, yawned and looked at me as if he was waiting for me to come inside, too.

I did, and I closed the door behind me, making the room pitch black. I trudged and very slowly climbed on his bed, and I stopped when I felt him stir on his sleep.

"Cheryl?" He called in a husky tone, still dazed from sleep.

"Don't mind me... just go back to sleep." I said quietly.

"Nightmare?"

I shook my head even though he didn't see it, "I just don't want to be alone tonight." Alone with my thoughts.

"Okay..." He said after a few moments, then he wrapped his arms around me, his head nuzzling on my chest contentedly. I smiled then my hand went to stroke his soft brown hair, tears brimming my eyes for an unknown reason. I can only hope that he's too sleepy to hear my heart pounding like crazy... and every beat of it was all for him.

I don't deserve you, Piers. But let me pretend just for this night that I do.

Piers drove me to Los Angeles the next day. I was supposed to make most of the moments left with him but I can't seem to have the energy. I was sad, which was an emotion I was very familiar with but I realized that the feeling was very foreign to me now. As Piers was trying to strike a conversation every now and then, I can only give him an indifferent response. He can only stare at me and not comment anymore. That routine continued until we arrived at his house.

"Cheryl," He called out, stopping me from opening the car door, "Are you okay?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I offered a small smile to match it up with my words. His expression hardened.

I stared back for a few seconds before I let out a sigh, "Come on. They're waiting for us." I patted him on the arm before going out of the car and open the backseat door, letting Piper out along with my bag. I put his leash on then proceeded to march ahead to the house, not waiting to see if he was following me. I greeted Lorraine and Phyllis, who both welcomed us back with huge smiles on their faces.

"You look tired," Lorraine commented with a gentle smile as she scrutinized my face. Blame your son, Mrs. Nivans.

"Blame your son, Aunt Lorrie. I bet Piers wouldn't let her get any sleep." Phyllis said with a giggle, which rewarded her a glare from all of us.

"Oh, Phyllis, that was so inappropriate." Lorraine shook her head in disappointment.

"Oh, shit!" Phyllis exclaimed, bending down to be level with Piper, "I've always wanted a dog! Hi, buddy! I'm Phyllis," She offered her closed fist for him to sniff, "You're so fluffy I'm gonna die! Can I hold him, Cheryl?" Phyllis looked up at me with her beaming face.

"You're going to scare him," Piers interjected, which made Phyllis pout. "You should let him adjust to the surroundings first."

"I'm just going to my room." I informed them, "I need some rest."

"You're not hungry?" Lorraine asked to which I shook my head with a light smile.

It was true. I was both emotionally and physically drained. I marched upstairs to my room, Piper trailing behind me. Maybe getting some sleep might help though but when I wake up, I'm sure Piers would be long gone by then. I opened the door to my room and found everything where I remember I exactly left them. Lorraine's helps seem to clean this room in a daily basis because not a single speck of dirt or grime is present in the room.

I tossed my bag on the well-made bed and plopped my body on it, feeling the relief. I could feel Piper walking around the room, taking in his time to familiarize himself with his new surroundings. I took my phone out from my pocket and plugged in my earphones to listen to some music while I attempted to fall asleep.

I know I should talk to him before he goes, but what was I going to say? After the little attitude I'd pulled, he probably doesn't want to talk to me, at least for now. Maybe my feelings would vanish if I don't see or talk to him in a regular basis like I used to? Maybe falling asleep now would be the best excuse not to talk to him now...

My eyes rapidly shot open when I heard a knock on my door. I already told them that I'm asleep so who might it be? I sat up as I gaped at the door, waiting for whoever might be outside to identify themselves.

"Cheryl, I know you're not asleep." I froze at Piers' stern voice from outside. "Open the door, I need to talk to you." I remained silent, my heart pounding so hard against my chest. I sighed heavily to try to ease it but to no avail, "Cheryl..." His tone now had a hint of warning, "I'll break the door if you don't open up." My mouth gaped open at shock and terror, I instinctively stood up contemplating to open the door for him or not.

"You can't do that..." I muttered.

"You know very well that I can." His tone held a dark promise, which convinced me that he would really do it. I don't want to deal with a broken door, a confused Lorraine and Phyllis and most importantly an infuriated Piers.

Without another second wasted, I opened the door to see him with a rather composed demeanor, which surprised me for a moment. He just said that... to make me open the door, damn it. Before I could even close the door on him, he was agile enough to block it and he pushed me inside the room, closing the door behind him.

"What do you want?" I asked as I crossed my arms, feigning irritation when in fact I wanted to cry.

"Why are you avoiding me again?" He asked me, dead serious. "I can't leave when I know there's something wrong. Last night, you were acting as if... as if I was special, as if we have something special and then the next day you drop me as if I'm not even worth your damn time."

"I... I don't understand what you're—"

"Stop lying!" He exclaimed, trying his best to keep what's left of his composure. He took a few steps forward, which made me back away, keeping the distance between us until my back hit the wall. Tears were starting to film my eyes as I kept my head down, "I'm so confused. You always confuse me, Cheryl. And it's making me so fucking mad. You said that you love me but you avoid me..." His hands went up to cup my face, lifting them up to meet with his gaze, "Do you really love me, Cheryl? Or was it just the alcohol talking? What do you really feel for me, huh?"

"Why..." I croaked, the tears I was holding in finally escaping. I shook my head, "Why do you care so much?"

"Do you really want me to spell it out for you?" He groaned, "I'm in love with you, damn it."

I could have been the happiest girl in the world, but there was this force stopping me from feeling it. Instead, I just let out a laugh that has a dead humor in it, as tears continued to flow freely past my cheeks. Piers furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not expecting that kind of reaction from me.

"Oh... I'm very much in love with you, too," I laughed dryly, and through my blurry vision I looked deep into his eyes, "But as I love you more and more, the more I'm reminded that I'm not normal, that I will never be good enough to stay with you or be selfish with you. I really, really wanted to do those things... but I couldn't... because I don't deserve you."

"You know what, I've been crushing on you since I was twelve." He said suddenly, making my tear-stained eyes widen in surprise, "You don't have to do anything to deserve me, Cheryl. I don't care if there are a lot of women who's more deserving because you're the one I've always wanted... I searched for you for so long and now that I have you back, I promised myself that I won't ever let you go again."

Before I could even comprehend his sentence, he leaned his head down and our lips met.