Chapter 9

IX. Selfish

FOR THE FIRST TIME in a while, I had a peaceful sleep. But I almost screamed when I saw Piers sleeping beside me. His arms were wrapped around me in a secured embrace, as if he was scared that I might disappear. Upon seeing his face this close, memories of what happened last night flooded right back into my mind. The agitation that I was feeling earlier turned into yearning.

"Don't go..."

My lips curled into a smile but soon faded as those words echoed through my mind. I stared hard at his face, memorizing every detail of his face. I wanted to look at him for as long as I could. He looked kinder and at peace when he was asleep, like he hasn't experienced any kind of malevolence. My hand instinctively went up to touch his face, caressing his cheek with my thumb and my gaze fell down to his parted lips. It was slightly chapped yet full and pouty. But then I realized my actions and immediately stopped. Oh, my God, what am I doing?

Before I could even retrieve my hand, Piers opened his eyes and bore into mine. My eyes widened in disbelief and surprise as I jolted up as if I had touched fire. I sat up and tried to get rid of the frizz and tangles on my hair, feeling embarrassed and conscious in front of him.

"Piers, I'm sorry," I said, "I... uh, fell asleep on your bed." I was sure my cheeks were flushed as I wandered my gaze to anywhere but the man beside me who I just touched in the face. I hope he didn't feel it but who was I kidding with?

"Good morning to you, too," He remarked with a husky tone, still a little dazed. I craned my neck to the side to take a peek at him and there I noticed that he was wearing a white tank top, his muscles were exposed for me to admire. My jaw fell as I stared at him for a few moments before I snapped back to reality, I blinked a few times before averting my gaze away from him, feeling my cheeks heat up in utter embarrassment. I know how ripped he was and it wasn't the first time that I had seen his body. I'd even seen him shirtless multiple times but I don't know how it contributed to the shame I was feeling right now.

"Yes, um, good morning..." I muttered, biting my lower lip as I stood up. "I'll just go make breakfast." I said and practically ran out of his room and back to my room. The sound of the door woke Piper up, who was sleeping on my bed. His head jolted up and watched me heave a deep sigh. He jumped out of the bed and approached me as if he knew the embarrassing thing I had just done.

I fixed myself first before going to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, Piper trailing behind me because he was also hungry. I yelped when I saw Piers already on the counter drinking a glass of water. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow as I just passed by as if I hadn't seen him. I fed Piper first before going over to make pancakes from scratch and fried a few bacon and eggs, and almost burned them because I was so distracted by Piers' intense stare in the whole process. My shoulders sagged at the tension, realizing the change that I didn't even know that occurred.

Something in me has changed. And I know that he knew it, too. I know what I was getting myself into, I was beginning to have feelings for him. And it isn't right, these feelings will only get in the way and destroy whatever we have. How high of me to have feelings and hope that he somehow feels the same when there are a lot of girls who are more normal than me, who didn't have a complicated life. A girl who wouldn't be a burden, who isn't a mess and he'd be proud to show-off. All of which I am not.

"Cheryl," Piers called out, which made me snap out of my trance. I looked at the pan and saw that the bacons are already burnt.

"Oh, no!"

He sighed, then took the pan and spatula from me. "Let me take care of it."

I closed my eyes in frustration even though he didn't see it. I couldn't suppress the heavy sigh that escaped my lips. "I'm sorry..."

"Is there something bothering you?" He asked as he took the pan to the sink and turned on the faucet, soaking the pan with water. Then he turned around to stare at me which made me immediately look away, going over to the cabinets to retrieve the silverwares needed to set the table. I shook my head as I did so.

"It's nothing, Piers."

I turned my back on him and went out to the dining area, but I could feel his stare seeping right through me. I don't want him to see the expression I was wearing right now because he knew... he knew that I was lying.

I sat on the chair and waited, and then Piper came out and sat in front of me, making me feel a little better. I carried him and sat him on my lap, caressing him behind the ears.    

"Oh, Piper, warum bist du so niedlich?" I sighed.

"I didn't know that you can speak German."

I flinched at the sudden remark, I turned to see Piers carrying a plate of pancakes in his right hand and bacon and eggs in his left. He settled them down on the table while I put Piper down the floor as I replied to him.

"Well, naturally, yes... I am half-German after all."

He cleared his throat as he sat on his seat. "It's just that this is the first time I heard you speak German. What did it mean?"

I just smiled at him as I took two pancakes and drenched them with maple syrup, "It meant 'Why are you so cute?'"

Piers tilted his head to the side with a mischievous glint in his eyes, before shaking his head with a smile before taking a sip of his coffee. His reaction made me even more anxious but he didn't say a word about it, and I was quite thankful. We just finished breakfast with a dull wall of silence.

By afternoon, Piers knocked on my door to inform me that he was just going to grab something from the BSAA Headquarters real quick. I just nodded and told him to be careful while driving. I spent an hour boxing in the gym before I heard a knock on the door. It couldn't be Piers because he just walks in without knocking, and it couldn't be Mrs. Osborne either because she always calls out while knocking so who would it be?

Nevertheless, I took my boxing gloves off and unwrapped the binds on my wrists, wiping the sweat off my body with a towel and putting a clean shirt over my sports bra. I wasn't presentable but Piers didn't even inform me that he was having some guests, which was a first.

When I opened the door, a couple greeted my eyes, and their expressions were telling me that they didn't expect that I would be the one to open the door for them. The woman had blonde hair that cascaded over her shoulders and was curled at the tips, bright blue eyes, pointed nose and full red stained lips. To sum it all up, she was incredibly beautiful. And she wore a corporate attire which made her look like some kind of businesswoman or law student, while the familiar man looked as pale as a paper, as if he had just seen a ghost. He flinched when he saw my gaze on him, and I offered them a small smile.

"May I help you?"

"Oh, yes... um, does Piers Nivans live here?" The woman replied with a friendly smile, showing off her pearly whites.

"Roseanne, we got the wrong apartment. Let's go." I heard the man whispered to the woman in an urgent tone as he held her on the arm with his uninjured hand. I glanced at the man's bandaged hand to which he immediately noticed. He hid his hand behind him as Roseanne conspicuously wrenched the man's grasp and ignored him.

"I'm sorry if we made you feel uncomfortable. We really mean no harm. Please let me introduce ourselves. My name is Roseanne Mills," then she pointed the man beside her, making me stare at the man who harassed me over a month ago. "and this is my friend, Vincent." Roseanne cleared her throat and pursed her red lips in a thin line, looking at me with a hint of bashfulness. "I'm an old friend of Piers... I got his address from his mother, Lorraine. Does he live here?" She repeated her question.

Roseanne Mills... Roseanne... Rosie...

I wanted to deny them and slam the door on their faces. I couldn't care less if they consider me rude, a bitch like what Vincent called me. I don't care about what other people think of me. But... I certainly do when it comes to Piers. Roseanne isn't just another person, well, at least to Piers as they shared a history. She was the person who was there for him when I couldn't. And I don't think he would be happy if he found out that I did it to someone he... cherishes.

"Yes, but he's not here as of the moment. But he'll back later. Can you wait for him?"

"It's okay. We can wait for him." Roseanne beamed to which Vincent frowned on.

"Roseanne..." He warned but he was ignored once again.

I moved aside to let them inside the apartment and Roseanne wasted no time coming in, but I could tell that Vincent was very reluctant. I can't blame him.

"I'm sorry for the mess, I didn't expect visitors and I just finished working out."

"No! No, it's totally okay. It should be me apologizing for coming in such short notice."

I just nodded, "Would you guys like something to drink?"

"Anything you have would be great."

"You both can take a seat on the couch while I go get you guys something to drink."

Before turning on my heels, I took a glance at Vincent who was quiet the whole time, avoiding eye contact with me. Piper was inside my room because he doesn't like other people. I went to the kitchen to grab two cans of Coke and listened to their failed attempt of whispering to each other which I can hear loud and clear.

"It's like walking in to a death trap, literally!"

"Stop being so overdramatic, Vince."

"Roseanne, she's the one who snapped my wrist and two of my friends were hospitalized because she beat the living shit out of them!"

"I find that to be very unlikely. She looks nice and innocent to me."

"Yeah, looks can be very deceiving. You're the one studying the law so you should know that. That's what I thought too before I approached her."

"Well, if you're still scared, you're free to leave. And knowing how much of an asshole you and your friends are, Vincent, you guys probably had it coming."

"You really think you appearing after all these years will change anything? I told you it's all too late now, you're the one who ch—"

They stopped talking, rather, arguing once they saw me emerging from the kitchen holding the soda. They whipped their heated gazes on me.

"Will these be fine?" I asked as I gestured towards the cans of soda.

Roseanne smiled, though, it didn't reach her eyes. "Of course, thank you..." She trailed off, giving me the cue to introduce myself. I could also feel the tension in the air as I settled the cold beverages on the table.

"Cheryl,"

Her expression shifted but she was quick to mask it off, "Thank you for the hospitality, Cheryl." She elbowed Vincent on the side, making him choke on his drink.

"Yeah," He said in between his coughs, "Thanks..."

Vincent was transparent. I could tell that he wasn't doing a best job at hiding it because I can clearly see the frustration in his eyes, not for me but for Roseanne. It's not about he's so eager to leave but about her stubbornness. He met my gaze and I smirked at him, making him almost choke on his soda again as he immediately looked away. I left them for a few moments to change my clothes and didn't find it strange that they didn't exchange a few arguments there. It was just pure silence. When I came out of my room, I took a seat on the single couch across from them and silence enveloped the atmosphere for a minute.

"Um, Cheryl," Roseanne decided to break the ice as she swallowed. "May I ask what your relationship with Piers is?"

"I'm a family friend," I said, "a childhood friend."

"Oh," She trailed off, biting on her lower lip. From the corner of my eyes, I can see Vincent observing her fiddling on her fingers as she's looking at me with a different glint in her eyes, "So you're the Cheryl who left him?" I was taken aback at the information she knew. Did Piers tell her about me? "I don't think you remember me, Cheryl, but we met once in person because Piers and I had a school project that we did in his house."

I shook my head, "I'm sorry... I don't remember."

"You were always at his house then," She chuckled, I don't know if I just imagined it but I thought I heard a hint of bitterness in it. "Always with you... always talking about you..."

"We weren't that close like you think."

"I even once thought that he was in love with you..."

"Roseanne," Vincent demanded in an irritated tone, "what the hell are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing," She shrugged her shoulders, unsmiling. "After disappearing like that, I just wanted to know why he even took her back."

She made it sound like it was a bad thing... me coming back to Piers' life... as if... as if I don't already know that.

I stood up and was about to answer back when the door suddenly opened and there revealed Piers holding a paper bag. His eyes widened in shock for a moment before he frowned as he closed the door behind him.

"Rosie?" Piers said with a frown, "what are you doing here?"

Roseanne immediately stood up and went over to him, "Piers, you wouldn't answer my calls, texts and e-mails. I... I got your address from your mother. Please, I just wanted to talk..."

Piers clenched his jaw as he looked at her, he was pissed. Then he looked through her, at me. He passed by her and went over to me. He handed me the paper bag which I reluctantly took from him.

"What's this?" I asked as I peeked over the paper bag and saw a box of chocolate cupcakes.

"You've been acting down lately, I'd figured that these might cheer you up..."

"Thank you..." Then I glanced at Roseanne and saw her looking at Piers with yearning and longing and right there I knew that she wouldn't stop at nothing until she talks to him. I looked back at him and let out a sigh, "You should go talk to her. I need to go out and buy dog food for Piper as well. Let's eat these cupcakes later." I smiled.

"Fuck this," Vincent cussed under his breath then stood up, glaring at Roseanne. He went to the door whilst saying, "I'll just wait for you in the car, Roseanne."

When the fourth presence was gone who had left a scent of lavender, I guess it was my turn to leave as well. Without a word, I turned on my heels to the kitchen to refrigerate the cupcakes then took Piper's leash, planning to take my buddy with me. I could also bring him to the dog park while we're at it. I called the puppy out and he immediately obliged, and I didn't spare Piers a glance as I got out of the apartment with a heavy heart. Piper whined as he wanted to be carried, and I did, he licked me in the face to comfort me. When I got out of the apartment complex, I spotted Vincent leaning against the hood of a gray car, busy with his phone. He stiffened when he saw me but to my bewilderment, he spoke to me.

"Where are you going?" I looked at him and he looked away, "You know what, forget I even asked."

"Going to buy some dog food then stroll around the dog park." I said quietly, "I think they're going to take long though."

"I know," He muttered, then sighed.

"Do you want to come with me?" I asked which made him snap his head to look at me as if I had lost my mind.

"I still want to live, so no thank you."

I shrugged, "Suit yourself."

I was only a few feet away from him when I heard his footsteps. I stopped to see him following me. "You know what, what more could I lose, right?"

After buying dog food, Vincent and I went to the dog park so that Piper can pee and poop and roam around with the other dogs. I sat on the bench drinking a box of milk chocolate while Vincent just sat beside me, with a safe distance as a precautionary measure. We just sat there in silence, our gazes focused on the dogs running around, until I remembered his wrist that I snapped a month ago.

"How's your wrist?"

"Other than it's a pain in the ass, I guess it's starting to heal now."

I looked at him, "You don't look like the type to sexually assault a girl."

"How'd you say so? You don't even know me. I could even assault you right now."

My lips curled into a small smile, not minding the threat. "I just can tell."

I can see that he was struggling with the right words to say. In the end, he just groaned in frustration. "Fuck, this is so infuriating."

"What is?"

"That fucking girl! She's still so fuckin' smitten with that guy!"

"What's in it for you?"

"What's in it for you?" He asked me back, looking at me incredulously, "No shit, you're fucking in love with him."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. I can't believe that he came with that conclusion even though he didn't even know me.

"I have two eyes, I can see the way you look at him because that's how I look at Roseanne, too."

Vincent was about to talk some more when we heard his phone rang. He fished it in his pocket and looked at the caller ID. I saw the way his face contorted into a frown before finally answering it.

"Hey, Rose—" He was cut off, then his eyes widened. "what happened?" He asked with an alarmed tone as he stood up and stormed off, completely forgetting about me.

Now that I am left alone with my thoughts, I began to feel scared again. Roseanne's statement earlier sent me into a state of daze, making me wonder as well, making me question myself either... why did I come back in Piers' life?

I lied again. I knew Roseanne way before... From the moment I first saw her, I knew that she liked Piers. She didn't like me because I was always at his house, she must have thought that I liked him, too, but I only considered his house as a safe haven from my abusive father. I could only imagine her glee when one day she didn't see me anymore.

From the distance, I could see a familiar figure walking towards my direction. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression. Seeing him now right after thinking those things made an unreasonable surge of emotions engulf me, I was... mad.

I was the first one who averted the gaze, seeing as the other girls present in the park whispering to each other while also looking at him. I stood up as he finally reached me, calling out Piper and carrying him in my arms.

"What are you doing here?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, "How did you find me? Oh, that's right! You have a tracker on me, you surely know where to find me all the time."

Piers creased his forehead, confused at the sudden attitude. This attitude was new to him and it's also the first time, the first time I had ever felt mad at him... especially at myself. You're being childish, Cheryl. A part of my mind scolded me.

"Hey, Cheryl, what the hell's wrong with you?" Piers called out as I walked away from him. I ignored him as I came out of the park with him trailing and calling out behind me. "Hey!" He stopped me by grabbing me by the arm. "Why are you mad?"

"I'm not." I avoided his gaze as I tried to wrench myself away from his grasp but he wouldn't budge.

"You are." He insisted, "Tell me what's wrong. You've been acting strange for the past few weeks, and you're not telling me anything. Tell me, did I do something wrong? Did I offend you or anything? Tell me!" He was getting frustrated as well, a few bystanders were glancing at us as they passed. I'm not looking at him, afraid of the expression he was wearing right now. "Look at me, Cheryl," He said with a defeated tone, and when I didn't oblige, he held me by the face and made me face him. I almost dropped Piper and the dog food at the sudden contact. "Please tell me... because you're literally driving me crazy right now." He muttered, staring straight into my eyes.

"I'm... sorry... I didn't mean to make you worry... I'm just... scared." I shook my head then looked away, "I'm scared that you'll go away and... I can't imagine myself without you. And it made me mad at myself because I'm always dependent on you..." I swallowed, searching for the right words to say, but couldn't think of any alternative and instead decided to be completely honest with him. "I'm scared... that Roseanne will take you away from me."

Then to my surprise, I heard him chuckle in amusement and it made me snap my head back at him with furrowed eyebrows. I can't believe that he just found it amusing!

His hazel eyes were bright, dancing with emotions I couldn't recognize. "What we have right now is worth a hundred times more than what I had with Rosie. I wouldn't have it any other way..." He smiled, making my knees weak. "I'm all for you, Cheryl. Just for you... she can want me for all I care, but I want you to be selfish with me... don't let me go. It's simple as that."