Chapter 23: Say Something

What defines us is how well we rise after falling.___________________________________________________________________

I feel like giving up. I feel like running away. But, I still can only think of his needs first. We are best friends and I need to be there for him. But, first I need to stop crying. I take deep breaths trying to calm myself as I close my eyes and count to ten. My body stops shaking and my heart rate slows down. I slowly look at myself and cringe. My eyes are so puffy and swollen from crying so hard. I turn on the faucet and wait for it to warm up before splashing my face. I wash my face vigorously hoping to wash away all the pain. Which doesn't help. But, those drama classes I had to take in high school are about to pay off. No more. At this very moment I am moving on. I grab a few paper towels and dry my face. 

"Maya." Lily says walking into the bathroom. 

I look up at her from drying my face and give her a half smile. 

"Yeah." I reply. 

"Are you okay?" She asks softly as she stands in front of me. 

I'm not. But, I'm going to work on it. 

"Yeah." I say as I throw away the used paper towels. "I had a moment. But, the moment is done and over with." I say with a shrug. 

"Maya." She says softly placing her hand on my shoulder. "You know you took things wrong out there. He was talking about you."

No he wasn't. 

"It's fine." I say forcing a smile. "He needs me. I'm going to be a good best friend and be there for him." I say and shake her hand off my shoulder. 

"Maya." She says as I walk to the door. 

"Are you coming?" I ask looking at her with a closed mouth smile. 

"Yeah." She lowly drags out. 

She trails behind me as I walk back to his room. Bill and John stand there looking at me concerned. 

"Hey Maya, how are you doing?" Bill asks. 

"Yeah." John says. "You really gave us a scare."

"I'm okay." I say smiling at them. "Like I told Lily. I had a moment. But, the moment is done and over with." 

"You're scaring me." Lily says with so much worry. 

I turn to her smiling bigger with my closed smile. 

"No need. I'm getting better. I am okay."

I will be. 

"How is he doing in there?" I ask as I turn to face Bill and John. 

"He needs you." Bill says. 

I internally roll my eyes. 

"Okay. Let him know I am here. See if he's up for a visitor." 

"Maya, you aren't just a visitor." John says. 

"You're right. We're best friends." I say with a smile. "I can walk in uninvited." I say with a shrug. 

"Ma--"

"I'm okay really." I say reassuringly to Bill, well all of them actually. "You have nothing to worry about." I say as I open the door.

"I said no visitors unless--"

"Did someone order one best friend." I say cutting him off. 

His eyes grow wide. I'm probably not the person he was expecting. 

"Maya." He whispers. 

"Hi." I softly say with a wave. 

"I walk to the side of his bed. 

"How are you?" I ask. 

You can tell he's taking a lot of pain pills. 

"I've been better. How are you?"

"I'm alright." I say with a shrug. 

"I'm sorry that tonight got ruined. As nervous as I was. I was really looking forward to it. Once I am released we are gonna try again okay."

"Okay." 

"I've missed you so much my sweet Maya." 

I don't wanna miss you.

"What happen tonight? You know I don't listen to reporters. So tell me Michael. What happened?" I ask ignoring his words. 

His face scrunches up in confusion. Please don't ask about how I am acting.

"There was accident." He says with a heavy sigh. 

"Obviously." I say with an eye roll. "Tell me Michael." I sternly. 

"Something happened with the pyrotechnics. There was malfunction while filming. My hair caught on fire. I burned parts of my scalp and neck." He says not looking at me once. 

"I told you about that crap you put in your hair." I say crossing my arms. "But, I'm glad you are still here with me." I says and he looks up at me from my words. "I can't lose you." I mumble and shake my head from those thoughts. "But, how are you feeling?" I ask. 

"I still feel some slight pain but, those pain pills helped somewhat." He says with a slight shrug. "How did you know something happened?"

"The news. Lily and I were visiting one of our old hang out spots." I say after I take a seat in the chair near his bed. "Getting in wasn't easy. Bill and John had to help us."

"Us?" He asks curiously.

"Lily is here with my too."

"Oh." He says playing with his fingers. 

"What's on your mind Michael?" I ask noticing his nervousness. 

"I'm sorry. But, why are you so far away from me?" He ask with sad eyes.

"Well this chair can only come so close." I say with a slight chuckle. 

"Come lay with me please. I need you close to me Maya. I need to feel your warmth." He says and my eyes grow wide. 

What? Why?

"I don't want to cause you more pain." I say.

Which is true but I also don't want to get sucked in. 

"You won't." He says smiling sweetly at me. 

Damn it. Why do you have to have such a beautiful smile?

"Now please Maya. I need you."

I sigh deeply. I shouldn't be doing this. But, yet I am. I find myself slowly crawling into the bed with him. I lay on my side and lay my head on his chest. I'm slowly dying on the inside. 

"Why are you so distant from me Maya? I thought after speaking on the phone that we would actually come closer together." 

"I thought the same." I mumble. 

"What was that?" He asks. 

"Nothing." I say quickly. 

I feel his fingers run through my curls. 

"So this is what you did to your beautiful hair?" He asks running his fingers through my curls some more. 

"Mm." I hum enjoying the feeling. "Yeah." I breathe out. 

"I love it." He says before kissing my hair. "It makes you look even more beautiful."

"Thank you." I say softly as I drape my leg over him to get more comfortable. 

I need time so I can finally get over you. It's just gonna be a process to start the process of getting over him. But, I'm curious about who his soulmate is. 

"Hey Michael." I softly say. 

"Hm." He hums in response. 

"I heard you yelling at Randy when we came in. Was everything alright?" I ask and feel his body tense up. "Are you okay?" I ask. 

"Yeah." He softly says. "What did you hear?" 

"You're in love and you believe that you both are soulmates." I say before looking up at him. "I'm so happy for you." I say forcing my smile. "So tell me about this lucky girl." 

She must be perfect for you to fall in love with her. He pulls my body closer to his as his smile grows big. 

"She's so beautiful. More beautiful than anything I've ever seen before. She's so kind hearted. She's different but in the most amazing way. She's opened my heart to something I've never could've imagined." He says and strokes my cheek. "I was her's the moment we met. I don't want nor need anyone but her."

Damn my heart. No more crying. I just can't do it anymore. Once he's all better I'm packing and leaving. I don't care if I have to sleep on a bench at a bus station. It would be so much better than this heartache. 

"She sounds perfect." I force out. 

"She is." He breathes out before kissing my forehead. "Never leave me Maya." He says as his big hand finds my thigh and pulls me closer to him. 

I face bury into his neck. I take in his sweet natural scent. Why did you do this to me Michael? Why did you make it so easy to fall in love with you? I hear him yawn and I swear it's the cutest thing ever. Oh my God I am so screwed. 

"Tired?" I ask not looking up at him. 

"A little. Don't leave my side please. I can't sleep without you."

"I'm here Mikey." I say. 

He reaches over turning off the lamp near his bed. The room gets dark but not too dark. I can still see everything but, still comfortable. I sigh into his embarrass and he pulls me on top of him. 

"What are you doing?" I ask shocked. 

"I always gotta have you closer my beautiful sweet Maya."

Shit, Michael. This is gonna be so damn difficult. 

_________________________________________________

I've been laying on him for sometime now. Maybe five or six hours now. I lost count. All I know I've been here for awhile. I gotta pee but I'm afraid to move. I want to be out of his arms. I've been fighting my tears since I laid my head on his chest. I'm scared. My heart hurts so bad. He's been sleep for probably two hours now. It must be those pain pills the doctor gave him. He's always had difficulty sleeping. My stomach hurts so bad from how full my stomach is. I gotta get up. Whether that wakes him up or not. 

I slowly remove his hand from my hair and place it on the side of him. I remove his other arm from around me and place it flat against his stomach. I slowly slide myself out of the bed. My feet lightly hit the floor. I'm glad I took my shoes off or they would've made a lot of noise. I quietly tip toe my way towards the bathroom. He needs to rest and get better for his soulmate. Someone I know isn't me. She's obviously perfection in his eyes. Something I could never be. I am too broken for him. 

"Maya." I hear him say in a groggy voice. 

My eyes grow wide as my hand rest inches away from the door handle. 

"Where are you going? Are you leaving me?" He asks in the darkness. 

I bite my bottom lip fighting the pain in my heart. I take a deep breath before answering. 

"I'm just going to the bathroom." I say refusing to look at him. "Go back to sleep. I'll be back soon." I say before entering the bathroom. 

I lean my back against the door once it closes. I take a deep breath swollening my tears. After sometime I remove myself from the door and finally relieve my aching bladder. I flush and wash my hands. I dry my hands with paper towels. I toss the used paper towels in the trash. I walk towards the door and my hand holds the knob firmly. My forehead presses against the door. I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. 

"You got this Maya." I whisper to myself. 

I slowly open the door and my eyes grow wide as my heart rate increases. 

"What the hell Michael." I say breathing heavily. 

"Maya." He softly says as I feel him pull my body close to his. "Maya." He breathes out staring into my eyes. "I.. I.. I.." He takes a deep breath. "Maya, I.. I.. I-- Why is it so hard to say how I feel." He says in frustration. 

I place my hand on his face and force a smile. 

"Maybe it's hard because you have doubts and so many unanswered questions." I say with a shrug. "Don't think about it right now." I say and kiss his cheek. "Let's get some rest." I say taking his hand and leading him towards his bed.

I feel him wrap his arms around me from behind. His chin rests on my shoulder. 

"I'm so sorry I hurt you Maya. I never meant to break your heart."

"I know. It's okay." I whisper. 

"No it's not." He says making my eyes grow wide. "I'm so sorry my beautiful sweet Maya."

"It's okay Michael." I say reassuringly as I remove myself from his hold and turn to look at him. "Things happen." I say with a shrug and grab his hand. "Now, let me get you into bed mister. You need to rest."

"Maya." He breathes out. 

But, I don't respond. He lays down on the bed and grabs my arms. 

"I need you to lay with me. I can't sleep without you." He begs with pleading eyes. 

"I will." I say forcing another smile. "I just need something from my bag. 

I walk away from him to my bag that is sitting on the chair. I reach into it for a hair tie. I put my hair into a messy bun and walk back to him. To see he has the covers thrown back.

"I need you real close to me." He whispers. 

I climb into bed with him and lay on my side. 

"No." He says placing his hand on my thigh. "I need you closer. I need your warmth. I need all of it." He says pulling me on top of him and my eyes grown wide. "Please." He breathes out against my skin. 

He places a kiss on my shoulder and I shudder from the feel of his warm lips. How I missed them against mine. 

"Place the sheet over us. I wanna get cozy with you." He says into my ear which sends a shiver down my body. 

I sit up which makes me straddle him. His big hands instantly find my waist. He bites his bottom lip. I lean back reaching for the sheet. 

"Mm." He hums as I place the sheet over my shoulders. 

He holds me still. I grip the sheet trying to contain my moans from the sight in front of me. He's not even doing anything and he's making me so wet. The cold tips of his fingers graze my exposed skin as he slowly sits up. His forehead presses against mine and his eyes never leave mine.

"Michael what are you doing?" I whisper into the night almost afraid too. 

"Maya, I--I'm.." He says before taking a deep breath as his head falls to my shoulders. "Dang it." He says in frustration. "Why can't I just tell you the truth." He says in a huff against my skin. 

I gently take his face into my hands. I make him look at me and I can see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. Why is there so much hurt in his eyes? I peck his nose quickly. 

"Don't force it Mikey. Conquer that fear in your heart first. Then tell me when you are ready." I tell him as my thumbs caress his cheeks.

He gives me the tiniest of faint smiles. Even though there's hurt and fear behind it. It's still the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. 

"Maya." He breathes out before pressing his lips against my cheek. 

He starts placing gentle and sweets pecks across my cheek and jaw slowly finding his way closer to my neck. 

"Mm. What are you trying to do to me?" I hum out.

"Everything." He says against my skin and I involuntarily moan out loud. "Your skin tastes so sweet Maya." He says giggling lightly. 

I usually run my fingers through his curls but I can't do that. I move closer to his body and grip the collar of his shirt. I bite my bottom lip trying to have more control over myself. But, my body wants to do it's own thing. 

"Have me Michael." I whisper against his cheek. 

He pulls away and looks at me. I bite my bottom lip as his gaze goes back and forth from my eyes to my lips. He gently hooks my chin in between his thumb and index finger. 

"What have I told you about doing that." He says in a low voice. 

One I've never heard him use before. His big hands cup my face. He pulls my face closer to his. I desperately want him to kiss me. I want him to kiss me all over. 

"Hello, Mr. Jackson--Oh I'm sorry." Someone says walking into the room. 

I scream out as my body falls out off the bed. Resulting in my dramatic ass turning as I fall and hitting my head. I groan out in pain as I grip my head.

"Damn it." 

"Maya, are you okay?" Michael asks in a panic. 

"Miss." Someone says touching my shoulder. 

I look up at them to see a female nurse standing over me. 

"Are you okay?" She asks. 

"Yeah." I drag out. "I hit my head. Just my luck."

"Here." She says reaching her hand out. "Let me check and make sure you don't have a concussion." She says as I grab her hand. 

She helps me to stand and guides me to the chair. I take a seat and sigh heavily. She walks out the room and Michael crouches down in front of me. He takes my hands in his and brings them close to his lips. 

"I'm so sorry Maya." He whispers against my hands before kissing them gently.  

He stands up and kisses my forehead where I hit and I wince in pain. I wrap my arms around him and sigh. 

"Are you okay Maya." 

Am I? I really need a change of clothes. I wonder if Lily is still here? 

"Yeah." I say into his stomach. 

I feel his stomach tense up. His fingers run through my hair and I sigh in satisfaction. I look up at him and give him a small smile. 

"Knock. Knock." Someone says opening the door. 

We both look up to see the nurse and a doctor in the doorway. 

"Hello Mr. Jackson." The doctor greets. 

"Hello Dr. Marbles." He greets back. "Please make sure my Maya is okay."

If my head wasn't hurting so bad. I would've rolled my eyes at him. This man is too much. 

"That's why I am here." He says looking down at me. 

Instantly my eyes grow wide. I haven't seen him in three years. Since all of this happened. I caught a glimpse of him at my grandmother's funeral. But, we haven't spoken any words sense Tony's funeral. I feel Michael's lips on my forehead before we part. I feel a sudden loneliness being out of his arms. A small gasp escapes my lips. Michael leans against the bed as he watches us intently with his arms crossed. 

"Mr. Jackson, you need to lay down and relax. Dr. Marbles is one of our best doctors. She's in good hands."

Michael sighs heavily.

"It's okay Michael." I say reassuringly. 

"Maya." He whines. 

"Michael." I say sternly and then groan in pain. 

"Maya." He says with wide eyes in panic. 

"I'm okay." I say quickly. "Just lay down and rest. We'll cuddle soon." 

I struggle through my smile as I watch him blush. He slowly climbs back into bed and sits there watching us. Nico crouches down in front of me. He gives me a small smile. I look away from him not returning his smile. He flashes a lot into my eyes and I squint from it. 

"How are you feeling Maya?" He asks. 

"Not like you care." I mumble. 

"Please Maya." He breathes out. "Hate me later." He says lowly. "Now tell me how you are feeling?" He asks again. 

I sigh heavily. 

"My head hurts." I say. "Really bad."

"Well." He says giving me another small smile. "You don't have a concussion. You just hit your head really hard. You might have a knot. A really big knot. But, you will be okay. I'm gonna go get you an ice pack."

I roll my eyes at him ignoring my pain. He stands up with a heavy sigh and walks out the room. I lean back in my seat and run my fingers through my curls. It's always something. I should just moved to another state. Where no one knows me and start over. Even away from Michael. My head shoots up straight to the feel of Michael sitting on my lap. I groan in pain. 

"I'm sorry beautiful. I didn't mean to hurt you." He says lowly against my cheek. "I just need you."

"It's okay my Mikey Bear. You just surprised me. Never forget that I am all yours handsome." 

For now. Till I know you are better I am leaving. 

"As I am yours my sweet sweet beautiful Maya."

I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze my eyes shut. I seriously can't do this anymore. I'm letting go of you Michael. I hear the door open and I look up to see Nico walk in. I sigh heavily. 

"Are you okay Maya?" Michael asks cupping my face and looking into my eyes. 

"I'm okay handsome." I say placing my hands over his. "I'm sorry but, I just need for you to get up for a moment."

"Okay." He whispers before kissing my nose. 

I can't help the heat rising through my entire body as he slowly stands up. I do the same and look at Nico. 

"Hey, Maya I brought this for you." He says handing me an ice pack. 

I take it from him and don't say thank you. I have nothing else to say to this man. Except this. 

"Okay. You can leave now and never come back." I say with anger and hurt. "Again." I say lowly. 

"Maya." Michael says shocked. "Why are--"

"It's okay Mr. Jackson." He says putting his hand up. "I'm so sorry Maya."

I roll my eyes at his apology. Like a damn record. 

"You are three years too late Nico." I say in anger. 

I walk past him. Purposely bumping into him as I walk out the room. 

"Maya." Michael calls out as the door closes behind me. 

Bill and John's eyes fall on me with worry. 

"Maya are you okay?" Bill asks. 

"Yeah, we heard yelling." John says. 

"Yeah." I drag out. "My past has a way of sneaking up on me." I say with a shrug while holding the ice pack to my forehead. 

"Maya, talk to me please." Nico says walking out the room.

"Hold on." I say putting my hand up too him. "Hey, Bill is Lilly still here?" I ask. 

"Yeah, she's in the waiting room with Randy." He replies. 

"Can you get her for me." 

"Sure thing boss lady." He says before jogging off. 

"Maya." Michael says wrapping his arms around me from behind. "What's wrong? Talk to me please." He whispers in my ear.

"I will." I softly say. 

"Do you know this man?" John asks just as Lilly and Randy aporrach us. 

"Well, well talk about blast from the past." Lilly says crossing her arms. "You got some nerves trying to talk to Maya." 

"Who is this man?" Randy asks looking at us for answers. "Besides Mike's doctor."

"She forgave you. Why can't she do the same with me." Nico says. 

All this is doing is making my headache worse. The ice pack falls from my hands. 

"Maya." Michael calls out. 

I turn around in our embrace and wrap my arms around him. 

"I only need you Michael." I cry out. 

"I'm here Maya. Always and forever. I only need you. I am yours." He says into my hair. "You got me. I promise you that."

"Gee thanks Maya." She says and I know she's teasing me. 

"You know what I mean." I say into his chest. 

"Girl I know." She says giggling. "I know exactly what you mean." She says with excitement. "Now back to the matter at hand. Why are you trying to reconcile things now? It's been three years."

"I know." He says with a heavy sigh. "Since Tony's funeral she refused to speak to me. She wouldn't return any of my calls. I tried reaching out so many times. She wouldn't even look at me at my own mother's funeral." 

I wonder why. Oh yeah you hurt me. That's why. You broke me. What you did to me can never be undone. 

"Don't act like you've been around her whole life. You really hurt her this time. I don't know if you could fix it this time. I honestly believe she's done giving you chances."

"Thank you Lilly." I say looking at her briefly. 

I pull away from Michael and wipe my face while forcing a chuckle out. 

"Maya." Michael says confused. 

"Can you do me a favor handsome?"

"Anything beautiful."

"Can you get my bag please?"

"Are you leaving me?" He asks with worry. 

Not right now. But I will. 

"Quite the opposite." I say to him. "I'm not leaving your side." I say forcing a smile. "Just like we promised." 

"Maya." Lilly says. "But you--" I quickly snap my head at her to shut her up. 

"Please, get my keys out my bag handsome." 

"Okay beautiful." He says before walking back into the room. 

"I always felt like you two were destined to meet. As much as I hate to see that you've grown up so much."

"Seriously." I say annoyed. "It's not like you were there for most of it. You missed some  of the key points of my life. When I needed you the most. You were nowhere to be found. So don't act like you care now. Matter fact just leave me the hell alone and stay the fuck out of my life." 

How can my heart break so much more than it already is. I sigh heavily. I don't wanna lose him but it's his own damn fault we aren't close anymore. 

"Listen I understand you are upset with me. But, you will still speak to me with respect. I am still your father." He says as Michael walks back into the hallway. 

Now patients were peeking out their room and other staff members were watching us being nosey as always. 

"Your father?" Michael says shocked. "I know, you both had the same last name. I figured you two were related. I just thought he was a cousin or an uncle."

"We only share DNA. You never truly earned that title. After momma died you distanced yourself from us even more. But, you are the reason she died of a broken heart."

"It wasn't my fault she got sick." He yells. 

"You wasn't there to take care of her." I yell back. "You were out doing God knows what. With who knows who. But, I gave you chances. Countless times. I'm tired and I am done. I can't continue to forgive people anymore. I'm done being the bigger person. I'm done blaming myself when I've been nothing but the best that I can be. I'm tired of giving ME just for people to use me and hurt me. I'm done hurting. I need to think of myself and fall in love with myself. I always blamed you for me being so broken but, it's partially my fault. I gave myself to the wrong people. I let the wrong people see the real me. But, I won't apologize for being me. I won't apologize for being real. I won't apologize for always seeing the good in people. What I will apologize for is allowing the wrong people into my life. Trusting the wrong people and being so gullible for allowing the wrong people into my heart. No more. I'm only gonna think about myself and only take my feelings into consideration. Because I am tired of everyone's shit and I'm not doing it anymore." I say in one big huff. 

I turn to face Michael and he looks at me with tears streaming down his face. I stand on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek. 

"Thank you handsome." I say taking my keys from him. 

"Maya, I really want to make things right between us. I know I've made some mistakes in the past and I'm gonna own up to all of them."

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore. My head hurts more now." I softly say and look at Lilly. "Hey can you do me a favor?" I ask her. 

"Sure thing girlie."

"Can you head to Michael and I's place and get me a few things?" I ask her. 

"Anything you need."

"Just some clothes. I'm gonna be here the whole time he's gonna be here. You know we are attached to the hip. Also my journal and sketchbook." I say. 

"I got you." She says taking my keys from me. "Mike do you need anything?" She asks him. 

"I got all I need right by my side." He says wrapping his arm around my waist. "I'm so proud of you beautiful." He whispers in my ear. 

"Just give everything to Bill and John. Michael and I both need to rest now." 

"That you do." He says placing the ice pack on my now noticeable knot.

"What happened to you?" Lilly asks. 

"I fell." I say feeling embarrassed.

"Mike, how you let that happened?" Randy asks. 

Michael stands there blushing too. If only they know what was about to happen before the nurse walked in.

"Come one Mikey Bear." I say look up into his eyes and bites his bottom lip. "Let's cuddle." I say pulling him by the collar of his hospital shirt. 

__________________________________________________ 

It's sad.How someone can go from being the reason you wake up smiling,To the reason you cry yourself to sleep.

Today is the day Michael finally get to come home. I'm happy that he does. This beds aren't meant for two people. But, he just had to have me in the bed with him. He's still bandaged but it's not as much as it once when he first got here. He still needs to take it easy until his burns heal. I adjust my bag in my hand waiting for him to be ready. His security got an impressionator so he can ride in the car with me. 

"Are you ready beautiful?" He asks taking my hand in his. 

"I'm ready for anything when it comes to you." I say with a wink. 

"Soon I will be too." He says before kissing me on the cheek.

What? I open my mouth to speak but Bill pops his head in. 

"Ready?" He asks. 

"Yeah." Michael says with a nod. 

What the hell does he mean? I move the thought to the back of my head as we head out. Following close behind Bill and John we head out the back to the parking lot. His other bodyguards are with the impersonator to distract the press. I don't know how I hide from them this long. We finally make it to my car. I quickly unlock the car and we both slide in. Bill walks up to my window. 

"We're gonna ride with the double so they won't suspect anything. Call us when you make it into the complex."

I nod my head at him as I stick the keys in the ignition. She starts up with ease and I can't help but smile. We both wave at Bill and John before I start backing out the parking spot. I exit out the parking lot and start making our way home. I feel a touch on the thigh and look at down quickly and see his big hand there. I focus back on the road and bite my lip. What the hell is he doing? I shift in my seat a little as I concentrate on driving. I stop at a red light and feel his lips lightly graze my cheek. 

"What was that for?" I ask blush. 

His hand still remains on my thigh. My upper thigh. My inner thigh. 

"You are just so beautiful. I just couldn't help myself." He says looking straight. 

"And your hand?" I ask with a raise eyebrow before starting to drive again. 

"Well, I would love to hold your hand and feel your warmth. But, you need both hands on the wheel."

I roll my eyes at him. This man is too much. 

"Michael." I moan out without thinking as I feel him give my thigh a squeeze. 

"Yes, beautiful." He softly says. 

I look at him quickly seeing him look at me so innocently. I focus back on the road. 

"Please don't do that while I'm driving."

"Do what?" He asks. 

"You know what you're doing." I mumble. 

"Huh?" He softly says and I can feel his gaze on me. 

For the rest of the car ride I didn't speak to him. We finally make it into the garage and I park the car in it's parking spot. I turn the car off and take the keys out the ignition. I sigh heavily as I fall back into my seat. 

"Are you okay?"

"Call Bill and let him know we just made it." I say ignoring his question. 

"Okay." He softly says pulling out his phone. 

I patiently sit there and wait for him to finish. 

"Hello Bill, yes we just made it." He says lowly. "Okay, I promise I will. I will call you if we need you. Have a good day." He says before hanging up. 

____________________________________________________________________

We finally make it inside and both go our separate ways to our rooms. I drop my bag on the floor upon entering my room. I really wanna wash the smell of hospital off of my body. I rummage through my draws til I find a comfortable outfit to wear. I walk out my room and head straight for the bathroom. Seeing his bedroom door open. I guess he had the same idea as me. I can hear the shower running. I head into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I place my clothes down on the sink before turning on the shower. I wait for it to warm up before stripping myself of my clothes and stepping in. I sigh in satisfaction from the warm beads of water cascading down my skin. Yes, he had a shower in his room but, it doesn't get as warm as this one. Once I felt clean enough I exit out the shower and turn it off before reaching for my towel. I dry my body and hair. I moisturise my skin and get dressed. 

I exit out the bathroom with my dirty clothes in hand to see Michael sitting on the couch. I look at him from my shoulder with a smile. Before turning around and walking backwards. 

"I'll be right back." I say trying to pay attention to where I'm going. "How about cuddles and movies?" 

"Yes, Maya." He softly says. 

Is something wrong. I open my mouth to ask but I hit the wall. I groan in pain and he chuckles at me. I roll my eyes at him with a giggle before entering my room. I toss my dirty clothes in the hamper. I grab my throw blanket the lays folded at the end of my bed. I head back out to see him looking through him turning the TV and VCR on. I sit down on the couch and see he hasn't noticed me. I sit sideways and lay my legs down on the couch. He turns back around and slightly jumps. 

"Come lay with me handsome." I say with a smirk. "I wanna hold you." I say before biting my lip. 

"Please Maya." He breathes out. "I need you to hold me." He says walking over to me, 

I hand him the blanket before opening my arms wide for him. He unfolds the blanket and places it over his shoulders before laying down in between my legs. He lays his head down on my chest. My small hands rub his back as we lay there cuddling and watching the movie. 

_________________________________________________________

The days were slowly going by and he was starting to get better. His bandage is finally off. Things were slowly going back to normal and I don't know how to feel about that. I just love spending every second with him. We still do. But, I honestly need all of his attention. It's driving me crazy if he isn't focused on me. I'm still trying to give up these feelings for him. I know one day he's gonna be gone and out of my life. Once he's with his soulmate. Then I will be just a distant memory. I'm no one important. He just pretends to make me feel important because he feels so bad for me. One day he's gonna get tired of me and always trying to calm down my panic attacks. I'm too broken for him and now he knows all where the pain stems from. I'm too damaged for him. That's why I know I will never be good enough for him. He deserves so much better than me. Even for a best friend. I can't do it. I can never do it. I can never be it. So I should just spare both of our feelings and disappear. He doesn't need me in his life. His life is already hectic. I shouldn't add more fuel to the fire. I'm just holding him back. I don't deserve him. Someone worthy does. I'm just broken, panic attack having, crybaby, Maya Marbles whose family hates her. I'm done. 

Say something I'm giving up on you