81 "alleyway"

I woke up like I always do ...but he was gone..again.Heart racing. Chest tight. Reaching for him before my eyes even opened.My hand slid across cold sheets and stopped where his warmth should've been. The mattress still held the faint dip of his body, like a cruel little reminder that he'd been there... and now he wasn't.

Again.

I sat up too fast, breath coming sharp, my mind already filling in the worst before I could stop it. The trailer was quiet—no boots, no low humming, no clink of his belt buckle. Just silence pressing in on me."Damn it, Walker," I whispered, rubbing my face. I trusted him.. I hated how fast it hurt. Hated how some part of me always went straight back to old wounds before it ever gave him the benefit of the doubt.I pulled on his shirt and stepped outside, barefoot on the cool ground. The morning air hit my skin, crisp and clean, the sky just starting to blush with sunrise.And then I heard it.Laughter.Bright. Wild. Familiar.I stopped cold.It wasn't just laughter—it was her laughter. Patsy's. Full and unfiltered and happy in a way that punched straight through my chest.I followed the sound around the trailer, my heart climbing up into my throat, and that's when I saw them.Walker had set up a little table in the grass. Nothing fancy. Just coffee steaming in one mug, a small plate stacked with pancakes, and Patsy sitting there swinging her legs like she owned the world. Syrup smeared on her cheek. Hair a mess. Smiling so hard it hurt to look at.Walker stood beside her, pan in hand, sunlight cutting across his bare arms. He was laughing—really laughing—the kind that came from somewhere deep and easy. Like he wasn't carrying the weight of the ranch or the past or me messing up his peace.For a second, I couldn't move.Then he looked up. Our eyes met.His whole face lit up like he'd been waiting for that exact moment."There she is," he said, voice warm and soft. "Mornin', mama."Something inside me cracked open.He set the pan down and walked straight toward me like there wasn't anyone else in the world. Like he hadn't already been standing there with our daughter. Like I was the center of gravity and he'd been pulled in the second he saw me."You scared me," I said, my voice quieter than I meant it to be.He didn't tease me for it. Didn't brush it off. He just reached for me, hands firm and sure, pulling me into him until my cheek pressed against his chest."I know," he murmured. "I'm sorry. Couldn't sleep. Figured I'd make breakfast before you woke up."He leaned down, nose brushing my hair, breathing me in like that alone was enough to calm him. "I ain't goin' anywhere," he added softly. "Not without you."Patsy giggled from the table. "Daddy made funny pancakes!" Walker smiled against my temple. "Best ones I ever made, right?"

"Uh-huh!"I wrapped my arms around him, holding on a little tighter than necessary, not caring who saw. He tugged me closer, rocking us just slightly, like he knew my body needed reminding."C'mon, mama," he said, kissing the top of my head. "Breakfast's gettin' cold."I looked up at him then—really looked—and for the first time since I'd woken up, the ache in my chest finally eased. He was right here.

...,

The screen door creaked a while later.

I was pouring syrup for Patsy when I heard boots on gravel—slow, familiar, unhurried. I didn't have to look to know who it was. This place carried his footsteps differently than anyone else's.

"Morning," my father said.

Patsy's head snapped up so fast she nearly tipped her chair over."PAPA!" she yelled, launching herself off the bench like a fired bullet.John laughed...actually laughed then caught her mid-air like he'd been waiting for it his whole life. He lifted her up, settling her against his chest, one big hand smoothing over her curls. "Well I'll be damned," he said softly, eyes shining. "You get bigger every time I see you."Patsy wrapped her arms around his neck. "Daddy makes pancakes."John glanced over at Walker, a slow smile spreading. "Is that right?"Walker tipped his hat slightly. "Tryin' to earn my keep."John looked at him for a long moment—measured, thoughtful—then nodded once, like something inside him clicked into place."That's good," he said. "Real good."He bounced Patsy once, kissing her cheek. She squealed like it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.Watching them together did something to me. Something quiet and deep. Like a knot I'd carried for years finally loosened. Seeing her with him is what I should've had. But didn't. John turned his attention back to me then. "You two got plans tonight?"I blinked. "Uh—"

"You don't," he cut in, already deciding. "You should. Go out with the bunkhouse. Have a little fun."I shifted my weight. "Dad, I don't know if—"

"I'll keep the kids," he said simply. "Both of 'em." I hesitated again, that old reflex kicking in. Patsy was everything. Trust didn't come easy. The last time any baby sitting happened... Tate and I.. went missing.. Walker nudged my hip gently with his. Just enough to ground me."She'll be alright, mama," he murmured low in my ear, for me only. "She's with family."John watched the exchange, one brow lifting slightly, then he cocked his head toward the trailer parked beside the drive."And that thing?" he added.My stomach tightened. "What about it?""Put it in storage," he said, like it was the most obvious eye sore. "Move into the house."I stared at him. "Dad—"

"The house sits empty when I'm not here," he went on. "Beth's with Rip. Kayce and Monica have their place. No reason you and that little girl should be livin' in a tin can."He looked between Walker and me, voice firm but not unkind. "You belong in the house."Patsy gasped dramatically. "Can I have a room?" John smiled down at her. "You can have the biggest one."

"Yes!" she shouted, throwing her arms in the air. I swallowed hard, emotion climbing up my throat faster than I could stop it. She's never had a bedroom. She's never had a real bedWalker glanced at me, eyes warm, encouraging. "Sounds like a good idea," he said gently. I exhaled. Slowly. Letting myself believe just a little that this was real."Okay," I said finally. "Okay."John nodded once, satisfied. "Good."Patsy hugged him again like she might never let go. And standing there in the morning sun with my father holding my daughter, Walker's hand warm at my back—I felt something unfamiliar settle over me.

Not fear.

Not waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Just... home.

.....

It was hours later when we finally got ready to go out.I stood in front of the mirror longer than I meant to, tugging on tight jeans, smoothing a black tank into place, checking myself like I was someone else. Like I hadn't been a mother all day. Like I hadn't been an assistant all month. Just a woman going out with the man she loved. I combed my very long blonde hair to the side. Walker noticed. Of course he did.He stopped me in the bedroom doorway, slow and deliberate, eyes darkening like he was starving and I was the only thing on the menu. He backed me up toward the bed with a grin that should've been illegal, hands hovering but not touching, teasing the idea of it."Walker," I laughed, shoving at his chest. "Knock it off. We're gonna be late."He leaned in anyway, voice low. "Just appreciating what's mine.""Later," I warned, pointing a finger at him. "Finish that business later."

"Oh come on darlin. Just a quick one. I'll be quick" he began to tug at his belt. I laughed aloud "no walk!" He kissed my forehead instead, softer than his words, and we both smiled when we heard Patsy babbling from the other room. We said our goodbyes to her together—me crouched down, him towering over us—before heading out. This bar wasn't our usual place. Too shiny. Too crowded. Full of tourists pretending to be cowboys. Shoulder to shoulder, loud music, bodies everywhere. Walker stayed close behind me, not touching, just there—like a shadow with teeth. Teeter was already drunk when I found her.Teeter slapped the bar twice with her palm. "Two shots. The bad kind."I squinted at the glasses when the bartender slid them over. "Nope. Absolutely not."Teeter gasped like I'd just insulted her bloodline. "Did you just say no?"

"I'm a mother," I protested. "I'm responsible now."She snorted and shoved one of the shots closer to me. "You're a Dutton. That cancels it out."

"I said no," I repeated, weaker this time.Teeter leaned in, eyes glassy and wicked. "You survived Beth Dutton. You can survive this."I picked up the glass, sniffed it, grimaced. "If I throw up on you—"

"I'll frame the shirt," she said. "Now drink."We clinked glasses. "Bad decisions," Teeter declared. "To bad decisions," I sighed then tossed it back.The burn hit hard. I coughed, slammed the glass down. "Jesus Christ."Teeter was already laughing, throwing hers back like it was water. "That's the spirit!"

"I hate you," I wheezed.

"No you don't," she said, flagging the bartender again. "You love me. And you're gonna love the next one even more."

"Absolutely not," I said.The second shot appeared.I stared at it. "You're trying to kill me."Teeter leaned her elbow on the bar, chin in her hand. "Nah. I'm trying to remind you you're still fun."I glanced over my shoulder, spotting Walker by the pool tables, watching me like he always did. soft eyes, half-smile, completely undone.Teeter followed my gaze and smirked. "God, he looks at you like you hung the damn moon."I smiled despite myself. "He's ridiculous.""He's in love," she corrected. "Big difference."My throat tightened a little. "Yeah," I said quietly. "I know." Teeter nudged the shot toward me again. "One more. For love. For life. For not strangling walker."I laughed, shaking my head. "You're terrible.""And yet," she said, lifting her own glass, "you're still drinking with me."I clinked it. "You're lucky I like you."We drank.I slammed the glass down again, eyes watering. "Okay. That one was worse."Teeter whooped, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "There she is! That's Willie Dutton!"I laughed real loud, careless. letting the music swallow us whole.By the time we were dancing, it felt like the world had loosened its grip. Teeter and I moved together like we'd known each other forever, laughing, spinning, careless. From across the room I caught Walker watching, leaning against the pool tables with the bunkhouse boys, eyes never leaving me.I danced for him..just a little. enough to make him smile.

The bass thumped so hard it rattled my ribs. Teeter grabbed my wrist and dragged me straight into the crowd."Oh no," I laughed, stumbling. "You are way too confident for how drunk you are."Teeter spun around, hair flying. "That's when I'm at my best."She grabbed my hips, yelling over the music, "MOVE, DUTTON."

"I am moving!" I shouted back, laughing as I bumped into her. "This place is packed!"

"That's the point!" she hollered. "Nobody can judge you if they can't see straight!"I threw my head back, letting the music take over, my body loose for the first time in weeks. Teeter danced like she didn't have a single worry on this earth—wild, shameless, perfect.She leaned in close to my ear. "You know he hasn't stopped lookin' at you, right?"I knew exactly who she meant.I shrugged, pretending I didn't care. "He's just making sure I don't get kidnapped."Teeter barked a laugh. "Bullshit. That man is gone for you."I smiled despite myself, swaying with the beat. "He's sweet."

"Sweet?" Teeter scoffed. "That man would burn this bar down if someone touched you wrong."I glanced toward the pool tables, catching Walker's eyes again. He smiled when he saw me dancing, slow and warm, like he was proud of me for breathing.Teeter followed my gaze and softened just a little. "You love him."I nodded, yelling over the music. "Yeah. I really do."She grabbed my hands and spun me. "Then dance like it."I laughed, letting go, moving with her—hips loose, shoulders rolling, joy buzzing under my skin."This feels illegal," I shouted.Teeter grinned wickedly. "Freedom usually does!" We danced harder, laughing when we bumped into strangers, singing words we didn't know, sweat slick on our skin.Teeter leaned in again. "You needed this."I nodded. "I didn't know what this felt like."She squeezed my hand. "You're still you, Willie. Don't let anyone make you forget that."I swallowed, blinking fast. "You're gonna make me cry." She rolled her eyes. "Save it for the bathroom like a normal drunk woman."I laughed, loud and unguarded, as the music swallowed us whole.Eventually, I leaned in and told her I had to pee. mom bladder, no mercy. I promised I'd be back in five.I was in and out quick. On the way back, I stepped outside to call Patsy. Needed to hear her voice. Needed grounding.I leaned against the brick wall, phone warm in my palm, smiling before anyone even answered."Hey," I said as soon as I heard breathing."Well hello there," John's voice came through, amused. "You sound happy."I laughed softly. "I am. Where's my girl?"There was a shuffle, then a familiar little gasp."MAMA!"My chest squeezed. "Hey, sunshine.""Papa let me stay up," Patsy said proudly. "We're doin' a puzzle."

"A puzzle?" I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt. "You're so smart."John's voice was close to the phone. "She's beating me, by the way.""That's 'cause you're slow," Patsy shot back, then giggled. "Mama, are you dancin'?"I laughed. "Maybe a little.""With Daddy?" she asked immediately.

"Yeah," I said gently. "He's right here."

"Tell him I said night-night."

"I will." I swallowed, pacing a step. "Are you being good?"

"Yes, ma'am," she said seriously. "Papa says I gotta listen."

"That's right," John added. "She's perfect."I closed my eyes for a second. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Mama," Patsy said, softer now. "But I'm okay."That nearly broke me."I'll be home soon," I promised. "I love you more than anything."

"Love you bigger than the sky," she replied, like she always did.John cleared his throat. "We'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart. Go have fun."I smiled, voice thick. "Thank you... for taking care of her.""Always," he said simply.The phone shifted again. "Night-night, Mama!"

"Goodnight, baby," I whispered. "Sweet dreams."The call ended, and I stood there a moment longer, phone still pressed to my ear, breathing in the quiet before turning back toward the noise.I paced the alley while we talked, the noise of the bar muffled behind brick walls and dumpsters.

That's when a voice spoke.

"Nice night," the man said from the shadows.I flinched, lowering my phone. "Yeah..sorry, I was just—"

"You're the governor's assistant, right?" His voice was sharp, clipped.I nodded, forcing a polite smile. "Yes, sir."

"And his daughter," he added.

"Yes." I laughed lightly, nervous now. "I am."His mouth twisted. "Must be nice. Power handed to you."

"I don't really—" I started, backing a step. "I just work for him."

"My taxes went up," he said flatly. "Even though I shouldn't be paying a damn thing. I'm fucking native you know?."

"I'm really sorry," I said quickly. "I don't make those decisions, but I hope things get better for you."I tried to step past him. "My boyfriend's inside—I should go."He moved fast."Don't," he warned. His hands shot out, slamming My back against the brick building. Hard."Please," I whispered. "I don't want trouble! I'll give you what you want!"

"I want fucking justice for my god damn people" suddenly His hand tightened around my throat. "You don't remember me, do you?"I shook my head, panic blurring my vision. "I don't know you." I gasped as I began to drown in fear. His hand slammed me by my throat, to the ground. His fists rammed my cheeks causing me to whimper out in pain. I pleaded. I begged. He laughed, low and ugly. "Figures."

"I swear," I said, voice breaking as I sobbed. "I don't—"

"I'll remind you," he snapped. He kneeled to the ground in-front of me. His knee sat on my gut, Refusing to all me to move. His large hands grasped at his belt. Yanking and prying it loose "No—please—" I cried. "Please, I'm begging you." My finger tips clawed at his skin screaming for him to stop. His face leaned close. "You always begged."Something cold slid through me. "What are you talking about?""High school," he said. "Off of 190 road."My breath caught my wed shit eyes stared up at him. Horror set in deeper. "No... no, that's not—"

"You remember now," he said, smiling. Suddenly my jeans were torn off my legs. I screamed out for help. His hands slammed against my jaw. I cried in the pain of my mouth bleeding. "I was a kid," I sobbed. "I was fifteen!!"He sneered. "And you never said a word." His pants were down. His knees pried my thighs open. I squirmed against his grip. I fought like an eel. My twisted my legs the best I could "Help!" I screamed. "Somebody help me!"He cursed. "Shut up!" He lifted my shirt, shoving it into my mouth. "You took my virginity you know that?" He groaned in a satisfied manner. I squealed my tears into the cloth. "Please," I cried again, broken. "Please don't!!"Then—suddenly—

"Hey!! HEY!!"

The grip between my legs and throat vanished.I heard a body hit pavement. Heard fists. Heard rage. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Walker roared.The man laughed breathlessly. "Get off me!!"Walker hit him. Rip's voice cut in, low and lethal. "You fucker!! You gid damn cock sucker!!." Walkers voice was angry. So angry. I have never heard such anger in his voice. I've never heard a man gargle on his own blood as bad as this. "Walker—" I sobbed. "Walker...please..."Walker didn't hear me.

"I'm gonna fuckin kill this son of a fucking bitch!!!" Walker screamed, "I will bury you so deep they'll never find what's left!!!" No one stopped him from his fists. No one. But everyone did stand around. The man coughed. "She—she knows me."Walker froze. "What did you just say?"Rip grabbed him by the collar. "Answer him.""She remembers," the man spat. "Don't you?"My chest seized as I stared at him with my black eyes and gory lips. "You remember me! I remember that nice tight pussy of yours!!" The man nearly cackled with his face beaten to a pulp. I whispered though my weak tears "It was him rip" I sobbed. "Him.." rips eyes grew stunned. He knew what I meant. Walker made a sound I'd never heard before—something broken and feral."You hurt her," he yelled. "She was fuckin a kid!" Rip struck him again this time breaking something in the man's face to make him gargle. "You don't get to fuckin breathe!! after that." The man screamed for mercy. Begging them all to stop. Teeter's arms wrapped around me. "Don't look," she said fiercely. "Don't look at him."

"I can't stop," I whispered. "I can't—""You're here," she said. "You're safe. I got you.""Please," the man groaned. "I didn't—"Walker snapped. "SHUT THE FUCK UP." Their fists never stopped flying. I don't remember standing up...

I remember yelling....

"Get away from him!" I screamed.

Rip looked at me. "Willie—"

I shoved past them. "Move!" With a rock I slammed it... I slammed it straight into his skull. I slammed his skull over and over without consciousness Walker turned, panicked. "Baby...no!!"My hands were shaking. "I remember everything!!" I cried with each swing. "Every night!! I couldn't sleep!! Every time I blamed myself!!."

"Willie," Walker begged. "Look at me!"

"You fuckers!!!"I gave one more good swing until I couldn't do it anymore. I sobbed a aloud as I could in defeat, out of anger, out of denial Rip cursed under his breath looking away at the faceless man. "Walker—"

Walker stepped in front of me. "Baby.. baby come on" "I needed him to stop existing!!" I sobbed. "I need it to stop!!"Walker grabbed my wrists. "No. No. Not like this.""I'm sorry," I kept saying. "I'm so sorry—""You didn't do anything.. mama.. hey..," he said, voice cracking. "You hear me?" He pulled me into his arms, dragging me away don the scene a bit. "I killed him," I cried. "I didn't mean to—"Rip swallowed hard. "Walker... we gotta go. Now."Walker pulled me against his chest. "It's okay. I've got you."I clung to him like I couldn't feel my legs. "Walk... please don't leave me." I sobbed hysterically. "I'm not going anywhere," he said, over and over. "I swear. I'm right here."Teeter wiped my face with shaking hands. "You're safe, baby. You did nothing wrong."Walker looked at Rip, eyes dark and unsure. "What do we do now?"Rip exhaled slowly. "We protect her. Same as always." Walker pressed his forehead to mine. "You're coming home with me."I nodded weakly. "I'm sorry."He kissed my hair, voice breaking. "Never say that again."

"I killed him" I sobbed.

...

The truck smelled like old leather and Walker.I couldn't stop shaking.My hands were locked together in my lap like if I let them go, something worse would happen—like the whole world would spill out of me and never go back."I killed him," I whispered.Walker's hands tightened on the steering wheel. "No, you didn't.""I did," I sobbed. "I hit him. I didn't stop. Walker—I didn't stop."

"You survived," he said carefully. "That's what happened."Rip's truck followed behind us, headlights steady, like a shadow that refused to leave."I'm going to jail," I cried suddenly. Loud. Broken. "They're gonna take me away from Patsy. I won't get to see her grow up."Walker pulled over so hard the tires kicked gravel. He turned to me fully. "Hey. Hey—look at me."I couldn't. I stared at my knees, my jeans still damp, still wrong."Willie," he said, voice shaking now. "Look at me!"

I did.

His eyes were red. Furious. Terrified. Devastated. Knuckles still covered in blood. "You listen to me real close," he said. "You are not going to jail."

"I killed someone," I screamed. "That's murder!"

"No," he snapped—not angry at me, angry at the world. "That was self-defense! That man tried to destroy you!  Again."My chest hitched. "I didn't mean to...my hands...Walker I couldn't stop my hands—"He grabbed my face gently, cheeks smeared with drying blood that wasn't mine. "That wasn't you. That was your body fighting to live."

"I'm a monster," I sobbed. "I'm just like him.""No," he said fiercely. "Don't you ever say that again!" I folded forward, breaking in half, the sound coming out of me not even human anymore. "I'm scared," I gasped. "I'm so scared." Walker wrapped me up, pulling me against his chest, rocking me like I was something fragile instead of something ruined."I know," he whispered. "I know, mama.""I don't want to be bad," I cried. "I don't want Patsy to think I'm bad.""She's never gonna know," he said, voice cracking. "She's gonna think you're the safest place on earth."I shook my head over and over. "They're gonna ask me questions. I won't remember. I don't remember half of it. What if I say the wrong thing?"

"Then I'll be there," Walker said. "Every second. You won't do this alone."

"What if John hates me?" I whispered.Walker pulled back just enough to look at me like I'd said something impossible. "John would burn the whole damn state down before he let anyone touch you."

I sniffed hard. "No he wouldn't..." that was the truth

"I'm tainted.."

His jaw clenched. "You are not."

"I feel like I ruined everything."Walker kissed my forehead. Then my hair. Then pressed his face there like he needed me to keep breathing."You didn't ruin anything," he said. "You came home."I hiccupped. "I don't feel like me."

"That's okay," he said softly. "I'll hold you until you do."

He started the truck again.

The road stretched out in front of us, dark and quiet, like it didn't know what had just happened.I curled into myself, voice small now. "Please don't let them take me."Walker reached over and laced his fingers through mine, holding tight like he meant it."They'll have to take me first," he said. "And that ain't happening."I closed my eyes hoping I would wake from gid nightmare