64. "Trophy and bruises"

I pulled away first.

Not because I wanted to—but because my chest felt like it might split open if I didn't. My hands were still curled in his jacket, my forehead resting against his collarbone, breathing him in like muscle memory. Like home I wasn't sure I was allowed to return to.

"This... this can't be easy," I whispered.

Jimmy didn't let go. His hands stayed steady at my waist, grounding. "I ain't askin' for easy."

I laughed once, sharp and broken. "That's the problem. Nothing with me ever is."

Silence stretched between us, thick and heavy. Somewhere inside the trailer, Patsy shifted in her sleep. The sound of her small breath through the thin walls snapped something inside me—reminded me who I was before I was anything else.

"I have a kid," I said, like he might forget. "She's my whole world. I can't afford to get this wrong."

"I know," he said immediately. "And I would never—never—come between you and her. Hell, Willie, I wouldn't even want to."

I looked up at him then. Really looked.

He wasn't the same boy I'd loved. He was quieter now. Worn in places that mattered. His eyes held regret, yes—but also patience. Something steady.

"And what about me?" I asked softly. "What if I fall apart again? What if I can't forgive the past?"

Jimmy swallowed. "Then I'll take what you can give. Even if it's not all of you. Even if it's slow."

That undid me.

Tears spilled before I could stop them, hot and humiliating. I turned my face away, but he followed, brushing them away with his thumb like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I waited years for you," he said quietly. "I can wait longer. I just needed you to know I never stopped wantin' you."

My knees felt weak. I pressed my palm to my chest, like it might keep my heart from jumping clean out of me.

"I'm angry," I admitted. "I'm hurt. I still wake up some nights thinking about everything that went wrong."

"I know," he said again.

"And sometimes," I whispered, voice cracking, "I miss Walker. Not just what he gave me—but what he represented. A life I didn't get to finish."

Jimmy nodded, no jealousy, no anger. Just honesty. "You're allowed to miss him. He gave you Patsy. That matters."

That—that kindness—was the final crack.

I sagged into him, sobbing now, the kind that comes from holding it together too long. He wrapped me up completely, chin resting on my head, rocking me like he'd done it a thousand times before.

Outside, the cold bit at my cheeks. Inside, my world was shifting.

"I don't know what this is," I said after a long while.

He kissed my temple. "Then let it be nothin' for now."

I pulled back just enough to look at him. "No promises?"

"Just honesty."

I nodded slowly.

"That," I said, "I can do."

Inside the trailer, Patsy stirred again, murmuring something half-dreamed. I stepped back, wiping my face, suddenly very aware of the night, the choice, the weight of it all.

Jimmy didn't follow me inside. He didn't push. He just smiled—soft, hopeful, restrained.

"I'll see you tomorrow. I've got a surprise for pat," he said.

"Yeah," I replied. ".. I'll see you Tomorrow."

As I closed the door behind me, I leaned against it, heart racing, hands shaking.For the first time in three years, the past hadn't stayed buried. And I didn't know whether that terrified me... or made me feel alive again.

The rodeo grounds buzzed like a living thing—music blaring from tinny speakers, the smell of dust and fried food hanging heavy in the air. Patsy clutched Jimmy's hand like she might float off if she let go, her eyes wide and sparkling as she took it all in."Horses," she breathed. "And sheep. And music." Jimmy laughed. "You like it?"She nodded so hard her curls bounced. "I love it." I watched them from a step behind, heart full in a way that made me cautious. Patsy had taken to the place instantly—like she belonged there. Like it was already a part of her.When it was time for mutton bustin', Patsy puffed her chest out like she was ten feet tall. "I'm not scared," she announced, tugging on the tiny helmet they handed her."I know you're not," i said softly, kneeling to her level. "But remember—hold on tight, and if you fall, you get right back up."Jimmy crouched beside me adjusting patsy's straps. "You ready to show 'em how it's done, champ?"Patsy grinned. "Yep."She climbed onto the sheep with serious concentration, tongue peeking out just a little, and when the gate opened—she flew. The crowd roared as I forgot to breathe.Patsy held on longer than half the kids twice her size. "God! I can't watch!" I placed my hands over my eyes while hiding my head in jimmys chest. Jimmy rubbed my back "look darlin! Look!"  I looked back up with squinted eyes, she finally tumbled into the dirt, laughing, she popped back up and raised her arms like she'd just won the Super Bowl.She had.The announcer handed her a small gold trophy, and Patsy cradled it like it was made of glass. "Mama," she shouted, eyes shining. "I won."I laughed aloud as she shook her prize, I dropped to my knees and hugged her tight. "I'm so proud of you!"  Jimmy snapped a photo, smiling like he'd never forget the moment. "Good job pat!!" Jimmy whistled, before he could enjoy patsy's win.. the magic cracked fast.A shout went up nearby—then another. Suddenly, a group of girls near the fence started shoving, screaming, fists flying. The noise turned sharp and ugly, panic rippling through the crowd. The woman who seemed to be angry moms ran for us. They had fist full of hairs along with nasty insults herding our way.

Patsy froze. Then she cried out of fear,Jimmy scooped her up instantly, turning her away from the chaos, one hand firm on her back, the other cupping her head. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I got you. You're safe."She buried her face in his neck, sobbing hard, little hands fisting his shirt.My breath caught. The way he held her—steady, protective, unshaken—did something deep and dangerous to my heart. It wasn't showy. It wasn't for credit. It was instinct.lee were quick to leave the event. Patsy sobbed harder "I'm sorry!" She cried. "Sorry about what tiger?" Jimmy questioned. I held her sweet sticky cotton candy fingers as we walked. "I didn't mean to make them fight!" She whimpered. "Oh baby! That wasn't your fault! Those ladies were just mean! Had nothing to do with you!" I reassured her. "Are you sure?" She questioned. "We're positive darlin" jimmy said with a pat of her back. "Let's get you home.."

Back at the trailer I ran Patsy a bath, scrubbing dust from her knees and shampooing curls while Patsy chattered sleepily about sheep and trophies and how loud everything was.Jimmy waited outside beneath the sagging awning, sitting in a lawn chair that had seen better days, hat tipped back as he listened to the hum of night insects."I love uncle skinny!" Patsy cheered. "Oh yeah?" I smirked. "Is he my daddy?" She asked. I frowned a bit quick. She has never asked me that before. "Uh..no baby.." "Where is my daddy?" She wheezed a rubber duck under the water until bubbles appeared. I let out a small sigh as I rinsed her hair with a cup. "Your... daddy lives in the big state Montana" I say. "Ohh I know where that is on my map! It's not as big as Texas!" She cheers. I laugh softly. "Nope. Not as big as Texas.."

"When will I see daddy?" She asked. I gave her a slight smile. "Someday babe... you'll see him someday.. now come on let's get your Jamie's on!"  After Patsy was tucked into bed, trophy set carefully on the shelf where she could see it when she woke, I stepped outside.I wore an oversized T-shirt and panties, hair loose, face bare. Comfortable. Real.Jimmy looked up—and swallowed.We talked quietly at first. About the rodeo. About Patsy. About nothing and everything. The air felt thick, charged.I leaned against him as I spoke "she asked me if you were her daddy.." I sighed. His head leaned on mine "ah..shoot... what did you say" "I told her the truth.. that her daddy is in Montana. That they'll meet someday"

Jimmy looked down at the beer cap in his hand "I think you explained to her well. Not much you can say to a three year old" I glanced up at him "three and a half! Exscuse you!" I laughed as I mocked my daughter. Jimmy laughed aloud "man she's a firecracker!" He gleamed. "The opposite of me. That's for sure" I bat my eyes up at him.. getting closer. "You're perfect" he whispered down to me. Before either of us could think better of it, i was in his lap, hands sliding into his hair, kissing him slow and deep—intentional. Heated. Familiar and new all at once.Jimmy's hands held me like i was something precious, like he was afraid to break the moment if he moved too fast. His hands shimmied up my shirt to squeeze onto my cheeks and hips. His fingers loved the skin on my body. Our kisses were calm and sweet, he left a trail down my neck. I knew he wanted my chest, he lifted my shirt, hiding himself underneath. I laughed aloud at him tickling my skin. "James!!" I hollered. "Just let me see" he grumbled from underneath the fabric. His lips kissed my breasts like it was his dying wish. My hand taking on as his mouth took the other. I tilted my head back letting a moan love from my lips. I can feel him... all of him down in his jeans. I wasn't sure if I was fully ready for him yet. I've never been with another man... at least in the normal way... his kissing and groping my breasts drive me nuts. But I had to peel away. I wasn't ready. "Wait.. James wait.." I whimpered. He released himself from my shirt. His beautiful blue eyes shinned up at me from the moon. "You okay?" He asked. I frowned "I'm so sorry.. I'm.. i.. I don't think I'm ready yet" I bowed my head. Jimmy sat up more in his beaten chair "hey.. hey! No big deal baby" he pulled my waist into a hug. "It's on your terms.. and your terms only" his hands placed on my cheeks to look at him "be like a cat. You come to me when you want to be loved. I'm not gonna force you and get scratched" he teased. I laughed aloud "I'm not gonna scratch you!" Jimmy kissed me again, deeply after I let out a good laugh. "I love that smile. And that laugh" he replies. "You wanna.. spend the night?" I asked softly. Jimmy shook his head "nope. But I'll be here first thing in the morning with coffee and doughnuts. Sound good?" He questioned. I smiled "patsy loves-"

"Powdered. I know. I'll make sure to get it right this time" jimmy smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow"