57 "the men i used to know"

I wake up to cold.

Not the sharp kind—just the quiet absence of warmth where it should be. My hand searches the bed before my eyes even open, fingers brushing wrinkled sheets instead of a solid chest, instead of arms that held me like I mattered.

Walker is gone.

I sit up slowly, pulling the blanket around myself as if that might replace him. The room looks the same—soft morning light slipping through the curtains, dust floating lazily—but something in it feels hollow now.

Maybe he had somewhere to go, I tell myself quickly.Maybe he went to work early.Maybe he didn't want to wake me.

I repeat it like a prayer while my chest tightens anyway.

He wouldn't just leave... right?

I swing my legs over the bed, standing there for a moment in my bare feet, listening. The house is quiet. Too quiet. No footsteps. No low voice. No guitar strings humming somewhere down the hall.

I swallow hard and dress slowly, each movement heavier than the last. By the time I leave my childhood bedroom, I've almost convinced myself that I'm fine.

Almost.

Downstairs, the kitchen smells like coffee and bacon. I pause at the bottom step, my heart jumping into my throat when I see my father standing at the counter.

John Dutton turns, surprise flashing across his face.

"Willie?" he says. "What are you doin' here?"

My hands twist together without me meaning them to. "I—uh. I stayed the night."

His brows lift, not angry, just stunned. "You moved back in?"

"No," I say quickly. "Just... just for one night. I'll bring my stuff later. I mean—I plan to. If that's okay."

He studies me for a long moment, then nods once. "You're always welcome here."

The words hit harder than they should."Sit," he says. "Have breakfast with us."I want to say no. I really do. My stomach is already in knots, and something deep in me knows what's coming before it even happens.But I nod anyway. "Okay."I follow him to the table. And there she is.Beth.She's already seated, coffee in hand, eyes sharp and amused the second she sees me. Fear crawls up my spine instantly, my shoulders tightening without permission.Casey sits beside her, Tate next to him, swinging his legs happily.I sit down quietly, keeping my eyes on my plate. "Well, look who crawled out of whatever hole she's been hidin' in," Beth says sweetly. "Didn't think you had the guts to show your face around here again."I don't respond. I focus on the eggs in front of me, on breathing evenly.Beth snorts. "Still silent, huh? Guess some things never change." "Beth," Casey says calmly, a warning in his tone. She waves him off. "What? I'm just surprised. Figured she'd vanish again like she always does."My fingers curl tighter around my fork. I don't lift my head. I won't give her the satisfaction.Casey leans forward slightly. "Knock it off. She's eatin'."Beth smirks. "You always did have a soft spot for her."

"Sure. I love my sister. My son loves his aunt," Casey replies evenly. "That ain't a crime."My throat tightens.Tate looks at me then, grinning like nothing bad exists in the world. "I'm really glad you're here, Aunt Willie." I glance up, startled."You look really pretty," he adds brightly. "Don't listen to Aunt Beth.."Beth scoffs. "Excuse me?"John clears his throat sharply. "That's enough."Tate just smiles wider at me, completely unbothered. I manage a small smile back, even though my hands are shaking under the table."Thank you buddy," I say softly.Beth rolls her eyes, but Casey shoots me a reassuring look, like he's daring me to meet his eyes, to remember that I'm not completely alone at this table.I eat quietly, every bite heavy, every second tense—but I stay.For my father.For Tate. And because leaving feels like letting her win. Even if my heart still hurts from waking up alone. Beth doesn't stop.She never does.I'm halfway through my breakfast when she tilts her head, eyes narrowing in that way that makes my skin crawl. She looks me over slowly too slowly like she's counting something I can't see. "Well," she says, voice dripping with mock curiosity, "you're lookin' a little... big these days." My fork freezes halfway to my mouth.I don't look up. "Big?" Casey asks, already irritated. Beth smirks. "Yeah. Puffy. Tired. Kinda like someone who ain't been sleepin' much." Her eyes flick briefly to my stomach before snapping back to my face. "Or maybe someone who's got somethin' weighin' on her."My heart starts pounding so hard I swear everyone can hear it. I tell myself not to react. Don't react. Don't give her anything.John frowns. "Beth." "What?" she says innocently. "I'm just observant." I keep my gaze glued to my plate, my appetite gone. My hands feel clammy, my chest tight like I can't get a full breath.Beth leans back in her chair. "You know, I've seen that look before. Women get it when they've made a real bad decision and don't know how to explain it yet."Casey slams his hand down on the table. "Enough." She laughs. "Relax. I'm not accusing her of anything." Her smile turns sharp. "Just jokin'. Right, Willie?"I swallow hard and nod, even though my throat feels like it's closing. "Just... tired," I manage quietly. Beth's eyes gleam like she's won something. "Sure you are."Tate looks between us, confused. "Why would Aunt Willie be in trouble?""She wouldn't," Casey says firmly. He looks at me, softening. "She's good. Always has been."Beth scoffs. "You sure about that?"John's voice cuts through the room, low and dangerous. "Beth. Drop it."For a moment, I think she won't. I think she'll keep pushing until I break right there at the table. But then she shrugs, lifting her coffee like a toast. "Fine. I'll save the jokes for later."Later.The word echoes in my head like a threat.I force myself to finish my breakfast even though my stomach churns. I don't say another word. I don't look at Beth again. I just sit there, quiet and small, doing everything I can to keep my fear from spilling over.Tate smiles at me once more before hopping down from his chair. "I'm really happy you're back, Aunt Willie," he says, hugging me around the waist without a second thought.I stiffen for half a second—panic flaring—then relax into it, carefully wrapping my arms around him."Me too," I whisper.As he runs off, I feel Beth's eyes on me again, sharp and knowing.

I leave the house as soon as I can.The air outside is cold and sharp, biting at my lungs as I breathe it in, but I welcome it. It's better than sitting at that table any longer, better than Beth's eyes drilling holes through me like she already knows my secrets.I pull my jacket tighter around myself and head toward the corrals. I don't even have to ask where Walker is. I just know. The ranch has a way of pulling people into their habits, their places.Sure enough, I spot him down by the fence line. My heart lifts for half a second—until I see who he's with.Walker stands beside Laramie and Ryan, tossing hay over the fence to the horses. Laramie laughs at something Ryan says, leaning just a little too close to Walker, her shoulder brushing his arm like it belongs there. Walker smiles, easy and familiar, like the weight of the world never touched him last night. Like he didn't leave me alone in my childhood bed before dawn.I stop a few feet behind them, staying quiet, waiting for a pause—just a breath where I can step in without interrupting.That's when Ryan smirks and says, loud enough for everyone to hear,"Hey, Walker, you hear about Travis makin' a mess in the bunkhouse last night? Damn near scared Willie clean outta her skin. Heard her jerkin it to her picture last night."Laramie laughs. "Yeah, I heard he couldn't keep his hands—or his mouth—to himself."My stomach drops.Ryan chuckles. "Heard Willie's got a real talent mouth wise ."The words hit harder than they should. Maybe because they're not funny. Maybe because they're not true.Walker laughs. Not loud. Not cruel.But he laughs anyway. It feels like something caves in behind my ribs.I stare at the back of his shoulders, at the familiar way he stands, the way his weight settles into one hip. I wonder if he laughed like that hours ago when he slipped out of my bed. If he thought of me at all when the door closed behind him. My throat tightens.I clear it anyway."Ahem." All three of them turn. Walker's smile fades the second he sees me. His eyes flick over my face, like he's searching for something—hurt, maybe, or accusation. I don't give him either. I don't know how. "Hey," he says carefully."Hey," I reply, my voice quieter than I want it to be. Laramie looks between us, curious. Ryan suddenly finds the hay bale real interesting.I shift my weight, hands shoved into my jacket pockets, heart pounding."I was lookin' for you," I say softly. "Thought I might ask... where you went this mornin'."The air feels heavy after that. Like everyone knows. They giggle from the fence.I keep my eyes on Walker, waiting—for an answer, for honesty, for something that tells me last night meant more to him than a place to sleep. I swallow whatever's rising in my throat and force my face to stay neutral.Walker scratches the back of his neck, eyes dropping to the dirt."I couldn't sleep," he says. "Didn't wanna wake you, Willie. Figured I'd just head out early."Ryan snorts. Laramie covers her mouth, giggling like it's the best joke she's heard all morning."Real gentleman," Ryan mutters.My chest tightens, but I nod anyway. I even manage a small smile."Yeah," I say quietly. "That makes sense." It doesn't.But I pretend it does.Walker shifts his weight, uncomfortable now. "I gotta get back to it," he says. "Horses ain't gonna feed themselves.""Right," I whisper. "Work."He hesitates, like maybe he wants to say more. He looks as if he wanted to take my sad eyes into his arms. He doesn't. He turns back to the fence, back to them, and I walk away before anyone can see how badly my hands are shaking or how fast my tears could be falling

⸻

That night, I shove my clothes into a duffle bag like they've personally betrayed me. Socks, jeans, shirts—nothing folded, nothing careful. I just need them gone. I need me gone. I look around the bunk to find walkerWalker's bunk is empty.My chest aches again."Hey Lloyd," I ask quietly, my voice barely steady, but I use a sweet smile "you seen Walker?" He doesn't look at me right away. That tells me everything."Outside," he says finally. There's something in his tone—guilt, maybe. Or regret. I nod. "Thanks."I step out into the cold night with my duffle bag on my shoulder. the smell of smoke hitting me before I even see them.The fire's burning low but steady. Orange light flickers across two bodies far too close together one nude on top of the other. Walker.Laramie.She's laughing, her hands on his chest. His mouth is on hers. Her leg hooks around his. His hands slide to her waist, familiar. Easy. I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe the truth was right Infront of me. Something inside me snapped I don't remember dropping the duffle bag. I don't remember walking closer. I only remember the heat on my face, in my blood—as I grab a burning log from the fire.You fucker!" I scream. Laramie barely has time to turn before I swing.The log hits her shoulder. She shrieks, stumbling back. I swing again, rage blinding me, moths of pain pouring out of my hands."Willie! Jesus Christ!" Walker yells.He rushes forward, grabbing me from behind, wrenching the log from my grip tossing the chard wood to the ground. I fight him like an animal, screaming, sobbing, breaking apart in his arms. "Let me go!" I sob. "Willie! Stop!"He spins me around, eyes blazing. "Are you out of your goddamn mind?!"

"I hate you!" I scream. "I wish I never touched you! I regret ever meeting you!"His face crumples. "Willie—please. Please—" "Fuck you!!" I swore. I never did that. "I fucking hate you!!" I sobbed as his hands reached for me again "Willie! Stop!" I slap him. The sound cracks through the night like a gunshot. His head turns with the force of it. He doesn't touch me back. He just stares, stunned, hurt written all over his face."I hate you," I say one last time, my voice shaking. "Don't ever come near me again! I hope it was worth it!!.Then I turn and run and I don't look back. I was hysterical. My face was soaked with tears I didn't know what to do. So went to the only place I knew to go. My chest burns, my vision blurs, and the world feels like it's folding in on itself. I don't stop until I'm standing on Rip's porch, my hands slamming against the door like it's the only thing keeping me alive."Rip!" I scream. "Rip, please—open the door!"I'm sobbing so hard I can barely breathe. I pound again, my fists aching, my knees threatening to give out beneath me.The door finally flies open.Rip stands there in his pajama pants and a T-shirt, hair messy, eyes wide with confusion that turns to shock the second he sees my face."Willie—" he starts. I don't let him finish. I collapse into him, clutching his shirt, crying like a child who's lost her way home. "I need you," I sob. "Please—I need you."In seconds, I feel his arms around me."what baby? What is it? Look at me peanut what is it?" He pulls me away a bit for my eyes to meet his. He pouted at my sadness. "He.. he cheated on me" I cried. "He broke my god damn heart!!" I sobbed even harder, hands shaking against his shirt. Rip sighed. Heavily. Then he peels me off. Firm. Cold."Alright," he says. I stumble back, stunned. "R-Rip...? He won't look at me. His jaw is tight, his hands clenched at his sides like he's holding something back. "I told you," he says, voice low and hard. "I told you when you got mixed up with Walker—don't ever come cryin' to me when he breaks your heart." The words hit harder than anything that's happened tonight if at all. Rip was my everything. Like a father. "I—" My voice breaks. "Rip, he.. he hurt me real bad. I'm. I—"

"I don't care," he snaps.

I stare at him, disbelief washing over my fear. "You... you don't care?"I step toward him again, crying openly now, desperate. "Please. I don't have anyone else. Please—"

"I told yo ya long time ago. I told you he was going to do this but you didn't listen"

That's when I see her.

Beth stands at the top of the stairs, wrapped in a blanket, watching us like it's a show she paid to see. Her eyes are sharp, satisfied.Something inside me ignites.

"This is because of her!" I scream, pointing up the stairs. "That's why you're acting like this! Because of that whore!"Rip's head snaps toward me.

"Don't you ever call her that," he growls.

I'm shaking, crying, completely unraveled but I also feel mad again. "She is a whore! She's poison! She's—" I don't finish the sentence. Because something unbelievable took place. Ng mind couldn't fathom...

Rip hit me.

Hard.His fist connects with my mouth, and the world goes white. I feel myself lift, then crash to the ground. Pain explodes across my face. Warmth pours down my chin.I taste blood.I lie there, stunned, staring at my puddling palm. I was trembling in shock. I stared up at him, my upper lip split open, blood soaking into my shirt. My body won't move. My mind can't catch up. I've never been more afraid of him than I am right now. I've never been scared of him. Ever. He was my daddy. The only pops I had.... But now he's gone.. I don't know the man Infront of me...

Rip freezes.

"Oh God," he stutters. "Willie—no—Jesus Christ."He drops to his knees, reaching for me. "I didn't mean—I didn't—come here. Come here, peanut. Please."Even Beth looks horrified now, her hand flying to her mouth.I scramble back instead, terror screaming through me. I clutch my bleeding mouth, my hands slick with red."D...d..Don't touch me," I whisper while my body tries to standing up quick enough. "Peanut.. baby.. no come here.. I'm so sorry.." rips guy wrenched. I didn't care. I didn't even notice. I reached for the door nob, forgetting it's a push not a pull. I force myself to my feet and bolted

The firelight blurs as I run past the bunkhouse. A group of hands are clustered around Laramie, someone holding ice to her shoulder. No one stops me. No one dares.Walker looks up.His face drains of color when he sees the blood on me. "Willie—what the hell happened?" he shouts, rushing toward me.I don't answer.I grab my duffle bag off the ground, clutching it to my chest with one arm while the other presses against my mouth."Willie, stop!" Walker follows me. "Please—come back. Please!"I don't look at him.I reach my car, fumble the keys, my hands shaking so badly it takes two tries. Blood smeared all along the drivers side door, I get in, slam the door, start the engine.Walker reaches the window. "I'm sorry," he begs. "I'm so sorry. Please—don't go."I don't say a word. Walkers eyes widened at the window as he could see my lip split deeply into two.  I throw the car into gear and peel down the gravel driveway, dust and darkness swallowing me whole. The ranch disappears behind me.And this time, I don't look back.Never to be seen again at least for a very long time....