53 i am the dog

2011

Willie 16 rip 29

"Where are you headed?" I asked rip as he shoved his feet into his 'nice boots' "To the bar with Travis. You remember Travis right?" He asked me. I rolled my eyes "yeah... I remember Travis" of course I do. He's the biggest prick I've ever met. Rip chuckled "what's wrong with Travis?" He sat up from shoving his boots on hunched over. I sat on the steps of the Forman cabin next to him. "Only the lord knows what's wrong with Travis" I hugged my knees as I stared out at the sky changing colors.  "You just don't know him well enough peanut. He hasn't visited here in a few years. You just gotta get on his good side" gently he moved my hair from my shoulders to my back. He smiled at my frowning face. "Why. What's up darlin?" He asked. "I was just wondering what you were up to is all" I shrugged. Rip frowned as he knew my issue. "I just don't want to be alone..is all.." 

"You're sixteen or else id take you to the bar" he laughed slightly. "I know..." I spoke very softly. It had been exactly a year since those boys took the only thing that could ever be important to a young girl. They took it and violated it like a dying flower. Ever since then a peice of me was never the same. I was scared of everyone and everything. The only person to care for me and know what had happened to me was rip. He saved me from it. He is who I wanted to be around. "Change of plans old pal. We're going to the rodeo to pick up whores and horses" Travis shouted from his truck as he sped in like a mad man. Rip stood up to greet him with a manly slap of the hand and hug. "Is that the plan?" Rip questioned. "Damn straight. I've got bottles in the back too. SoThis ain't a sober night" Travis spoke to rip like a true friend would. He then glanced over rips  shoulder at me, Who sat like a sad puppy in the rain. "She ain't taggin along is she?" Travis was already complaining. He let out a long groan. Rip glanced back at me with a sympathetic look on his face. . "Ohhhhh come on rip. She isn't your damn problem. You can't like she is your god damn dog or somthing" Travis smacked his shoulder as he tried to change rips mind. "It's been rough for her Travis. I don't want to leave her alone"

"Seriously wheeler?" Travis scoffed. "You're gonna make me do this? When did you become so fucking soft?!" It stayed quiet for a moment before Travis began to walk to his truck "come on then!" He shouted with annoyance. Rip looked back at me with a smirk. I held a frown as I knew I wasn't welcomed. But I did follow anyways. I climbed in the back seat with a few of Travis friends Davis and colt. They side eyed me like I was a troll or something. "Hi" I say shyly with a smile. They nod at me before colt says "why is there a kid here?" Travis held up his hand for silence. "Don't fucking ask. Let's just get some broads. Eh?" I scooted as close to the door as possible just so I didn't make anyone uncomfortable. "How old are you?" Davis asked. "I'm sixteen" I say. "Jesus. How are we supposed to do anything with a kid here trav!" Colt complained. "Hey! She's cool. There ain't nothing you can't do with her around! We ain't baby sitting. She's just tagging along" rip defended me. "Bullshit rip. We're baby sitting!" Travis cackled at him. "You won't even notice she's here!" Rip said. "You're right. Cuz she doesn't speak a word!" Travis moaned. "Isnt that a great thing?" Rip reached down into his lap to open a bottle of whiskey. He sipped it waiting for an answer from Travis. "Let's just get some tail" he grumbled before getting out of the truck. The rodeo was a very large arena in the middle of a dirt road. There sat food venders and bleachers. Nothing more nothing less. It wasn't the biggest rodeo around but it was still popular. "Fuck you travis!!" A random girl blurted from across the event. "Imma get a lot of those tonight" Travis laughed aloud "yeah. And how many of them got their DNA inside them?" Rip questioned following laughter. "All of them is my guess" Travis had more than a lot of luck with the ladies. They crawled all over him. They dive bombed him like a pack of wolves. I'll never understand why. To me there is nothing less attractive than a man that treats others like dirt. For some reason I myself attract men like that. Only difference between these woman and me, is that they go searching for a heartbreak as I try to repair my heart break.

It was a busy night that night. Busier than ussual. I watched as the game began. Travis and rip stood on the sidelines. The riders would win money for Travis as they would use his well trained horses. Even the barrel racers used his horses. Each night Travis would make thousands of dollars. Travis doesn't just have talent, he has brains, he has loyalty to the game, loyalty to his friends and to his animals. I leaned on the gate with rip and Travis. Travis already had two busty brunettes on his arm as rip had one jet black haired woman on his. I've seen that woman before. She comes around from time to time when any of the cowboys get lonely. The girl Each wore daisy dukes and new looking boots with tassels on them. I was jealous of them. More jealous about their confidence than the way they looked. I was jealous of how they could love and fondle a man without feeling disgusted. Those girls began to get handsy. They drove those men wild like wild broncos. I avoided looking at the girls to give them as much privacy as they needed...I guess that kind of stuff made me very uncomfortable. I looked around us as the intermission hit. I watched people move around to stretch their nervous legs or get food from the random food vendors. I watched as people grumbled about losing bets or losing girlfriends to cowboys. The rodeo was a tough world for most people. The rodeo wasn't meant for everyone. A lot of it was to get laid but most of it was to win money. I liked it for the game. I never focused on anyone else... Other than this time, I was on edge. I was scared of the world around me... Through the mist of people I could see a few familiar faces. Specifically ones from school...evil ones from school. They caught a glimpse of my long blonde locks, piercing blue eyes and pale ivory skin. I was terrified. Although I saw them at school all the time, I knew I wasn't safe in public with them, At school they had some sort of eyes upon them. Here... they don't. They have free will. I bowed my head quickly. I was hoping they didn't see me quick enough. "Rip?" I asked quietly. I ruffled at his shirt while his hands roamed a woman's breasts. "Rip" I said still in my soft tone. "Do you mind? He's occupied" the black haired woman looked me from my boots to my locks. Her eyes were devious. "Sorry.." I say. "What is it will?" Rip huffed. I hesitated to speak knowing the woman he was with was already upset with me "can.. can I see your hat?" I asked. Rip furrowed his brows. "I guess?" He tossed his hat from his head before diving back into the woman's chest. I tilted my head into the hat to hide my face. The hat was on the larger side but I was hoping it would help my case. I glanced around in an eerie manner. I didn't see them. I couldn't see those people anymore. I thought maybe they had left and I was in the safe zone. I stared around me for a long time. I looked for the four girls. Two of them with their boyfriends. I made sure I couldn't see them anymore. I thought maybe I should probably tell rip. Maybe I should tell him I'll be in the truck. At least I can lock the doors that way. Yeah... let's do that.. but then I  noticed rip was gone. He wasn't next to me anymore. None of his belongings were even left behind. The only person I could see was Travis and his girlfriends. I moved closer to him. I was desperate to make myself feel safe again. I shoved My shaking hands in my back pocket when I suddenly had a sick feeling in my gut. "Travis.." I spoke softly "Travis where did rip go?" I asked. Travis glanced down at me "of course you'd like to know where your owner went pup" his eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head as he stepped past me to lead his girls to the truck we arrived in. I followed close behind him. His friends stood around the truck with other woman, almost like they were waiting for Travis, Like their plan was to simply JUST pick up girls all along. I followed them like the dog he said I was. "Where are you going?" I asked. Travis opened his truck door to load in not just his friends but each of the girls they picked up. "God. Don't you have a fucking bed time!?" He snapped as he shut the door for his passengers. "...n..no" I frowned. I was worried for rip. I tried hard to look in his truck. I then caught a glimps of rip inside. "Are.. are we leaving?" I asked as I was more than willing to leave than ever. "WE! are leaving" Travis grabbed onto his car door. "T...Travis! Travis you can't leave me here" I panicked. "Oh! You're right! Silly me! We will be back in 15 minutes tops!" He cheered. I was even more scared than before. I stepped closer to him "Travis please don't leave me here you gotta listen to me" I begged. "15 minutes scar face! 15! I'll be back" he nodded.  My heart began to pound. It's almost like every face that passed me wanted to gut me. My voice cracked Anxiously as I  hugged myself "please.. Travis.. please come back" I pleaded in my soft gentle tone. "I will. I promise"

"15 minutes tops. Okay?"

"Okay! Got it! If you're so worried take this!!" Before Travis leapt into his truck he tossed me a sharp box cutter that held a silver handle. Travis then slammed the door. "Travis!!" I called out. "Holy shit! What scar face! What!!" I gulped down my fears as my eyes began to well "f..fif.. fifteen minutes tops.. okay?" I asked for reassurance. "Okay! Fifteen fucking minutes Willie! Grow the fuck up would you!" He reved his brand new trucks engine loudly. "Fifteen" I repeated for safety measures. "You know will! Them boys wouldn't have done that to you if you weren't so dumb. So gullible!" Before I could react to his words they sped off faster than they arrived. I frowned heavily..My eyes widened at his words. That must mean rip told him my secret..Am I that gullible?... I must really be that weak..because here I was. Frozen in fear. I pushed my back against a car as I watched everyone having a good time. I held the box cutter in my sleeve for easy access. Slowly I tucked myself away between other cars that were parked in a dirt parking lot. I was counting those fifteen minutes... but those fifteen minute turned into an hour... then two hours.. before I knew it the rodeo was over. People were packing up to go. I kept my back against a random truck to make sure no one came up behind me. It seemed I may be out of the clear as the cars lined up and lit up the parking lot causing a traffic jam. The headlights and taillights were so bright i had a hard time seeing anything. But my hearing... was fine... "Well well. Look who we have here! Ain't it William Dutton the whore!" A tall, fatter native girl said. I knew her. I hit her with a lunch tray last year. Her brothers beat me up to do the unthinkable. "Where did your cowboys go? They leave you all alone?" Suddenly one of her became two. Two became four... four became six. I Clenched in my trembling fist around the box cutter ready to strike. "I.. I don't want any trouble.. just.. just leave me be" I begged for mercy. "I love when you beg like a dog" one said "I.. I didn't.. do anything... I.. I'm just.. I'm just trying to get home" I whimpered. "Awe! Are you gonna cry William? Are you gonna cry!" I flinched my body as they swung at me to yank rips hat off my head. One grabbed my long hair as the others yanked at my shirt. I don't know what happned.. but i froze up. I dropped to the ground. It's like my body went into shock but I felt as they tore at my shirt, they began to yank at my pants. Their claws clawed at my skin as they grabbed me by the collar of my torn shirt. "Enough! Stop!" I shouted..They began to slam their first strongly against my skull one at a time. It was mostly the girl I hit the year before.. she was so angry. He hands grasped my hair to slam my head against the dirt. I yelled for help but All I could see were red taillights shining in my eyes. The girls faces were red with evil grins to them.. "Rip!" I screamed for help. Their hands held over my mouth as their knees held against my chest pinning me to the dirt. "Get off!!" I cried out "get off me!" I struggled as cars honked around us as they could see a small girl getting beaten up between the traffic jam. "Shut up! Here!! Take this!!" The girls hand was filled with rocks and dirt. Her hand shoved against my mouth to fill it. I spat out the natural muzzle as I fought back with my hands clawing at her to get off my chest. Cars honked even more around us trying to get them to get off of me. Or to get out of the way.  The natives laughed at me like birds in a cage when they grasped at my body in more ways than one. I had enough. I reached for the knife that slide underneath a truck. I grabbed the knife tightly in my bruised knuckles before I slashed the girl straight across her arm then Again on her cheek. She gasped. She stumbled off of me as if I just shot her "what the fuck!!" She screamed in horror as she stared at her severed arm. Her blood oozed from her cheeks like a fountain, her eyes were wide and horrified. the cries from her friends made it seem worse than it was. Her blood poured from my hands down to my elbows then all over my clothes. "fuck her up!!" The girl screamed. Her boyfriend turned to catch me but I was already gone With not just my own blood oozing out of my face but her blood dripped down the knife. I knew I had to ditch the knife. I had a deep dark feeling they would call the cops. I sqeezed my way between cars that waited in long lines to leave the event. I stumbled over and over just trying to get away. Soon enough I ran through the grass,I threw the knife into the field I ran across. I ran as fast as I could so they couldn't catch me. I knew if I ran across the street into the corn fields they couldn't see me ... but That's when I was hit with tires screeching that held bright head lights infront of me. I duck down to the ground to cover myself for impact. The huge truck stopped in its tracks. A man got out "miss Nelson?" Lloyd hollered. I looked up as if I was looking at Jesus himself. "Lloyd!?" I was shocked. "Willie what are you doing?" Jake, whom was leaving the rodeo with Lloyd spoke up. "Get me home! Please! Please Lloyd I wanna go home!" I didn't hesitate to climb in his truck. "What happened?" Jake leaned over the front seat to look at me as I trembled he saw I had tears streaming down my swollen face as I stared out the back window of the truck with so much fear in my gut. "I hate girls. I hate them" I cried "I wanna go home Jake. Please Lloyd!" I pleaded. "I'm goin baby. I'm goin. Just relax. Just breathe" I stared out the window the whole ride home, I wanted to make sure no one was following us. they weren't. I was scared to go back to school now. There was no way I could ever return. If they could they would've killed me right then For being white...For being frail...For being weak....When pulling up to the bunk house I saw Travis truck first. Then I saw girls. Then I saw the boys hanging outside of the bunkhouse. Some were playing around, some were sitting on tailgates with beers and horse shoes in hand as They were living it up like it was their last day on earth. Gently I closed the truck door. I hugged myself to get myself to stop shaking. I was so angry But my anger always turned to tears. I stopped in my tracks as everyone watched Lloyd and Jake walk up. "Peanut?" Rip stood up leaving his beer on his seat. "What happened?" He was quick to confront me. I stared up at him with saddened eyes. "....where did you go?" I whimpered like a beaten puppy. Rip bowed his head "I got caught up with a few things" he excused. "Damn scar face! Is that your blood or someone else's?" Travis cackled. I was afraid of somone asking me that. "I.. I.. I didn't want to hurt her....honest!" I panicked. Travis seemed taken aback as rip seemed even more concerned. "What happned will?" Rip asked. "You promised me fifteen minutes!" I shouted to Travis. Travis rubbed the back of his neck. "You could've walked!" He defended. "Jesus Christ travis!" Rip shoved him away from me a bit before pulling me closer to him. "Tell meWhat happened Willie. All of it"

"I.. I just wanted to go home! That's all I wanted! They were so mean! I had to hurt her! I had to! I didn't want to!" I sobbed. Behind rip and I stood all of the bunkhouse listening in on what had happened to the teeny tiny farmers daughter. That when my father's voice roared up the hill. "Willie!!". We looked behind me at the figure of my father's angry form migrating to us, with flashing lights behind him. My eyes widened. "No.. no.. no! No!" My small blood stained hands grabbed rips shirt. I pulled him in-front of me to hide from the truth. Rip held me behind him with no hesitation. "Willie! Are you fucking kidding me!" My father roared. I hid my face against rips back as I listened to his voice Getting closer and closer. "Sir. I think you should hear her out first! She's real hurt!" Rip called out to him. "Don't you be telling meHow to raise my child rip! Hand her over!" He demanded. "Sir.. she's been beaten up.." rip frowned with his hands rubbing upon my arms as I quivered behind him. "She stabbed a girl rip! I highly doubt she's in worser shape son" I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard those words. "You stabbed someone?" Rip questioned down to me. "...it.. it wasn't like that.." I cried. "Give her up wheeler" Donnie, the towns sheriff spoke as he stood beside my father. Rip frowned as he pulled me out from behind him. "No! Rip no!" Rip pulled my arms off him as I was pawned off to my father and sherif. The sherif placed his hands on my shoulders as he asked "who gave you the knife". I didn't answer at first. My eyes stared at the officer. It didn't seem the officer was upset. He seemed more concerned. Most likely because I was a minor. "Willie this is very important. If you just tell me who gave you the knife I won't have to haul you in" My eyes shifted over to Travis who seemed worried almost giving me a look of Revengeance . I didn't want him to get in trouble. He was just trying to help. "I've had it for a.. a.. a long time.. I.. I don't know where I got it from" I bowed my head like a guilty dog. The officer scanned around at the cowboys who were a bit shocked I even had the balls to do such a thing. Donnie panned to my father to tell him that I had to be taken to the station and that the girl I attacked was pressing charges. My father was extremely annoyed along with disappointed by my actions. He allowed the offers to take me up town. "Now don't make this hard. The more you struggle the more trouble you will be in" Donnie spoke to me calmly. "She won't sir.. she's a good one.. she's quiet.. very smart. But very very shy sir" I heard rip say from outside The cop car.  I had a lot of tears peeling down my cheeks to the point that my cheeks were sticky with dirt. "They hurt.. they hurt me first" I sobbed as my hands were being tugged behind my back to be handcuffed. "We will ask questions later darlin..." Donnie said as he moved arms. "I'm so sorry daddy" I cried in his direction. My father didn't seem to have an emotion on his face. It just seemed he wanted to go back to bed "I didn't want to hurt anyone" I wept on the backseat of a cop car "I didn't! I.. I swear!" My red and blue puffy eyes watched Travis who was watching me with a sick look to his face. He knew what he had done but never even apologized for it. He never really spoke to me again. Only teased me. He showed me no sympathy after that.... The native girls ended up dropping the charge after Jamie was able to get multiple eye witnesses to take my side. Even the runners of the rodeo saw what happened. They were all on my side. My father refused to press charges on the girls who hurt me. He said something about ruining his image even though his image was always standing for what was right. At the end of it all I would still have to go through highschool with these people, somehow I'd make it out of highschool alive. Only thing made was really mental and physical scaring. Constantly I would be bullied and ridiculed by those girls. I was the butt of their jokes, I felt almost like a beaten dog on a leash. That's all that I was, Travis and even rip knew it too. I was just a dog. If you beat a dog once all you gotta do is show them the whip. I was weak....