39 "the one in the white hat"

The bunkhouse was empty due to everyone back at camp after the rodeo. All who was left was Lloyd, walker and I. Lloyd was quick to strap his boots off to head to the showers before bed. Once I got my boots off at the door I walked to my bunk. "You're in my bed" I said to walker. He glanced up at me with his sorrowful frown. "This is my bed. Unless you're asking me to be in yours. Then that's fine" he smirked very slightly. I smiled soft. "No. I mean that is my bunk. I moved in here a couple weeks ago" walker looked puzzled "you mean the farmers daughter doesn't live in the giant mansion anymore?" He sat up from his bunk, taking his hat off his chest. I shook my head "nope. Now move" I smacked his rear with a pink pillow as he stood up to move to the bunk across from me. "What for?" He asked. I shrugged "alot had happened while you were gone" I eagerly shimmied my jeans off as I was tired of having anything on at the moment.  "Like what?" He asked again. I didn't wanna tell him. I didn't even want to think about what happened. "Let's just say it was terrible and leave it at that. At least terrible to me" I adjusted my bra strap as I quickly changed my shirt. Walker looked around the room "who are you rushing for? Not like I haven't seen you the way you really are before"  I glanced back at walker as he was staring at my bruised body. "I don't like to get dressed Infront of anyone" I mumbled. "You just did" he smirked leaning back on his hands as he slouched on his bed. "It ain't like I haven't been IN you before" he snickered. I frowned as I didn't acknowledge his comment. "What's with the bruises? The cuts too?" He asked as he reached out to graze my skin to get a closer look. I quickly moved from my touch as I threw on my most comfortable clothes possible. "...like I said. A lot happened while you were gone" I sat down on the bed as I looked up at him. He looked a bit concerned with his eyes welted with his think brows. "Like what" he asked again. I can feel myself shutting down again. I wish I had my own room so I could break down and cry. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. But I couldn't. My father knew that too. That's why he kept me here. I just simply shook my head at his question before turning my back to him as I laid down. He watched me with a frown. "Will?" He spoke softly. His hand placed itself on my torso as it rubbed sweetly. "Will.. did I say something wrong?" He sounded worried. "Walker how bout you have a seat. Just sit down. You ain't gotta be all up on her and touching her" I heard rip call out as he slammed the door behind him. I could almost hear walkers eye roll as he sat back down on his bunk. "Here's the plan. You. Regardless are stuck here for the rest of your fuckin life. So what I'm gonna have you do starting tomorrow morning is you're gonna ride with me for a long while. Imma be watching you like a hawk you understand me?" Rip pointed at walker as if he was a child in trouble. "Yes captain" walker sighed. "You wanna play sarcasm? I'll beat that sarcasm right outta you"

"No fightin on the ranch I thought rip" I spoke up as my back was turned. I could hear rip growling. "And stay the fuck off her. You ain't corrupting her" rip was real stern. "Looks like you've already corrupted her" walker said. "Oh yeah? You think so? How's that?"

"Well based off them wounds and bruises you have written on that baby dolls skin I suggest fighting on this ranch is the least of your problems" walker leaned back on his bed as he watched rip as if he just called him out of something serious. Rip let out a livid laugh "ohhh you think that was me? You think I went out of my way to beat a little girl senseless?" God why does it always end up to be about me. I curled up more in my bed. This time with my hands over my head as they yelled. "I could see you doing something like that. Yeah"

"Ask around before you go spitting some disgusting shit like that you fuckin punk! 4am! Tomorrow morning I want you both out at the barn. No later than 4 mother fucker" rip stormed out of the bunkhouse following the slamming of the door. "Son of a Bitch" Walker mumbled...

.....

Early in the morning rip had us travel all the way down to camp. We traveled for a couple hours before seeing tents and horses lined up along the plains. Walker trotted next to me with his eyes not leaving my sights. He was the first to leap off his horse. He held the reins in one hand then held out his order hand to help me off my stead. I got off my horse to allow the animal to graze for a while. "Hey! Will!" Casey called out with a wave. With the slight smile I met up with him at the river. "Whatcha doin kid?" He asked. "I'm not sure. I was forced to be here" I shrugged. "Sounds like your entire life" Monica said. I nodded my head "I'll get over it soon enough" I looked down at the river as it was just a soft simple stream right now. Every Rock was smooth and covered in slippery film. Tate playfully wondered the waters looking for cool stoned and creatures. He looked lively. He looked peaceful. "He's looking good" I say. "He's doing real great. Almost like nothing happned. Although he has night terrors. That I can't fix" Monica sighs as she held open a page in her book from blowing closed in the slight warm wind. "I can definitely relate with that. Although I can't relate with the 'like nothing ever happened' part.. that I'm jealous of" I said with slight laugh trying to entail a joke. Casey smirked slightly. "He wouldn't be in such good shape without you" he told me again. I really didn't want to be reminded again of the event. It's as if Casey thinks he owes me something. "Casey? Are you gonna remind me of that event every time I see you?" I asked. Casey sighed. ".....i feel responsible" he said. "Why?" I asked "well... if I was there.. he would've never gone outside. Neither would you.."

"What difference does it make dwelling over it Casey? You can't change what happened just get over it" I said bluntly. "Are you over it" he asked in pure honestly. I frowned. "...I don't want to talk about this.." I stepped away from him as I stepped over some long patches of grass to the many tents that were pitched for the week. My father sat under a tree as he drank from a canteen. ".. hey daddy... how you feeling" I said softly. He glanced up with a sun filled squint. "I'm alright. But shouldn't I be asking you that question?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders.  "Is there anything I could do?.. you know.. earn my keep" I glanced away from my father as I was too scared to look him in the eyes for too long. "Last thing I need you doing is fucking up this herd. So why don't you hang back and keep an eye on Tate... that is if you can handle it" he said with strong sarcasm almost like he was mad at me for what happened. Almost like he was mad at my anger the night I returned home. I bowed my head with more shame than he would ever realize. "Yes..sir.." my father stood up to to join the men herding in the distance. Sadly I looked down at the scabs on my palms as I picked at them. "I see that boy In the white hat is very fond of you" Monica says as he moved to stand beside me. I squinted up at the men as they worked. "Hm?" What did she mean? "The one with the beard. In the white hat" she nudged me as if we were geeky high school girls. I looked closely as walker continued to glanced at me every now and then. I shook my head "...that's old news" I said as I leaned on a nice shaded tree. "Old news? There was news in that department? Since when?!" She cheered with excitement. I waved my hand Infront of me as I was too bashful to look up. "It.. it was a mistake. It should've never happened" I say. "Willow you dirty dog! What did you do with him?" Her smile was huge as she was so excited to know details. "One night,.. about two years ago I was upset over a few things. He sat there and talked to me for a long while. One thing leads to another.. ya know.." I was embarrassed to speak about it. I cringed at the talk of sex or anything sexual. But Monica was like a sister that cared. "You did it with him!?" She squealed as she shook my arm "willow!! You are more wild than I thought!" She laughed happily trying to lift my spirits. "What makes you say that?" I questioned as my eyes wondered around the open range Infront of us. Monica shrugged "I always saw you a a sweet girl. Not very promiscuous. You know.. a.. like a.. you know"

"A virgin?" I glanced at her as her shoulders eased back with my correct guess. "Right.." she nods. "He was my first.." technically... I tried to forget things happened. "He was?" She was shocked. I nodded my head again "and my only.." I looked back down at my healing palms that were now more of a callous. "What happened did you guys break up?" She sat down beside me in the grass. "...he wasn't who I thought he was.. he used me.. just to get his rocks off.. kinda like most men"

"No Willie. Not most men.. most cowboys"

I looked at her then looked back at Walker whom was making eye contact with me. He grinned bigger than I've seen in awhile. "He may be a diffrent story" Monica smiled. "I know Casey was a different story for me" I wondered if she was right. If he was diffrent. If his heart was placed on the right side this time. I was also terrified of heart break. I knew regardless of what he truly wanted I was going to allow myself to be used.. just as long as I felt the slightest amount of love possible..