37 "dreams hit the floor"

"You can go see him now. He is a bit groggy. But he has a lot of recovering to do" I held my shaky fingers in my palm as I twiddled. "What.. what kind of recovery does this come with?" I asked. "He may need to lean to walk again. At this moment he can't even move his toes. Give him time. He will make it out pretty well" the doctor said calmly. "Thank you sir" I said with a sigh of relief. I was worried about him. I was worried about the state he was in. I was even more worried about the feelings he may had lost for me. After speaking with the doctor I made my way to his room. I held a handful of dandelions behind my back as I knocked. After knocking with no answer,  I opened the door. "Hey jimmy. How are you feelin? I spoke to the doc. He said you'd be okay" I held a large smile "You just have a lot of work to do. But you ain't gotta worry about that baby. I'll take care of you" I held the flowers while closing the door behind me a bit "I have good news too darlin, My dad is going to-" I looked up from the mucky colored tile floor to see that same brunette girl from the rodeo, on top of jimmy with no clothes in at all. They was riding him like a bronco. I nearly gasped at the sight. "Do you mind!!?" She shouted aloud. I bowed my head "I'm.. I'm.. I'm so sorry! I.. I'm.. I'm just here to see jimmy.. I'm.. sorry" I covered my eyes with one hand as the other hand was holding my freshly picked weeds. "Will?" Jimmy sounded surprised. More embarrassed than anything. "We'll get out!" She shouted. "Jimmy.. what.. what happened to.. to.. ugh.. I'm sorry" I kept my head down as I felt door the door knob of the door."Willie... I can explain" jimmy whimpered. "No.. it's.. it's okay.. I.. I understand" my body was directed to the door by the girl. She was quick to  snatch my flowers from my hands as she pushed me back out of the room after putting her clothing on Just enough to be proper. "You brought him weeds?" She said as she looked down at the seedlings falling to the floor. I frowned. "It's.. it's an inside joke..ya know.. he will...he'll understand"

"Look. I don't mean to be pushy. Cuz I have no idea who you are.. but are you his girlfriend or something?" She asked with more annoyance than curiosity. "Did.. did he say I was?" I asked. "No. He hasn't said a word about you. But you do keep appearing" I looked down as I rubbed my arm uncomfortably. "He.. he works for my father.. that's all,. I'm just checking in on one of our employees. I was.. just giving him the news that my father.. will... will be paying his.. his medical bills" I didn't look her in the eyes. I felt very intimidated. I also didn't want to embarrass myself nor jimmy. "I'll relay the message. Thanks." She looked at the sad bouquet in her hands. "These.. these do not make much.. much sense anymore by just being the stems.... Sorry about that" I took the stems from her as all the wishes were shaken to the floor. She looked me up and down. "You're a Dutton?" She asked. I nodded. "I've never heard of you" she said. "I get that a lot" I looked down at all my dreams on the floor as they were stepped on by her. "You seem to care about jimmy a lot" she said. I nodded "just... let jimmy know I came by..Okay?" I left that hospital as slow as I came. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I left. My heart dragged on the floor behind me. I drove home crying up a storm. It nearly made me feel sick. Almost like someone died. Someone close to me. But how come I knew that feeling? I've never lost a soul....

....

The next morning I woke up to an empty bunkhouse. Not a soul to be seen. I got up, got dressed my usual routine. "Will?" A voice called form the bunkhouse as I braided my hair  in the bathroom. "Yeah?" I peeked my head out of the bathroom door. "You're still here?" Rip says as he walked over. "I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be to be honest with you" I tied the end of my braid as he leaned on the wall to watch me from the open bathroom door. "Everyone went down to camp. Where have you been?" He asked. "I spent all night at the hospital waiting for news about jimmy" I said. "And?" "His broke his spine. He will probably have to learn to walk again" I looked down at my long hair as I spoke. "Shocked you're not there now" he crossed his arms in a nonchalant  manner "I would be if I didn't find some slutty barrel racer on top of him" rip blinked in a puzzled way mostly because I went out of my way to call her a slut. "I told you these cowboys are assholes Willie" he shook his head. "I know rip. That's why I ain't crying to you about it. And I ain't crying at all" I said bluntly. "In my opinion I'd say fuck jimmy"

"I don't care about your opinion" I playfully patted his head teasingly as I moved past him. He smirked "listen. Your family and everyone else are up at the east camp. I can get you up there if you'd like. Or you can stay down here and do some simple chores" he gave me the two options. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm staying up here. I gotta buy some heifers for this season. So I'll be at an auctions if you wanna tag along with Lloyd and I" i thought for a moment before I  nodded my head. "I'd rather do that" "Alright peanut. Gets your shit together and let's ride. I ain't got all day" .....I got my things for the day then loaded up in the backseat of rips truck. Lloyd sat in the passenger seat as usual. "I'm shocked you ain't with your love bird jimmy" Lloyd said. I rolled my eyes "he ain't a love bird. He isn't anything to me anymore" I looked out the window with Sort of a pout. Lloyd looked at rip as rip looked at Lloyd. "Oh really!?" Lloyd seemed intrigued. Probably because he was banging  that brunettes best friend. "It wouldn't be because of that barrel racer would it?" I perked up "so you saw the way he looked at her too?"

"Like a blue tick hound seeing a poodle in heat!" He nodded. I scoffed "that whore has it coming to her a swear" I crossed my arms angrily. Rip cackled "whore? Wow! She's using them fightin words Lloyd!"

"I be damned miss nelson! I've heard many potty mouths in my day but yours isn't oneOf them!" Lloyd chuckled as she shifted his sunglasses down as the sun shifted in their eyes. "She said slut earlier too" "Slut too? Jesus wills. It doesn't make her a slut if she was just talkin to him" he looked back at me. "I caught her banging him in the hospital bed!"

"Oooo...ssshhhit yeah. That may be an issue" Lloyd hissed his words. "I mean who does he think he is! He thinks with his.. his ya know!"

"I told you to stay away from them cowboys will. They'll only hurt you" rip repeated. "Or knock you up. Or Both" Lloyd replied. Rip shot his head at Lloyd "but that wouldNever happen" Lloyd winked at me. I was miserable. I gave that boy a lot. I gave hik my everything...Just to be tossed into the dust. I thought it would Be worth it in the end. Having a good heart only gets you killed. Luckily I was able to get my mind off of jimmy for awhile. The auction lasted hours. From dusk until dawn. Seeing the same cattle over and over again made me bored as hell, but that was the job, it was all apart of the job. Each animal would be trotted around in a pen then purchased at the highest bid. My father requested a total of seven to be bred. So we did just that. He also requested a hearty bull, that's where I came in. I could tell a well beefy bull from the look of it. Each animal was well over $700. I guess that's the price you pay for something well bred. It's the price you pay  to put food on not just your table but the country's table. After hours at the auction we finally loaded up in the trucks again. We began our four hour trip home with a trailer loaded with cattle behind us. Lloyd sighed in the front seat as he stretched. "Let's go home kids" Lloyd grunted. Rip glanced back at me to check in "how you doin little lady" he asked. "I'm starving" I said. "You? Starving? Well ain't that a first" rip snickered. "Are we gonna be amazed by that or are we gonna get some food?" 

"Okay hangry. Hold on a damn minute. I'll find a spot to eat"

...

After a long time of driving we found a bar on the way back in town. We stopped for a few drinks and a bite to eat. I of course never drank so I ordered a coke "can I also get a basket of Fries" rip then handed the bartender a $20. The bar tender nodded his head before passing a note to the kitchen. "You know that's not really a meal" rip stated. "You know you smell like manure, right?" I glanced over at him with a smirk on my face. "You wanna walk home?" He teased. "Alright you two. Enough of the bitchen" Lloyd sipped his glass of whiskey. "Why don't you have a drink miss Nelson. Get that boy off your mind" 

"He isn't on my mind"

"Sure he is. You nagged about him all the way to the auction"

"I have a right to be pissed" I looked around at the back at the bar where a band was cleaning up their instruments  for the next act. "Sure you do sweet pea" Lloyd tapped the top of the bar to signal  for another drink as he began to talk with rip. I scanned the large room as the mics on stage were being tested then tightened to height. I grabbed my cold glass of coke as I moved a bit closer to the stage away from the bar. I sat down at a cocktail table where I was alone as per usual. I stared into my drink like it was a tv show. I poked the ice with my straw to entertain my saddened lonely mind, that until I hear a low, raspy sad voice playing Infront of me. I looked up at the rough guitar that strut a deeply depressing song as the bar began to empty. It was late. 1am at most. People had left or scattered. All that was left was me, the stage, my cold coke and.. Walker... who played the saddest long I have ever heard....