33 "still not good enough"

My hot open wounds laid aching on the freezing cold window as Ryan pulled into the driveway of the Yellowstone ranch. He drove past the house, past the barn and straight to the bunkhouse. The pain I felt coming from my skull was intense. Just when I thought the things my sister had done to me as a child hurt... this was worse. I didn't care about my palms..or my scrapes and bruises. If I had to care I'd care about the gaping wound on my head from the mirror I smashed... But at this point I was much too tired to care about anything. Weakly I laid there. The cool window soothed my thoughts. Ryan got out of the car for a few moments. I could see his figure outside talking to someone but my vision is much too blurred. My door was finally opened by a a few figures. "Jesus Christ miss Nelson..." Lloyd gasped. Ryan turned on the dome light in the truck for Lloyd to look closer. "You gotta call her daddy about this one Ryan. This is important" "No! No.. no don't tell my daddy. Please. Don't" I held the blanket closed as I shivered in the cold wind from the open door. Lloyd sighed. "Call rip.. close enough to her daddy" he shut the door to keep me warm. I laid my head back down ready to shut my eyes. I knew I was going to be prayed and picked at all night. I needed so many stitches from what I could see and feel I was a mess. "I was leaving when don stopped me. He asked if I knew her.  I didn't even recognize her rip. I thought she was just one of the people we took out to get to Tate. I'm warning you. It's bad" Ryan followed close behind rip as he ran towards the truck. "Fuck do you mean! Why the fuck was she there!?" I could Hear in his tone he was angry. "I don't know. She hasn't said much rip. She's terrified. I'm warning you. It's bad rip"  Rip was quick to open the door to confront my weak body. His eyes widened as he peeled his hat off his head leaving it on the dashboard of the truck ".Jesus Christ peanut" slowly he held up my hand. He didn't want to touch me to hurt me but he did wanna hold me as tight as he could. "..what did they do to you baby" rips eyes were gleaming.. nearly tearful. Mine were already streaming with tears. "Don't tell my daddy" I wept. "Ffffuck!" He spat as he raged outside the truck. I could hear him tossing things around angrily. "I didn't even get to look that mother fucker in the eyes when he died either!" He was yelling through gritted teeth near the back of the truck. "That mother fucker!" I listened close as he moved away not to startle me. "What's going on?" I hear my father's voice approach. "Why are there cowboys banging at my door waking up my grandsons?" I coward down when hearing his voice. Jesus Christ I was scared now if I wasn't before. "Tate wasn't the only one taken sir.. your daughter.." rip said as he pointed to the truck door where I still sat by myself. "They did something to Beth?!" My father was concerned. He jogged to the truck door to look me in the face. I avoided eyes contact at all costs. I held myself under The blanket with my head hung low. My father didn't say a word. He just sighed heavily. "They tortured her sir.." rip was trying to calm down. I can tell by his breathing. "Torture" my father scoffed. "What you just got a littleBeat up? Did ya?" My father's finger tilted my chin up. I could see in his eyes he was worried, but his hateful ego wouldn't let it show "I'll call you a doctor. You'll be alright" I didn't speak a word. I was to shamed to. I held out my palms to show the open gashes. I wasn't just beat up. "What's that from?" My father asked. I glanced over at rip as I was too scared to speak. Rip stepped closer to look at my damages. "...glass.." I began to speak my usual soft and sweet but trembling "a man tried to use me. Hurt me.. ..so..so I fought back by breaking a mirror with my head and slabbing him" I wiped my eyes as I was hiccuping through words. "I didn't... I didn't want to daddy. But.. but he.. he was gonna rape me and hurt Tate" I began to sob again uncontrollably. My chest was tight again. I gasped for air. My father hated when I cried. "You were with Tate?" My father perked up "yes..I protected him for two days... I shielded his eyes from everything daddy! Everything! I killed two men trying to hurt him with some stupid glass.....those...those guys stripped me naked and chained me to a wall daddy. Tate didn't get a scratch. Ask him" I sobbed harder to him "ask him daddy!" "He came back with a shaved head. You couldn't have stopped them from doing that!?" My father was angry at me. Out of everything I've said he is worried about a damn head of hair  "Okay.. I think the doctor is on his way. Let's get you to your room huh darling.." rip stepped between us as he could see I was getting upset with my father who gave not a care about the shape I was in "yeah. Get her to bed. Give her time to think about what she could've done better" my father scoffed again with a head shake. I watched him over rips shoulder as he rip was preparing me to be picked up "I saved him from rape! I saved him from fucking murder! And this!! This is what I get!!" I began to yell. I never swore. Nor ever yelled. "You want a sticker? How about a lollipop for doing what you're suppose to?" My father stood with his cocky arms crossed. My fists clenched up as if there was no pain anywhere on my body. "I hate you! I hate you!!" I screamed. I dove at him with angry fists. "You're an evil man!! I hate you!! I hate this place!! You're a piece of shit!'" I screamed with tears bursting from my face. I was breathing so hard I could pass out. My father stood back as rip held me down on the car seat. "Wills! Wills! Baby! Relax!" Rip was quick to hold the falling blanket against my body as I tried to break free with rage he held the blanket around me in a hug trying to keep me calm "I'd love to stab you with that god damn glass you sick bastard!! I wish it was you! I wish it was you falling off that god damn horse you useless man!!" My father looked angry. Livid. He could shoot me if he had a gun. But he seemed to understand my anger. "Get her to her room. She's distraught rip.. she needs help" my father could see the blood pooling down my wrists and now my forehead, as furrowing my brows, and clenching my fists with anger broke open my crusted Open wounds above my eyes and palm. "I hate him!!" I screamed. Rip held my face in the crook of his neck as he held me close "I know baby..." he stoked my filthy blonde hair "I hate his fucking guts!!! I hate him!!!" I screamed even louder against his clothing. Rip picked me up so gently. He carried me to the house and into it. I sobbed against his body like a little girl to her daddy. "What happened?" I hear Casey speak from the living room. "Willie?" Monica's voice sounded concerned. "Rip what happened?" Casey followed to the bottom of the stairs as rip carried me up. "Ask your son Casey. This isn't the time".....