28 "makes the eyes pop"

It was about 5pm when I sat underneath an oak tree to study my books. Each chapter I  read was nothing new. I was reading about hematomas in horses. It was simple. Not rocket science. A blood vessel bursts into a blister like pocket of blood on the top layer of the skin. Or worse in an organ. Everything I've read I've known before. I've read these books when I was bored as a child, it's just review at this point. Reading this book over again made me bored as all hell. I glanced up at the breezy tall grass in front of me. The warm air chilled my tiny bones. I closed my eyes for a moment to feel what a flower would feel on this type of day. I basked in the sun like a sweet little lizard on a rock. I was soothed. I was at peace. No one could break my peace...That until I heard the pump of a shot gun. I frowned heavily as I stood up to slowly peek over the tall waving weeds. There I saw my older brother Jamie with a shot gun in his mouth as he sat in the grass between two pine trees. I panicked. "Jamie! Stop! What are you doing?!" I spoke calmly not to disturb him. He didn't even look at me. He just flinched slightly at my voice. "Go away Willie" he sobbed. I stood closer to him as his shot gun was held gently in his lap but still guarded by his suicidal thoughts. "Jamie. What's going on" I asked sweetly. "I've made mistakes that I can't take back. I've ruined the family name" he said. "What did you do?" I was alarmed. "Willie. Just when I thought you ruined this family, I came along and wreck it to shit!!" He sobbed. "What could you have done that's worse than me?" I asked. Jamie looked at me with his nostrals flared as his eyes glowed hot pink. "Just that" he mumbled. I was taken aback for a moment. I stepped a bit closer. "So that means you take the pussies way out?" I spoke in a manner I never usually do. He looked at me with furrowed brows and a shocked expression "what?" He scoffed. "Jamie for fuck sakes. You think you're the only murderer on this property? Either you kill yourself or daddy will. At least you'll die with balls if daddy does it" I spoke so sweet and soft but so aggressive and realistic. Jamie sniffles a bit more. "I don't know what you did. Or why you feel this way but...." I reached down to gently take his shot gun "but you need to man up a bit. Face your problems instead of running away from them. If you're gonna off yourself because daddy doesn't love you... welcome to the damn club. You don't see me putting a bullet in my head. Get over it" I slung the shot gun over my shoulder then held out my hand. "You need some freedom. Maybe some discipline. Unfortunately I don't think daddy can forgive whatever the hell it is you've done" Jamie took my hand standing himself up. "I think if you killed yourself we would be in a better place" He whimpered. I didn't necessarily react to him. I just directed him to the house. He wasn't wrong. That's where we both saw my father watching us just yards behind us. Jamie bowed his head. "Pathetic" John said "I don't know what the fuck you've done. But I will make sure you know you belong to me" my father walked Jamie down to the house. "Willie. Let rip know he's got a bunk mate. Work will be your therapy for a long while. Okay son?" Jamie agreed. So did I. I walked away from the two to walk into rips house. It was quiet other than rip washing his dishes. "Hey peanut" rip grumbled. I didn't say much. I sat down at his counter to watch him clean. "Hungry?" He questioned. I shook my head. "Figures" he smirked. "What are you up to?" He patted a wash cloth down on the edge of the sink to dry before leaning back on the counter top across him me. "What did Jamie do?" I asked. "Whatcha mean?" "Rip I'm not a little girl anymore. What did Jamie do that you know about?"

"It's none of your business" he crossed his arms. "It's is now. I found him with a gun in his mouth out in the field. I have every reason to question" I say with a stern tone. Rip sighed. "If I told you you'd be an accessory to it"

I lifted my shirt showing my brand "already am" I say. "Don't get me started with that Willie. I'm pissed off about it. Speaking of that! How could even let walker near you? Are you stupid? What if he knocked you up? Then what? You'd be sent out on the street. Is that what you want?"

"Don't change the subject rip! I'm not talking to you about my sex life. Now tell me Why did I had to pull a shot gun from my brother's mouth?"

"I don't know Willie. There was a reporter. That's all I know"

"A reporter?.. man.. my dad gonna kill him ain't he?" I looked down at rips socks as he sighed. "Not if he doesn't have to" he patted my knee before going back to his dishes. "He asked you to recruit Jamie to the bunkhouse. I think he thinks it'll put Jamie back into his place" I tucked my dark faded hair behind my ears. "Alright. I'll have it done" he grumbled back into his dishes. Silently I kicked my feet as I sat on the counter. My fingers danced with each other as I was a bit anxious. "I mean it when I say stay away from walker wills" rip said with a heavy tone without laying eyes on me. "It was a one time thing rip. It isn't gonna happen again" I say quietly. "Why'd you do it?  Couldn't you have waited until you were married?" He sounded heart broken like a father would've been to find out his daughter was getting around with the neighbors son or something. "I was used up long ago rip. I don't have any innocents to save for marriage"I looked down sadly. He glanced over at me with painful eyes. "Willie.." he sighed, but before he could finish his sentence...I watch Beth step through the door like she owned the place. Her eyes stared me down like a hawk. She was ready to strike. "The hell you doing in here?" She growled. "..I.. I was just leaving" I said softly as I hopped down from the Counter to scoot past her. "Beth. Don't start" rip spoke up. I was quick to leave the house, Beth was quick to follow me out to the porch. "I need you to stay away from rip. You got that? He isn't your friend. He isn't your buddy. He sure as hell isn't your fuckin father!" She yelled quietly at me with her finger out straight with discipline. I watched her with nothing to follow up on. I stayed quiet. "Stay away from him or I'll make sure you're fuckin dead" I was so scared. Her evil scowl reminded me of a creature from the Harry PotterNovels. You know that nasty guy without a nose. I could see her beating me in the back of my mind. I can see my tiny face being split open by that dumb toy in the reflection of her eyes. I knew her rage then... I know her rage now. I didn't agree with her. I slowly stepped away. Her figure followed me. "Did I fucking stutter? Did you fucking hear me!?" She shouted. "Beth! For fuck sakes!" Rip whipped open the door making my soul leap out of my body. Beth looked at rip "I'll speak to my sister how I like. Your relationship with each other is freaking me the fuck out! You two fucking or something!? Huh!? Answer me that!"

"You don't have to be insecure" I say softly. I realized quickly my remark that I thought was reassuring was far from friendly. Beth was quick to shove me off the back of the porch. Her fit of rage caused me to land arm first before my small body followed. I felt a quick snap of my arm as I slammed to ground. A let out a loud gasp following a painful whimper. The pain shot up my entire arm like a firecracker blasting across the ground. The pain was so unusual. "God damn it!!" I heard rip shout. "How fucking old are you Beth!?"

"Clearly not fucking young enough for you! Any idea how old she is!?" He rushed down the porch steps to my side. I was quick to stand up. "I'm not touching him!" I held back my tears and frustration as I held my arm. "What a pussy!" Beth shouted. I held my arm behind my back. "I'm.. I'm okay!" I was biting my lips so hard I could chew it off. "Did you hurt yourself?" Rip questioned. "Nope.. I.. I just.. I just knocked the wind out of me is all" I was holding back my break down. I was so exhausted by this woman who has tormented me my entire life. "I'm.. I'm gonna go fetch... fetch Jamie" quickly I jogged off holding my arm like a football. I was sure I snapped my bone. Tears strung down my face as I shuffled into the barn where all my used hand me down vet supplies lingered. I was sobbing to myself as I laid my arm down on a table. I was quivering at the pain. "Aunt willie?" Tates small voice came from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder. "Hey buddy. Whatcha doing?" My voice was quivering as I was holding in all the pain I was experiencing. " I came to see bird. What are YOU doing?" He sat down on an old beaten up chair beside me. "Well.. I'm.. im trying to figure out what I did to my arm" I said. "What did you do to your arm?" With curiosity he leaned his hand on his cheek with interest. He watched me with so much engagement I couldn't help but smile through my pain "i.. I fell off bird. I felt my arm snap" I say. Tate gasped then laughed loudly "oh that's so sick!!! Can I see!?" The young boys humor roared from his gut. "Here" I slipped the X-ray up at the light in the barn. I could see my radius had snapped completely in half. "Wow!" Tate said. Even Tate could see the snap. I could've nearly fainted. The pain was so bad I could barf. That's if I had anything in my stomach to barf. I laid my head down on the x ray machine in defeat. I was dizzy. I felt so sick I wanted to lay down. Tate stopped laughing. "Aunt Willy? Are you okay?" He placed his small hand on my well arm. I nodded. "Yeah.. it just hurts.. I don't feel too good" I reassured him I was okay. He smiled "want me to get my mom? She'll know what to do" I shook my head. "I got it buddy. Thank you though" slowly I began to wrap my arm as I held it in the placement of the bone being together. I could feel the bone rubbing against each other with a puzzle piece clicking sound. I was holding my breath as I held back sobs and screams as I rearranged my arm. God this pain was terrible. I slammed my foot down to try to distract the pain. "Jesus Christ!" I whimpered. Tate watched with a worrisome look, but also a look of pure curiosity. I began creating a splint, a cast that would normally be used for animals but now I will use for humans. "Wanna pick a color for my cast?" I asked with following a sniffle and a pat of my wet eyes. Tates worried mind switched quickly. "Oh! Broken bones are so freaking cool!" He looked at my rainbow selection of wraps I had owned for awhile for the horses, but I end up mostly using them for the cowboys. "I pick theLight blue one! They match your eyes!" I glanced at him with a large smirk "god. You kill me kid" I smiled sweetly at him "you're just as sweet as your father" I say. "Is your arm going to be okay aunt will?" I held my extremely sore arm out to the sweet boy. "It's much better now" I smiled softly. "I like the blue. Don't you?" "You made a great choice darling" I pulled him into my skinny torso for a hug. His small arms wrapped around me completely with ease. I pet his shaggy hair back to see his soft eyes "What's going on in here?" Casey stepped into the lit up barn from the darkness of the night. "Aunt will snapped her arm in half! I almost saw a bone!!" He cheered. "You broke your arm?" Casey peeked over his nosey son to see my cast. "Yeah.. I fell"

"Fell how?" Casey questioned . "I fell.. ya know on the ground" I began to clean up my mess before anyone could get mad at me for leaving a mess. "Well no shit you fell on the ground. How?" He asked again but more stern. "Off rips porch. I tripped. No big deal" "What did you trip on?" God he was on my case. He knew me much too well. "Tate. Your mother's looking for you. You should head inside to get ready for bed"

"But I wanna get to the story about the broken arm!!" Tate whimpered. "Now Tate" Casey pointed his fatherly finger to the door. His son did as he was told slowly, but surely. "What happened to your arm Willie" Casey leaned on a stall as he interrogated me for answers. I sighed. I was weak. "Beth shoved me off the porch. I landed wrong. It's my fault. I wasn't being kind" Casey laughed aloud in a sarcastic manner "the last thing you should be doing to her is being kind. When will you stand up for yourself?" He grabbed my casted arm to examen it. "I try to stay away from her" I glanced down at the cast. "You could try harder by leaving here"

"I can't.."

"Why can't you?"

"I owe daddy money" I said. "Money? What money?" 

"A couple thousand.. I needed to help somone.."

"What happened to your savings?"

I looked down at my feet. "I just wanted to help someone"

"Willie! You're gonna be stuck here forever!" Casey was getting agitated. I knew it wasn't at me. He was getting mad at my actions. "I'm stuck here anyways" I spoke softly as I cleaned up my medical mess. "You're not. He has more than enough money. He will survive without it. You need to get out of here. You'll never be happy here. You're gonna die here alone!" He was speaking more harsh now. "I'm branded Casey! I can't go anywhere without the consequences!" I crossed my arms. Casey shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you'd do that to yourself. You fucked your life up. You know that?"

"Says the one who got away! Who said he'd come back for me!"

"I told you I was sorry!"

"You left me here! I'm stuck here because of you!"

"How is it my fault you killed people and branded yourself to get the fuck away with it! You've always been dad's pet! You've always pleaded to be liked by him! When will you learn he doesn't give a shit about you!? No one does! No one ever will! When will you open your fuckin eyes!!"

I was stunned at his loud voice. The voice spoke my heartbreakingly truth. I bowed my head with shame. I screwed my life up completely. "I'm sorry Willie but you're a damn idiot! An idiot!! You let them push you around like a damn lawn mower! You're stupid!"

"I am not stupid!" My voice whimpered as I always ended up crying at loud voices. "Yes you are. Now you're gonna die here. And honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it was Beth who killed you. You're a pussy willow. A whimp!"I bowed my head once more. He was really upset. I've never seen him more mad. I was scared to make eye contact with him. I should've never said anything to him. "Maybe you belong here. You belong here to be unloved and uncared for. You may just deserve it!" I bowed my head as I wiped my tears. "I..I know.." I whispered. "Do you know!? Do you!?"

"Willie. You never set up Jamie's spot in the bunkhouse" rip interrupted as he stepped through the barn doors. He stood in the middle  of the barn with his eyes squinted with confusion. I tucked my arm behind my back. "Oh.. sorry I got side tracked. I'll be right there.. I'm sorry" I spoke gentle and sweet as usual QuickRing hiding my red feared eyes. "What's behind your back?" Rip was quick to question. "Nothing. I'll be right there rip"

"It isn't nothing. Why don't you show him?" Casey called me out. I kept my head down. "What is it?" Rip stepped closer. "You might wanna control your dog rip" Casey made a mistake talking to rip like that. Rip glared at him "fuck are you on about?" Rip crossed his arms. "My sister. Your dog. Keep it on a leash" Casey quickly yanked my casted arm up into plain sight. I yanked away from him hiding it back behind me. "You said nothing happened willie! What the fuck!" Rip looked shocked. His eyes were wide with guilt inside of them. "It was.. it was just an accident.. I know she didn't mean to hurt me" I said faintly. "That's bullshit will! All she wants is to torture you!!" Casey raised his Voice even louder. I bowed my head. Rip didn't really defend me. "That's a stretch Casey. They're sisters. It's what they do" rip held out his hand to chill Casey out. Casey scoffed "look at her fucking face rip! She was scars on her face from Beth trying to kill her as a kid!! Listen man if you have a fuck about Willie you would've stood up for her today. But you didn't. You're pussy whipped" Casey growled. "And you're not? Your wife only allows you over here when you need money or something. If Willie's life was so bad here, where were you to protect her? Leaving her alone at 12 to be locked away in her bedroom when she was being scolded"

"This ain't on me!" Casey spat. "Please! Stop! I'm a grown woman! I am in control of my own god damn life! What's gone on in the past is no one's fault but mine! Would you two stay out of my life!? Stop trying to control it and change the past!! You guys sound stupid! You're not my fucking dad!" I shoved past them both. I stayed away from most people for a couple days. I refused to speak to Casey or rip. It was best for me to stay in control of my own life. Even if I don't really have control at all.