4. Brett 21 / Eddy 19

2 years later.

Eddy is not quite 20 yet but Brett turned 21 today.

Brett just had his 21st party. Eddy crashed at Brett's. Brett's parents were away so they had his parents house to themselves.

Eddy had an air mattress set up for him as usual on Brett's bedroom floor but they were lying side by side on Brett's bed since they were still tipsy and giddy from the party and wanted to keep chatting.

"Brett, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"...no"

"Shit, you're not lying either."

Brett grabs Eddy's hand that was on his cheek.

"No, I am not lying Eddy. I would never lie to you, I couldn't even if I tried, not with this."

"Sorry Brett, I didn't mean to accuse you of lying... I suppose I couldn't either. Lie to you, that is."

"..It's okay, I know you weren't accusing me of anything. I mean, just when would I have the time, Eddy? We've practically spent every free weekend together since we were like 8, 9 years old."

"True. But Brett, aren't we like supposed to have girlfriends by now?"

"Well, I suppose if you wanted one, sure, why not. Did you have anyone in mind, Eddy?"

"...This girl asked me out today at your 21st party."

Brett's heavy eyes suddenly opened wide. He glanced towards Eddy without moving his head whilst asking in his calmest possible tone of voice.

"Wow, Eddy. So... what was she like?"

Who was she?

Brett remembered there were a couple of girls at the party asking Brett about his best friend.  They all said he was kinda cute and seemed nice.  What a bloody understatement that was!!

"She seemed nice. But I can't tell you what she looked like."

Brett snorts.

"What, you didn't ask if you could find out, like you asked me when we first met?"

It's one of Brett's most fond memories with Eddy. The memory of 8 years old Eddy's hands; gently touching his 9 years old face. Eddy's hands were much smaller and softer back then, he didn't even have calluses on his left fingertips yet.

"...No, I haven't done that in years.  I'm surprised you haven't noticed that I no longer randomly ask people if I could touch their faces."

Brett's memory of that moment suddenly felt even more precious.

".. What I can tell you about her Brett is that she was a bit shorter than you, used Pantene shampoo and she liked gin and tonic like you do."

"Wow. Impressive."

"Not really. I don't have any idea what she's like as a person."

Brett closed his eyes. Eddy's disinterest on the matter brought Brett partial relief and partial confusion as to why he was relieved. ...And Brett must have had some other part of his brain that was up for some sick self-inflicting pain.

"But Eddy, how would you know without even trying to get to know her?"

..OMFG, what am I trying to do, convince Eddy to go out with this girl? Am I nuts?? Why am I doing this ?

"..Do you think I should try to date her ? I don't know, Brett."

"Why not ?

" It just doesn't feel right. I have my music ..and I have ..you? I'm so familiar with these two, y'know. I don't feel like I need or want anything else."

"Wow, I'm .. flattered.. Thanks."

"Like, how long is it going to take me to get to know her as well as I know you?"

Hmm, like 12 years ?

"...I see."

"Do you really, Brett?"

Eddy's voice sounded sharper than usual.

"..Eddy ?"

Eddy turned his face towards Brett. He'd learnt over the years that it expresses seriousness in what he was about to say.

"Can you really see anything, Brett? Like, make any sense of any of this ??"

Eddy's voice trembled.

"Eddy? Are you okay..?"

Eddy harshly stammers. "Because I can't see any of this stuff!"

His voice then went soft, he was barely audible.

"..And for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm blind."

Brett's widen his eyes as he shook his head in confusion.

"Eddy, now that may possibly be the dumbest thing you've ever said."

Eddy cries out.

"Brett !! Damn it, I'm serious!!!"

"OMG Eddy, I'm sorry.. hey.."

That was Brett's cue to invite Eddy to nuzzle into the crook of his neck. Eddy rest his head on Brett's shoulder and Brett wrapped his arm around Eddy's head and held him in close. Brett would normally let Eddy listen to his voice but since Brett was completely lost for words, he just gently hummed for a while.

"...Brett, all those years ago, you asked me when we first became friends if I was scared of the dark. Do you remember that ?"

Brett raised his eyebrow and glanced towards Eddy.

"Wow, YOU remember that ? I was so intrigued by you when we first met, I had a whole bunch of questions I wanted to ask you, but I wasn't sure if they were appropriate to ask.  I think it took a few weeks before you convinced me to just ask anything I wanted to satisfy my curiosity."

"I didn't mind, really. I was surprised that someone took so much interest in me like that. And yeah, that question about the dark stunned me. I wasn't sure what you meant back then, but I think I now do. It's when you can't see, right ? And yes right now it's scaring the crap out of me."

"Which part Eddy?  Which part of the dark are you scared of?"

"..I think it's the part that makes me think that if I'm normal, I'm supposed to be wanting to know a girl really intimately, more than I know you? But wouldn't that then mean I'd have to stop knowing you so that this other person could supersede you? I don't think I could ever bring myself to want that let alone actually do it.."

Brett tried to imagine the darkness Eddy feared. Could he bear such fear? Could he ever get to know someone as intimately as Eddy?  More than Eddy? His best friend of 12 years? If he was to, wouldn't that mean he would be spending less time with Eddy than with the new person in his life? And would Eddy, his.. dearest Eddy, would Eddy then start to spend less time with him in exchange of spending more time learning about someone else? How could he even fathom such an absurd and devastating idea? Brett couldn't even give the question proper thought. Simply putting together this question alone caused physical pain in his heart and his breath to hitch. He had to focus so hard to speak calmly without letting a sob escape through his lips. Why could he not get excited about a future of getting to know a girl of his dreams? It wasn't ever in the cards for him!!!

"OMG Eddy, I think you just made me realise that I can't actually see any of this stuff either... except my music and you. It's like that's all I have eyes for. I don't want or need anything or anyone else. That's what you meant, right ?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I just said."

"... Look, I think it doesn't have to be a girlfriend. These days they can call it a significant other, or maybe a soulmate? – I'd say that's what you are to me., Eddy.  And that feels perfectly normal to me and I think that's all that matters."

Eddy appeared to be pondering over what Brett had just said.

"...So this, us, we're okay, Brett? Because if it's you and me, with all those years of knowing each other, I think we can actually see each other clearly with our minds....Or with our hearts?"

"Yeah, exactly. I couldn't put it in better words myself. I see you with all my heart, Eddy. That's brilliant."

"Okay... good. I'm so glad, because having you with me is the only way I know I'm not going to be scared of this darkness."

They lay still in silence for a while.

Brett noticed, from parts of their bodies which made contact, that Eddy's heart rate and breathing had slowed down. Through the touch of his cheek, he knew that Eddy's mind was calm.

Brett was about to check if Eddy had fallen asleep when Eddy let out a little chuckle.

"..You know what Brett, some guys at the party, I think they were your high school friends.. When I introduced myself as your uni friend, they asked me if musicians like you and I are precocious."

Brett snorted.

"Bloody non-musicians. They can have such weird and wild ideas about musicians like we're all wild and kinky like Mozart or something. But I'd say most of us are just too busy practising.  I guess some artists recogn' all sorts of life experiences add depth to their performances."

"Humph, I don't have any wild or kinky experiences."

Brett smirks.

"....You want those experiences, Eddy?"

To be continued to Chapter 5