Trouble in paradise (pt.2)

I stood, shocked of what just had happened, in the living room, while he had stormed out the room.

This didn't just happen?!?!?!? Get out Tina.... GET OUT!!!!!

I turned around and ran out off the room, up the stairs and into my closet. Grabbed my parka and put on some sneakers. I rushed out and honestly didn't even care to look where he was. I just hoped he wouldn't get in my way, I knew I would punch him, for what he had done. I was relieved when I came down the stairs, that he was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my car keys and cellphone from the table beside the door and rushed out to the garage. Jumped in my car and opened the garage door with the remote and drove out, away from the house. While I drove around I thought about what to do next and where I should go. I couldn't go to Ronnie, my son was there and I didn't want him to see me like that. To Kim I couldn't go neither, there were the girls. So I thought about going to a hotel and stay there, but when I arrived there, I saw that I had left my wallet at Marshall's.

God damn.....

I drove off again and then I saw my cellphone lighting up beside me and Marshall's caller ID showed up.

He really has the audacity to call me.....

I didn't pick up. Instead I drove around for almost 2 more hours, till my fuel was almost empty. I knew I had to go back, at least to get my wallet. I didn't know what I should do now, my mind was blank. I only knew I couldn't run, I have a son, I have to think about him. He loves Marshall more than anything, he's his dad for Josh! And my boy had already lost his parents, I couldn't let him go through this again....

But what about you????

I can't think about myself, I'm a mother now! Josh's needs come first!And I sure as hell knew, Marshall would never again, lay a hand on me like that. By now I had arrived at the house again and I parked my car in front. I looked at my phone, 48 missed calls, all from him. When I got out, I saw my home in total darkness

Guess he's in bed or his studio....

and walked to the front door opening it and tip toed inside.

Where to now??? He's sleeping in bed probably... COUCH!!!!

I took my shoes off and took them in my hands, walking carefully in the living room, to not make a sound and maybe wake him up. I entered the living room and that's when I heard him talking on his phone, out in the foyer."I know I fucked up, man! I don't need you to tell me that........yeah,......yeah, I know.....man, I just lost it, it wasn't her fault. That bitch pushed me to the edge and when Tina saw us, I thought she would now leave me for good and I was so angry with myself......... I know, that's why I'm saying it wasn't her fault........ no, she won't pick up....I'll go and search.....yeah......"I was so caught up in listening what he was saying, that I hadn't recognized that he had walked to the room I was in. He turned on the lights and I stood like a deer in front off headlights.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Man, she's here!" He said into his phone, hung up and put it in his pocket. The whole time his eyes hadn't left me, he stepped closer into the room and instinctively I stepped backwards.

Don't you step back!! This time you'll stand your ground!!!!!

When he saw me backing away from him, he began to breath heavy, honestly heaving and then the first tear rolled down his cheek and then the next. He covered his face with both hands and sunk down to his knees, crying like a child.

And the Oscar goes toooo.......... Marshall Mathers!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen!! A round off applause for this perfect acting skills!!!!!!!!

I stood, without any emotion, for minutes, just looking at him, while he was kneeling on the ground, crying. And then I had enough!"Are you for real?" I asked him and his hands left his face, revealing his puffy and red eyes, who were now looking up at me."Tina, please...." he stopped and cried even more. I really had enough and started to walk out the room. When I walked past him, he looked at me again."Don't leave, Tina! I'm begging you! Please don't!" I only responded with a huff and shaking my head. I walked out the room and could here him sobbing through the whole house. When I stepped into our bedroom, locked the door behind me and went to bed. After 20 minutes I could hear him knocking on the door."Tina, please talk to me! I swear I'm sorry! Please Tina...." he stopped, still crying," I love you so much! Don't leave me.....!""Go away Marshall!" Was all I responded and took ear plugs, that I had in case I would get a migraine, out off the nightstand and put them in. I was so used to situations like this, because of my past, that i fell asleep without shedding a tear.The next morning I woke up, because the sun was shining into the room, I got up and walked into the bathroom, examining my face for the first time. You could see a lightly purple bruise under my right eye.

Nothing to worry, you have looked worse...

I did my morning routine and walked to look for my phone to call Veronica.

Damn, my phone's in my jacket and that is in the living room....

I went to open the door, unlocked it and almost fell over Marshall, who was sleeping on the floor in front of the bedroom.

Well, your back will definitely kill you....

Without saying one word, I stepped over him and walked down the stairs. I got my phone and dialed Ronnie's number on my way to the kitchen, to make coffee. She answered and I told her that I had caught a flu and if she could keep Josh a little longer.

Fucking great! Now I have to lie to her....

Not that I didn't want to tell her, but I had to sort myself out first and I definitely didn't want my son to see me like this. "Tina, talk to me, please!" I heard him behind me and cursed myself, for not hearing him coming in. I took a deep breath and turned around. He actually had kept his distance from me. The second he saw my face, his eyes got watery again and he made the attempt to step towards me."Stop with that crying shit!" I told him coldly and he took the first step in my direction." And don't you dare to come close to me, Marshall!""Tina, I'm so sorry! Please talk to me!" Next step. "Let me explain, please!" I laughed sarcastically."Really? I should let you explain? So you really have a lame excuse for hitting me?" I shook my head in pure disbelief. "You're unbelievable, Marshall!""Tina, please...." he tried again, brushing tears out off his face, "I know there is no excuse! Beautiful, I'm so so sorry!""Well, beautiful is gone for the next days," I motioned with my hands to my face, "don't you think?" He swallowed hard and more tears were running out his eyes."I told you, stop that crying bullshit. You definitely don't have a reason!""I know you will leave me for that, I have more than one reason to cry now!" He replied and let his head hang low."Really? Then why don't you tell me your reasons?" I pursed my lips and leaned against the counter, my coffee cup in hand."You will leave me!" He started and cryed, "then, that I had lost it at you! That I had slapped you! The way your beautiful face, which I love more than anything, looks!" I nodded a few times and pushed myself off the counter."Well Marshall, you made your bed, now lay in it!" I told him and wanted to walk past him, this time he blocked my way."Don't.... I'm begging you.... don't leave me!!!! I can't live without you! I love you so much Tina!" He sobbed and I just looked at him."Marshall, get out of my way!""Please don't leave me..." and he started heaving.

Come on..... really??

The heaving got heavier every second and he fell down on his knees.

That's no more acting Tina!!!!

I had only witnessed once something like that, but I knew immediately what it was. He had a panic attack!! I put my coffee on the counter, got down and kneeled before him, grabbing both his shoulders with my hands."Marshall, look at me! You need to breath, Marshall, please!!" He didn't calm down one bit and I did the only other thing I knew would help. I pulled my hands off his shoulders and climbed half on his lap, straddling him and hugged him tightly to my body."You need to breath, Marshall!" I told him calmly, one hand around his back and the other holding the back of his neck."Baby, please, you have to calm down. I'm here! I won't leave! Please Marshall..." and this time I started to cry. His arms were sneaking around my body, holding my tight.And I cryed.... not about the bruise, it would heal, not even for the fight or even the slap. I knew I could get over it! I cryed for the broken man in my arms, that I loved more than anything on this planet....